Dear Lauren,

I want to die, or at least go to sleep for a couple of years.

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching myself from outside of my body. Occasionally, I feel like I'm about to pass out.  I don't know whether that's from not getting enough sleep or the exhaustion I feel when I think of school.

I wanted to start a crochet club this year, but when I told my mom about it, she didn't even have to think about it before telling me absolutely not. In her defense, I already have way too many things going on.

Did I ever tell you I finally opened my own crochet shop? It already had 215 views. Does that normally happen? It's not really a shop, but it's fun. The only downside is that I feel guilty about how long it's going to take to fulfill all the orders. I'm trying to make a cat for someone but I haven't finished yet. It's already been two days, don't people normally finish in one? My only assurance is that I'm almost done. I hope Archer doesn't look to weird. That's the cat's name, by the way.

I went to meet the teacher at my brother's school. It feels so weird every time I go back there. Elementary feels so long ago even though it was only a few years ago. I saw our first grade teacher. You'll be happy to know that his room is still in the same place and almost everything looks the same.

If I really concentrate, I can still remember walking up and down what seemed like huge shelves of books even though they're only a little smaller than me when I'm on my knees now. Sometimes I remember what the cover of the book that got me into reading looks like, although the words are blurry.

It's funny how in kindergarten my teacher was concerned about how low of a reading level I was at and now I've been captain of a competitive reading team for 3 years now, hopefully 4. Our new librarian must have been hit in the head as a baby if she doesn't name me captain again considering that I'm almost done with the list. As far as I know, I'm the farthest ahead of everyone else,

Time is weird. Apparently, my friend that my mom used to walk her and her brother to the bus stop every day when I was in pre-k is now a junior and her brother's in college.

You know what's also crazy? Just a few years ago, the cheer team was welcoming us into our school, and now you would have been with them if it weren't for your death.

I want to write more, I wish I could, but I going to fall asleep if I don't get up soon. I'd stay here, but it's probably not the best place to sleep.