I tried to make an apologetic face at Celia before making my way upstairs and following him. I heard the door banging shut and sped up, wondering if he would lock his door. I reached the first-floor landing and pulled the door handle, surprised to find that it wasn't locked. I took a deep breath and slowly opened the door, peering inside. 

"Ace?"

There was no response. 

I stepped inside and shut the door behind me, finally spotting the top of his head near the bed. He sat on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed, gazing at the window as he remained still. I walked over to him and quietly sat beside him, crossing my legs. We were silent for a long time as I struggled to find words of comfort, coming up empty-handed instead. 

I could understand why this would be difficult for him to accept. It would be a massive change for him. Not to say that he would have to either leave this town or leave his family, or whatever he had left of it. 

"I'll come to visit you," I said softly, trying to ignore the pain in my heart. 

He shut his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking slowly. "I'm not leaving."

"Ace...I...I think she does have a plan in mind-"

"I. Am. Not. Leaving." He finished, his jaw clenched. "Okay?"

"Maybe...if you try to get to know him-" I began like a moron. 

"Shut the fuck up," he said, glaring at me. "So you're with them too? You think I'm wrong?"

"I...I just think-"

"If you're so desperate for me to go then, alright. I'll leave Haywood. I won't be such a burden on you."

I felt like he had stabbed my heart. I was shocked into silence for a while. 

"That's...not what I mean," I sighed, leaning against the bedstead as he remained silent. 

"I mean...maybe in a way it is going to be better. At least...if Dave turns out to be the guy Celia thinks he is, Allie will have a proper guardian. You know, instead of a drunk, good for nothing, half-blind half brother," he rubbed his face and sighed as I felt another pang in my heart. 

"He's...he's not going to take your place, Ace," I said softly, realizing why he was so upset. "You're over analyzing."

He scoffed. "Yeah sure. What the fuck will I even do? I'm a fucking liability even now. They'll just be better off without me."

"You're not a liability, Ace," I said calmly, placing my hand on his knee as I continued. "Celia just wants to move on. Find love. Make a family. This has nothing to do with you. Allie is still going to be your sister."

"I can't...I can't do it, Miles," he whispered softly, his voice trembling. "I'm too weak. I can't just ...leave this house. This is the only place I have ever been happy in. The only place I've ever had parents. Any memories of a family. I can't...I can't just leave."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes furiously as my chest froze. Icicles piercing my heart as he rambled on. 

"Maybe it won't be so bad. I'll just...get a job or something. Something that I'll be able to do without embarrassing myself that is," he continued on. "And I'll just stay here. Maybe adopt a cat or something."

"Ace, come on. You're not just going to leave Allie," I said, lowering my voice and gently taking his hand in mine, stroking comforting circles on his knuckles with my thumb. 

He was quiet for a while. "She'll be okay. She doesn't need me."

"No. She never needed you, Ace. But she loves you," I spoke. "That's why you need to-"

"Love is never enough to keep people, Miles. It didn't keep dad. It won't keep Allie. It won't keep you either. You said that yourself."

I grit my teeth but didn't respond. As time went on, I was slowly regretting my speech the other day. More hypocritically, I wasn't sure I myself believed in it anyway. I had spoken a lot of shit, yes. But was any of it true? Could I ever truly let Ace go?

"I just...I'm just so fucking useless."

"Stop saying that stuff," I said, my heart wrenching in pain at the anguish in his voice. "Don't fucking say that. You're not. No one is."

"You're all for logic aren't you?" he said, turning to look at me. "You know logically that I have always been and will continue to be worthless. I don't bring value to anything. And earlier I thought that maybe it's okay. But now I just feel like I'm...holding people back. Holding Celia back. Holding Allie back from being genuinely happy. And as long as I'm here it'll always be like holding everyone back."

"What the fuck are you saying?" I asked, my ears ringing. "As long as you're here? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

He didn't say anything, wrenching his hand roughly away from mine before muttering, "Nothing."

I stared at him, my heart hammering. I hated the way he sounded. I hated the way he framed the words. I hated the way he thought about himself. I hated the way he could never love himself as I loved him. 

"You should go," he said after a while. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

I rose to my feet but instead of leaving, plopped to his bed. He stood up and stared at me, raising an eyebrow in question as I shrugged. 

"I'm not leaving you alone, Ace. Not right now. Not ever. I don't care what you think. I'm just going to force my company on you."  I declared, glaring up at him challengingly. He stood quietly for a while before sighing and sitting beside me on the mattress. 

"I...I overreacted didn't I?" he asked softly, gazing at me. 

"You were upset," I answered. "It's a huge change and you're entitled to feel that way."

"Yeah, and I made a complete fool of myself," he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. I stared at him silently, reminiscing the feeling of the soft, raven strands between my fingers. 

"I guess I just have a really bad habit to keep holding on. Just...never let go," he said, his voice barely above a hoarse whisper. 

"You don't... won't always have to hold on, Ace," I replied. "You won't...have to hold  on so tightly with a person who wants to stay."

He looked at me, our eyes meeting in a timeless gaze as my heart fluttered in spite of itself. "Maybe it's better if I don't think about it...just now," he said finally. 

