Songs for this chapter are:

Nothing- Lewis Watson

All too well- Taylor Swift

Fix you- Cover by Jayme Dee ( I'm so glad so many of you like her, you should check out her cover of Blood Bank, it's incredible and heartbreaking and it's my favorite song, I'm rambling but I just love her voice so much)

Tessa's POV.

I walk out to the balcony to close to the doors before walking over to the dresser to change into my pajamas. With my mind racing, I'm finding it difficult to focus on clothing. Nothing appeals as a substitute for Hardin's worn clothing and I refuse to wear the white t-shirt resting on the arm of the chair, I need to be able to sleep in my own damn clothes. I give up after rummaging through the drawer and decide to settle for the shorts and sweatshirt that I have on and lay down on the bed.

Who is this mystery girl that Hardin's with? Ironically I'm more upset about my apartment in Seattle than I am about the daughter of Ken's friend. If he wants to jeopardize our relationship by cheating, that's his choice. Yes, it would tear what's left of me into pieces and I don't think I would ever recover, but I'm not going to focus on that.

For the life of me I can't picture it, I can't picture him actually cheating on me despite all of the things he has done in the past, I just don't see it. Not after his letter, not after his pleading for my forgiveness. Yes he's controlling, too controlling, and he doesn't know when to stop interfering with my life but his intentions behind the actions aren't as malicious as being unfaithful.

The constant throb of resentment towards Hardin hasn't let up after staring at the ceiling counting the beams of stained wood lining the sloped surface.

I don't know if I'm ready to talk to him just yet but I know I won't be able to sleep until I hear him return to the cabin. The longer he's gone the stronger the twist of jealousy grows in my chest. I can't help but notice the double standard here, if I was out with a guy Hardin would lose it and probably try to burn down the woods surrounding the place. I want to laugh at the ridiculous thought but I just don't have it I me. Instead I close my eyes again, begging sleep to come.

Hardin's POV.

"Do you want a drink?" Lillian asks.

"Sure," I shrug and glance at the clock.

"You can't be a coward forever, you know,"

"Shut up,"

"You're so much like her," she giggles, pulling the top off of a bottle of brandy that I'm sure cost more than the massive television hanging on the wall.

"Like Tessa? No, I'm not."

"No, not her. Riley,"

"How's that?"

Lillian pours the dark liquor into a small glass and places it in my hand before sitting back on the couch.

"Where is your drink?" I ask.

"I don't drink,"

Of course she doesn't. I really shouldn't be drinking but the hot burn of the brandy on my tongue pushes the nagging reminder away.

"Are you going to tell me how I'm like her or not?" I look at her expectantly.

"You just are, she has that brooding, angry at the world thing going on too." She rolls her eyes and crosses her legs under her.

"Well maybe she has something to be angry about," I defend the girl without even knowing her and gulp down half the glass of liquor. It's strong, aged to perfection, and I can feel the burn down to the sole of my boots. Lillian doesn't reply, instead she purses her lips and stares at the wall behind me in thought.

"I'm not into this whole Dr. Phil, you talk I talk, Kumbaya shit," I tell her and she nods.

"I'm not expecting Kumbaya but I think you should at least come up with a plan to apologize to Tamara."

"Her name is Tessa," I snap, annoyed suddenly by her small mistake.

"Tessa, sorry. I have a cousin named Tamara and it was in my head I guess," she smiles and pulls her brown hair to one shoulder.

"What makes you assume I will be apologizing anyway?" I click my tongue against the roof of my mouth while waiting for her response.

"You're kidding right? You owe her an apology," she says loudly, "You need to at least tell her you'll go to Seattle,"

"I'm not going to Seattle for fuck's sake," I groan. What is it with Tessa and fucking Tessa number two and pestering me over Seattle.

"Well then I hope she goes without you," she curtly remarks.

"What did you say?" I sit my glass down on the table in front of me, brown liquid runs over the top of the glass and onto the white surface of the table.

"I said I hope she does go because you tried to mess up her apartment and still aren't willing to move with her,"

What the fuck?

"Good thing I don't give a fuck what you think," I stand to leave.

I know she's right but I'm over this bullshit.

"Yes you do, you just won't admit it. I have come to learn that the people who pretend to care the least actually care the most,"

"You don't know shit about me," I say through my teeth. I pick up the glass and finish it off before heading toward the door.

"Yes I do. Like I said you're just like Riley."

"Well I feel sorry for her because she has to put up..." I begin to lash out at the girl but stop myself. She hasn't done anything wrong, she's actually been trying to help me and doesn't deserve my anger. "Sorry, okay?" I sigh, plopping myself back onto the couch.

"See, apologizing isn't too hard is it?" Lillian questions and moves from her spot on the couch to the tray on the counter.

"You obviously need another drink," she smiles and grabs my empty glass.

...

"Tessa hates when I drink," I grumble after my third glass.

"Are you a mean drunk?"

"No." I ponder the question and reconsider, "Sometimes,"

"Hmm.."

"Why don't you drink?" I ask.

"I don't know, I just don't."

"Does your boyf.." I begin but correct myself, "girlfriend drink?"

"Yes, sometimes. Not as much as before,"

"Oh," This Riley and I may have more in common than I thought.

"Lillian?" Her father's footsteps are heard on the staircase.

I sit up and move away from her out of impulse, she turns her attention to him.

"Yes father?"

"It's nearly one in the morning, I think it's time your company heads out." He says.

One in the morning? Holy shit.

"Okay," she nods and looks back to me, "he seems to forget I'm an adult," she whispers, annoyance clear in her voice.

