. 𝒊 𝒓𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 .

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Have you ever watched a movie where the main character doesn't know that she is the main character and that all of everything happening, revolving around her - leads her to a situation that finally makes her realise, oh fuck, I was the main character all this time.

Have you ever been in a situation where you are supposed to be the main character, but you don't know how to act upon it?

Right now - Alyssa being the main character, had no idea what the storyline was.

A summon addressed with my name? What have I done? She thought. She had studied Law and knew exactly when did they send a summon.

Is this about that night at the party? Landon told me it was all handled. So what is this now, a joke?

Last night was rough. Her Dad had to rush back in town when he got the news. Karen received the official document. She didn't call Alyssa, but Landon. None of them went to sleep last night. Alyssa was clueless about whatever was happening. Karen kept assuring her.

It's her mom's birthday and she was supposed to be here today. She said she wanted to meet Alyssa. But on her birthday? Couldn't she just celebrate with her new family? Alyssa thought. She wanted to avoid any interaction with her mother.

"When do we leave?" She asked. She couldn't take it anymore. The tension was killing her. Those three contacted through gestures and she had no clue of whatever they had to say to each other. She was yet again kept out of the secret. They do know something - whatever it is, it is not good, it is bad. She assumed. She had never seen her Dad so tense. He literally was pacing back and forth like he was on a run.

Landon was seated on the couch, his hand on his head as he thought of some way. Karen stood beside her all this time. She even called Neil and Zach. They rushed here this morning. She didn't want to trouble their night. Her's was already fucked.

"You are not going anywhere." Landon declared as he stood up.

"That summon asks me to be present in front of a magistrate, Landon. I have to be there."

"YOU ARE NOT GOING." He declared each word with anger.

Well, fuck him for throwing orders at this moment.

"Landon, we cannot escape this procedure. Let us just talk to the magistrate. Her presence will loosen things up for us. The magistrate will see her and the condition she is in. I'm sure he'll give us the benefit of doubt."

"Your father is right, Landon. This is not the time to act upon your emotions. We had this coming anyway." Karen stated.

Had this coming?

"What do you mean?" She asked her.

I know I've been kept from some truths, but what can this be? A summon? A fucking summon?

"You know this is the right time to tell me the truth. You guys have been feeding me shit all this time and now when I'm stuck here with no clue of whatever happening, I would like some co-operation from your side." She tried not to lose her composure. But seeing them talk like she was not even in the room, boiled her anger.

They exchanged glances.

What the actual fuck.

She decided to walk out of the room. She didn't care whatever they wanted to hide anymore. She decided to find it herself. For that, she knew what was supposed to do first.

Brett stood in front of the car, dressed in his formal suit. She walked to him.

"I want you to drive me somewhere."

He gave her a look like she was someone from another planet.

"Your dad has asked me not to drive you anywhere without asking him."

She rolled her eyes. "I'm an adult now. I can make my own decisions. Also, do I have to remind you that you're my bodyguard?"

She didn't want to be rude, but he was getting on the wrong nerve. She wasn't in the mood to entertain any bullshit.

He sighed. "Alyssa listen..."

"Hand over the keys." She reached her hand out for him to place the keys. He kept giving her the look. She even tried to snatch the key from his hand.

"Fine, Fine. Get in the car." He declared and opened the door for her. She stepped into the car and he took the driver's seat. Turning on the ignition, he started driving towards the end of the street.

"You don't have to do this, Alyssa." He stated. She shut her eyes in annoyance and sighed. Everybody had been telling her what not to do, not nobody exactly told her what was supposed to be done.

"This is exactly what is needed to be done. I want you to drive me there."

"But.."

"But whatever, Brett. Shut up." She was annoyed. At the moment, she didn't even care if she hurt him with her words. She had enough of those people treating her like a fragile piece of shit.

She turned off her phone so that nobody could contact her. They arrived at the place after twenty minutes drive. She got off the car and Brett followed her.

"Stay right here."

"I'm not letting you go alone. I'm coming with you." He stated. They walked to the building and were welcomed by men and women dressed in formal.

"Don't you think you should've called the lawyer at least?" He asked her.

"What makes you think I didn't?" She asked him. She did call her lawyer while leaving the house. She snuck out her number from her dad's phone a few days back. She only wanted to talk to her about the incident that took place at Arthur's party. But today, Alyssa called her lawyer to meet her.

"Alyssa." Someone called her. She turned and was greeted by her.