"Yeah," I answered in a whisper and slowly rose to a seating position. I leaned towards him and our lips met in a tender kiss that made my fingertips tingle with pleasure. 

I hadn't really planned for it to become something more. I had just wanted to kiss him, maybe try to take both our minds off the morbid realities of life. However, the moment his tongue met mine, I lost all control. I sucked on his bottom lip gently, knotting my fingers in his hair and pulling him closer. Our tongues entangled passionately. His hand reached my waist, gripping me tightly. His actions gave me confidence and I got closer to him, pushing him gently onto the bed.

He pulled my body flush against himself, parting his legs so I was between them. I trailed my mouth to his jaw, his ear, sucking, nibbling, caressing his skin hungrily with my lips. Our mouths met again breathlessly and feeling bolder, I let my hand wander lower down his body. I nuzzled his neck, reaching for the button of his jeans and tugging it open. I unzipped his pants, lowering them and nibbling his earlobe gently. 

I leaned back, straddling his waist as our eyes met. His cheeks were flushed, his mouth slightly open from our hungry kisses. 

"Ace," I whispered, stroking him gently. "There's something I want."

He gulped as I slowly licked the tip of my thumb before gripping his hard erection, hoping he would understand what I meant. His eyes seemed to darken momentarily as he nodded. "Yes."

I leaned over him and kissed him again, impatiently tugging off his t-shirt and revealing his hard body. I planted soft kisses down his flushed skin, revelling in his intoxicating reactions. 

It was true that I didn't know much about what I wanted to do. But how hard could it really be? 

I crouched lower, trailing kisses on his thighs as he shuddered slightly. I took a deep breath before gently kissing the tip of his member. He bit his lip, his hand immediately knotting in my hair. I lowered my face between his legs, my fantasies running wild at the smooth, hard texture. 

I let my mouth make love to him. Slowly at first, then faster. In all honestly, I wasn't in the most comfortable position considering it was turning out to be much harder than I had anticipated- in every way. But his reaction made it worth. 

I couldn't quite place his taste. All I knew was that I would gladly get drunk on it. 

He seemed to be squirming with pleasure, soft moans escaping his mouth that felt like an aphrodisiac to my ears. I sucked harder, unleashing a part of me I had never imagined could ever be alive. The colour in his cheeks rose as he bit his lip, his mouth opening in breathless gasps. He arched backwards, his breath shallow as he whispered, "Come here,"

Entranced, I kissed his stomach, his chest, his neck, every inch of his beautiful body as I made my way back up to him. I placed my hand between his leg, edging him on as he gazed at me with dark, intoxicating eyes. I clenched him firmly, studying each hitch of his breath, each rise and  fall of his chest, each soft gasp escaping between his enticing lips. 

He buried his face in my chest, shuddering as he shattered in my arms. My entire body seemed to burn into cinders as he gazed up at me, a blissful fire behind the azure I was so in love with.  

"Miles," he whispered, stroking my bottom lip with his thumb. "Miles...I love you."

"Ace," I whispered back, my heart suddenly rampaging in my chest. 

"I love you so fucking much," he said again and suddenly, the haze of ecstasy seemed to falter. He framed my face in his hands, his mouth finding mine desperately as he whispered again. "I love you, Miles."

I froze, my brain suddenly refusing to cooperate. He seemed to notice and leaned back, his eyes fixed on me. "Miles?"

"Yeah?" I asked, not able to understand why it was so hard to confess to him. 

"Miles...I...I love you," he whispered again, gripping me close. He stared at me silently, not moving, neither saying anything. As if he was waiting for me to say it back to him.

"Miles," he whispered again, like a plea. He trailed his soft, warm lips that raptured me so to my cheek, my ear, my jaw. "I love you."

I remained still, unable to hear anything in the deafening silence of the room. He leaned back, his eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if in confusion. 

"I...I know you do," I gulped, my voice like a stranger's.

He went still for a second before disentangling from me and moving away. His nostrils seemed to flare for just a second, his eyes glistening before he blinked and they were back to normal. A blizzard rose in my chest, a rock sliding down to my stomach. My chest seemed suddenly too cold. Why was it so difficult for me to say it back to him? Why couldn't I get myself to return his words? Were they even true then? 

"You should go," he whispered, pulling a blanket over himself and curling into a ball so I couldn't see his anguished face. 

"A-Ace-"

"It's late," he said shortly, his voice hard. 

And the entire ecstasy of a few moments before, came crashing down. 

"I...I really really care about you too, Ace," I stuttered pathetically. "I...I-"

"I know you do," he answered in a muffled voice. 

Icy claws clenched around my heart at his response. But could I really blame him?

"I'll...I'll see you later," I said, rising to my feet which suddenly felt like rocks. He remained quiet as I quickly fixed my appearance and after waiting a couple of minutes, left his room. 

Something was amiss. Perhaps, a piece of my heart. 

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Why do you think it's so hard for Miles to confess to Ace? Do you think he ever will? Do you think Ace will be able to recover from this somewhat rejection?

University has been keeping me super busy and I've been really exhausted lately. But writing is my life, and I hope to keep continuing it even during my busiest schedules. 

Hope you guys are doing well and thanks again!