Time After Time // Cyndi Lauper

The stands are packed with spectators. I'm squeezed in between my sister and Jeff's sister. Our parents are in the row just in front of us. Graduation day has arrived, and I feel like I'm the one getting a fresh start, not just the graduates on the field.

Today I'm going to see Matt for the first time in two months.

I scan the students seated on the football field in alphabetical rows. His last name is McKinley, so my eyes scour the middle rows. I pause on one guy whose head is bowed with eyes downcast on something in his right hand. His left-hand rubs repeatedly over his thigh in a nervous manner. I squint to try to get a better look. Something in me knows its him. I feel the connection, the pull that I've been feeling through our texts.

The speeches drone on and on, an endless list of well wishes and encouraging clichés. The guy's head never pops up so I can't be positive its him, except for the fact that I just know. I hear names being called and realize it's almost Matt's turn. I could wait to see if this guy responds when Matt's name is called but I have a better idea.

Me: Hey, ur up dude. Better keep that serious look on ur face.

I hit send and wait for it to go through. Matt and I planned to see each other at Jeff's party later so the fact that I'm at the graduation is a surprise. I knew I was planning to come, but I didn't tell Matt. I wasn't sure if I would be ready to surprise him on such an important day.

I know the second that my text is delivered because the guy's head jolts up and his eyes start scanning the crowd. It is him. And the fact that I just knew it from body language alone even without seeing him since that morning after the Lot says something loud and clear.

We've made a connection.

Matt: Hey, didn't think you'd be here.

I think it was the nervous demeanor that convinced me to tell him I was here. Matt has opened up to me so much in our texts, telling me enough about his life at home for me to understand that it's not great. It's pretty difficult for him, actually, and I know today will be a rough one for him to get through. It's one of the reasons he's going to Jeff's party and not having one of his own. He can't stand being around his dad.

Matt is standing as his name is called.

"Matthew McKinley."

A raucous roar from the student body goes up at his name, including some cat calls that don't impress me. Matt has been honest about his track record with girls. But he's also been upfront with me that he's done acting like a jackass. I send a quick reply intended for him to read as he sits back down. I watch as he walks the pathway to accept his diploma and pose for a picture with the principal. Once he gets back to his seat, I notice he doesn't hesitate to pull his phone back out, which makes me smile.

Me: I wouldn't have missed it

I sense his smile even though I can't see it from this distance. I also watch as he runs his hand on his thigh once again before responding to me.

Matt: Yeah, I know Jeff is probably happy to have you all here.

I shake my head. I don't want him left with that impression for long.

Me: Maybe. But I didn't come to see Jeff.

I smile as both of Matt's hands grip his phone. He starts rocking just slightly in his seat. Not enough to be noticeable, but I can tell.

Matt: oh yeah?

Matt: You just like sitting in the heat watching people parade in blue and yellow gowns?

Matt: Or listening to the awesome choir trying to sing whatever that song was?

He's trying to play it off. I know him too well. It's what he does when he's too nervous to lay it out there. Matt has been like this a few times, making sarcastic comments when our texts get too real. Sometimes I play along and let him off the hook. Not today.

Me: No

Today he needs to work for it. I came here for him and he has to know that. Our texts have been leading up to this. Its no secret that we are ready to take things IRL.

Matt: so who did you come for? I'm hoping it was to see me...

I see his knee bouncing and I know he's worried he's wrong. I'm not sweet enough to let this opportunity pass through my fingers.

Me: hmmmmm

He shakes his head.

Matt: Hannah, srsly, is that why?

I don't want to say anything more over text, and the ceremony is almost over. He can wait for me to be standing in front of him for real before I give him more.

Me: I'll tell you as soon as it's over. Just stay on the field.

Matt puts his phone away and spends the rest of the ceremony searching the stands for me. His eyes never quite land on me and I wonder if he's forgotten what I look like. It's been two months, and he was massively hungover. I haven't spoken on the phone or facetimed him or anything. Just texts. I haven't even sent him a screenshot or a gif or a meme. Words have been the only connection between us.