"Miss Spencer. Thank you for coming." She knew she was taking a risk, but she only had this chance.

"Alyssa, I'd suggest we wait for your family." Her Lawyer stated. Her black hair was tied in a tight bun, she wore a grey pencil skirt with a black shirt and grey blazer. She looked pretty young to have seventeen years of experience in law.

"I want to do this alone. I'm an adult and I can decide not to call my family while being in the court."

She and Brett exchanged worried looks.

"Are you coming or not?" Alyssa asked her. She nodded and the three walked to the courtroom. Miss Spencer talked to a lady and walked back to the two.

"We'll have to wait for ten minutes. The judge is hearing a case."

Alyssa nodded and they waited for someone to call them. With every passing second, she was getting more anxious. She decided to take the step, but now she was worried. She wanted to know the truth, but what if she couldn't handle it? What if the truth hurt her?

Miss Spencer asked if Alyssa wanted to know the whole truth from her. But she refused.

Now I'd only like to hear the judge. If the law system can send an amnesiac a summon, they sure can handle all the questions from her.

"Alyssa Pearson."

She was called. The three walked into the room and were welcomed by empty benches. The judge was seated on his dais as he noted down something on the paper. He shut his pen and looked up. Taking off his glares, he nodded his head at them.

"Alyssa Pearson. So you've finally placed your foot in court."

His old voice did not intimidate her. Something told her that he'd help her and be reasonable to her.

"Had I known about my crime, I would've come earlier." She stated. He stood up from the dais and walked to them.

"Good Afternoon Your Honour." Miss Spencer greeted him. Brett maintained his distance from the three.

"Have you told her the truth behind the summon?" He asked her. She shook her head.

"She said she'd like to know it from you. I apologize for the trouble, Sir. But Alyssa Pearson is going through a lot right now. The summon sent to her has only brought more tension in her life. She..."

"I'm well aware of her situation, Miss Spencer. I don't mind being the one to tell her the truth." He looked at the lawyer and then the girl who was given the summon. "But is she in the right position to abide with  the truth?"

"Was I in the right position to receive a summon?" She asked the old man. "No, but I did. So what do you think, Sir?"

"I'd only oblige you if you leave your humour out that door when you talk to a judge." He gave her a warning. Miss Spencer asked her to shut her mouth in a polite way.

The lawyer was bothered by her actions too. She was appearing for Alyssa and so she knew, whatever wrong she did, being her representative, she'd have to be answerable.

He asked them to follow him in his chamber. They walked into the room and were welcomed by hundreds of books on the wall. The whole room was filled with books of all kind but mostly related to Law.

His assistant motioned them to take a seat only after he was seated. When he sat, they took their seats. Brett decided to keep standing.

"Where is your father, Alyssa?" He asked the blonde girl.

"He doesn't know about this meeting. I received the summon and so I'm here."

She lied. The first question from a judge and she lied.

"Sir, given the situation we are in, I don't think this is the right time to tell her the truth. She has only recovered now and her medical history shows that she is a patient of amnesia. She does not remember anything of the last four years. The petitioners could have waited for her recovery."

"You know they didn't want to wait. You are aware of their position, Miss Spencer. As much as I'd like to ignore the fact, they've used their sources to get to the court. I'm assigned this case and so I'll have to be the one to work upon it."

"Can you please delay the procedure?"

"I'm afraid I cannot. Even if the medical reports show that she is a patient of amnesia, the law system cannot wait for her to recover her memories and only after that file a case against her. You know that a crime was committed."

Crime.

They do realize I'm seated right here, right?

She thought.

"I can only give her the benefit of doubt when I'm sure on my side that she is well aware of the facts of the case. She is the main and only accused. She has to know about the case. I can wait for her to recover, the victim party cannot."

Having said that, he folded his arms on the armrest of the chair. That move was enough to make her realize, whatever the shit was - she was in deep trouble.

Why the fuck can I not remember the night?

Dr. Payton told her that she might someday. But everybody talking about that night as a crime's night brought back the anxiety in her. She was sure what she had assumed in her head was exactly the matter, but she didn't want to say it out loud.

Her thoughts were not in her hand. She was suffering an ache due to all the noises in her head.

As long as it was left unsaid - I feel okay. I know, whatever the mess took place that night, I'm in a position where I've hurt many people. I don't want to be the one who is responsible for many heartbreaks. I don't want to be a culprit.

▪▪▪

23rd February 2020.

