In Binsar, Next Afternoon

"What exactly are you doing here?" her voice was sharp edged yet devoid of any feeling as Rohini stepped out onto the steps leading down to the garden trail. He was standing outside, a rucksack slung on his back, his eyes scouring the landscape all around.

Something was different, Rohini knew. For a while, she wondered if it was really Nikhil. He turned around at the sound of her voice, and Rohini felt herself flinch a little. But only for a second as she took in the gaunt frame of the person in front of her, the sallow skin, the red shot eyes, the drooping shoulders, the unruly mop of hair, a scar on his left cheek ...

Nikhil took a few steps towards the stairs, his eyes drinking in her presence. And his heart reeled at what he saw - the ghost of Rohini stood in front of her. There were dark circles under her eyes; the very eyes that still gave him hope in face of despair, were now without any light. Nikhil wished for some expressions therein, he could even do with hatred. But there was nothing except for a glimmer of deep-seated sadness, a loss of interest, almost to the point of indifference, as she seemed to look straight through him.

The weight loss was damning, and Nikhil was sure that one would be able to trace the bones of her rib cage, if one could.

He was lost for words now.

Once he had finalised the journey to Delhi, then to Kathgodam, and then to Binsar - he had thought of thousand words that he would say to her, and beg for her forgiveness. He knew it wouldn't be easy given the crime that he had committed, but this he hadn't bargained for.

His knees buckled slightly as he took two steps forward. Only to see her step away.

Kumud came and stood behind Rohini. Nikhil pointed somewhere to the west

"Mystic Clouds ... I am there ... I wanted to meet you ..."

And see the trail of devastation that you have left behind? ... the words failed to take any form on Rohini's lips.

Yet.

"How?" Rohini's voice was now terse. Nikhil stepped away.

"Madhukar Uncle ..." the words died on his lips.

Rohini felt a red hot rage blooming within as she breathed fire.

"Dad? How could he?"

The hatred within her for him consumed her, as Nikhil stood awed at the vision in front of him, as her eyes blazed with an intensity that he never knew existed. His eyes cringed as he noticed her wrapping her arms around her middle in an effort to shield herself, in an effort to push everything away.

From him. From everything that he had done to her. To her love. To her dignity. To her trust.

Hot tears sprung up as he sunk down to the moist ground, his legs giving away. He was abominable, and he hated himself with a vengeance that he hadn't known either to exist within himself.

Few seconds which lasted for eternity. Through his tear-laden eyes, he saw her fade away; the fight in her giving way as she limped towards the door.

Kumud walked towards Nikhil, the dawn of understanding on her face.

"So you are the one to gift her all those nightmares?"

"Kumud ..." her soft voice floated in as Nikhil avoided Kumud's gaze. "Tell him to come tomorrow morning at 9 ..."

...

Mystic Clouds, That Night

The night outside was dark and cool. Nikhil sat in the balcony of his room, his legs resting on a stool, as he played out his heartbreak on his violin, again and again.

The notes were melancholic and gloomy as they reverberated around, while Nikhil tried desperately to absorb the ghost of Rohini within his soul.

His hands ached but he did not give up, until and unless he could feel his hands rebel, and he collapsed on the ground, exhausted and woeful.

"Oh Rohini ..." he whispered as he lay down on the ground now, in a foetal position, his tears taking stock of the loss that had befallen her due to him. 

Though he knew that his tears were not enough. They would never be enough yo wash away his sins.

He thought of how sometime back he had mustered courage to approach Madhukar Nayak, when he had visited the local Cafe for some coffee. Madhukar Nayak had been more surprised, than angry at the beginning, at his audaciousness. And then he had unleashed his anger on Nikhil - by dragging him out of the Cafe by his collars, and then slapping him hard.

Without mercy.

Nikhil had stood in front of him, head bent, accepting the punishment that he so deserved. To him, the punishment had not been adequate, neither apt.

Roshan who had just arrived had pulled Madhukar Nayak away and had begged for his forgiveness, while guiding him back to his car.

Nikhil had simply stood at the spot, looking at the devastated old man, who seemed to have aged suddenly, over the past few months. The genial, jovial man that he had known had gone long away, only to be replaced by a ravaged heartbroken Father. And the last time he had looked at Nikhil with unbridled hate, Nikhil had only seen the tears in his eyes.

Roshan had pulled him away then, while swatting his hands away at the onlookers. Nikhil had only been able to continue thinking of the dishonour that he had accorded to Rohini.

Rohini ....

... she was a constant reminder, a knife through his heart, the knife that Fate twisted around mercilessly, every moment, but refusing to let him bleed and keel over.

