. 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 .

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There is so much pain.

In this world? YES.
In Alyssa's chest? YES.

What does she care about more right now? Herself, well of course. The world could wait. It has always been in pain, but she has never felt this kind of pain.

Not even when she found out she couldn't win an essay competition in six grade. Well, that was painful. But not as much as she felt right now.

Will this pain go away?

Only two people have the answer to that.

"We need to talk."

She heard a voice. Woah, only if Jesus always granted her wishes so quick.

She shut her diary and stood up from the couch.

"Finally you got some sense to use those four words." She crossed her arms against her chest.

"If you're still going to bitch about what happened, I don't think this will work." He sighed. He called her a bitch, twice - in a week.

Well, a lot of commitment towards his new girl in such a short time. Applause.

She never fell too quick for that guy in fifth grade, what was his name? Yeah - Sean Holland or something.

"What will not work from now is my relationship with you," she asserted. "The fact that I'll wake up every day knowing I'll have to share my brother. Not with just anyone, but with my best friend."

"Alyssa..."

He took a step close,
She stepped back.

"No Landon. You don't understand. It was okay for you to call me a bitch and make me the villain of your love story. But have you wondered what I must be feeling in all of this?"

He opened his mouth to speak but shut them. Yeah, right. He doesn't understand.

"You could've told me. You both are the most important people in my life. You know about the rules that Jamie made. Yet, you both chose to ignore the fact that in all of this, we three might lose our connections. You have made one with her, but what about my connection with you?"

"You are my sister, Ally."

"Exactly. I'm your sister and the girl you're sleeping with is my best friend." She tried hard to fight back a tear. She had thought about this...a lot. She couldn't expect anything from Jamie, but Landon - she believed he'd come to talk. She hoped.

Yeah, of course, she knew she could be a bigger person and talk it out. But she didn't know-how. What could she possibly have said? 'I caught you guys, but whatever..go back to doing whatever you guys had, behind my back. I won't mind.'

No, because she actually would mind - a lot.

"What do you want me to do then?" He asked. "Let her go?"

"I already am a bitch in your eyes, Lan. I don't want to be a bad sister." And drumroll, a tear fell. Fuck me for not being emotionally strong right now. She thought.

He took a step close again. She didn't back this time. "I don't know what I want you to do, but I can't ask you to leave her."

With that, she rushed out of the living room. She couldn't stand there and break her brother's heart. Whatever he has with Jamie, she was sure it was serious. Or else he'd never call his sister a bitch - not for any random girl.

She checked her phone.

Tomorrow is a date to remember.
She thought.

It's that one day she thought she would always celebrate because of that day, she was brought into this world. Tomorrow is the date when forty-two years back her mother was brought into this world. Then her mother met her father when she was fifteen and he was sixteen. They fell in love and married each other after dating for three years. It was the passion of young love that stood beside each other. After six years of marriage, the couple welcomed Alyssa into their life. They birthed this girl who wishes tonight that she could forget this one particular day forever along with the other memories. When her mother gave birth, the couple already had their differences. But yet one night, their passion for sex led to the birth of this girl. Aurora was the first one, the result of the couple's young and beautiful love. By the time they welcomed Landon, things started falling apart. When Alyssa gree older, she started understanding things - she had this question in mind. Why did her parents give it a try again when they knew they were falling apart? What made them repeat the same mistake the second time? Landon was a mistake, Alyssa was too. Only Aurora was the result of their love, the other two came out of aggressive sex of one hard night.

Because of that one night, Alyssa now hated her mother. The birth date of Nicole Jenna Hawkins. Alyssa was confused about the last four birthdays of her mother because she doesn't remember them. So this one tomorrow is giving extra trouble to Alyssa's brain. She doesn't want to be bothered by the date, but she can't help herself.

Tonight was the meeting for the new mayor's post. All the candidates had to talk to the town's people, put forward their opinions, listen to the town.

Tonight was also all of her friend's study night because they all had an exam tomorrow. She had cleared that exam last year. Of course,e she was the smartest of all. She couldn't go back into the house and face Landon. Karen wasn't home as well. She didn't want to be alone. Tonight, she needed someone to talk to - about anything.

