Day 26

I pace my room, occasionally glancing at the window. My heart thudding in my chest as I chew my bottom lip.

Previous night was equivalent to a horrifying nightmare.

First Sophia, later that conversation between Will and Adrien and followed by that incident.

I'm reaching to Adrien's words with a slight difference, I happen to be in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. How else would I explain whatever happened to me yesterday?

Arianna seemed to be well aware of everything regarding prior events, but kept quiet on the breakfast table. Dylan on the other hand looked clueless.

Adrien ignored me, didn't even utter a word. I dare say it was one of the longest twenty minutes of my life.

If he is to stick with his preceding night's comment, he should show up at my door any moment now.

I don't have much time to develop a reasonable lie. I've resolved not to tell him I heard the exchange between him and Will.

What trumped-up story could possibly be adequacy for covering every aspect?

As I consider different excuses, three loud knocks snap my train of thoughts.

With a sharp inhale, to calm my drumming heart, I make my way to the doorway. I rub my palms on my thighs before turning the doorknob.

Adrien glances at me, eyebrows arched and jaw set, before setting his gaze forward. I step aside and he strides in and shuts the door.

He walks into the room, past the secretaire that faces towards the window, and stops on the farther side of the bed.

I take my time crossing the place and stand next to the desk.

He fixes his hard stare on me; I shift with discomfort and settle on looking outside, at the trees planted in the garden of the hotel.

"You were lucky last night that guy attacked you. If I had seen you strolling, I would have made hell rain down on you right then and there. Ten thousand times worse than that dude ever could," his barks, the slightest tremble in his finishing words indicating his contaminated anger.

I pluck up the courage to peek at him, and his eyes burn holes into me. My usual habit kicks in and I nibble my lip, while fighting against the fidgeting of my fingers.

"Is this the fucking pattern?" His voice booms, reverberating from the walls clanking in my skull, and I look away.

"To give me a heart attack in every single country we set foot in?" he pushes a palm through his hair. That's when I notice the bruises on his knuckles.

I blink and draw my gaze elsewhere from his hand. Guilt clawing at my insides.

If I wasn't so weak, I wouldn't have left for starters.

"To make up for doing nothing in Belgium, you pulled this stunt! Have you started planning what you're going to do in Denmark? We're headed there in four, five days. Please don't let me stop your great mind generating great fucking ideas,"

I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. He told me he didn't care I had locked myself in my room, back in Geneva... and great mind, great idea? That sounds familiar.

Shit! Jeffry said that!

Is he running out of weird combinations to throw at me that now he's using other people's words as insults?

"Didn't I tell you where I was?" he presses his thumb and index fingers together, waving his hand around, his eyes wide, hair sticking out in every direction.

"Was it that hard to just inform me you wanted to leave? Or was I not worth being told? Because notifying the people you're hanging with of your departure is a pure waste of time, isn't it Eleanor?" he fumes, both hands flying.

This is a brand new level of pissed off Adrien.

I set my gaze on the lower half of the wall behind him.

"Why didn't you answer my calls or my texts?" he rages and in a collected voice asks, "Why the hell did you leave without telling me?"

I glance at his widened eyes due to rage, head tilted to the side, waiting for a response.

"What the fuck were you expecting to happen in two-thirty in the morning in that part of the city?" he yells again.

I shift my weight from one leg to the other. I still don't have a full-proof lie.

"Answer me!" he shouts louder and I try not to flinch.

The vein in his flushed neck is standing out, the tips of his ears tinted bright pink. I think the entire hotel residents can hear him.

I clasp my hands in front of myself, to end their fiddling, as I swallow hard, struggling to come up with an excuse.

He waits for me, not aware that I'm trying to build a convincing lie.