Breathing for her became a hard task as four pictures were placed in front of her. Brett had to rush to rub her back so that she didn't pass out. Four pictures - that has changed the course of her time from then.

The words inside her, they've seemed to be lost.

Can you recall the night?
Do you remember anything?

No.
I FUCKING DON'T.

She wanted to scream at the old man's face. She wanted to run away, she wanted to throw up and if she did, her shit would've been all over the photographs.

Lack of breath disabled her thought process. Everything in front of her eyes rushed at light speed. She felt dizzy, her head ached.

Are you okay?

She felt a hand on her shoulder. Do I look like I'm okay? Does someone even ask that question to the one who had just learnt the truth that could ruin her life? Do you ask that question to the one - who has ruined another life?

She stood up and felt no strength in her legs to move. She didn't want to leave that room. The world outside will not be the same for her.

How do I walk around freely knowing about my crime?

I just want to run away.

▪▪▪

What is the scariest thing you've ever done?

If someone had asked her that question yesterday - she would've been clueless. She would have no answer. But today - she does.

I ran away.

She escaped from the courtroom and ran as fast as she could. She didn't want to feel her leg, she didn't want to feel her breath. She shut her eyes hard, so she could avoid any encounter with the real world. Her head was spinning, she felt like throwing up, but she didn't want to stop. She just kept running.

Having no idea in which direction was she running, she just kept moving forward. Maybe she just wanted to get lost, needed a place to hide, not from the others, but herself.

How could I do that? How did I do that?

Why the fuck am I not crying?
Why can't I feel the tears?
What is wrong with me?

She felt fatigued.

Should I stop and let it all out?
No, don't stop. Just run, keep running, Alyssa.

She had no idea where she was heading to, but she was sure about one thing - she wanted to see him. She didn't know what happened inside of her, but her heart and her brain urged her to go see him, to check upon him.

I needed him.

She didn't even understand how she knew where he lived, she never visited this side of the town, or maybe she did.

As her legs finally took a halt, she let out a sigh. She breathed in all the air that she refused to, before some time. She wanted to explode within herself.

Knocking at the door, she waited for him to receive her in the state she was. She waited for him to take her in his arms and assure her that everything was going to be okay.

Why did I need him?

As the door opened and he stood in front of her eyes, her heart decided to give up. His blue eyes were surprised to see her standing in front of his door. The expression on his face simply indicated he was confused as to why would she be standing in front of his house. His heart was beating fast because he saw her after days. He was worried about her, but he had no right to go and ask her about her health.

"Alyssa."

Her name rolled out as a lost word from his mouth. He ran his hand through his dark hair. The bag under his eyes made him look like he has been tired of ages and hasn't had a good sleep. He did not. After what she told him at the camp, he couldn't get her thought out of his head.

She didn't move from her place, her legs refused to work. The same that ran miles to be here, now stood still.

She didn't waste another second and moved towards him. As she took a step further, she trembled. He immediately rushed and caught her arm. Her hand rested on his shoulder as she tried to hold onto something. He caught her.

"You don't look all right." He declared. She looked up to meet her eyes with his and fuck, those damned eyes again.

The seriousness in his blue eyes has made her wonder all the times if he has a story of his own that he wanted to scream to the world but planned to keep to himself. There was something odd yet soothing about his look that made him stand out from others.

"I need you" She wanted him to know. Out of all the people around her, she needed his embrace. She wanted to see him, something inside her heart urged her to just be with him right now.

What if he doesn't need me though?

Her brain stuttered for a moment, she didn't want to invade his privacy. His hand rested around her waist as he let her put the weight on him.

"You're shivering, Alyssa."

He was worried. She didn't look fine at all. She was soaking wet in sweat, her breath was heavy as if she had walked out of a long workout hour from the gym. She looked tired to him. Something about her eyes also told him that must've wept and it bothered him.

He took her inside his house and made her sit on the couch. The couch was whiter than milk and everything around was light brown.

Have I been here before?

I have.

She hit a realization.

She didn't feel his presence around her. When she searched for him, he walked out of the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. He handed her the water and took a seat next to her.

"Who brought you here?" He asked.

She missed his husky voice, she knew she asked him to stay away - but with everything happening around her, she missed him so much. When she found out about Landon and Jamie's affair, she needed someone so bad. She didn't want to go to her friends because they were Jamie's friends as well. She was not at all interested in creating any controversy. She only needed to breathe and be with someone who could hold her.