She started walking towards the hall where the meeting was supposed to take place. Maybe she could spend time with her dad and also understand what the new candidates have to say. She hated politics more than anything. She could never understand why people would ruin their own as well as other people's lives only for power. She knew she had to stay away from politics and people associated with politics.

Opening the door of the hall, she was met with a crowd of elderly people. Not a single person was of her age. She couldn't spot her father anywhere. He said he'd be back in town by evening. Maybe he was called for some last-minute work. Was he not supposed to be here to support his friend? She thought to herself.

As she stood by the door, she had her eyes on a particular someone. The future Mayor of the town, the one who made her feel awkward during their meet in her house, the one she'd like to dethrone someday. He didn't carry the same confidence tonight. Something seemed off about him. His face looked dull, his body was present at the moment, but his mind was wandering somewhere else. It was clear, he didn't want to be in that place, not tonight.

He found her looking at him. He kept his straight face. Should he not have greeted me with a smile? She thought. What is wrong with him?

As the meeting met at the last minute, the questions were finally answered and the two candidates focused on explaining their final motives. Everyone in the room applauded for the two of them. The other candidate made some good promises as well. But yet with a dull face and no interest in the place, he managed to win the trust of the crowd. It seemed like the crowd was happy with his promises more than the current mayor.

Everybody started leaving. The hall was empty in ten minutes. Only a few people from the press were present to talk to the candidates. She walked out of the hall as well. The cold breeze of the night collided with her face sending a shiver down her body. She rubbed her arms and started walking to the end of the road.

"So Keith sent you tonight?"

She turned to meet the person who was no one else but him. He was no longer wearing the grey blazer, instead, he was in only in his black shirt. How does he look so young even at this age? She thought.

"Nobody sent me here. I decided to show up on my own."

"You don't like politics, Alyssa." He reminded her. "Are you here because your father couldn't make it?"

"How do you know about my dislikes for politics?"

"I'm your father's friend. I know you a lot more than just your political thoughts." He walked to her. This line made her doubt his words. Why would he say that? He was her father's friend, not her.

"My political instincts say you weren't enjoying the meet tonight." She sat on a wooden table hurt outside the hall. He took a seat next to her. The road was dead silent.

"I wasn't in my right mind."

"So the tabloids have some juicy news about you. They think you'll not win the election."

"They need drama for their ratings. They create hype in public, they only want people to talk and chit chat. They don't care about the elections. They'll get their pay to run their stupid businesses."

He had a point.

"You want to prove them right?" She asked. She wanted to know more about him just after what he said about her.

He shook his head.

"Then why did you let them take some good shots of your frowned face?"

He let out a chuckle. "They'll publish it tomorrow morning with new headlines and forget by the evening. Let them be."

"What's wrong?" She asked. "With all the publicity, I thought you'd enjoy a little fame."

"What do you think I am?" He asked her. She didn't want to lie. She wanted to be honest.

"An arrogant jerk." She muttered. But of course, he heard that and let out a chuckle.

"That is a tight slap on my face."

"I..I...I just..."

"That's all right. I don't mind. You're my best mate's daughter. You have the right to place your opinions." He wasn't at all bothered by her answer. He knew she believed him to be a dick for his age.

She was in deep thought trying to analyze his behaviour. What was so different about him? Why does being around this man give her a weird vibe?

"Why are you out at night, kiddo?" He asked her. "How did Karen even let you be here?"

"Karen's not home." She answered. "She never objects of my choices to be out at whatever time. She is a cool mom."

"A mom?" He asked surprised.

"Yeah, she is like a mother to me." A smile appeared on Alyssa's lips as she talked about Karen. She means a lot to her. She may not be Alyssa's birth mother but all Alyssa wants Karen is to be her mother.

"Nicole would hate if you called Karen your mom in front of her."

"Nicole-" She took a pause. "I mean, mom can think whatever but she cannot hate me for calling Karen my mother. Nicole is my birth mother but she never acted like one. She could never accept me. She was only a mother to Aurora and maybe sometimes to Landon. But I was never a daughter for her."

