Loco is busy working on the 'cloaking device' as Caboose talks to him. 

"...Yeah, so I was in the middle of a story and then our ship crashed and Zone said we were marooned, but everyone looked like their normal colors to me, so I think he probably just had a concussion." 

"Wow! This story is awesome!" Loco says highly entertained. 

"Yeah, and then I found Freckles, and did you find any double A batteries?" Caboose asks. 

Loco appears form behind the machine. "I asked, sorry, no luck. Then what happened on singing planet?" 

"Eh, well then these pirates showed up." 

"Pirates?! No...way! Did they have a lot of peg-legs?" Loco inquires. 

"No, but one of them had a shark for a face." Caboose shrugs. 

"This is the best story in the history of stories. Why were the pirates there?" 

"They were probably after Tucker's family jewels. Cause, ya know he's always talking about how valuable they are and how everyone badly wants them...so it makes sense." Caboose shrugs. 

"They didn't get them though, right? I hope there's a happy ending." Loco says hopefully. 

"Yeah, well this company Shargon infinity showed up, and then they made all Freckles' brothers and sisters...like, super angry. And then of course, Church and Xi had to die to save us all." 

"Your best friend died?" 

"No it's okay, it happens all the time." 

"That-that-that is the saddest ending ever." Loco stammers sadly. 

"Yep and that's why we're all going to go rescue him." 

"...Right." Loco looks down. "You should be able to see your best friend. Maybe I can help! Hmm...what if I could show you a door?" 

"Ah, you want me to leave." Caboose points at the exit. 

"No, it's not a "door" door. It's DOOOOR." Loco explains. "Doors go to places, but not all doors. This would be a special door." 

"Ah, so like a window." 

"...Eh-" 

"But with longer." 

"No, not really." Loco shakes his head. 

"Oh, so more like a sunroof." Caboose states. 

"Eeeeehhhh...no." 

"Aaaahhh! Yes, like a metaphor! Only I can walk through it." 

"Warmer, but that's not really what I had in mind." Loco clarifies. 

(IS ANYBODY ELSE HAVING A HARD TIME FOLLOWING THIS CONVERSTAION?) 

"So, like a metaphor for a-" 

"No!" 

"...that will take me through a journey! Where I will learn a lesson!" 

"Colder." Loco specifies. 

"And there will be a payoff...And then everyone will love me!" Caboose shouts. 

"Y-yes! That's it! Except, not at all." 

"Wher-wher-where would it go?" Caboose inquires. 

"Getting warmer...you see, it's not about "where". See, once the quantum matrix synchronizes with the nano-chrono-meters, then the entire wormhole will resonate backwards. Then we'll just need trajectories." Loco explains. 

"Ah, words. Yes, you're pretty smart, aren't you?" 

"Eh...I just imagine things and build what I see." Loco shrugs. 

"Ah, so you didn't go to school for any of this?" 

Loco walks back behind the machine. "No, actually, I was raised by wolves...in the forest. They were much more into homeschooling." 

Caboose pondered this while Loco went back to work. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Sarge is laying on a couch rubbing his temples with Lopez standing in the middle of the room. 

"Well, that's a hard question you asked there my friend. Don't rightly know what it is I'm feeling at the moment. I suppose...old." 

<I really don't want to hear this.> Lopez says uninterested. 

Sarge laughs. "Heh. Well, I know I still look like a spring chicken, cluck-cluck. But, I'm actually more like a rooster who's lost his teeth. I don't rightly know how many more choices I have to go out in a heroic blaze of glory." 

<Please stop.> Lopez begs. 

"You don't need to remind me." Sarge sighs. "Sarge's war on gravity. Sarge's war on whites! It's all hogwash, Lopez, hogwash I tell ya! But, I'm a soldier and soldier's need conflict, orders, a chain of command! Now these Blues and Reds come along and offer me everything? It's almost too good to be true." 

<Why not just take up golf? Or crochet? Or a second language?> Lopez suggests. He hears someone sighing and sees Simmons pinching his nose while laying on another couch. 

"Yeah, you're right. I thought I was looking for someone like me, but now I don't know what to think. You know, maybe friends are like magnets after all. I was so mad at him for so long, but now I don't know. I mostly feel...regret? Like, is he MC Skat Kat and I'm Paula Abdul?" 