A few days later Nikhil's Ajja had visited him; this was the first time he had approached Nikhil since the tragedy. He had found Nikhil nearly delirious without sleep and had panicked.

Though he detested Nikhil for everything he had done, yet he couldn't completely forsake his grandson.

The disclosure had not been simple or easy, but that didn't matter now

... And now here he was. In Binsar

And he knew that Rohini hated him for the same. For breathing the same air that she did. For simply existing.

...

Rohini's Bungalow, That Night

Rohini sat on her bed, fiddling with her right toe. Every thing seemed surreal, so hopeless, so unfair. Her Fate ...

The wound that she had managed to close with time had now been brutally reopened, and she now didn't know what to do.

She wanted to hate him with all her might, she wanted to remember the ignominy, the shame, the heartbreak his non-arrival had brought in for her on that day. But, all she remembered were the days, the moments, the nights that they had spent together. The hate that she wanted to give was being overturned by her love for him ... and Rohini simply hated herself for that.

She reached for her non-existent tears, wondering again and again, why her love, her trust in him had fallen short. For him. Why had it not been enough?

And why did he not look happy now that he was with his love?

And why had her father shared her whereabouts?

Rohini knew Madhukar Nayak was now in Japan to strike up some collaboration between two firms; so she had to wait for his answer. Though she couldn't control her anger, towards him ... probably for the first time in her life. 

Meanwhile, Kumud entered her room with a bowl of soup and some toast. Rohini pushed the tray away. A worried Kumud knelt down in front of her

"His name is the one that you scream whenever your nightmare re-visits ..."

Rohini stared at her, thinking. Yes, I scream every time I don't find him there .. at the end of the damn tunnel ...

... And this needs to stop, I have to be stronger - she thought as she got down from her bed. The chill of the night made her shiver as she padded around, lost in thoughts.

And then finally, she knew. She just knew what she had to do to end this saga ... forever.

She would reveal to him the trail of devastation that he had so easily left behind. 

...

Next Morning

Rohini was greeted by a fine layer of mist as she stepped out of the bungalow. It was around 8.30 in the morning, and she yearned for the sun, knowing fully well that the fog would not let go off so easily.

She pulled her sweater tightly around her, rubbing her palms to keep herself warm.

A silhouette stepped in front of her suddenly and she nearly freaked out. Only to remember that she had asked him to come over.

Nikhil mumbled a weak 'Morning' as Rohini walked past him. She was in a sombre mood, and had no inclination to strike up any sort of familiarity, anymore. The bond between them had been unmistakable at one point of time, but it no longer mattered.

She had thought a lot last night about whether she should do what she was planing to do, and the more she thought of it, the more sense it made.

Nikhil followed her along the trail that she took nearly everyday, taking her to the temple and beyond, wondering where they were headed to.

Once they reached the temple, she signalled him to wait and then went inside. He stood out in the open, looking all around. The mist still hung around, impairing visibility, though Nikhil could make out the shapes of the mountain peaks in front of him.

"Come" her voice startled him as he turned towards her. She had a small bunch of wildflowers in her hand; Nikhil glanced at the young girl selling flowers by the temple who smiled at him. Nikhil waved back at the girl.

Rohini was now moving steadily, as in a trance, and Nikhil paced to catch up with her. They had by now moved further away from the temple, the peals of the temple bells were now faint.

The sudden solemnity of the atmosphere struck Nikhil as he followed her to a vast expanse of land, guarded by the pine tress on three sides, with open access on one end. The ground was partially flat, and Nikhil could see upturned soil at some places. There were a few shoots which had managed to burst out and up from the fertile earth, he noted.

A sense of exquisite melancholy gripped Nikhil suddenly as his legs now carried him to the corner of the plot automatically, where Rohini was.

A green shoot fluttered positively, as a light wind blew at the mist, causing it to shift momentarily. Rohini was now kneeling on the grass and the upturned earth, in front of budding shoot, wiping away the dewdrops. She then gently placed the flowers on the ground and prayed

Nikhil leant down beside her, his heart thudding against his chest. He touched her fingers gently, willing her to speak

Rohini's voice was now cold and alien

"This is what it could have been ... a new life. I could not save my baby though ... this is what remains ..."

She pulled her hand away and got up. Turning away, she walked as fast as she could, leaving a shattered Nikhil behind.

He needed to know ...

He deserved to know ...

This was how love defeated looked like...

End of Part 50

Note: This is the 50th update. God only knows what I am writing .. Ha ha ha! Thanks to all the beautiful and kind souls. I hope the journey till now has really been worthy. Thank you all for your time, your presence, your kind words of encouragement and the support. Read on!