"I need to go anyway, Tessa is going to kill me." I gripe, my feet aren't as steady under me as they should be.

"You're welcome to come back tomorrow Hardin," My father's friend smiles and I reach the door.

"Just apologize and consider Seattle," the girl reminds me. I ignore her and walk out of the door, down the steps and onto the paved driveway. I would really love to know what her dad does for a living, he is obviously rich as fuck.

It's pitch black out here, literally I can barely see my hand as I wave it idiotically in front of my face. When I reach the end of the driveway the lights on my father's cabin become visible and guide me to down the driveway and up the porch steps.

The screen door creaks open and I curse at it. I don't want to wake the entire cabin up. The last thing I need is my father waking up and smelling the brandy on my breath, then again he may want some. Tessa's voice scolds me through my thoughts and I pinch the bridge of my nose, shaking my head to get her out.

I nearly knock over a lamp while trying to pull my boots off of my feet. I grip the corner of the wall to steady myself and place my boots next to Tessa's shoes by the mat.

My palms begin to sweat as I take the staircase as slow as possible. I'm not drunk but I am certainly buzzed and I know she's going to be even more upset than she was. She was downright pissed the fuck off earlier and now that I've stayed out this long and I've been drinking, she's going to lose it. I'm actually a little... afraid of her right now. She was so pissed earlier, cursing at me and ordering me away.

The door to the room we are sharing opens with a small squeak and I try to be as quiet as possible and guide myself through the dark room without waking her.

No such luck.

The lamp on the nightstand switches on and Tessa is made visible.

"Sorry.. I didn't want to wake you," I apologize and a frown shapes on her full lips.

"I wasn't asleep," she states and my chest begins to tighten.

"I know it's late, I'm sorry," I say, my words run together.

"Have you been drinking?" She asks, her eyes bright. The way the soft light of the lamp hits her face makes me want to reach across the bed and touch her.

"Yes," I admit and wait for the fury of my very own Lyssa.

She sighs and brings her hands to her forehead to brush the loose tendrils that have escaped her ponytail. She doesn't seem to be alarmed or surprised by my somewhat intoxicated state.

I'm still waiting on the rage.

Nothing.

She is just sitting there on the bed, leaning back on her arms, staring at me with despondent eyes while I stand awkwardly in the center of the room.

"Are you going to say anything?" I finally ask, hoping to break this haunting silence.

"No, I'm not."

What?

"Huh?"

"I'm exhausted and you're drunk, there is really nothing for me to say."

I'm always nervously anticipating her to finally snap, to finally get to the point where she's tired of putting up with my shit, and honestly I'm scared to fucking death that this may be it.

"I'm not drunk, I only had three drinks. You know that's not shit to me." I say and sit on the edge of the bed. A chill runs down my spine when she moves closer to the headboard to get away from me.

"Where were you?" Her voice is soft.

"Next door,"

She continues to stare at me, expecting more information.

"I was with this girl Lillian, her dad went to college with mine and we were talking, one thing led to another and.."

"Oh god," Tessa's hands move to cover her ears and her knees move to her chest. I reach across taking both her wrists into one hand and gently push them down to her lap.

"No, no, not like that. Fuck,"

"I'm confused," she admits.

"We were talking about you," I tell her and wait for her normal eye rolling and disbelief at anything I tell her.

"What about me?"

"Just this Seattle shit,"

"You talked to her about Seattle but you won't talk to me?" Tessa's voice isn't angry, just curious and I'm really fucking confused.

It's not like I wanted to talk to the girl, she practically fucking forced me but in a way I guess I'm sort of glad she did.

"It's not like that, you made me leave." I remind the girl in front of me with Tessa's face but none of her normal attitude.

"And you were with her this entire time?" Her lip trembles and she presses her teeth into it.

"No, I went for a walk and ran into her. She's a lot like you," I reach across to move her unruly hair away from her cheek and she doesn't pull away. Her skin is hot under my touch and  her cheeks look as if they are glowing in the muted light. She leans into my palm and her eyes flutter closed as I rub my thumb along her cheekbone. 

This isn't how I expected this to go, I expected world war fucking Tessa by now.

"You like her then?" Tessa asks me, gray eyes opening slightly to meet mine.

"Yeah, she's okay." I shrug and she closes her eyes again.

I'm thrown off by her calm behavior and that mixed with the aged brandy makes for one confused Hardin.

"I'm tired," she says and reaches up to remove my hand from her cheek.

"You're not mad?" I question, something nags at the back of my mind but it just won't surface. Fucking liquor.

"I'm just tired," she answers and lays back against the pillows.

Okay...

Warning bells.. No, fucking tornado sirens go off in my mind at the lack of emotion behind her voice but I choose to ignore them for tonight. It's late and if I push her too hard she will make me leave again, I can't have that. I can't sleep without her and I'm thankful she's even fucking letting me near her after the shit with Sandra.

 (A lot of you have been telling me you miss my author's notes at the end, I thought I was annoying you by posting them so I tried not to do it as much but I'm glad that I'm not hah. I try to read every comment, even if I don't respond I read almost every single one so keep commenting your theories, etc. I love to see the hints that I drop being noticed :) Also, there have been a few people posting After on different fanfiction sites lately and I wanted to ask you (if you're reading this) to please not do that, even if you're giving me credit I really want to only have my story in one place so I can interact with my readers and stuff so please please take it down. Thank you! Sorry this is so long! lol, what does everyone think of Lillian? And who misses Zed?  I do :) xo!