Chapter Notes: Caleb's POV

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- 'And my heart is a hollow plain, for the Devil to dance again. . .' -

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'He's going to be fine.'

Stryder's words replayed over and over inside of my head. It was a truth. A fact. But I refused to accept it. I refused to understand their meaning. My attention was far too focused, instead, on the memory of the blood. There had been so much blood. Too much blood.

Declan.

My delta. My youngest brother, who I swore to always protect, was now safe and back in the den's infirmary, when only hours ago he had been lying in a crimson red pool of his own blood. Stryder was keeping a close eye on him—he was the closest thing to a medicine man in my pack, coming from a long line of healers. Hours ago, Declan's injuries had been so severe I was certain that death was going to claim him before we made it back to the den. But he did make it home. He was alive. His wounds had already begun to heal, his flesh repairing itself at a much faster rate than an average human's.

'He's going to be fine.'

My delta had just called to confirm, yet the ache in my heart had not eased in the slightest. Images of the blood soaked grass still haunted my vision. Images of his battered and bloodied body laying atop the earth—the very element that coursed through his veins, that was suppose to protect and strengthen him—remained ingrained in my mind. Declan, the most innocent member of my entire pack, had been delivered a punishment he had not deserved. And it had been delivered not by the pure bloods but by the hands of my mate.

My mate, who I had told to stay put.

My mate, who I had told not to engage Jennifer.

My mate, who always thought she knew best and almost got both herself and Declan killed because of that belief.

My mate, who had just hand delivered herself on a God damned silver platter to the pure bloods.

My mate, who clearly could not understand inside that stubborn head of hers that this was my world. My rules. And if she refused to play by them, she was going to end up wishing she had. Rules were not always meant to be fair. They were not made to even the playing field because they were not set in place in order for both sides to be made equals. My world did not consist of fairness and equality. It was harsh. It was dark. It was cold. And if you could not adapt to the chilling temperatures then you'd surely freeze to death because this world was not governed by the sun but by the moon.

I turned from the condo's window when I sensed Ava-Rain's presence as she entered the living room. She had showered and changed after me and now her brown skin no longer carried the slightest trace of Declan's blood. We had come back to the condo to collect all of her things to bring back to the den because I could no longer keep her at the condo. Now that it had been confirmed that Jennifer couldn't be trusted and the pure bloods were now involved, Ava-Rain was no longer safe staying at the condo.

Refusing to meet her gaze, I stormed towards her, took the suitcase from her hand and opened the door. "Let's go." The words came out harshly but I couldn't bring myself to care.

I wasn't going to be kind or pretend as though my love for her should have outweighed my anger. Not while thoughts of what could have happened to her raced through my mind, or while the the image of her seconds away from being attacked by one of the pure bloods still lingered within my memory. Not while my mind couldn't forget the fact that if I had showed up at that park a second later, Ava-Rain could very well be gone. Dead. Especially not while I knew that no matter how mad at her I was—no matter how stupid, careless and reckless she had been—if I allowed my love for her to conquer all other emotions, it would have led me to forgive her. And I was not yet ready to do so.

The drive to the den was silent. It wasn't until we were half way there that Ava-Rain finally spoke. "Are you never going to talk to me again?"

I didn't answer. If I spoke, I'd only end up yelling at her, which I was fighting my damned hardest not to do. If I spoke, I feared saying something that I wouldn't be able to take back. So I bit my tongue and remained silent.

"I'm sorry, Caleb."

My grip on the steering wheel tightened at her words. She was sorry? It seemed like the hundredth time she uttered those words and each time that she did it only angered me further. Did she even understand what she should have been sorry for? If she did, then shouldn't those reasons for which she was sorry for have prevented her from doing what she had done in the first place?

Biting my tongue had worked up until that point, but my rising anger refused to be silenced any longer. "Sorry for what, Ava-Rain? For disobeying me? For doing the exact opposite of what I told you not to do? For thinking you can always fix what's broken? For almost getting yourself and Declan killed? Sorry for what exactly?"