"I came on my own." She mumbled but he heard it. He scratched the back of his neck. As much as he wanted to take her in his arms, he decided to keep his hands to himself.

"How did you remember my home?" There was an uneasiness in his tone, maybe he hoped for something. How could she even be here on her own? Does she remember everything now? The thought of it brought hope in his heart. Is that why she is here? Is she here to -

"I have no idea. I just wanted to be somewhere." He was brought back to the real world from his thoughts and their gaze met.

Why does looking in his eyes make me want to hurt myself? Whenever I look at him, I feel like I've caused him immense pain and I have to be punished for that.

Having thought that, her heart ached for him.

He was the same as her - confused. Her eyes reminded him of everything they have been through, they brought the memories of the past. How could he deal with everything and look in her eyes like nothing had ever happened between the two of them?

"I remember this house now. Jordan brought me here after I passed out. Didn't know I'd recall."

He didn't say a word. The room went into complete silence. Maybe he was still trying to progress the thought of her being at his place.

"Does your family know that you are here?" He asked concerned. He would not want another threat from her brother.

She shook my head. He sighed. Giving her a stern look, he took out his phone. She wasted no time snatching away the phone from his hand. "Please don't call them."

"They have to know, Alyssa."

"But I don't want them to know. Can't you see, I chose to be here." She sounded desperate. She was in desperate need of being away from everyone else.

"Why are you here?" He bored his eyes into her, maybe he was trying to find an answer.

What could he get out of me?
I have nothing left in me.

She shrugged.

"Alyssa, what do you want?" He stood up from the couch and she felt the absence of him next to her. His back faced her as she looked up.

"I need an aspirin."

She stood up. She felt the need to explain everything. "I have a headache. I couldn't think straight. I was fucking terrified and didn't know where else to go. I didn't even realize that I was running towards your house, I just wanted to see you. I - I have no idea -"

"Running?" He asked. "Who were you running away from?"

She took her seat back on the couch. As much as she wanted to cry out the truth, she was anxious about the consequence. If she ever let out the truth of her mouth, things will never go back to being normal.

Things were never normal, dumb-head.

She sighed.

I'm a mess. I have no idea what am I going to do now. I'm scared, nervous. I just want to hideaway.

"Alyssa, take a breath." She felt his hand on her arm. "Just calm down."

He had sensed something was wrong, but he didn't want to rush her.

"Can I stay here for a while?" She asked him. He let go of his hand from her arm and walked out of the room.

Shit, what if he went to call my dad or Landon?
Shit
Shit
Shit.

She paced back and forth as she bit her nail. What has she gotten herself into? As reality hit her again, she felt losing her breath again.

She tried taking deep breathes, but her heart ached. The pain in her head made it even worse. She couldn't even stand still, the earth beneath her moved and the room kept zooming in and out of her eyes.

Am I losing my consciousness?

"Hey Hey Hey." She felt a hand again on her arm, steadying her before she could fall on the couch. "Take this." He handed her an aspirin and she placed it in my mouth. He brought the glass of water to her mouth and she gulped the pill along with the water.

He rested her head on the pillow and made her sit comfortably. She could even feel him taking off her shoes. She wanted him to stop, she didn't want him to do all of that, but the headache was getting worse. Maybe a pill won't work for her this time.

"Your feet look swollen." She heard him say. His voice rang in her ear. She felt his hand run on her bare feet and once he pinched it a little, she let out a cry and rested her hand on his shoulder. She had her eyes open and him meeting his gaze wasn't doing any wonders on the headache.

Told you, looking in his eyes brought me pain today.

"This looks bad, Alyssa. What have you done?" He asked her, annoyance directed from his tone.  He only wanted to help her, be there for her - because clearly she needed him.

She decided not to utter a single word. If she did, her heart would be poured and she will tell him exactly what she did. What crime did she commit and why was she running.

"Your silence isn't helping any bit."

As she yet chose not to say anything, he stood up. "Can you walk?" He asked her.

Of course, I can, I came running.

She stood up and before she could place a foot forward, she felt a sharp pain in her ankle. Agh, fuck me.

"Perfect, it's a sprain." He sighed.

"Don't be mad at me."

She didn't want him to be mad, she only wanted him to be there with her and if he was even a slight bit mad at her, She knew she would ruin his day.

He didn't want to be mad either, but she wasn't helping. He only needed answers so he could help. He was worried sick about her. There was something she was hiding and it made him anxious.

"What do you want me to do then?" He tried not to raise his voice but he was annoyed by her behaviour.