A tear formed in her eyes but she fought them back. She wouldn't want to cry in front of her father's friend.

"Nicole loves you. She is as much your mother as she is to Aurora or Landon." He stated.

"She only loved Aurora. Aurora was the first child, the loved one. Aurora even looks like mom."

He agreed to her. "Aurora got her mother's beauty."

"But she is nothing like our mother. Aurora can never be like Nicole. She is better than mom."

"Why do you hate your mother?" He asked. "Everything that happened, it happened four years back."

"But the cheating remains. She did whatever she had to. It cannot change the fact that she broke our family. She left us for someone else."

"Sometimes we take actions that aren't supposed to, that aren't right when we are in love."

"Love?" She scoffed. "So mom fell for someone new. She could've been honest to us and told us everything. But instead, she chose to cheat, to keep us in the dark. Did she ever not love us?"

"You are still a kid, Alyssa. You won't understand some emotions."

"I'm a normal eighteen-year-old girl and I know exactly what cheating means. Loving someone does not mean you have to hurt other people in your life."

He sighed.

"She had everything. A loving family, a husband, three kids. We adored her, we loved her. We stood by her in her dark days." She fought back the tears. "What did she get by hurting us?"

"She has it all now as well." He declared. "A loving family, a husband and a child."

She looked at him, confused. What does he mean?

"Did Keith not tell you?" He asked her. He sighed. "I'm not the one you should know this from."

"Oh c'mon. It's not like I wouldn't have known it already. Whatever it is, I just have forgotten about it."

"She remarried."

Alyssa knew that would happen. She remembered the face of the man her mother cheated them with. How could she forget the one who broke her family?

"Is he the same man she was having an affair with?"

He shook his head. "She got married to Hastille's Mayor, Paul Miller. He was a widower. They have a son from his first marriage. He is about your age."

"How could she start a new family after ruining the one she already had?"

"Nicole was never meant for Keith. He deserved someone better. Their love was hopeless. It was only because Keith fell in love with her but she only fell for the money. I knew it from the start, but I could never convince him."

"She broke Dad. He loved her. Maybe that is why dad is afraid to love again. Why did he and Karen not meet before he met mom?"

"We don't get to choose who we meet how and when in our lives. God has his plans with two people's destiny."

"You seem a know a lot about destiny."

"That is because I believe in one." He declared.

"It's her birthday tomorrow." Alyssa blurted out. She wanted to say that out loud.

"Is that why you are in a bad mood?" He asked.

"I'm not. I just - I don't remember the last four birthdays of her. So this one seems like it was yesterday when I caught her in her room with that man."

"It's okay to feel a little low on someone else's birthday." He stated. "I can empathise with you on this."

"Whose birthday made you worry about your emotions?" She asked.

The night was getting darker, every minute turning towards midnight but she felt good talking to him because she had someone at least. She didn't care if it was the arrogant jerk.

"My daughter." He declared. "It's her birthday today."

"Shouldn't you be celebrating your daughter's day?"

He nodded.

"Does your wife love your daughter?" She asked. What a stupid question to ask. She had this sudden urge to ask the question.

"My wife and I, we both love our daughter more than anything in this world." His voice had turned sore. With the mention of his wife and daughter, there was a heaviness around his eyes, wrinkles forming on his forehead.

"She must be very special to you. She is a lucky daughter." She stated. All of the sudden, Alyssa felt jealous of his daughter. She had both her parents love. Alyssa didn't want to complain or compare. She knew she had the best father in the world. But sometimes, when the days were rough, she missed her mother. She missed the days when her family was one and everything was bright and colourful in their lives.

"We are lucky to have her. Mia is our everything."

"What's wrong?" She placed a hand on his shoulder. She was worried about the sudden change in his tone. Was he not happy? Why did the mention of his daughter change his mood? "Did you forget to buy a present?"

"You kids don't understand this, but your parents only want the best for you. Our kids are our world. We can do anything for our loved ones. Parents are easily blamed for even a minor inconvenience caused in their kid's life, but the kids never see how much troubles the parents face to raise them."


"So you had a fight with Mia?" She asked. Mia. That is a beautiful name. She thought.