As pained as my wolf was for the events that transpired earlier tonight, he was pushing for me to stop, urging me to remember that Ava-Rain was not the enemy but our mate. First and foremost. But as hard as he begged me to stop, I simply could not. I allowed the blue to continue its temporary freedom, my emotions seeking out to destroy hers. "You put my family in danger because of your recklessness. Family may not mean much to you, but it means everything to me."

Regret choked me as soon as the words flew from my mouth. Considering everything she had gone through in life concerning family, I never should have thrown that in her face. No matter how mad I was, I never should have allowed myself to go that far.

But in a battle of emotions, there was so such thing as playing fair.

"I," a heavy sigh of regret escaped me, "I didn't mean for that to come out the way it did." For the first time since we set out for the den, I looked over at Ava-Rain. Her head was turned towards the window. "Ava-Rain. . ."

She didn't speak nor did she look at me. For a few moments, there was nothing but silence inside of the car. But the sound of her sniff tore its way through my chest because obviously, just as I intended to do, I had hurt her. I had made her cry. But the thought of apologizing did not cross my mind. The thought of reaching out to take her hand in mine, an action I normally would have done, did not enter my thoughts. Trying to make her feel better did not occupy the slightest bit of space inside of my head. The memory of my bloodied and battered delta laying in the grass, of my mate almost being killed, of a past loss that still haunted me so deeply hoarded every nook and cranny of my mind. So everything else had no choice but to take a number and get in line. So sticking to the old plan of remaining silent, I focused my attention back on the road and continued on with the drive.

Half an hour later, we pulled up to the den. I grabbed her stuff from the trunk and met her at the base of the steps. I led the way up the stairs and inside of the house, where both of my betas and some of my deltas waited in the foyer. My instincts immediately kicked in and my wolf stirred to alert me of its presence. I kept myself positioned in front of Ava-Rain while my eyes sought out Kane's and Chase's.

The reason for my change in demeanor was simple. Declan was my brother just as much as he was theirs, so I wasn't stupid enough to think that I was alone in my anger. Each member was just as angry over the night's events, every one of them had a right to that emotion and were entitled to feel it. But I wasn't, by any means, going to roll over and let any of them think that they could turn Ava-Rain into a target to direct that anger, no matter what had happened.

When I received confirmation from my betas that there would be no problems, my eyes then searched around the room to locate my present deltas. Harrison and Tommy stood in the middle of the foyer—Rickon and Stryder were most likely by Declan's side in the infirmary. With a simple nod of their heads, they, too, confirmed that there wouldn't be any problems. Stepping away from my rooted position in front of Ava-Rain, I moved to stand next to her instead.

Chase stepped forward then. "How are you doing, Ava-Rain?"

I glanced down at her just as her head lifted. Even though the drive over had consisted of me reducing her to tears, she still managed to look composed. In that moment, I couldn't help but wonder how many times she had to put on a brave face and mask her feelings. One too many times, I was sure.

She cleared her throat and made eye contact with him. But before she could answer him, Kane, to my surprise, spoke. "Maybe you should get some rest. It's been a long day."

She nodded once before shifting her sights towards me. "May I have my stuff, please?"

"I'll bring it up," I replied.

"Fine." She didn't protest, though I wasn't quite sure if that was a sign of defeat, if she was just not in the mood to argue, or if she was simply trying to say as little as possible to me. Turning away, she glanced at Chase. "Can I maybe see Declan later?"

Chase responded with a smile. "Yeah, sure. He woke up not too long ago." My wolf and I both delighted in the knowledge of our delta's consciousness, but the feeling didn't last long enough to be enjoyed. "He's been asking about you actually—"

"You can see him tomorrow," I cut Chase off.

"Will you tell him I'll see him soon, please?" She asked him. "And that I'm sorry?"

"Of course," Chase smiled again.

"Thanks." She turned and headed towards the staircase.

