It feels as though I've been glued to the spot. I can't believe anyone would do anything like this! Why would they place a bet on something such as this? Am I truly a loser to that extent? I've never done anything wrong to them.

Is that why Adrien insisted on dropping me off? Is that the following part of their bet? To see how long I'll survive this shithole. Or to stop me from leaving?

This isn't fair! Why me? What have I ever done to deserve this kind of humiliation?

I press my back to the wall, trying to even my ragged breathing, but it's hard with these thoughts and questions swirling in my head. After a few minutes, I manage to calm myself and push my hair behind my ears. With a final deep inhale and sharp exhale, I walk through the archway.

A huge pool table has been placed in the room's corner, two girls- obviously drunk- sprawled over it, half-naked and giggling at something one of the guys have said. Adrien and his four other friends are sitting on brown leather chairs facing those girls.

Busy with laughing, talking and boozing, they don't realize when I walk in. I take in a shaky breath and try to sound as normal as possible as I call out Adrien.

Ed chokes on whatever he's drinking as they all turn around with wide eyes to face me. The only one who doesn't look surprised- or he's exceptionally good at hiding it- is Adrien. Instead, he smiles at me warmly as if minutes ago he wasn't the one talking about winning the bet he put on me.

"Harry, get off the chair, fetch one for yourself. Come, Eleanor, join us," he says with a broad smile all along, not faltering the slightest.

He sure knows how to put up a convincing show, perhaps that's how he landed the title of playboy for himself. I stand straighter as the guy named Harry gets up, glaring at me.

"Actually, I want to leave and my phone is dead. I was hoping maybe you could arrange a car for me," I lie and smile innocently at him. He too stands up, walks around the chairs, and stops at a safe distance, his eyebrows somewhat furrowed.

"You can hang with us, I mean we would like to have you..." he trails off, looking everywhere but my face, before locking gaze with me and adding in an inaudible whisper, "I would like you to stay."

I wish I could slap him or scream in his face. It was obvious something was up when he urged me to come to this hellhole, and now, I know the reason. How unfortunate for him... but I have no idea what to say or do.

I wish I wasn't this way.

With effort, I swallow away my frustration before saying, "I really want to go." My voice is stronger than last time, causing him to sigh.

"Let me get my keys then," he tells me and walks back to the pool table.

"Uh... no wait," I speak loud enough to make him stop and turn around. He studies me with narrowed eyes. "A cab is fine, there is no need for you to drop me off."

"It's midnight, I will drive you myself," he declares.

This time, the words tumble out louder and harsher than I intended. "No, you won't!"

He stares at me, taken aback by my sudden change of tone. I even surprised myself.

Instantly regretting my tone and words, I start fidgeting with my fingers. While chewing my bottom lip I begin, "I-I mean you p-probably want to stay with your friends a-and you've definitely had a few drinks by now and I don't want to be a burden, s-so a cab is fine," I ramble and stutter, my heart racing. All I want is to leave.

"I'm not drunk." He responds with irritation.

Picking up his keys, Adrien steps towards the archway, motioning his hands for me to follow him. I do without a glance back at the room filled by those idiots who I wholeheartedly wish to never see again.

I follow him out of the house, we climb in his car. He starts the car and we are back on the road. The soft humming of the ignition fills the otherwise eery silence for the first few minutes of the drive.

I lean my head to the window's cool glass, my head pounding. The cool glass soothing the burning sensation of my skin.

For a brief moment he glances at me and asks, "So... what do you think? How was it?"

I can't help but wonder why? In a monotonous voice, I reply "It was fine,"

"Did it exceed your expectations?" he wonders. A hint of a playful smile is on his face as I glance at him from the corner of my eyes, before setting my stare again on the scenery outside. Pinching the corners of my ring fingers skin with my thumb and index fingernails.

"I had no expectations, it was fine." I wish he'd quit talking.

"You didn't enjoy it." He sounds disappointed and his smile fades.

It doesn't suit him, trying to be like Jace. He can pretend to be like his brother, but he can never be him.

Jace never would've put a bet on me with his friends. A fist clenches my heart as my thoughts travel back to him. I miss Jace, even though it's been over five years, the empty spot he has left behind hasn't been filled. I never felt alone when we were together.

After a few seconds he realizes I'm not going to answer, he starts again, forcing me to break free of my thoughts. "Are you sure you want me to drive you back to your room? I know this place, it has amazing ice cream, and it's always open, past midnight on weekends. We can go there... I'm sure you'll like it, and I bet you've never gone there before." A wide smile plasters on his face. He behaves as though nothing has happened. I try to swallow away my frustration.

He is right, I've never visited anywhere other than the campus cafeteria.

Frankly, I'm done with being reminded of the things I haven't done.

