𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟖 - 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞

Just as promised, Nicholas used his power and told the guards to stand down. He told them to bring Bernard to him. His excuse for his actions was that he wanted to do exploitation of rare species, like Bernard, to see if there was in fact a cure for such things. He vowed that if Bernard was in fact harmful in any way, he would kill him himself.

Despite him keeping his word, Nicholas kept to himself. He tries his best to stay away from me. Whenever he saw me, it only took him a few seconds to steer away and completely ignore me, shutting his door from me.

I can still taste him on my tongue. I couldn't help but lick my lips and savour the leftovers of his taste; something close to citrus and masculinity, with a dash of rich red wine. I could feel the warm remains of his palm-print against my sides, and I was certain I could still sense his weight leaning over me.

There was a gloss of sweat across my forehead and above my mouth as I carefully pulled myself up into a sitting position on my bed, moaning as my weak limbs protested. I was trembling, although it could have been from either the pain I felt from the invisible wound or Nicholas's lips; I had completely no idea.

Battling a shiver, I struggled to the front door, thanking forgotten deities that the living area I shared with Nicholas, wasn't too far from where Pierre's was. I needed to get myself diagnosed and healed. Stumbling with difficulty along the lonely corridors, I weaved around the necessary corners and had the second shock of my afternoon when I found his room bustling with activity. I froze in the doorway and my eyes danced across the busy room, my confused gaze immediately falling to my blonde friend, perched on one of the beds.

"Hilda," I called, dodging two ladies running to tend the injured as I neared my noble friend. "What's going on?"

"Did you not remember," she replied in her usual bored tone. "A lot of people were attacked by your friend Bernard the other day, although if I heard it correctly, the court is letting him go soon."

"Is everyone okay?"

"I think so," Hilda nodded, gesturing to the small cut on her forearm. "Madam Gustrew's just finishing up with one of the knights and I think I'm next."

"And how many are after you?"

"Those people over there," she mumbled, pointing to a crowd of no less than fifteen people. "Where's Nicholas and why are you here, not resting?" Then her brow furrowed, "Did he already start bossing you around despite your injuries? And here I thought after the tantrum spouting and insisting to keep you beside him, he actually cares for you. I should have known better."

I shook my head hurriedly, "It's not like that. Nicholas spent most of his time in his room. I didn't think I should bother him to follow me."

It's just that... we kissed and it made everything awkward between us...

"And I wanted to meet Pierre," I said.

"Aren't you injured too, Addie?"

"Yes, I was just–"

"Your lips look a little different," the blonde commented calmly, and I felt my blood burn my cheeks. "And your eyes are a bit glazed."

I swallowed hard. "It's just–"

"Oh, Adeline!" a new voice interrupted, and I glanced up to find a rather flustered Pierre approaching me. "There you are. I remembered you were very badly injured. I wanted to treat you right on the spot before but we had no medical supplies. Are you okay?"

"I–I think so," I stuttered. "I mean...yes, I was injured, but I–

"Right," he interrupted, motioning for me to follow him. "Come on, I'll double-check you now. The moment you lose consciousness, Nicholas tore you away from the furry boy and he wouldn't let anyone touch you. Till the end and that's why I couldn't even go to check up on you. "

He did that?

"I'll come and find you after, Hilda," I whispered to the blonde as I trailed behind, the sole reason for my hope of returning the other day. "Pierre–"

"Sit on the bed, Addie," Pierre bade, pulling the curtain to seclude us. "Now, could you show me your wound?"

I hesitated for a moment but decided to just get it over with. "Here," I unbutton my dress and pull it off till it reached my waist, showing him my swollen skin around my abdomen. "But I–"

"Last I checked, your abdomen was torn open."

"Yes, but I–"

"I'll have to get Godrick to–"

"Pierre," I whispered sternly, keeping my voice as low as possible. "Just heal me."

The boy's eyebrows rose high, "How do you propose I do that?" he clarified sceptically.

"You know how. You did it when I had a hangover," I shifted my weight with discomfort. "You.. you have magic."

