I can't seem to wipe the smile off of my face when I sit across from Loretta in the big, leather chair. I've had an extra pep in my step the entire day, and that's more than likely to do with Xavier. Everything just seems to be going so well, and I honestly haven't been this happy in I don't know how long.

"You seem happy." Loretta notes as she scans over me. "That's good."

"I am." I nod. "Very happy."

"Any special reason why?"

She knows that Xavier and I have been talking. She knows that we're back to having sex, so it's not rocket science to piece two and two together as to why I'm so happy.

"Things with Xav are just..." I trail off and bite my lip. "Terrifyingly good."

"Terrifyingly?" She asks.

"Yeah. Like, they're going too good. You know? I don't like it. It seems weird."

She scribbles down onto her notebook, and whenever she does this I know she's going to give me some sort of life lesson about myself. I'd love to look at her notes one of these days.

"So, you think that being happy is weird? You don't think you deserve to be happy?"

"Well...no," I trail off, trying to think of what I want to say. "It's just, things were like this between Xavier and I before things went to shit." I pause before I look at her. "Sorry for my language."

She waves her hand and gives me a smile. "It's okay. I've heard much worse. But Elena, do you ever wonder what it would be like to just live in the happiness? To enjoy it fully without having all of this anxiety?"

I laugh out loud, causing her to raise her eyebrows at me. "Is that even possible?" I ask. "Because if it is, I'd love to be able to do that."

"It's more of a mind barrier than anything. It's your way of thinking, Elena. You need to try to change your perspective on life. Instead of thinking that something is going to go wrong, why not think of all of the things that could go right?"

I can't help but think of the conversation with Logan when he lost control of himself in the car. He kept saying I had a horrible perspective on life. Is this truly how people view me? Maybe I really am a negative person.

"Where do you wish things would go with Xavier?" She asks. "Let's start there."

I let my mind wander to my potential future, trying to envision what I'd want for it to be like.

"Um..." I trail off, a small smile forming on my face. "I guess married." I nod, picturing him at the end of an aisle at some sappy venue in a tux looking handsome beyond belief. "Yeah, married."

She smiles too and scribbles down more into her notebook. "Anything else?" She asks.

I think about my future and suddenly realize there isn't a piece I'm thinking about without him in it. When I buy my first house, I want it to be with him. When I get married, I want it to be to him. When I have my first kid, I want it to be his.

"I want everything with him." I nod, blinking away tears. I refuse to get emotional in front of her. "My perfect future involves him. Every piece of it."

She nods and scribbles more down onto the notebook. "I think this is what you need to think of whenever you start to have those doubts, Elena. Not everything is going to be like your past. I know what you experienced was extremely traumatic, and nobody deserved to go through what you did, but you need to realize that you can have a happy future if you allow it. I think if you just tried to open up more about your past to talk through it then we would really have a break through here."

I refuse to talk about my father. With group I was fine talking about the fact that I was abused by him, but I never went into detail. I don't want to go back to those nights. If I do, I'm going to spiral. I can't risk that no matter how much help it may do for me.

"And maybe," She continues. "If you're willing, we could put you on some depression medication. I really think it would be beneficial if you tried it."

Depression medicine? No. I'm not going to stoop to taking medicine. I can get through this myself. I know it helped Xavier, but I don't need it. I'm strong enough on my own.

Before I'm able to respond, my phone starts to go off. It's Logan.

"Oh." I look down at my screen before I look back to her. "I, um, have to take this. It's Logan."

Loretta knows about the cancer, and she knows how important he is to me. She wouldn't dare tell me not to take his phone call.

"Not a problem at all." She smiles. "We can pick back up where we left off next week."

Giving her a small wave, I swipe across the screen to answer the phone and press it between my ear and shoulder while I fish out my keys from my purse. I don't know why, but every time my phone rings from him I think it's bad news.

I need to change my way of thinking.

"Hey." I say cheerfully. "How are you?"

His breathing has been getting raspier and raspier as the days go on, and that kills me. I hate hearing him decline like this.

"You haven't come to see me since the hospital." He replies bluntly. "So, not very... good, Garcia." He coughs on the other end, tugging on my heart strings. "What? Are you scared of a sick person?"

"No." I reply. "Logan, it's not that... I just..."

I don't know how to tell him that his mother basically threatened me to not see him. How am I supposed to tell him that? He's sick, and I don't want him to be angry at his mom.

"Is your mom home?" I ask.

"No? She's on a business trip in LA. What does that have to do with anything though? Are you scared of her?"

Boy, he really has no idea.

"Text me the address." I sigh. "I want to come and see you, Logan. Things have just been complicated lately. I'm sorry."

"Glad to see you've come to your senses." He chuckles, but then starts to cough again. "I'll text you the address right now."

_________

When I arrive to Logan's house I honestly try to hold back my laughter. Of course he lives in a freaking mansion. I mean, I knew he was a trust fund baby, but I had to be buzzed in by a freaking security guard.

I walk up the long driveway to the huge, wooden double doors, and a maid answers with a polite smile. "Hello Ms. Garcia." She greets kindly. "Mr. James is expecting you. He's upstairs. The first door on the left."