Lopez palms his visor. <Why, of all times, are you idiots choosing to talk to me now?> 

"You know, Lopez. That is a fantastic point! An opportunity like this is a rare thing indeed! Like they say, don't go staring a gift horse in the mouth. Or a Trojan horse in the butt. Hopeless odds, sneak attacks, field promotions? This is a dream come true." 

Sarge stands up from the couch. "I know what I have to do, and that is to be a soldier, dang it! YOLO!" Sarge then runs out of the room. 

<Why couldn't I have been born a Roomba?> Lopez mutters shaking his head. 

"How does it make me feel? Well..." Lopez then sees Donut lying on another couch. "Sometimes I feel like people barely acknowledge my presence. I'm like a fabulous ghost." 

Tucker storms into the room. "Yo, what the heck are you Reds doing? We scheduled a secret meeting, and you're all taking naps?" 

"Well, Tucker, maybe I was feeling...lazy?" Simmons points out. 

"Are you...are you "Grif-ing" me right now?" Tucker looks at Donut. "Is he "Grif-ing" me right now?" 

"Oh, now you wanna talk to me!" Donut exclaims. 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Okay, guys. Listen up. Now, I don't want to alarm anyone, but I've put a lot of thought into our current situation and I've come to the conclusion that something weird might be going on around here." Tucker says with Simmons, Caboose, Doc, Donut, and Lopez huddled with him. 

<No kidding, Sherlock.> Lopez retorts. 

"Really? I don't know. Everything seems perfectly normal to me." Doc shrugs. 

"If everything's normal, then where the heck are Carolina and Wash?" Tucker inquires. 

"Huh, Gene said they went out this morning to buy shoelaces." Simmons answers. "And there was a really long pause before he finally said "shoelaces". And we're wearing boots." 

"That's suspicious." Tucker says. 

<Brilliant deduction.> Lopez says sarcastically. 

"Well, I definitely don't trust that Gene guy. Anyone who's acting that squeaky clean must have some deep dark secrets." Simmons points out. 

"Dylan was the only one looking into this, and I haven't seen her since." Tucker states. 

"Oh, the reporter? She's tied up in the basement!" Donut replies. 

"She's WHAT?!" Tucker cries. 

"She's tied up. I saw her while Cronut was showing me his fur-suits." 

"Wait, are you serious?! Why the heck didn't you say something sooner?!" Simmons asks. 

"I didn't know you cared!" Donut says shocked. "See, Cronut's more of a fox, while I'm naturally a wolf." 

Tucker slaps his forehead. "Not the fur-suits, Donut. The reporter!" 

"Who knows what she's into? I'm not a kink-shamer!" 

"Don't worry about her." Doc reassures. "Heard she and Jax are just remaking Pulp Fiction. That's all." 

"Hmm." Tucker looks at Caboose. "What about you, Caboose? You're spending all your time with Loco. Any idea what the heck he's building?" 

"Um, it's a door and a laser. Y'know, sometimes he starts explaining it but then he starts-he starts-he starts laughing, and keeps laughing, and-HAHAHA! Y'know, it's a metaphor." 

"That is suspicious as heck. And have you guys noticed that Zone has been...I don't know forgetful?" 

"Yeah actually..." Simmons agrees. "An hour ago I asked if he remembered the time when we all fought Tex and he was like "Who's Tex?"?" 

"And I also asked him what Victor was like and then he said "What's a Victor?"?" Donut adds. 

"WHAT?! The fact that he'd forget Victor of all people!" Tucker says shocked. 

"But, guys-" 

"No!" Tucker cuts Doc off. "That's the last straw. I hate to even suggest this, but it's time we found out if the Blues and Reds are actually bad guys." 

"But, how?" Simmons asks. 

"Subtlety, my dear Simmons. Subtlety." Tucker says in Holmes-y way. 

"Not exactly our specialty, is it?" 

"Watch and learn." 

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Are you bad guys?" Tucker bluntly asks the Blues and Reds. He and the Reds and Blues, minus Sarge, who was with their evil doppelgängers along with Zone, were standing on opposite sides of the room. 

"Well, that's all a matter of perspective, isn't it Tucker?" Temple says grinning. 

"Ha, gotcha!" Tucker shouts. That's exactly the kind of things bad guys say! Oh, holy crap. You're really bad guys, aren't you?" 