His eyebrows went a little higher. "What," he breathed harshly. "That is the most ridiculous–"

"I know it was you that sent the witch flying across the room," I said in a matter-of-factly tone. "Pierre, I know it's yo–"

"Addie," he interrupted with a small frown. "I'm sorry to tell you but you are merely hallucinating the whole thing. When you're in a state as bad as yours, it's easy to get confused."

"But I-

"I do not wish to talk more into this," he continued with thick reasoning, and my face scrunched up with doubt. What was his need to hide this from me? Does he not trust me enough?

"Pierre, listen. I have a secret too," I started, staring deep into his eyes as I caught his full attention. His green eyes stare right into mine as time seems to stop. I felt my breath hitched as I took one shallow breath.

"I'm not from here. In fact, I came from a completely different time. I was from the future and I came here through a door. I've been trying to find that door to find my way home, but it was nowhere to be found."

That's it. I've said it. The first person who I told my whole truth and I'm not worried, for I know deep down that I trusted him. There's no one else in the world, with who I would share all my stories, with no fear other than him.

I expected him to say something, but he merely stared at me as if I'd gone mad. "Did they hit your head too hard, Addie? I'm concerned."

"What? No. I'm being honest here."

"Sure you are."

I felt my heart waver and shattered at his lack of trust, "You want to know something ironic? I was about to give up on trying that day," I started. "but then I felt you. I don't know how, but I felt you." Frustration starts to fill my heart, squirting purple ink into my chest and I took a deep breath to steady myself; to calm my shouting heartbeats. "I thought that it means you would be the one that would be there for me. Truly for me. If you don't believe me, that's fine," I sniffed. "If you don't want to heal me from this excruciating pain, that's fine. I don't wish to steal more of your time from you."

I put my clothes back on hastily and walked out of there without waiting for him to come up with a reply. With each step I took, I expected him to hold me back, hold my wrist, and pull me back to him. But no. He didn't move an inch. He stayed where he was, not even a slight effort to stop me.

Tears started to fall from my eyes. My shoulder shook as I sobbed all the way out from there. My heart was slashed with a knife, leaving an ugly scar on it. A scar so horrible looking that it even pained me if I looked at it.

What just happened?

How did this happen?

I would've been able to take it if it was anyone else, but Pierre? I didn't think of it before but no. I couldn't possibly take the thought of him having no faith in me.

Feeling heartbroken, I keep wandering through the halls with an absent mind. Hollowness and loneliness consumed me slowly, like a predator waiting and finally able to eat its prey. I felt tears continuously trickling down from my eyes as I clutched my chest in pain. Disappointment, if only I didn't forget how much that feeling would always be around me.

I knew it.

From the start, I knew it. If I told anyone, they wouldn't believe me.

Absent-mindedly, my feet found their way back towards the hall leading to the room Nicholas shared with me. Flashes of what happened last night played in my mind, leaving me horrified.

Crap. Crap. Crap... Have I really been that starved for a company?

I would admit that I had seen something in Nicholas that was redeemable. I would admit that seeing him in pain was hard for me. I just wanted to make it all better. I just wanted him to forget..

I couldn't help it. I couldn't help that I ended up kissing him...

I've allowed myself to get steered by the breathtaking situation, and it would never happen again. Ever. I was still determined to help him feel better, but I needed to keep my brain in check and remember myself as I did so. I had to maintain a sensible distance from him, even if his lips had felt like...

...like water-damp feathers...

I would have never guessed that he would feel so soft.

I was deep in my thoughts when I felt a tap on my shoulder, breaking me away from it, and I turned to look at the person at the very same time that I remembered the fact that I had tears running down my eyes. I quickly wiped it away with my sleeves as I stiffened a sniff.

"Oh god. Addie, you are crying?" Hilda's face turned red as she bit the inside of her cheek. "I'm going to hit him."

"W-what?" I stuttered, sniffing lightly. "I'm alright, Hilda. Don't worry."

"I really want to go there right now and knock some sense into him but he's lucky you stopped me," she said, her eyes eyeing me top to bottom. "Did he hurt you?"

I could barely manage a slow shake of my head as I averted her eyes, silently aware that a hint of sadness on my face would be the end of Pierre's life. "No."

At least, not physically.