With a sharp inhale and pushing his palms through his hair, making it even messier. He starts in a much calmer tone, "I looked around the house over three times, because your stuff was lying on the sofa. I called you, I texted you, knowing full well you have access to your phone because it wasn't in that villa. But no! Eleanor Evans never does what she doesn't find important. It doesn't matter others die out of worry, because Eleanor Evans didn't consider it to be essential enough to tell at least one person she's leaving. In the middle of the night, by foot!" he glowers.

Adrien closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath, "I ran all the way from the house until I spotted you." he opens them. Piercing me with his gaze, he leans forward and demands, "You still don't think I should know why you left and didn't bother to receive my calls, or even Arianna's?"

I rub my temple before looking up. "I- I was bored, and tired... um, yeah, so I took off," I try to sound as confident as I can while he scrutinizes me.

He scoffs, looks out of the window and then back at me, and raises his eyebrows, tilting his head, he doubts, "That's it?"

"Pretty much, yeah, that's it," I confirm, nodding and pushing a smile to my face, my cheeks muscle strain and protest.

He forces a laugh, "You expect me to buy that?" and then squints.

I bite my bottom lip and shrug, "It's the truth,"

He presses his lips into a thin line and nods as if he is actually considering it to accept it. Adrien opens his mouth, but no words come out. His Adam's apple bobs and he repeats the action, but not a word tumbles out.

He pushes his hand through his hair. "That shit is too dumb to be considered, let alone for me to believe it," he finally says, incredulity dripping from his statement. His voice laced with anger, he locks eyes with me. "I want to know the truth," he adds.

"That is the truth," or as much as I'm willing to share with you.

"Do I look like a fucking idiot to you?" he fires at me.

I shake my head.

"Then quit treating me that way!" He shouts.

Okay, he deserves to be aware of it, but I'm too ashamed to admit what happened. That I'm so weak I couldn't handle mere facts. That I wasn't able to stop replaying Sophia's remarks in my mind, as well as his and Will's. Not to mention, I was eavesdropping on them, not intentionally though.

How I wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

"Fine, so I'm back with mute Eleanor, okay." Adrien nods and takes a step towards me. "Now that you're staying quiet, I'll tell you all my problems with you. Who knows, I might get lucky and hear at least an explanation from you. You have to find one of them worth answering,"

This won't end well.

I push my glasses up my nose, and he starts.

"What is your problem with me? What have I done that is so fucking huge that you can't bring yourself to look at me! Because I've been paying attention, and I'm the only one who you seem to have an issue with. You talk and laugh with Arianna. Few days into the trip you became best buddies. But fine, Ari is talkative and whatever, what about Dylan? Any explanations? Let's assume, because you were classmates from grade school. And Jeffry?" his nostrils flare, "You didn't even know him, but you looked comfortable enough with him." he pushes his hand through his hair.

He takes a deep breath and continues with desperation, "I understand I wasn't the nicest to you, but I tried to mend things. But whenever it's with me, you're closed to all options. I was wrong in high school, I'm aware of that, and I explained to you. I said a word or two in college. Yes, they were low blows and I regret doing it. But is it seriously such a big deal that you're ready to avoid me, no matter the cost? It's in the past, isn't that what you always say? Why don't you act like it? I am trying! Can't you see? Why aren't you putting in the same effort? Were they really that important to be hung up on it even years afterward? Or is it something else?" each sentence forms into an invisible fist, punching me from inside out.

"Do you deem my questions worth answering?" he thunders. His words dangle in my skull, reverberating and mixing with the last twenty-four hours' comments directed at me.

I stare at him and shove away my emotions as his speech sinks in.

Not knowing what to respond, I gaze outside the window, crossing my arms in front of my chest. The bright blue sky hurts my eyes.

He wants answers. Or maybe he thinks he prefers to know. If I spoke, I won't be able to hide or lie my way through it.

"You have nothing to say? Does that mean you dislike me for no fucking reason?" he questions, his voice much calmer.

It might be for the best if he knows the part related to him.

"Do you really think you want to hear the truth?" I reply with my own question, my eyes still fixed on the cloudless sky.

"Yes," he replies with confidence.