"No. What we're doing is right, Tucker." Temple states. "I know you would see that by now. We are simply planning revenge on those who used us, those who turned us into training dummies for super soldier target practice!" 

"Project Freelancer." Simmons says. 

"We already dealt with them, if you didn't get the memo." Tucker points out. 

Temple laughs bitterly. "No. You're wrong about that. Everyone in this room was drafted or volunteered to fight for the UNSC. They sold us to Project Freelancer like cattle. They used us, they destroyed our lives, and they haven't been made to pay for what they've done. Don't you even care about that?" 

"Eh, water under the bridge." Simmons shrugs. 

"Men, don't you see this for what is it? It's an opportunity to fight a war we can't possibly win! It's everything we've always wanted!" Sarge says joyously. 

"Is it a pair of Scandinavian twin sisters in a waterbed?" Tucker inquires. "Cause otherwise, no it ain't." 

"Boom chicka wow-" 

"Shut up!" Tucker snaps at Buckey. "Listen, Temple. You obviously love the sound of your own voice, so why don't you use it to tell its where the heck our friends are?" 

"You all have such an interesting choice of friends, don't you?" Temple breathes. "Your Freelancer buddies are killers, and we're dealing with them appropriately...for our own safety. As for Zone, well he's just too good to pose as a statue." 

"Oh, you backstabbing son of a gun!" Tucker growls. 

"Backstabbing? Take a look in the mirror!" Temple retorts. "Your teams were used and beat up by Freelancers, same as us, and you make friends with them! Your teams were used and sold by the UNSC, same as us, and you posed for their freaking photo ops! You're the traitors, you're the villains, you freaking suck-ups!" 

"Shut up, and prepare to eat sword!" Tucker yells. 

"Hey, why is everyone fighting? I thought we were friends!" Loco says. 

"Sorry Tucker, but I can't let you kill me. I still have important business on Earth." Temple states. 

"Don't care. I'm going to kill you so hard, you'll wish you were dead." Tucker says activates his energy sword. The Blues and Reds aim their guns as the Reds and Blues do the same. 

"Hold your fire. Let's try the easy way first." Temple suggests looking at Sarge who nods. 

"Simmons, Lopez. For the sake of their own safety, I order you to take the Blues under arrest!" Sarge commands. 

"What?" Simmons questions. 

"Stand your ground." Tucker orders. "We saved Chorus. We shut down Freelancer. We can handle a handful of Sim Trooper clowns."

Temple laughs. "You can't win. We're stronger than you. Just give in." 

"Yeah. You and what army?" Tucker scoffs. 

"So glad you asked." 

Shadow lets out a loud whistle. 

"Reds assemble! Blues deploy!" Surge shouts. Suddenly twenty or thirty Zealots appear around various corners and surround them. 

"Goddangit. Every time we say that they always end up having an army!" Simmons cries. 

"Son of a gun." Tucker mutters. 

"As you can see we haven't just been tracking down Freelancers." Temple says. "You know your teams, ironically, are the only Reds and Blues left who have yet to join us. You know, I truly did admire you all once, so I'll offer you one final chance." 

Doc leaves the Reds and Blues to join Temple.

"The heck are you doing, Doc?" Tucker says shocked. 

"Give it up, Tucker." Doc says simply. 

"What? Doc? We've been through so much!" 

"We sure have!" Doc then counts his fingers. "You guys used me as a bargaining chip in Blood Gulch, before you got bored and cast me out to live in a cave! Then you left me to the mercy of the Meta, then you abandoned me in Valhalla, then you didn't even notice when I got sucked into another dimension on Chorus, and nearly lost my (Cough) sorry something in my throat, nearly lost my mind." 

"No way, when did that happen?" Simmons asks. 

"My point exactly!" Doc seethes. "You guys treat me like a leper. Just hoping some time in the brig might teach you some manners.

"Screw it. I don't need any of you." Tucker retorts. He then hears a gun cock and turns to see Simmons with his pistol trained at his head. 

"Drop it, Tucker." He orders. 

"Ah, goddangit. I thought you were Simmons again." Tucker groans. 

"I am Simmons. Drop the gun." 

Tucker hears another gun cock and sees Caboose aiming his pistol at him. "Caboose? What the heck?" 

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this just something we're not all doing now?" Caboose says confused. 

"GG everyone, GG." One of the Zealots say. 

Later Tucker, Caboose, Donut, and Lopez are all cuffed and being taken away with Surge in front of them and Sarge and Shadow behind them. 