He shook his head. "I just miss her." The heaviness in his voice suggested that something was not right.

"Where is she?"

Those three words made him shut his eyes and look up in the sky. Then he sighed and opened his eyes. "She is not here. We sent her away."

With that, Alyssa's mind started assuming a lot of things. Where did she send her? Why was he not happy all of the sudden? Sent her where? On a vacation? It was her birthday, why does he not seem joyous about the day?

"Is she -"

The first thought that came to her mind was-

Alyssa couldn't help it. Nowadays she has been thinking a lot about death. Maybe that is why she assumed it.

"No, don't say that. Mia is all right. Nothing's happened to her." He declared. He knew exactly what she had assumed. "She is just not with us."

"Wherever she is, I'm sure she misses you too, Elijah." Alyssa tried to cheer him up.

"She hates me."

She gave her a confused look. "I don't know what the matter is, but I'm sure she doesn't hate you. As you said, kids are the best thing that happens to a parent. Just like that, kids can never hate their parents."

"You remind me a lot of her. You and Mia are the same." He let out a chuckle. "She hates me just like you hate Nicole."

"Then I'm sure you must've messed up things real bad." She laughed.

▪▪▪

It wasn't only Alyssa having a hard night. Arthur was going through a rough time as well. He had a lot on his plate but he knew tonight wasn't supposed to be about him. Someone else needed him more than he needed himself. He knew he could control his emotions and cry later but someone else was full of messed up emotions and feelings. He couldn't leave her alone tonight.

Opening the door of her room, he hoped not to find here there so that he could just place the note on the bed and leave. He knew she'd be out. But to his surprise, as he was about to leave the note on her desk, he heard a muffled cry. It came from the closet. He walked to it and opened the door only to find her cuddled in her knees as she wept.

"If I knew the closet was your place to hide, I would've asked this to be made into a spacious room."

She looked up at him, her teary eyes met him and he knew she was not all right. She was broken, she needed someone. He was supposed to be there for her, but he betrayed her.

"There is a concept of crying closet. Some University student built it. I might get one ordered for you."

She dried away her tears and gave him an eye. She needed him, her eyes could say. He understood her emotions without her saying a word.

"All right then. Let's see if this small space can fit two giant humans." He made space for himself by sliding away her belongings and sat down, beside her.

"This place stinks." He made a face. She scoffed.

"I will politely ask you to stop annoying me with your constant babble."

"You weren't there when I was a cute little newborn boy and babbled all the time. So might as well let you experience it now." He winked. She pushed him away.

"Leave me alone tonight, Arthie." Her voice so low, he couldn't make at first instance what she wanted to say.

"You called me with that name after ages. So I feel a little loved and I'm not leaving you alone tonight."

She sighed and shut her eyes. He had his on her. He was trying to read her, he had been distant, he had no time for her. He was trying to avoid her so that he could run away from his sufferings. But what about the battles she fought alone? She needed him with her, but he failed her.

"I'm sorry, Zoey." He mumbled. She opened her eyes. There were a lot of emotions to share, too many words remained unspoken between them, they had so much in themselves and they both needed to get the burden off of their chests.

"You don't have to be generous tonight, Arth. It's Okay. You can go on hating me again."

"I don't hate you." He declared. "I will never hate you. Stop saying that."

"Then why are you not on my side?"

"I have no sides, Zo. I never intended to pick one. Why can't you see that I'm sailing in two boats when I know I'm just going to drown in the sea of heartbreaks."

She wanted to be there for him. But how could see support him when she knew standing up with him will only break her more.

"And why can't you see that my boat has already sunk?" Her voice broke as she tried to control her emotions.

He wanted to pull her in his arms and cry along with her. He failed to see that Zoey was the one who suffered the most. With everyone acting upon their emotions, they all failed to notice her breaking.

"Why aren't you with Jordan right now?" He asked. He was aware of the surprise that his best friend had planned for his girlfriend.

"I can't be there with him and not be there at all." She stated. "I know about his surprise. I cannot fail him as a girlfriend. He had put so much effort that I cannot ruin the evening with my mood."

"He loves you, Zoey. He has done all of it for you."