I followed her lead and trailed behind her as we ascended the stairs. Moments later, we arrived outside of my bedroom, where she normally stayed while at the den. Working my way around her, I opened the door and entered the dark room first. Thanks to the large window, the room was illuminated by the moonlight so navigating around was easy. Without words, the moon's light called out to me, offering its light to comfort me, to wrap around me in an embrace until I found peace. But, to be perfectly honest, peace was the last thing I wanted to feel. Not tonight. Not when I knew that whatever temporary state of peace I was gifted with would only be taken away or destroyed sooner or later.

After placing her stuff on the bed, I turned around to face my mate. Ava-Rain remained against the wall next to the door, her head hung low and her arms at her sides. I walked over to the door to close it then stepped in front of her. Placing my hands flat against the wall on either side of Ava-Rain's head, I trapped her between my arms. Was I still angry at her? Yes. Did I still feel like yelling at her until my throat bled? Yes. But none of that changed the fact that the only thing stronger than my anger was my hatred for seeing her like that. Defeated. The spark in her eyes was gone and I didn't think that it was entirely because of what had happened earlier. Ava-Rain had been robbed of her essence, of her light. And it wasn't Jennifer or the pure bloods that had taken it away from her. It was me.

Being so close to her then, I could see the tears traveling down her face. The front she had put up downstairs was completely gone now. Shattered. Her emotions were slipping through the cracks.

"Look at me," I whispered.

She lifted a hand to brush her tears away, but the efforts proved useless when a fresh batch of tears escaped as her gaze lifted.

"I'm sorry." I leaned in until our foreheads touched. "You really scared me tonight, you know that? I could have lost you, Ava-Rain. And I don't mean lost track of your whereabouts. I mean really lost you."

My emotions wanted to push me into saying more. They wanted me to lash out and turn my words into daggers to be thrown in her direction. They wanted me to suppress my love for her and, instead, call forth the resentment I knew if I didn't release right then and there that it would only continue to grow and build up inside of me until the next time I felt wronged by her.

"The only reason why and how we found your location was because of Rickon. Because of his connection with Declan. Every thing that Declan felt—every ounce of pain, every bite, every broken bone—Rickon felt. He felt his brother's torture, but pushed through it in order to locate the two of you. Because he didn't want to lose his brother just as I didn't want to lose you."

I pulled my head away slightly and looked down at her. Placing a finger to her chin, I raised her head and waited until her eyes found my own. "Do you know how that made me feel, Ava-Rain? To feel your pain, your anguish and your fear but not understanding why? And because I couldn't understand why, I couldn't be the alpha that I needed to be to find you. I couldn't be the mate you needed me to be. I promised to protect you and I didn't. I couldn't. If I lost you. . .if I lost you, I don't how how I could ever bounce back from that. You can't ever do that to me again, okay? You can't ask me to live a life without ever seeing your smile or hearing your laugh. Without feeling your touch, your warmth or your kiss. You can't ask me to accept a life without you. I will not do it, Ava-Rain. That's a promise."

My arms both returned to my sides and I took a step back from her. "And if I have to become the big, bad wolf to keep that promise, so be it. Hate me for it. Don't talk to me for however long you deem necessary. Refuse to be in the same room as me. Whatever. I don't care. As long as there's still air in your lungs and a heart that's beating, it'll be worth it. I will not let you go, Ava-Rain, and it's about time you accepted that instead of fighting it. Now, get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

I didn't wait for her to respond before turning away from her. I opened the door and quickly shut it behind me as I walked out. I probably shouldn't have left her at all but it was probably the best thing for her, given the current state of mind I was in. I would be no good to her and I just wasn't prepared or equipped to be there for her in the way that she needed me to be.

When I started to walk down the hallway, Chase's voice emerged from the shadows behind me. "Stay with her."

I stopped but didn't turn around to face my beta. Both he, Kane and Rickon had taken on the role of getting Declan back to the den, not only so that I could take care of Ava-Rain but to ensure that I didn't have a reason to go after the two pure bloods who had fled from the park as soon as we had arrived. In wolf form, I wanted so desperately to go after them and kill them both for what they had done, but both Ava-Rain's and Declan's need for my undivided attention had prevented me from seeking revenge. But my hunger for their deaths only continued to grow. I still craved for it and there was nothing preventing me from feeding my appetite. Not even the fact that my mate needed me.

"I never yelled at her the way I did tonight. I broke her, Chase."

"She's tough, Caleb. Tougher than you give her credit for."

"And look where that toughness got her! It almost got her killed!" I started walking again, heading towards the staircase, but Chase only followed behind me.

"Don't you think you should be there for her now more than ever? You're just going to leave her to deal with what happened alone? Dammit, Caleb, will you stop for a God damned second!"

I stopped again, but this time I actually turned around to face my angered beta. "Careful, Chase. I'm still your alpha," I warned.

"And Ava-Rain's still your mate. And right now she's in shock. She was threatened by one pure blood, witnessed Declan almost mauled to death by another, and, to top it all off, has to deal with knowing that her supposed best friend was behind the whole thing. And if you can't push aside your anger enough to forgive her," he paused, "then you're going to lose her."

Not wanting to deal with whatever Chase was getting at, I turned away from him and headed downstairs. But, relentless as always, Chase continued with his pursuit.

"She made a mistake. They both did. But don't fault her for being human. She's not Emmy Grace and she never will be."

My feet stopped moving at the sound of the name I, nor any member of my pack, had spoken out loud in over a year. My wolf growled at the sound of her name as past demons and memories broke free from their restraints.

'No!', I shouted internally at my wolf. I had worked too hard to keep those demons at bay. To keep them from haunting me. To keep her from plaguing my mind, my memories and my dreams. Now was not the time for them to surface. Not now. Not ever.

I cleared my throat and tried to remain composed as opposed to kicking Chase's ass for throwing her name in my face. But he had done what he intended to do, which was to prevent me from going on a suicide mission. "I'm going hunting tomorrow, whether you or any of the others are there or not."

Being there or not being there for my mate wouldn't have changed the fact that my pack and I were now on the pure blood's radar. That whatever suspicions they may have had about Ava-Rain and myself were now confirmed and it was only a matter of time before The Council found out. Consoling my mate wouldn't change the fact that our situation just turned to shit and we needed to be prepared now more than ever.

"You know we'll follow you in death, Caleb," was Chase's reply. His tone was soft, but carried a trace of irritation.

"Then we're done." I continued down the rest of the stairs.

"Fine. Whatever, Caleb. I'm going to go check on your mate."

Do whatever the hell you want, I thought.

"He means well." Kane's voice sliced through the silent foyer. His location was easy to spot. He was alone, standing near the front door with his arms crossed over his broad chest.

"I know he does, but I don't take orders from him. Especially not on matters concerning how I deal with my mate."

Kane pushed away from the door and met me at the base of the stairs. "Are we to tread carefully then? You used to expect us to tell us when you were being a complete ass."

For the love of Luna, now him too? I brushed past him, my shoulder colliding with his as I made a break for the front door. "I'm not in the mood, Kane."

"Look, Caleb. That's your woman and I'm not about to tell you how to or how not to handle your mate. Just be careful." Was Kane going soft on me now? Kane, my hot tempered beta, who now had the perfect opportunity to yell 'I told you so' at me. "Take some time, do what you've got to do to cool off. Trash your condo. Punch a hole in the wall. Go for a run—hell, I'll even go with you. Get it out of your system and then come back. Be here for her."

Without so much as a response to acknowledge my betas advice, I walked out of the house. No matter how hard they tried to calm me down, my anger wouldn't subside. My wolf was barely being contained at that point, the threat of losing my balance higher than normal. And I wanted to give in. I so desperately wanted to allow my beast to take the reins, allow him to push his way to the surface for however long he saw fit so that I wouldn't have to feel. So that I wouldn't have to hurt. So that I wouldn't have to remember.