"I do have some news which might cheer you up," she offered with a rare grin, and they were getting even rarer these days. "I received a letter from the council–"

"The council?" I asked, my head snapping up with interest. "Is this about Bernard?"

"Yes. Addie, he's fine as far as I know," she assured. "He's coming in a couple more days–"

"Will I see him? Please let me see him, Hil–"

"Calm down," she sighed. "He wants to keep his head down, so he's staying in an Inn downtown, and I'd be happy to give you permission to see him–"

"Thank you," I smiled, relieved for this distraction in my otherwise troublesome day. "Thank you so much, Hilda. When is he coming?"

"Next Thursday."

"Wait," I frowned as Nicholas slipped back into my head. "What about Nicholas?"

"What about him?" she replied calmly. "You said so yourself, he spends most of the time in his room. If anything, I'm sure he will be pleased to have some time on his own, and I would recommend you make the most of this little break from him. I know that you must find living with him difficult."

You have no idea, Hilda... as of today, it just got that much more difficult...

"I guess," I whispered, realising I had yet another secret, and this one was possibly one that I would never tell her.

I bid farewell to Hilda, and with vibrating fingers and a lost heartbeat, I pushed open the front door and found the room painted in darkness. Scanning the jumble of shadows warily and finding only familiar shapes and outlines, I made my way to the small kitchenette and concluded a cup of hot chocolate would ease some of my nerves. Assuming that Nicholas was in his room, and would be for the remainder of the night, I rolled my shoulders and allowed myself to relax. Silently igniting some of the candles, just to create a nice pre-slumber glow as I fixed myself a steaming drink.

I tilted my head and gave the nape of my neck a slow rub before I slipped off my outer dress and tossed them onto the counter. I was still lost in my mind, reviewing everything that happened yesterday and today. It was all hectic. Am I even glad that I'm finally out?

I couldn't help but sigh at all of it. I was so lost in my mind and was only snapped back to reality when I heard a scratch sound made by a foot scuffing against the floor.

I spun around so fast that I knocked my mug across the side, and sent it smashing and pouring to the floor with a loud crash. My hair whipped across my face; caught between parted and damp lips, as my eyes blazed with stormy surprise. I was panting frantically as I stumbled back, and his hand darted out to grab my wrist.

"Nicholas," I gasped, trying to pull away and shield my face. "What are you–"

But I was cut off as he grabbed my other hand and placed it sternly at my sides; backing me up until I was trapped between him and the counter. I felt a panic bubble in my chest; not because I thought he would hurt me, but because he was too close. My alarmed breathing was sucking in his drugging and masculine smell, and I found my body swarming with heat as our proximity ached beneath my skin.

I watched with wide eyes as he seemed to falter and pull away a little, swaying on his feet with small but seductive movements. The air was wedged in my throat as he towered over me with his features set in a tense scowl and a growl humming in his windpipe.

"I want to get some things straight," he snapped bluntly, and I jumped at his voice. "Nothing happened yesterday."

It shouldn't have hurt me, but it did. I felt something in my chest shrink and shrivel like burning parchment, but I did everything in my power to not let it show.

"I helped you, out of care," Nicholas continued crisply. "That's all that happened yesterday. Pretend none of the rest ever happened."

"If that's really what you what," I sighed, hating the edge of sadness to my whisper.

The heavy and humid silence settled between us. His harsh puffs of air were brushing across the skin of my face, and it was taking every stitch of my self-control not to glance up at his mouth. I needed to sever this discussion with him; I could feel that incessant and unwelcome hunger for a lick of him beginning to cloud my sanity. I needed to get away from him

"I think I better go back to my room now."

I avoided his eyes in the hopes that if I didn't gaze at them, I wouldn't have to be sucked into them. Not seeing a single muscle movement from him made my heartbeat drum loudly. The proximity is starting to really bug me and I just can't keep this up.

Clearing my throat, I moved away from his grasp and walked straight to my room, shutting the door with much force while guiltily wondering if I'd have let him kiss me again if I would just stay. I slid my back down against the door as it closed, covering my face on my knees. I hate that it hurts me. I hate that I cared so much for it.

What is happening?

I don't remember liking Nicholas in that manner.

Why is this happening to me now?