"And what have I ever done for him?" She asked her brother. "I was always only a pathetic girlfriend. I always doubted him, taunted him for being with you and not me. I was jealous of you, Arthur because I thought my boyfriend would get away from me."

"I never wanted to be a hurdle in your relationship."

All he ever wanted was for his best friend and sister to have a beautiful relationship. He knew that his friendship with Jordan might cause some troubles, but not this way.

"Trust me, my insecurities were the hurdle." She stated. There was a silence in the small space. Both of them had so much to say, but none managed to open their hearts. When did they become so formal to each other?

"Will this night ever end?" She asked. He knew exactly why she asked that.

"It will. At the end of the day, this night will pass too."

She was deranged in her emotions. He had to do something. So when she shut her eyes again for a long minute, he planned a small surprise for her.

"God, I still do hate this silence." She adjusted herself.

"You never liked it because I loved it."

"That's not true. You are a Psycho. You and Eli, both. How could you guys ever love silence? I mean, it drives me crazy."

"You are crazy. That is why. It makes you high." He laughed. She missed his laugh. She knew he hadn't even smiled through his heart in such a long time.

"How are you feeling?" She asked him. She wanted to ask this for a long time, but never found the moment, she never found the courage in her to ask him, because she knew he was just as miserable.

"Is it okay if I lie tonight?" He asked her. She nodded. "I'm feeling perfectly normal. I feel like - like nothing's ever happened, like you and I, we still are the best buddies. I feel like I'm okay and I - I.." He took a pause. If he said one more word, he would lose it all. He would give in. He didn't want to cry in front of her, he couldn't weaken her too.

She placed a hand on his shoulder. She wanted to tell him It's okay, just let it out. She rested her head on his shoulder as they locked their arms together.

"I miss you, Arth."

"I miss you more, Zo."

There was a knock at the door and he knew exactly who it was. He stood up and walked to the door. He had asked Josh, the driver to get the surprise in Zoey's room. As he walked back to the closet, she rolled her eyes as she let out a chuckle.

"Classic move there, big brother."

He walked back with pink balloons tied around his finger and a heart-shaped cake in his other hand. It was always his move, surprise her with balloons and a cake, especially Pink balloons because she hated the colour. It was to annoy her. What Arthur and Zoey had as their relationship, they both missed it badly. They both needed each other but were too stuck up to admit.

"Will you ever let go of the colour?" She asked as he placed the cake in front of her. He shook his head playfully.

"It will always be your colour."

"And blue will be Eli's."

With that, the tension rushed back into the closet. They both looked at each other, none dared to utter a word. Of course, the name had to be brought tonight, more than once, it was her day as well. But they both avoided it as much as they could. In the end, they both knew, the night would bring back the lost names and memories.

She stood up and walked out of the closet. Opening the drawer of the table, she took out a black box and walked back to him. She took his hand in her and placed the box in his palm.

"It came today morning. A gift for me."

He took her in his arm and she gave in. She let all the burden fall on him as she poured her heart out. She let herself cry tonight, she let herself be the old Zoey again. She needed him and she knew, at that moment, she could not hate him and just want to be with him.

"I miss her, Arthur." She mumbled in the hug. He rubbed her back as he let her cry. He knew it was best for her. She had it all in her heart and was building up a wall again, he had to break down the wall, to save her.

"I miss you more, Zoey." He declared. He knew by saying this, he was betraying his other relationship. But he also knew, Zoey needed him more. He was as broken as her, but he knew that the person they missed would totally understand his situation right now. She would also want him to say this, she would also want him to be there for Zoey.

His phone rang and he pulled back from the hug. It was a call from his father's office. He excused and walked out of the room.

Zoey placed the box on the bed and took out a white folded sheet from the back of her jeans pocket. As she opened the paper, tears formed in her eyes. She'd be reading it for the hundredth time in one day. She couldn't get enough of the letter.

Zo baby.

Happiest 19th.
I can't believe I can finally see you all grown up. My babe, you are just as older as me and it sucks to say that you'll still be my baby sister, even if you are the elder one.

Let me be the elder one this time. I'm taking all the credits to find a perfect gift for you, without any third person's help this time. