The house is quiet when I get home. On the kitchen counter is a small note from Lucille.

Dad left this morning for a conference and I'm staying at my sister's tonight. There's some left over ziti in the fridge. Happy Birthday, Marnie. ~ Lucille

My eyes sting with tears, but I easily blink them away. She's the only one in the house that has acknowledged my birthday and I'm not sure why, but it eases the anger I have towards her. I don't have time to dwell on it, since I have to get ready for my party.

In my room I tear through the closet, throwing almost every party dress onto the bed. Some of them are not my style, but I bought them to hide the girl who loves sneakers and jeans. Some still have tags on, because I can't find it in me to actually wear them. Gazing over my options I begin to wonder when I truly lost myself.

The perfect outfit has to be here somewhere, the better I look, the better I'll feel. At least I keep telling myself that. My phone goes off as I'm deep in thought. I swipe it off the bedside table. My lips hurt from the smile lighting up my frown. More lyrics.

Flint: I would drive the whole night, so I could spend time with you.

Me: I wish you were mine, you know that's true.

Not even a second later his response comes through.

Flint: Damn, you beat me to it again. Hope your day got better, any plans for tonight?

I text him back telling him that my friends have decided to throw me a party, and that I'm going crazy trying to find something to wear. His response stops me in my tracks.

Flint: You'll look great in anything, Marnie. Enjoy your night.

I stare at the words on the screen and try to imagine the look on his face while he was typing it. In the corner of my eye I catch sight of a black and white dress I haven't worn yet. It still has the tags on it. It's been sitting in my closet waiting for a chance to be worn.

Caught up in the moment I take a mirror selfie. My intention was to put it on Instagram, and then do a getting ready clip on Tik Tok, but when I hit the angled share button, Flint's messages pop up as an option. Without much thought I sent it over to him. It's not a very sexy selfie because my tongue is sticking out and my eyes are crossed.

I'm running late so instead of eating the food left I head right over to Tanya's. I'll save Lucille's food for later. While sitting at a red light my phone lights up on the passenger seat.

Tanya: Don't worry about food my love, I've arranged a big spread of sandwiches and hot foods. Mom told me to put it on her card, she thinks it's just us girls and a few of the guys.

I'm surprised with how trusting her mom is, unless she truly doesn't care. A car honks behind me and I curse at them even though they can't hear. I set the phone down and continue to drive.

When I pull into the circular driveway Tanya is on the doorstep waiting for me to arrive. The moment I slip inside the foyer I'm in awe of the set up. She's got banners hanging with music notes, like she gets me. Her house is ten times the size of mine. Her mom is a top interior designer and works on a lot of celebrity homes, so theirs is just as fancy. This room has beautifully crafted high vaulted ceilings. The floors are made of an emerald marble. It's my favorite feature of the house.

Around me there's already a crowd of people. She's set up beer pong tables in the center of the room, and along the outer piercing white walls are tables set up with a smorgasbord of food. There's a chorus of happy birthdays, and waves in my direction.

"It's perfect." I wrap her in a hug.

"I'm just so happy you're here. I have to go check on something out back. Please eat, you said you were hungry and there's a ton of food."

I glance around the room, taking it all in. "How did you pull this off?"

"Rose and I chipped in, it's no big deal really." She shrugs. "Plus you've been through a lot lately and we wanted you to know that we are here for you."

I wiggle my nose, trying to rid it of the itch to cry. Blinking, I stare right at her, like I'm in shock. "It's amazing, and I don't even know how to thank you."

She smiles and grabs hold of my shoulders. "You can thank us by having the time of your fucking life tonight. Get me?"

I nod and laugh. "I think I can do that."

"Good, now go eat, because that shit was expensive." She pushes me towards the food. My mouth waters as the scent of freshly baked bread mixed with tomato sauce from our favorite catering hall wafts in a blanket around me.

I fill my plate with a large helping of pasta and a hero. My phone chimes as I take my first bite. I set the plate down on the table and pulled the phone out of my purse. A cheshire grin forms on my face.

It's Flint. This time he's hit me with the lyrics to Papa Roach's song "Scars". Staring at the text I realize something. I scroll up to read the text he sent this morning, and then back down to the ones now. I'm starting to think he's expressing the way he feels to me in lyrics. My heart thuds hard like it's trying to escape.

Me: Scars.

Flint: Of course you got it right. Anyways, how do I look for my show tonight?

Tanya appears next to me with a beer, I take it from her and sip as my phone downloads the image Flint sent. The doorbell rings and she excuses herself. I lift the can to my mouth and glance back down. Staring back at me is Flint's head on my body from the picture I sent tonight. A small spray of beer sprays my phone. My laughter echoes and some people from across the room stare at me.

Me: Dude, you almost cost me a beer lol. You have too much time on your hands.

Flint: LOL! Just waiting to hit the stage. In the Heights tonight.

Me: Oh really?

Flint: Yup, Some birthday party ...

My pulse quickens as I scan the room for him. There could be a dozen birthday's happening in the Heights tonight.

"Boo!"

My phone slips from my hand and onto the floor. I bend down to pick it up, then spin to find Cam smiling down at me. He slips his arms around me and rocks my body back and forth, almost spilling my beer. A few months ago my stomach would have fluttered at his touch, but after everything, I feel an overwhelming urge to push him away.

"Forgive me?" His mouth curves into a smile. I catch a hint of sincerity in his eyes as they don't leave mine, but I'm still skeptical.

"We both have a lot of making up to do, I guess."

I'm not completely innocent, as I've been spending time and feeling things for someone who isn't him. He leans forward and gently presses his lips to mine. It's meant to be a truce, but as he pushes slightly harder, concern rages through me. The passion I once felt is truly gone. The thought leaves my heart heavy. Cam has been one of my best friends since we were little. I've always loved him, and I can't fathom how I don't feel anything after all this time.

"Hey." He lifts my chin with his pointer. "I have something for you."

He pulls a small square box wrapped in blue wrapping paper from his tan jacket. He bounces on his toes while waiting for me to open it. I flip open the small white box under the paper and inside is a small black guitar pic with a signature on it. I'd recognize that signature anywhere. It's one of many signed pics from Charlotte Rising's merch page. I appreciate the thought, and I'm thankful it's not one of the many knick knacks or perfumes he's gotten me in the past, but something about it feels off.

"I love it, Cam." I smile.

His face lights up. "Do you really? I tried so hard to find something that would show you that I do care. I'm sorry I've been an asshole lately." He drops his gaze.

I wrap my arms around his neck and plant a small kiss on his lips. "It's perfect."

"Hey, we're all set up inside," Tanya squeals, returning again.

Beside her Rose comes out and gives me a small smile. Things between us are weird, but it doesn't stop her from throwing an arm around me and holding on.

"You're gonna love it!" She grins at me, but there's still a hidden secret behind her shining blue eyes. "Tonight, we party till the sun comes up."

She's right, tonight isn't about the crap happening behind the scenes, it's a night to let loose and forget all of that. I pick up my phone from the floor, slip it into my bag, take a swig of beer, and trudge forward.

"Wait," Tanya shouts. "This has to be a surprise."

She pulls a pink silky handkerchief from her pocket and steps behind me. She wraps it around and ties it at the back.

"Hope you like your present," she whispers in my ear.

Flint's text flashes in my head. I don't see how it's possible, they didn't even... but they did know. The night after the concert I told Tanya all about Flint and his band. I don't know whether I should be excited or if this is the worst idea she's ever had. I'm surprised Cam would be okay with him being here after our run in at the mall.

Tanya starts pushing me forward.

"I got her!" Cam grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. I smack him on his back attempting to protest. My beer spills onto the floor as he shakes me around.

"Dude, party foul." I laugh.

I'm sort of feeling like myself. His playful side was always one I loved the most.

"There's plenty more drinks. It's time for your surprise," Tanya says.

"We know how you like weird music," Rose says from my left side.

"My music's not weird!" I try to defend myself and my music.

"She's right, those All American guys, whatever they are called, are pretty good," Cam adds.

"Rejects Cam, All American Rejects." I laugh.

I've been to Tanya's so many times that even blindfolded I know exactly where we are in the house. We are heading out to the enclosed back patio. She's got a perfect view of the beach here, one I was always jealous of. As we get closer the drums become louder, and someone is tuning a guitar. The closer I get the faster my pulse races. This is really happening, Flint is here at my party with my friends. They've sort of accepted him, but I still have to proceed with caution.

Cam sets me down on the ground and I stumble a little. I hear people chatting, but mostly I'm just listening to the instruments.

"Are you ready?" Tanya asks.

"Should I be worried?"

Rose, Tanya and Cam laugh.

"Nah," Rose replies.

"3,2,1..." Cam's lips graze my ear as he speaks.

The handkerchief flutters to the floor and my eyes lock with Flint's. The fluttering in my stomach catches me off guard. The drummer bangs her sticks together and everyone starts singing Happy Birthday. Over all the other voices Flint's stands out the most. I take a glance around the room, noticing there are a ton of people from school and they all look happy to be here.

"Cheers to eighteen," Tanya says, raising her glass.

"To eighteen!" I repeat.

Everyone cheers as the band begins to play, and I turn to my friends. "How did you..." I trail off.

"Your battle of the bands picture," she yells over the music. "You said that Flint Rogers had a band. I figured since you both like weird music that his band would probably play that music."

"Guys, this is really amazing."

I'm in awe of the effort my friends put in to make my birthday special. I'm starting to feel a little more like myself. All I want to do right now is lose myself in the music and partying with my friends.

"Want to dance?" Cam asks.

I raise a brow. "You want to dance to my weird music?"

"Anything for you," he says, but I'm thrown off by how fake it sounds rolling off his tongue.

Brushing it off I pull him to the center of the room. Like Flint knows me better than anyone in the room he starts the night off with a popular Good Charlotte song. A lot of people seem to know it and they all actually have smiles on their faces, like they are having fun.

I find myself looking for Flint's attention. Every time I think about it our eyes meet. I don't know how he does it, but he sucks me right in. His attention is mostly on me. He closes his eyes, sings a few verses then opens them and watches me again like he never stopped. I can't deny the effect he has on me, and with each day it's getting more intense.