Yeah, how easy is that to say? It'll be easier in the morning ... sure it will. It always seems to be said by those on the outside so what the hell do they know? Some smart arse somewhere, they don't know how it feels ... they don't know what it's like ... they don't know of the tears I cry while they are so friggen happy within their own world.

They can't imagine the sinking feeling ... the feeling of hitting rock bottom and realizing that there is yet another hole waiting for us, not to be climbed into but rather ready to pull us ... no ... ready to pull ... me ... further down ... so far down that it is in no way possible to climb back out.

Any effort to pull a reversal, any attempt to climb out means meeting another punch to the stomach, another knife in the back; another kick finds its way directly to the gut. You can see it in their eyes, eyes everywhere you go, they are all laughing at you, laughing at me, they all think you are a loser and if they tell you otherwise then they are laughing behind you back and that in itself is almost worse than laughing in your face.

Could always take them out; take them all out but that would be too good for them. In the end only one really needs to go ... no ... can't have that ... it's not the answer, it really isn't ... that would be giving in, that would be letting them win ... but they have won ... all of them ... and I am only getting lower and lower by the second so much so that crying tears for hours would even be too good a thing for my unworthiness.

Why? Why me? Why am I unworthy? What the hell have I done to deserve this? I've given it my all; given it everything and I'm so far down this darkness I'll never see light again. It will be easier in the morning ... bullshit. Where are you from buddy? It doesn't matter where you are from. It doesn't matter where I am from. It can never make the slightest bit of difference.

But do you know what? Maybe it all is worth facing in the morning. Give it a fresh start and fight some more. Answers will not come that easily, but they do come and more often than not at that. Thing is finding your morning ... to find your morning. It may not be the next one to come around, it may not be the next one after that or the one after that, it may be possible that your morning may never come but hell ... it is worth trying to find out if it will come ... what's the alternative? Say goodbye?

No, the world is not going to get away with it so easily, fight ... fight on through; again, this is so easy to say. Doing is something else. I fought and fought, and morning after morning continued to come, none of them mine. All those smiling faces, so smug, they know it all ... they think they know it all ... they know nothing.

Through it all and all that came with it, my morning did come, it took some time, but it did come. Thankfully no one came along with an I told you so. Yeah, I spoke out, always thought I was strong, I am strong, the load was lifted though ... you know ... saying that even now sounds so stupid ... still, it got me there, so I am not complaining.

My morning was and is not all so bright and cheerful ... compared to where I had been however ... well, the difference is on a scale of being in another world. There have been many more good mornings since, and I so want there to be many more. Yeah, at one point I never thought I'd actually want more mornings.

As much as I might like to throw a kick of my own to anyone who says that it will be easier in the morning, I won't cause I am that guy now. I am someone who would like to tell someone else that it will be easier in the morning. It is all about finding your morning and getting to it ... for once I got to mine ... I never looked back.

I won't lie, it's not all peaches and roses right now but certainly it is paradise compared to where I once was.

Brother ... sister ... fight ... continue fighting no matter how much or how far you fall ... talk to someone ... as difficult as it might feel or be ... it will help ... not everyone is laughing ... if anything there is a lot less laughter that what you may think there is. A friend, a family member, a priest, a stranger ... there is always someone.

Need somewhere to begin? Come find me ... I am here ... I have been there and now I am here ... I found my morning and yeah ... it was easier, and it continues to get easier too.