The graduating class is announced, and the caps are tossed. We stand to clap for them which is when my stomach decides it's time to get nervous. The butterflies are active today.

"Let's all go down to find Jeff," Aunt Jessica says. I nod, knowing I'll say hi and then find Matt immediately. It's not fair to make him wait much longer.

Somehow, we stream onto the field quickly even though most of the crowd is trying to do the same thing. Our family sees Jeff right away. His parents and sister give him their congratulations then I push my way past to give him a quick hug.

"Hey," I say as I wrap an arm around him and whisper my well wishes. As soon as I pull away, Jeff gives me a knowing look.

"Don't leave him hanging too long. The guy is a nervous wreck now."

"Now?" I squint from the sun and glance around to find Matt.

"He was fine before the ceremony started, kind of anxious for it to be over. But I saw him just now and he looks like he's about to jump out of his skin. I guess he knows you're here?"

"Uh, yeah. I let him know I'd find him after."

Jeff shoves me away. "Well, go get him!"

I laugh and step away from my family, telling them I'll be right back. No one questions me as I push through the crowd.

I see him scouring the field for his cap. Matt finally grabs one and stands up, facing my direction, and our eyes lock. His go wide as he takes all of me in. I feel a jolt from his look alone.

Oh hell, I'm in trouble with this one. I haven't even seen those eyes up close yet. The robin's egg blue eyes that I see in my dreams.

"Wow," he says. "You look...unbelievable."

I smile gently at him, trying to keep my chin from shaking with the sudden nerves that have taken over my body. He's right here, in front of me, after all of these months apart. I feel like I know him so much already and I haven't even been with him until today.

I'm standing so close to him now that I'm having trouble finding my voice.

"Congratulations." I finally get the word out but its barely a whisper. He's looking at my lips then my eyes, my hair, and back to my lips.

"Thanks."

The tension between the two of us is undeniable. The air vibrates with it. I can't tear my eyes away from his lips.

"So, what are you doing now? Wanna go somewhere?" Matt cringes after asking the question, likely realizing how it sounds. He doesn't need to worry. I got zero pick up vibes from him. He just wants to spend time with me, the same as I want to do with him.

"Yeah, I guess. Don't you need to see your family?"

"Shit. Yeah, I do." He is not excited about it based on the tone in his voice. "My dad actually showed so I guess I should meet up with them." Matt pauses to look around then takes a deep breath and looks back at me.

"I can hang with you, if you want." I shrug keeping things casual.

"You'd willingly hang with my family? After everything I told you?" He sounds shocked.

"Sure. Why not? I know what to expect, your dad's kind of a jerk, so what?"

And that's all it takes. Matt steps forward, putting one hand gently on the back of my neck and the other around my waist. Then he leans in and kisses me. It's gentle, sweet, nothing like I expected from a guy with his reputation. He doesn't try to take things to the next level or shove his tongue in my mouth. But I feel this kiss all the way to my toes.

Wow. I find myself wishing he'd be a little more demanding. But just when I'm ready to add a little heat, Matt pulls back slightly to look right at me.

"Thanks."

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" I smirk.

"If you want." He gives me a smolder in return. "But I was thanking you for being willing to stay with me. Hannah, you just don't have any idea what it's meant to me, what it means to me now."

I hook my arms around his neck and kiss him. I follow Matt's lead and keep things simple, sweet. Things are still just getting started between us. This is the first time we've seen each other in person in months. I love that he's holding back and has such self-control right now. That speaks volumes about how much he's been working on himself since the last time I saw him.

Matt rests his forehead against mine when we finally pull apart. "Are you absolutely sure you are ready for this?"

The concern in his voice is impossible to miss.

"I am." I kiss his cheek. "You need someone in your corner. That can be me." I'm not afraid of what his dad might say or do. I'm actually expecting him to either visibly hate me or at least disapprove of me. Either way, I can take it.

"Okay, let's go find them." Matt takes my hand and leads me through the crowd. We end up finding my family and Jeff's first.

