𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚃𝚎𝚗

AFTER ANOTHER LONG day of classes and studying at the library, I'm finally able to relax for the night. Today I didn't have psychology, and thank God for that because I was not in the mood to see Xavier today. Not in the least bit.

Logan must be busy because he isn't texting back, so I think I'm finally able to have some alone time until I open up the door and see Amelia sitting on top of her bed. She's busy typing away on her laptop, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"Hey." She nods and then looks down at about three textbooks surrounding her. "I forgot I had a paper due tomorrow."

"You forgot?" I laugh. "Is the world ending?"

"Shut up!" She laughs too and bites on her thumbnail. "Dion has just been so... distracting, lately."

I raise my eyebrow towards her. "In a good way, right?"

"Oh, in a very good way."

I see her cheeks go crimson from embarrassment as I piece two and two together. I miss sex. Not sex in general, but sex with Xavier. It was completely out of this world. From kissing down my neck, to pulling on my hair, to using his tongue in all the right ways... the things that man can do is unreal.

"Oh, some mail came for you today." She points towards my bed. I begin to sort through the envelopes and I'm about to toss them all into the trash until my eyes come across an address I'm not familiar with. I pull it out from the stack and hold it with shaky fingers once I realize it's from a rehab facility.

There's only one person that would be contacting me from rehab. My mother.

I hold the envelope in my hands and try to block out all the memories, but it's almost impossible. My head is flooding with them all at once.

The time she forgot to feed me dinner two nights in a row because she was too busy trying to find more coke. The time she slapped me across the face because I wasn't being quiet enough. She was going through withdrawal at the time. I know that now, but as a kid I thought I was always the problem. Always.

I rip open the envelope and it is in fact from her, and she's requesting to see me. No part of me wants to see her ever again. What the fuck does she want to see me for? To apologize? I don't need an apology. It's way too fucking late for that.

Just when I thought I was starting to do better something happens to knock me right back down. I should call my sponsor. That's what I should do. But what I really want to do is take a whole bottle of liquor straight to the face right now to forget I ever even got this fucking letter in the first place.

"I'm going to go for a walk." I tell Amelia. She's too wrapped up in writing her essay that she doesn't realize anything's wrong. Then again, I'm really good at hiding that.

"Okay." She nods. "See you later."

I change into a pair of jean shorts and Logan's hoodie before I wander back down the hallway to go to the elevator. Being in that room will just make me crazy. I need to be outside right now. I just need to get away.

Pulling out my phone, I send a text to Logan.

Hey. Can we hang out? I know it's late but I'm having a horrible day.
P.S. — your hoody is really comfy.

I debate on whether or not to add the last part because I don't want to lead Logan on, but he's the one that told me not to change how I am with him. I would have sent this to him before he admitted his feelings to me, so I hit send and stuff the phone into the back pocket my shorts.

I end up wandering down towards the frat houses. I'd never go and try to see Xavier, but I can walk by, right? There's no harm in that. Plus, what the hell else is there to do? It'll certainly take my mind off the damn letter.

I don't even know if I want to try anymore with Xavier. He's been such an asshole, and yes, a part of me understands why, but if he's not going to forgive me then why keep trying? It's just making my mental state worse the more I'm around him. I just want this project to be over and done with, that way I won't have to see him anymore. I'm tired of feeling broken.

There's music thumping loudly from a house I've never been to. It's a Friday night, so it doesn't surprise me that there's a party going on. A couple of frat boys are outside, and one of them whistles in my direction.

"Hey!" He calls out. "We're throwing a party if you want to come inside!"

I glance in their direction. All of them are so fit, muscular arms and toned legs. They're all in a basic frat boy outfit, tank tops and khaki shorts, and I find myself laughing at the thought of Logan. I'd really like it if he could text me back.

Should I be going over here to talk to them? No. I'm depressed, lonely and on the verge of yet again, another mental breakdown though. This past month has been one of the worst I've ever had, and that letter certainly didn't make it any better. I just want to forget.

༺═──────────────═༻

I don't know how many shots I've had. For the past half hour I've been talking to this girl about lipstick, and we've both been laughing for no reason. She's sprawled out over my legs as my back rests against the back of the bathroom door. We locked ourselves in here after two guys tried to get us to do a foursome.

"I feel like we've been here forever." She giggles and sits up, resting her back beside me. "How long have we been in here for?"

I look down at my phone to check the time, but everything is blurry. I see that I have a text from Logan though. Finally.

I'm glad my hoody could come to use, Garcia. I'd love to see you. Do you want to come to my dorm this time?

I smirk at the text and bite on my lip. He's so cute. I should just give him what he wants. He likes me. I should be with someone that likes me, right? It's not like he's unattractive. Xavier sure as hell won't fuck me, so why not Logan?

"Excuse me." I slur and shakily stand up to my feet before I open up the bathroom door. There's a line of girls that groan from having to pee, but I don't feel bad. I just walk outside and dial Logan's number.

"It's about time." Logan laughs. I stumble once more and sit down on the porch steps. "What the hell took you so long?"

I giggle uncontrollably and stare up at the sky. There's so many stars right now. I try to count them but lose my train of thought after ten.

"Garcia?" Logan asks. "You good?"

"I'm... something." I finally decide to say. "I'm not sure what I am at the moment."

"Ah, fuck. Are you drunk?"

"Maybe..." I giggle again and start to hiccup. "I want to see you."

"That's probably not a good idea, Elena." He replies. I hate when he calls me by my first name. He never does unless he's upset or trying to be serious about something. "Are you at a party?"