"You guys are un-freakin'-believable." Tucker says aloud. 

"Quiet prisoner." Sarge snaps. 

"We fought alongside each other for freaking years. How can you just turn your backs on us like this?" 

"It's like Temple said: You're turning your back on us! We've got a war to win, Blue, and until you're ready to play ball we're sticking you in the dugout! Only this dugout's got steel bars, and a toilet in plain view of everyone." Sarge chuckles. 

"Yeah, that's right." Simmons agrees. 

"Zone, what did they do to you man?! It's us your friends! How can you follow them after what they've done? Especially to your wife!" Tucker points out. 

"Wife?! That woman has killed more people than I ever thought possible! Temple and the Blues and Reds are doing right by stopping the UNSC for what they've wrought on people like us." Shadow retorts. 

"And you, Simmons. You're the worst of all. Didn't you hear a word in there?" Tucker asks. 

"I only heard my orders, you dirty Blue." Simmons sneers. 

"Did I ever tell you about the time I got recruited to join the ODST?" Sarge asks Surge. 

"Psst." Simmons says to Tucker. 

"Psst yourself." Tucker scowls. 

"No, psst, Tucker, I'm still a good guy I'm just acting bad." Simmons whispers. 

"Wait, really?" 

"Yeah dude, those people are evil personified. I figured our chance of escape would be better if I played along." Simmons explains. 

"Ohhhhh. Great idea." Tucker grins. 

"Oh yeah! We're pretending we're bad guys until you give us the signal. Simmons, you are so smart." Caboose yells loudly. 

"Say what now?" Sarge says confused. 

"What did he say?" Surge demands. 

"Oh, Caboose!" Simmons groans. 

"Is that the signal?" Caboose asks. 

"Run!" Simmons shouts as he and the cuffed Reds and Blues run down a corridor. 

"Where are you guys going? The dugout's the other way!" Sarge says. 

Tucker leads them into a room. "Quick, in here!" Simmons, Caboose, Donut, and Lopez all run in before Tucker punches the button. The door shuts before Shadow, Sarge, and Surge could reach them. 

"Dang it, there's no lock!" 

Simmons moves him aside and shoots the control panel. 

"Hooray, we are trapped!" Caboose shouts. 

"Crap, dead end." Tucker curses. 

"Great idea ducking in here!" Simmons scowls. 

"We didn't have a choice!" Tucker protested. 

"I order you idiots to open this door!" Sarge says from the other side. 

"You don't get to give orders if you're on the bad guys side." Simmons states. 

"Dang. I didn't concede to that." 

"Ah, we're screwed!" Tucker cries. 

"Let's just think about this, Tucker. There's got to be something we can use." Simmons assures him. 

"Yeah, like if there was only something that happened to be behind all these torpedoes!" Caboose says turning around, 

"Torpedoes?" Simmons turns and sees a large rack holding six large torpedoes. "Holy crap torpedoes! Long range, too, they must be the Base of Defence's!" 

A blowtorch is starting to burn through the door.

<Well this feels familiar.> Lopez says. 

"You're right Lopez, this room could use some wallpaper." Donut agrees obliviously. 

Lopez palms his visor. <Dear God in Heaven, why me?!> 

"Oh great, so we can blow up the place. That doesn't exactly improve our situation!" Tucker says. 

"We need to call for help." Simmons states. 

"Who're we gonna call? The freaking Ghostbusters?" Tucker asks sarcastically. 

"That is a great idea! Who are those people?" Caboose inquires. 

"Come on, give me a hand, Tucker. We need to write a note, but I don't see anything to write on!" Simmons looks around the room. 

"Ooh! Send me." Caboose says. 

"You won't fit! If we remove the warhead, we'll only have about a basketball's worth of space in here. Ugh, we're screwed!" Simmons panics. 

The door then gets kicked down by Shadow wielding his sword, having used it to cut open the door. 

"Freeze! Hehe, That was the most pathetic excuse for an escape that I've ever seen! Simmons, I expected better from you." Sarge says disappointed. 

Surge looks and sees Lopez's body on the floor minus his head. "What the Sam Hill did you do to your robot?" 

A torpedo then fires out of the ocean with Lopez's head taped to the head of the torpedo. 

<CRAAAAAAAAAAPPPPP!> Lopez yells.