I don't blame him, I walked to his house, knocked at his door and forced myself into his house.

So now when he was trying to take care of her, why was she not cooperating?

"What am I supposed to do? You don't even know what brought you here."

She knew exactly what brought her to his house, she was just too ashamed to speak it out.

"You told me we shouldn't be around each other. I accepted your decision. Then why are you back?"

The frustration in his voice confused her. He didn't wait for her answer, because he knew - he wasn't going to get one.

He picked her up and carried her. She was astounded by his actions but didn't say anything. She knew she could walk herself, but it would only cause more pain to her ankle.

She rested her hand around his neck and he had his around her waist. She had her eyes on him, she couldn't help herself. Even with all the pain, she liked admiring his soft blue eyes. He had his gaze on her as well. He was trying not to explode of all the emotions within him. The past two weeks were torture for him. The last time when he saw her, she walked away with the final statement - we shouldn't be around each other. After the night at Zoey's place, he knew she'd not want to talk to him about the incident, but not talk at all? He did not see that coming. Also, with the misunderstanding she had in her head, she accused him of having an affair with Zoey. Only if she knew about their relationship.

He sighed.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled. "For being a burden on you."

He let out a chuckle but his laugh dried in a second. "You are not a burden, Alyssa."

She believed him in a second. She did not want to assume otherwise. 

"I had a rough day."

"I can tell." He tried to keep the conversation minimal. He only wanted to be around her, but every time they communicated, something went wrong.

She huffed. "I thought my past week was the most dramatic one, but I was wrong. This day, today - beats every other rough day of my life."

You've had unfortunate days in the past. Today doesn't beat the two most tragic days of her life.

He couldn't even say that to her.

The door of the room was open and he walked in with her still in his arms. She had a sudden urge to run her hand in his hair, but she ignored her temptation.

He sat her on the bed and tucked her under the duvet. He walked to the table and opened the first drawer to get the spray. She looked around to get familiar with the room.

"Have I been in this room before?"

Yes, you have.
A hundred times.

He shut his eyes and inhaled. Turning back to face her, he walked towards the bed. "You woke up in this room after Jordan brought you here."

She nodded as she realized. She had a dream about Aurora. Aurora asked her to save her and as her sister vanished in a grey fog, Alyssa woke up drenched in fear.

He sprayed the ointment on the swollen ankle. She hissed due to the burning sensation around the area. He tucked her back under the duvet.

"I should get you something to eat." He stood up from the bed and left the room before she could say something else. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

So, all of it - all the drama, to hide my crime?

She let out a muffled cry as she screamed with her mouth covered with the duvet. She didn't want him to see her in such a dilemma.

The scream defined pain in her soul, the anger of being used, neglected and kept in the dark. The anger was nothing but a shield of the pain that rushed as she thought about the night.

23rd February 2020.

The night that changed her life.
The night that ruined her life.
The night, that killed her - but brought back from dead and now she lives a life of hell on earth.
The night that took away her memory, all her remembrance from the last four years, along with whatever happened on that night.

She pulled her hair in force, she tried to hurt herself - but she was scared to cause any physical pain. She was already dealing with emotional and mental pain.

She didn't want her heart to be right.

I told you, there is a big secret. All of your people, they hid this from you. Your father, your brother, your friends, even Karen. All of them played with your heart.

Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.

She mumbled as she opened her eyes.

They tricked up into believing them. You fall for each word that they fed up with. Eight months and they still let you believe that everything was all right.

She shut her eyes again. She placed both her hands on her ears to block negative thoughts to corrupt her mind.

Is anything at all fine, Alyssa?
Are you happy now?
You ruined your own life, you trusted them. What did you get in return?

BETRAYAL.
DISLOYALTY.
LIES.

"They kept the truth to save me."

If her mind could be a different person and confront her, she would have laughed at Alyssa for being so stupid. Her mind would have made fun of her condition.

Whatever excuse you'll make to satisfy your soul, you know - everything around you is a big lie, YOUR LIFE IS A LIE.

▪▪▪



Hi everyone. I know it's been more than a month since the last update. I was busy with my exams. Now that I'm finally done, I'll update more frequently.

She knows the truth. Do you guys think she's acting a little less dramatic than she should have? What can the truth be!!!

But guys, he is back. You know who exactly am I talking about.
Our handsome man.

Stay tuned for the next one.

Until then, let me know - who are you crushing over at the moment?

💙

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