Some guy sits down beside me and I glance curiously at him. He's sitting way too close.

"Hey, sexy." He smirks. "What are you doing out here all alone?"

I giggle again and reach out to touch his arm, earning a groan from Logan on the other end.
"Stay there." He warns. "I can see your location. I'm on the way. Tell that guy to fuck off, alright? Don't do anything stupid."

"I don't want him." I say. This causes the guy next to me to give me a dirty look and leave me alone again on the steps. "I want you right now, Logan."

"You're really fucked up, huh? What'd you drink?"

It bothers me that he's not touching on anything else I'm saying, but instead of getting upset I lean my head against the rail of the porch and smile. "Like... almost ten shots of vodka maybe? I'm not sure. I stopped keeping track after five."

"Jesus." He mutters. "Hold on, I'm pulling up."

I'm shocked he got here so fast, but then again I'm only down the road from campus. I see his yellow hummer and smile even more, unable to move from the porch step.

"Logan!" I scream with happiness. He doesn't look happy to see me. He looks extremely concerned.

"Come on." He says sternly. "Let's get you back."

"Stop being such a party pooper." I tease and grab onto his hand so he can help me up. Before he can even tell me no, I jump off the porch step into his arms, straddling his waist with my thighs. He doesn't know how easy it is for me to get my way. I know how to make boys tick. I'll break him down eventually.

"Elena." He says abruptly. He has no choice but to put his hands underneath my thighs to support me.

"It's not Elena." I whisper. My brown eyes are alive with humor when I tilt my head to the side and bring my fingertips to trail down his jawline. "It's Garcia."

He doesn't say anything, he just stares at me.

"Let's just go back to your dorm." I suggest and begin to rake my fingers through his soft, brown hair. "We could have a lot of fun."

"You don't mean that." He says. "You're just drunk."

I press my lips to his, and he doesn't want to tear away. He likes me, and I know by kissing him I'll get exactly what I want. It's just that simple.

He entwines his tongue with mine, and when my fingers grasp his hair he moans into me, moving his hands up to squeeze onto my ass.

"Fuck." He breaks the kiss and stares down at the grass. "Garcia, no. You're drunk."

"You can just take me back to your dorm, Logan." I wrap my arms around his neck and lean down into his ear. "I can feel how ready you are." Then I move up against his hard on, causing his body to stiffen. "Just fuck me. Please. I need it."

He's still not saying anything, and when he looks at me with that same look of pity my stomach starts to twist up into a ball of nausea. What the fuck did I just do? I know Logan likes me. Did I honestly just tease him like that? How shitty could I possibly get? All because I want sex.

Well, it's not all because of that. It's also because I'm heartbroken, too. I'm trying to fill this void with anyone I can find, but Logan is too good of a person to become collateral damage.

"Logan, I'm so sorry." I'm drunk crying now, and I sit down onto the grass, pulling my knees up to my chest. I would give anything to stop hurting. I would give anything to forget about Xavier and be with Logan instead, but as much as I hate Xavier, he's the only one I love. He's the only reason why I haven't taken Logan in the back of his car right now. I still want something with Xavier. At least I think. Fuck, I don't know. I'm so drunk. Don't I hate him?

Almost as if I think I'm hallucinating, Xavier looms over me before he crouches down onto the grass until we lock eyes. He's wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and his hair is going every which way. It looks like he just woke up. He's still sexy as hell though.

"Elena." Xavier sighs and looks up at Logan. "How long has she been drunk for?"

"I don't know. She called me like ten minutes ago. She mentioned before that you live near here, so that's why I called you off of her phone. I figured she'd rather be with you than me."

"What the hell do you know, Logan?" I sob even harder and shrug Xavier off when he tries to pick me up. "Get the fuck away from me. I'm fine! I don't need everyone's fucking pity."

"You're fine?" Xavier grabs my chin to get me to look at him. "No, you aren't. Look at you right now."

I just end up crying harder. I'm not sure when Logan even called him, or how he got my phone, but I'm not okay right now. Seeing Xavier just brings all of the hurt back. The reason I'm so depressed. The reason I'm so sad. The reason for my mental breakdown the past month. I'm not okay.

Logan is staring at me in shock. This is probably ten times worse than when he found me out on that road. Welcome to the fucking craziness. Welcome to who I truly am, Logan.

"Thank you for calling me." Xavier tells Logan.

"I wouldn't consider it a compliment." Logan replies, narrowing his eyes. "I care about her and want what's best for her. I wish more than anything that person was me, but apparently she's got a thing for guys that treat her like she doesn't exist. The only reason I called you was to help her. I don't like seeing her like this."

"Logan..." I look at him, but he looks away from me as Xavier remains speechless.

"I'm gonna go." He shoves his hands into his pockets and lets out another sigh. "Call me in the morning, Garcia. If you don't remember to then I'll call you. Feel better, alright?"

Before I'm able to respond, he heads back to his hummer and my heart sinks a little bit deeper into my chest. I love Logan, but not in the same way that I love Xavier. They are two different types of feelings. I wish I could give Logan what he wants. I really do.

I want to call out for him to come back, but what would the point of that be? Xavier will convince me to stay with him. I know that he will. Then Logan will be hurt even more. I can't put him through that when I've already done enough damage to him tonight.

I'm truly the most fucked up person on the planet.

𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎

Oh boy.

Things are getting intense.

I just love Logan so much. It pains me to write these chapters.

Are you happy that Xavier is with her?

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Comment them here!

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