You've got to be shitting me.

"Um, thank you." I mutter and step inside to look around. It feels like my worn down shoes don't belong on these marble floors. A huge, daunting chandelier hangs above me as I make my way to the wrap around staircase to head upstairs, and the only thing on my mind right now is how I'm going to make fun of Logan endlessly for this.

Wait, should I take my shoes off?

I look down at my sneakers, but since I've already made it halfway up the staircase I shrug it off and knock gently on the door his maid said he'd be in.

"It better be you, Garcia." Logan calls out.

Pushing the heavy door open, I can't wipe the smile off of my face when I see him. He looks much worse than when I saw him the first time. He's much paler, and his face is sunken in from losing weight it must be.

"A security guard?" I laugh. "A fucking maid? I knew you were a trust fund baby, but seriously? Your house is freaking gated!"

"Oh, how I've missed you, Garcia. Please, bring me back down to reality. I've been being served bullshit healthy meals on silver platters for far too long."

I look around his huge room and fight back more laughter. His body looks so tiny in his huge four poster bed, and for a second my smile falters. I'm going to miss him so damn much when he's gone.

The leather arm chair next to his bed looks too perfect to be sat in, but I sit down anyways and grab onto his hand. I know better than to ask him how he's doing because whenever we talk on the phone he always tells me not to. It bothers him.

"I'm doing fine." He smiles, seeming to read my mind. "You don't have to worry about me."

"Yes I do." I reply.

With a roll of his eyes, he grabs the remote beside him and shuts off the television. The whirring of his oxygen machine is overwhelming, and he immediately becomes annoyed.

"Try listening to that every second of the day." He mutters. "It's annoying as hell."

When I don't say anything, he sends me another lopsided grin. "So, how are things with you? You seem happy, Garcia."

Is it really that noticeable?

I find myself blushing before I reply, "Yeah, I am actually. Really happy."

As much as Logan tries to hide it, I can see the disappointment in his eyes. That's why I don't talk about Xavier around him. The last thing he needs is to be hurt even more, and all I can think about are his mother's words.

"It's nice to finally see you like this." He notes. "You deserve it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I roll my eyes and clear my throat to change the subject, but he knows me well enough to interrupt me before I can.

"I'm serious." He says. "You've had a rough fucking life. Regardless of what you think of yourself, you deserve happiness more than anyone I've ever met."

I laugh, causing him to give me a confused expression.

"It's just funny you say that," I explain. "Because my counselor was telling me the same thing today. She says I should change my outlook on life too, so I'm trying to not be such a miserable bitch all the time."

"You aren't a miserable bitch." He laughs, and then starts to laugh harder. "Okay, so maybe sometimes you're miserable. That doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy though. I think the universe is trying to tell you something."

"Do you believe in God?" I find myself asking. "I mean, I know you kind of talked about it somewhat before, but do you really believe in heaven and all of that?"

He shrugs. "I'd like to think there is. I certainly hope my body doesn't just rot away in the dirt. I hope I go somewhere other than... here."

"Me too." I find myself saying. "I want to make sure I see you again."

"If I do go to heaven, then-"

"If there's a heaven, you'll go to heaven." I cut in. "Don't say that."

"When I go to heaven then," he clarifies, sending me another smile. "You don't think I'll watch over you? Who else is going to send you signals from the universe to throw away your fucking crocs?"

Erupting into laughter, I gently slap him on the arm. "You're such an ass." I tease. "I hate you."

"No you don't." He laughs. "If you hated me you wouldn't have taken a bus for two hours to come and see me. I appreciate it. I've missed you, and I wish you'd come visit me more."

I contemplate telling him about his mom, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I don't want to cause him anymore harm, especially between him and his mom. I'm just going to keep my mouth shut.

"I'll try to take more trips." I reassure him. "I'm sorry. I've just been so busy lately."

"With Xavier." He nods and sends a smile when he sees the look of regret spread across my face. "It's okay. I'm really happy you're happy Garcia. Honestly. It's a good look on you. You're glowing."

"Really?" I ask.

"Really." He replies, staring at me a little too long. "I know you've got a boyfriend you're madly in love with, but I may not get the chance to say this again. You're fucking beautiful, Garcia, and if Xavier does anything to hurt you again then he's the biggest idiot I know."

My heart swells twice the size, tears forming in my eyes.

"Don't get sappy." He warns. "Just know that if he does hurt you then I'll send mad signals from heaven. I'll make sure he always steps in something wet when he wears socks."

"I don't think that's how it works, Logan." I laugh.

He shrugs and moves over in bed, patting the spot beside him. "I can try my hardest though, right? Let's watch a movie or something."

I slip my sneakers off and climb into the king bed, relaxing back into the pillows.

"Even the pillows seem rich." I note, which causes him to laugh. "You really have to have Egyptian cotton?"

Passing me the remote to choose a movie, he sends me one of his famous smiles. "I've really missed you, Garcia." He says. "Thanks for bringing me down a notch. I needed to see you today."

"Anytime." I send him a cheesy grin. "You can always count on me for that."

Author's Note:

I love Elena & Logan so much!!

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