Why does everyone presume they can handle the truth, but after finding it out, they realize they can't? Sometimes ignorance is better than knowledge.

I nod once and turn to face him. Filling my lungs to the fullest in one sharp breath, I decide to tell him everything.

"You bullied me for over eight years. The entire school followed you like the sheep they were. For every word, you would find a way to make fun of me. I rethought and repeated countless times before uttering a single sound, to ensure you won't be able to use that against me and humiliate me. Eventually, I got tired and decided it's not worth it. No one has ever died from lack of talking. I feared speaking near you for over a decade, Adrien."

I gulp down air, ignoring my trembling hands. While he stands there, his features soften.

"Jaceon was my first and last friend during the whole twelve years of school. If he wasn't your older brother, you would have taken that away from me too. I didn't have anybody willing to hang around with me. And part of it is your fault, Adrien. You are one of the reasons behind my ruined childhood and teenage years. I understand your motives. They were valid. Anyone in your place might have done that, I get it. And I'm so sorry you had to go through that because of me," I lick my lips, and taking in a shaky breath, pushing my hand through my hair. And fixing my gaze on him, his mouth slightly agape.

"But none of that changes the fact you single-handedly made every student against me and took away the usual high school experiences from me."

His Adam's apple bobs. He moves to say something, but I shake my head and he stops.

I wrap my arms around myself again, continuing, "And low blow? That's what you call the rumors you started about me back in Stanford? Three weeks into the first semester and you told the whole electrical engineering students I've bought my SAT score and bribed my way into it. That isn't low blow, Adrien. You stole any hope I had for having four normal college years. And when everybody was forgetting that story, you set up a new rumor about me, sleeping with our TAs just to get high grades. That is not low blow! That is the equivalent of hell in a top university! And you forced me through it. You crushed all the chances I had of creating a social life for myself over and over. They might not be big deal to you, but they were for me. And I can't look over them because ten days ago you shared your reasons. I'm sorry but I cannot."

A few times I blink to push aside the moist gathering in my eyes. With a deep inhale I revealed, "I was under medication for several years, because thanks to my incredible school experience I had sever anxiety. Even now I take those pills. I had depression from freshman. It hasn't been four months since I've been off of my anti-depressants." I was suicidal because I was alone, no one understood me, or gave a damn about me. Tried to kill myself, because the every day bullying had a huge part in making me realize and believe how worthless I was and still am. But that's something I can never share with anyone.

"I understand sometimes, the depth of impact your words might have is unperceivable," my lip quivers, and I swallow hard. In a steady voice I try to continue, "but I can't overlook all those years, and act like it never happened. I've spent most of my life being anxious about you coming up with new insults or ways to ruin everything. Arianna and Dylan weren't. The things you used to say maybe didn't mean much to you, but they hurt me. I'm tired of worrying when you'll tire of pretending and show and speak what you really think of me. Or vocalize what you said yesterday to Will, to my face and ten times worse than that."

Pulling my gaze away from him, I confess the last piece of truth I'll be sharing, "I don't feel safe around you."

I study Adrien's expression; he looks like he might cry, or I've hurt him in the worst senses possible, as if he's in great agony. He blinks faster than usual, his brows furrow and throat bobbing.

Guilt knots and twists my insides. Perhaps I shouldn't have told him.

He was cruel sometimes, but he doesn't deserve to go through that emotion whirlwind now.

I open my mouth to add it's in the past that he should just give me a while, but he shakes his head and speaks, sounding hoarse.

"It's not in the past, Eleanor. It's not." he tries to stand straighter but looks unsteady as he intakes a large chunk of air. "Do you want me to leave?" he asks in pain, his voice breaking at the end.

"I need time," I answer with honesty.

He nods, looking anywhere but at me.

+++

((So what do you think about this chapter? Did El do the right thing about sharing these stuff with Adi? Or should have come up with an excuse?

Thank you so much for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it ^.^ ))