I wrap my hands around myself, hugging myself as I press my head harder to the window glass. Unfortunately, he notices and his smile gives place to a deep frown.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that... I was just trying to lighten the mood... I thought it's a cool place and it's our last night here, so why not enjoy it... I-I didn't mean to- I'm sorry." He sighs, shaking his head.

"Whatever," I mumble.

He slows down the car and fixes his eyes on me. "Did something happen?" he asks with caution. His voice so gentle that if I hadn't known better, I would have mistaken it with deep concern.

The memories, thoughts, and their words flood back into my mind, and I tighten my grip around myself and press myself to the door.

He stops the car, turning around to face me completely. Reaching out his hand, he stops just an inch above my shoulder whispering my name. I press myself harder to the door, refusing to look at him.

Why? Why did he do this? We were never friends, but the bet? It was a whole new level of embarrassing me and breaking me. Why would anyone do that? As if eight years of bullying me wasn't adequate for him.

With a shaky voice, I exclaim, "I just want to go home!" With that, his hand retreats.

I don't want to see his expression; I don't want to learn how he is looking at me. It hurts to see him showing fake concern when I know about his plans. It sets my lungs and heart on fire thinking about how stupid he must have assumed I am. Looking at him would only confirm my stupidity. For a brief moment I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to consider how pathetic I look or sound. I want this night to be over. I hate myself for being so stupid and weak.

He starts the car after a lengthy pause, but still, he is driving slowly.

"Did someone say something? Did anything happen?" he asks and waits for me to answer, but sighs as he sees I'm not planning on replying to him. He adds, "You can tell me, Eleanor." Again, he expects a reply, but I keep my mouth shut and focus harder on the moving trees.

He exhales out of frustration. "Now what? You're going to ignore me? I asked you how it was and you said it was fine, but you clearly don't seem fine. Hell, you look anything but fine, so allow me to be concerned. And you here, ignoring my questions, is not helping! What's the matter?" His voice is loud, laced with indignation.

After a lengthy pause, I ask, "Are you drunk," without looking at him.

"You've got to be shitting me! I told you I'm not drunk! How else would I be driving?" he answers with annoyance.

This is the Adrien I've known since school, the one who hates me and can't stand me... guess his mask is falling.

"So, you didn't drink any booze throughout the entire night? You were sober?" I croak. From the corner of my eye, I can see his knuckles turning white as his grip tightens on the steering wheel.

"Yes!" he says through gritted teeth.

I remain quiet until we are near my building, then slowly pick my head from the glass before asking, "How much did you earn?" and turn around to study him. He has the fucking nerve to look confused!

"What?" He narrows his eyes and tilts his head as he stares at me, confusion painting his features more than it had already. "Earn what?"

"Earn money. How much money did you win?" I repeat my question and he frowns. I wait a few seconds, this time I demand louder and stronger, "How much money did you make, Adrien, by winning the bet you put on me?"

His eyes widen for a split second before he curses under his breath. "I don't know what you've heard, but it's not what it sounds like. I can explain," he rambles.

"I've gathered enough. Enough to know there wasn't only one bet," I snarl.

"El, it's not what you think, just let me explain..."

"Don't you El me! You are not my friend! Stop acting as if you are! I know you're doing everything because of that bet. What were you thinking? Why?" I hate how my voice quivers in the end, but I have to find out why he did this.

He stops the car and turns around in his seat, fixing his gaze on me. Powerful emotions cloud his eyes. I can't tell what, but if I had known less, it would have looked similar to pain.

"The bet was Ed's idea and I shouldn't have gone along with it, it was unacceptable but it was the only way to get you to come to this party. I just wanted to push you out of your comfort zone without needing to explain to anyone why I did so and-" I hold my palm up and he stops.

"You know what you did was wrong, but you're still defending yourself. Seriously!" My hands fly in frustration as I speak.

"I'm not defending! I'm telling you my reasons, I'm explaining!" He raises his voice in irritation and I roll my eyes.

"It sure as hell sounds defending," I retort.

And he huffs as he leans back into his seat, squeezing his eyes shut. In the dim lighting, his unruly golden brown hair looks dull, the natural waves tangled into a mop of mess. Clenching his sharp jawline, a muscle flickers on his clean-shaved face, as his Addam's apple bobs.

"Why the hell are you so intent on getting me out of my comfort zone? You're nobody to me! Just a guy who used to be my classmate and bully me! What did you want to prove?" Unable to control myself, my voice keeps rising with each word. As I finish, another pain shoots through my chest.

I can guess the answer, but maybe I'm incorrect.

He opens his eyes and with an inaudible tone replies, "I have my own reasons."

And that's it, I'm done. I spin around, throw open the door, and jump out of the car. Without running, I start to walk as fast as I can.

I need to distance myself -from him, and everything.

Behind me, I hear him call out my name, but I ignore it.

Only a few steps away from my building's entrance, a firm hand wraps around my elbow, forcing me to turn around. In the process, I lose my balance and another firm yet gentle hand catches my shoulder, helping me regain my balance. I can feel Adrien's gaze on me, trying to find my eyes as I refuse to look up at him.

"The bet was wrong, I'm sorry. If you would let me explain, I can tell you why-" he croons and I interrupt him.

"Why? Why did you do this? What have I ever done to you?" My voice trembles as I wiggle my hand out of his grip and take a few strides back.

With a sharp Inhale in an attempt to calm my ragged breathing, I continue with a stronger voice, "I can't believe it! You were so damn desperate to show me down, to prove to me I'm the true failure, you agreed to this! Just as I thought you've changed! Just as I considered perchance, you can be good like your brother," my voice cracks at the mention of his brother. Ignoring the shaking of every fiber in my body, I push myself to tell on, "you pull this act. What did you expect? Is this a joke to you? After having sex with me, were you planning on taking rounds on me with your friends?" the last word breaks, the corners of my eyes burning.

He trains his gaze on the ground.

"Is this how you treat those who do nothing wrong to you?" I hate how my voice trembles as I speak, I take another step back. "I guess I made a mistake in being nice to you and helping you whenever you asked me to. Would you have done the same for me? I don't think so. What did I do to you that lead you to put a bet on me, and make a joke out of my choices and my life!" By the point I stop, I'm breathing hard, and my entire body is shaking.

The cool summer air brushes my face and goes through my hair as I wait for him to say something, or even move. Just as I turn around to walk into my building, he calls out my name and I round to look at him.

Standing there alone in the dark, the only source of light is from the headlights of his car left in the distance. He is looking at me with a pained expression.

Not knowing what to assume I repeat my words in my head. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned Jace. That was wrong.

Guilt bubbles up in me, I take a step towards him to apologize and faint hope flickers in his eyes for a moment. He draws a heavy breath before starting.

"The bet was Ed's idea. There was no other way to change his mind and put a stop to it. That's why I broke the bet into different parts, hoping it would distract him, that's the reason I wanted to be near you to make sure none of Ed's friends would hurt you. I even considered telling you, but then I was positive you wouldn't accept it because you never trusted me," he pauses and looks around.

"I didn't know what to do because at the same time I wanted you to come, to be there. Eleanor, you always ignored me. Yes, I fucked up, but you know I changed; I planned to spend the night with you, not because of this shitty bet, but because I wanted to. I hoped I'd clear out all the misunderstandings, and to fix things." He pushes his hand through his hair, unreadable emotion flickers on his face.

"Clear out misunderstandings? Interesting," I say, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "Misunderstandings such as showcasing the fact that I'm nothing? Establishing that you won, despite me always being first, you were the most loved? That I'm the most hated girl on campus? Thank you for clearing out all the misunderstandings, Clark." I try my best to speak in a flat tone. I don't want him to find out how hard this situation is for me.

"That's not what I meant!" his frustrated voice booms.

"Quite frankly, I don't care." Mostly because I just need to return to my room, I'm done talking.

His mouth hangs open for a few seconds before he regains his composer. "But-" he starts, but I shake my head no.

Stripped from emotion, I state, "I don't care, nor should you,"

I know he's going to start with the 'I care' bullshit, but I'm not in the mood for listening anymore. "Thank you for inviting me, picking me up and dropping me off, thank you. Good night." And with this, I turn around.

All the events and all my thoughts throughout the night start to swirl around my mind, as I walk to the door and get inside the building. I rush up the stairs, the tears welling up in my eyes and burning them.

Finally, I reach my door. With shaking hands, I find my keys and after four failed attempts of trying to push the key into the keyhole. I unlock it and let myself in, closing the door as I lean into it. Not being able to hold it in any longer, I slide down the door and cover my mouth with both my hands as tears stream down my face and ugly sobs leave my throat.

What have I done? I can't take this anymore. Similar to a pair of hands squeezing my heart and another pair is clutching my throat. It's getting harder to breathe.

I failed.

After everything, I'm still the real loser, I have nothing. I don't have friends, hell, not even have a single person who would give a damn about me.

My choices brought me here and never in my life I've been more alone, and never have I ever felt like I've wasted my entire life. There is no fixable alternative.

I can't change who I am and right now, I hate what I am and what I've done with my life. To wish I could go back in time and slap myself before making those shitty decisions that led to this, that's all I want.

I don't know how much time passes before my tears stop, or in other words, I run out.

Pushing myself up, every inch of my body hurts. I flick off the light and fall on my bed, face forward, and eventually drift off to sleep.

+++

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