With empty eyes you sat on the edge of the bed in Alejandro's quarters, hands folded in your lap, staring at the wall opposite the bed.

You knew that he had dedicated his life to the fight against the cartel. You had also been aware that most of his duty time was spent trying to find out where El Sin Nombre, or at least someone of higher rank, was.

But the many notes and pictures that covered the wall in front of you triggered a dark feeling in you. It looked like an obsession. As if his thoughts were consumed day and night with destroying the cartel.

Small signs made of magnets hung under pictures, names and places marked on maps. A photo of Diego was also on display, along with those of men and women who had long since lost the battle for survival in the cartel.

Because of you, Diego's picture was also crossed with a red pen. You had confessed to Alejandro that you had killed him after he and his men had shown up at your home.

It was strange but for some reason it felt good to know that Alejandro knew what you had done. It was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders.

In the chaos of pictures and names, you could find a sign with El Sin Nombre at the top. There was still no picture with a face. Los Vaqueros had long assumed that after the death of the old Don, another man had taken his place. No one could have guessed that it would end up being an ex-military woman, and one who had served alongside Alejandro.

With a heavy heart you had to sigh when her face appeared in your mind's eye. That smile she always had, charming, self-confident. She had been a woman like no other.

You weren't surprised how easily she had managed to sit down on the empty throne and give out orders as a matter of course.

Even if it turned your stomach, you had to admit that you had admired her. It was still hard not to like her. Only when your thoughts jumped back to the moment when she had put your children's lives in danger did the hatred burn up again in you.

You wanted to stab her in the neck with a blade. What had happened to Diego was still too harmless for her.

Your eyes continued to wander over the wall. You wanted to distract yourself from her. Soon you would have enough time to deal with her. Now you wanted to enjoy the last moments of silence before the tornado tore the roof off your house.

Again you let your eyes wander over strange faces, men and women you had never liked nor hated. They were small fish in the sea, low-level drug dealers or those responsible for making them.

But the feeling of indifference did not last long.

As your attention wandered back to Sin Nombre, you noticed under one of the many leaves that something was still hidden there.

Curiosity itched in your fingers. But you hesitated.

The curious ones were usually the ones who had the tips of their noses cut off. At least that's how the don had always put it when you were listening at his door. Once he had even hit you in the eye with the pommel of his knife for spying. The eye had been blue for a whole month and for a week you couldn't see anything.

But how could you have known better?

You were only a child, barely old enough to understand that the cartel was no ordinary family.

And this was something else entirely. Those notes belonged to Alejandro, your husband. It was his privacy you were snooping around in. It didn't matter if it was an obsession or just his job.

But in the end, your curiosity won out over your common sense. Scolding yourself silently, you rose, reached out and lifted a corner of the map that hid what lay beneath.

Holding your breath, you stared at the sign with the names and a picture. Your heart skipped a beat.

Sin Rosto, it said on the magnet that was hung under the picture. And the picture showed you climbing out of a car in a shootout in the street.

It was a blurry shot, so pixelated that it was hardly possible to make out who it was, how tall, how large or muscular. Only your skin colour was more or less visible, your face was covered by a hood except for a small part of your left half. Not even the shape or colour of your eyes was visible.

The only reason you knew it was you was because you remembered that moment. It had been the day Valeria had killed El Sin Nombre. One of her men had latched onto your verse and tried to shoot you.

For safety. At least that was what she had said then, shrugging her shoulders as you stood before her covered in the man's blood. She had offered you a place at her side.

And you had accepted.

She had been an enemy you preferred as a friend. It was always better to have the untrustworthy next to you instead of behind you.

A trembling breath escaped your lips as you took two steps back to let yourself sink down on the bed once more.

"How much did I fail in this lifetime?", you asked yourself and rubbed your face.

The door opened.

You did not look up. No matter who it was you did not feel like looking another human in the face. It felt like a punishment to see their disgust so clearly.

"It could have been worse, no?", the voice of Alejandro asked with an audible smile. "You managed to get your life together well enough to start a family."

A tired smile appeared on your lips as he sat down next to you, hands folded.

"Did I?", you asked and let your head fall back. "It seems I'm about to loose it all again..."

"Hm...", his gaze was grim as he noticed that you had found the picture of yourself. "Well... Maybe we should sleep about it. Dormir lo mejora todo, no?"

"Maybe... But I need a shower first."