"Hey, congrats man. We're graduates!" Jeff gives Matt a bro hug and a pat on the back. Jeff's parents congratulate him as well. Then the awkwardness begins when I have to introduce Matt to my family. Ugh. Why didn't I think this through?

"Mom, Dad, this is Matt." I gesture to Matt and my mom gives him a huge smile. My dad is less enthusiastic.

"Nice to meet you." Matt reaches to shake my dad's hand and for a split second I'm worried he won't reciprocate. I'm expecting a cold reception from Matt's parents, but I really don't want him to experience the same thing from mine. Thankfully they are at least polite and my dad shakes his hand with a smile.

Sawyer stands behind my mom but doesn't make eye contact with Matt or anyone else. She's not fond of crowds and I can see her starting to get anxious. Her usual smile is replaced with firm lips and a little rocking back and forth. It's how she soothes herself.

"Mom, does Sawyer need a break?"

My mom reaches out to Sawyer and takes her hand. "Yes, she's had as much as she can handle for a while. We should get her home." My mom gives me a look, one I can read from fifty feet away. "Are you okay to get your own ride home?"

Subtle, Mom. "Yes. I'll be fine." She can tell something is up between Matt and me. I should give her credit for not making a bigger deal out of it right now.

My parents say their goodbyes and take my sister home. Matt tells Jeff we'll see him at his house later.

We.

Matt and I are a 'we' already.

I take a deep breath and wave to Jeff as Matt leads me through the crowd once again. He finds his parents in the parking lot getting ready to pull out and leave.

"Hey! You guys never came to find me." Matt leans over to the car where his dad has the window rolled down. "Where are we going to dinner?"

"We waited for you, but you were too busy with your friends. It's late so we are going home now." His dad is scowling when he turns his gaze to me. "Looks like you're busy anyway."

I feel sick that this is what Matt has to go home to, but I knew what I was getting myself into.

"Let me take Mark with me, then." Matt says as he pulls the back door open.

"Mark doesn't need to see what you get up to!" His dad barks.

"I'm getting dinner, dad. For my graduation. To celebrate. I wanted the whole family there but looks like I'm out of luck. So I'm taking my brother and my..." Matt looks at me before finishing, "friend."

I feel that word in my gut. And I know he wanted to say something different, but he was trying to respect me. It's written all over his face.

Matt's brother jumps out of the backseat and shuts the door without hesitating. "See ya!"

The entire time, Matt's mom doesn't utter a word. It's almost as bad as how his dad is acting, in my opinion. Thankfully, his dad just grunts something about getting Mark home in one piece before driving into the line of cars trying to exit the lot.

I look around at the pitted gravel of the lot, remembering the atmosphere of the night Matt and I met. This vibe is the polar opposite of that one. Daylight and families fill the space, rather than half-dressed bodies and thumping music. I don't smell the stench of stale beer and sweat. There's a slight breeze and something that feels a little like possibilities.

"What do you say, burgers and fries to celebrate?" Matt asks his brother while once again taking my hand.

"So good," Mark replies. "Better than the fancy dinner I thought we'd have.

Matt nods but says nothing.

I knew he was coming from a place of pain. But I honestly had no idea how deep that pain must run. I squeeze Matt's hand gently in support.

"Sounds perfect," I tell him. We lock eyes, unspoken words flow between us. There is much to work through, for Matt more than for me. And I want him to know I'm here for him, no matter what. A grouchy dad isn't going to scare me away.

Hannah took this scene over. In MTT, this was Matt's epilogue, a door to something new. In this book, it's just the beginning of Matt and Hannah's story. I love his nervousness that Hannah could see from afar. And that meet up! After months of words on a screen they are finally face to face and I really hope it lived up to the hype!

Ok, it's now in uncharted territory. I have a few chapters already drafted and I love where it's headed so far! No spoilers, though! I will leave the mystery to be unraveled one amazing Friday at a time 😉

Hannah is here for Matt, and will be time after time. That's it. The whole reason for the song...

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