The blood.

Declan.

Ava-Rain.

So I walked and walked and continued walking until I was deep inside of the woods adorning our land, heading no where in particular. I just wanted to escape, as if the further away from the house I was, the easier it would have been to leave all of the haunting memories behind. But it seemed the deeper I ventured, the hold those memories had on me only strengthened. They wanted to strangle me. They wanted to drag me under. They wanted me to remember.

The blood.

So much blood.

Too much blood.

My feet suddenly felt like lead and when I could no longer push forward, I was forced down onto my knees. My wolf wanted this. It wanted out. It wanted to take me away. To give me a temporary release. To unburden me, even if just for a while. It wanted to be my strength. My protector. To be what it had always been, the fighter against my demons. The guardian of my memories. My pain. My guilt. My regret.

But it was too late. My pain, guilt and regret had been freed and wanted revenge. And now, it seemed, it was time for me to pay the price for keeping them locked up for so long. There would be no escape this time. No allowing my wolf to save me from their clutches. Every memory, every ounce of pain, guilt and regret I had no choice but to face once and for all.

Emmeline Grace.

My hands dug into the dirt of the earth as her image painfully burned its way inside of my mind. Her blue eyes. Her ivory skin. Her blonde hair. Her smile. Her light. She was perfect. Kind. Loving. And I loved her. I loved her so thoroughly, so intensely and so deeply because loving her made sense. It felt right, like we had been connected down to our very cores. It was her essence that I wanted; her light that shined like a beacon of hope in a world where hope was scarce. I loved her to the point where I never wanted to part from her side.

But I had left her side and because of that choice, Emmy Grace was dead. I would never again look inside of her blue eyes. Never again watch her blonde strands dance carelessly in the wind. I would never have another chance to be blessed with her smile. Her light would never shine again.

Because I had failed her.

And it was the pain over that loss, the memory of her existence, the guilt and regret over my inability to keep my promise—my alpha's promise—to protect her that haunted my existence for far too long, along with the power of one solid truth that made it so that I could never be cleansed of the past.

A truth that I had been keeping from Ava-Rain because I knew that if it were to be revealed, I would lose her. A truth that would have made her hate me. A truth that would have destroyed everything we had and everything we had built. A truth that would have, above all else, made her question my love for her. A truth that I could no longer deny, could no longer avoid, could no longer cover up and continue to keep bound and gagged and force my wolf to guard.

The night's events forced me to remember it. It revived that one truth I had fought so hard for so long to keep buried and, in doing so, almost ensured history repeating itself tonight. A truth that would justify the pure blood's occupation in the north and the claims made by The Council. A truth that I could no longer keep to myself because it was destroying me inside. A truth that made me wonder if I was mistaken to have believed that Luna had actually forgiven me. Made me wonder if I had been so blind that I couldn't see that the pure bloods were delivered to the north as some sort of cosmic karma or retribution, not because of what I had done but what I had planned to do.

A truth that always made me wonder if being gifted with Ava-Rain was actually a punishment.

My one destructive truth that was now causing the world around me to crumble.

That Emmy Grace was a girl I had loved with all of my heart, and on the very night that she died was the night that I had planned on claiming her as my mate.

As my alpha female.

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Authour's Note: Soooooo, Declan's alive! You know I couldn't kill our favourite twin off! Shoutout to all of his mates/wives—there seems to be a few, so, ya'll might have to fight to the death over him, lol.

Second, Caleb was going to make someone ELSE his mate? Things are about to get a little complicated for our alpha pair!

Third, almost 35K views, 1.7K votes & over 900 comments? Is this real life? THANK YOU to EVERY single reader out there that takes the time to VOTE & COMMENT! I don't know how you discovered Alpha, but I'm sure glad that you did & it really, REALLY means a lot to know that you're all enjoying it!