Meeting; Separation; Cycling
for the sake of meeting you again...
...Aiming at the distant sky,
our feelings will connect one day.

-Oretachi no JOY! (Yamamoto Takeshi and Gokudera Hayato)

80. Truth

We had lit a small fire in the forest. Sitting on opposing sides of the light, we were watching the flickering flare in silence.

"So," Russo broke the silence, "What did you want to tell me?"

My voice was stuck in my throat. I bit my bottom lip-- and my fists clenched. I've been waiting for this moment for so long-- and yet, when the time came my voice didn't work.

"Are your bandages still intact?" I decided to ask instead.

Russo, hearing that, lifted his head slightly-- with a light chuckle, he shook his head. "Not quite. Mind helping me redo them?"

-

My eyes ran over Russo's wounds again. 

His skin was in a worse shade than before-- and the larger wounds-- the ones that were deep gashes left open-- I had taken the time to sew them close in a prior wrapping session-- but most of them had reopened with movement.

His skin now felt like rubber. 

"Rigor Mortis," he told me, "I'm quite sure that's what I'll soon experience." 

"But you're a zombie," I reasoned, "How does that make sense? You're rotting through, it's been years since you've revived, and yet you haven't experienced rigor mortis?"

Russo closed his fist-- unfurled his fingers, and folded it back in. 

"It's going really slowly." he told me. "Very, very slowly-- I'm gradually losing feeling in my limbs. Sometimes, my shoulder don't twist as well. Most of all, my wrists have gotten increasingly less flexible over time." 

"The Void..." I realized. 

"In short," he interrupted me, "I'm running out of time in this world."

I looked away. "Well," I tried to sound calmer than I felt, "I'm not so sure how I survived my next ten years either. At this rate, I'd be dead by the end of the year." 

We both fell silent.

Pulling the last of the bandages into place-- I was just about done when I caught sight of a white trail running down his nape. 

It was perfectly in the center, of the back of his neck-- and it seemed to extend further up his head. Curiosity got the best of me, and I reached up to touch it.

It was a scar.

Russo's body was littered with countless gashes-- but I had yet to see a single scar on him.

"That's my death scar." he told me.  "As a sign of how I've died in my past life--" he reached up to cover the visible portion with his hand. "--It seems this guy, the owner of this body... I believe he, too, died in the same way. But upon my transfer, the wound closed itself."

I lifted my left hand, and pulled down the wristband that covered my birthmark. "I have a birthmark," I told him, "Of the limbs that were broken before I was thrown into a lake."

Upon catching sight of the marks, Russo chuckled.

"The future you had a tattoo over it," he told me meaningfully. "They were an elegant, beautiful vine of White Lilies."

White Lilies.

"They..." I spoke, "They were my favourite flowers."

"Really?" Russo didn't sound surprised, "The past me really liked carnations, for some reason. Quite a girly choice, ey? Do you wanna know why?"

Why do you like Carnations so much?

The answer's obvious, isn't it?

"It's because," I spoke up with a strength I didn't know I had-- I felt the back of my eyes burned. I was probably gonna cry again, like the crybaby I was. My fists were clenched tightly, and my heart was tensed and jumpy.

I need to tell him.

I need to tell him.

But the words couldn't form.

"I lived in a household without a mother or a father around," Russo was unaffected by my interruption, continuing with a strained smile, "So my younger sister would always give me one on Mother's Day." he told me, "Even though I told her countless times I'd rather be a Father figure, if anything."

"Russo!" I interrupted him, raising my voice.

"Hm?" he sounded nonchalant. So, so nonchalant--

"I think," I swallowed my words, "In my past life," I didn't even think it was a coherent sentence, "You were... I think-- no, I believe you were my older brother."

There.

The words were finally out. 

It had taken all I had in me to get those words out. It had taken unimaginable strength to get that line out of my aching heart-- 

Russo's smile hadn't faltered just yet. In fact, it stayed on stable as ever-- perhaps, it mellowed out slightly from his usual crafty flair-- along with a kinder, gentler smile, his gaze softened. 

"Yeah,"

His smile was the same. The same as his-- as Eve's. 

"Yeah," Russo told me, a bashful giggle laced in his tone-- 

"I knew the whole time."

-

-

After that, in contrast to a tearful reunion most would expect, it became an all-out swear battle. In French.

"Why the hell did you die after me?!" I yelled, angry although the tears were in my eyes, "Are you stupid? Are you an Idiot? A Moron? Dumb?"

"They all mean the exact. Same. THING!" he retorted angrily, "To begin with, Nothing would've happened if you just LISTENED TO ME for one fucking time and stayed home!"

"I'm not your shitty display ornament!" shouting back, "You two are the ones that keep secrets to yourselves, yourselves, and only yourselves. Am I part of your freaking family?"

"Look, there is a REASON we don't tell you things!" he was irritated now.

"Well, that's the reason I don't listen to you guys!" I groaned sarcastically.

Our battle came to a stalemate.

With a simultaneous sigh, we settled down. Sitting back down around the fire-- this time there was a different type of awkward around us.

"Regardless," he managed a smile onto his face, "I'm really glad you're leading a good life now."

Clenching my fist, I bit my lip-- "Countless times," I choked out.

He lifted his eyes toward me-- and I couldn't even bear to look at them anymore.

The friendly bond I shared with Russo this whole time... With one line from me, it had crumbled down to itty-bitty fragments of lost memory. It was like a short-lived dream-- beautiful, joyful... Forgotten.

My bond with Russo was completely gone, replaced with the familial bond I had with my older brother, Eve.

I couldn't say I hated the exchange, but it was a loss. Quite a painful one, to boot.

"Countless times, I wanted to go home. I don't know how many times I thought of dying again."

He was silent-- simply listening.

"Many, many times," I rubbed tears aside, "I just wanted to see you two again." 

But even so... I missed you two so much. 

I wanted to see you for so, so long.

"I never stopped regretting my choice that day," I confessed, "I didn't stop for a moment in regretting the fact that I died that day."

Why did I do all that?

Why didn't I treasure the time I had with you two more?

"I-" I choked, "I wanted to be with you two for, if anything, just a little longer."

I felt even wipe my tear away-- and leaning over, he planted a kiss between my eyes-- at the bridge of my nose.

"Now, now," he soothed, "You're a boy now. You can't be my crybaby little sister forever, you know?" He teased me so naturally--

So, so, naturally-- it was another thing I've missed all this time.

"You've really grown." he whispered. "You've gotten better at lying. At hiding your weaknesses." His arms wrapped around me gently-- his chin rested on my head. "But did you know? Right before you lie, and when you're feeling troubled-- you unconsciously regress to your habit of biting your lower lip. It happens every time."

Eve's usual lectures. His simple, gentle tone when reprimanding and pointing out faults. Right now, in his familiar, warm embrace-- 

I felt home.

"I have so much to tell you," I told him softly, leaning in to his chest. "So much."

He chuckled, "Me too."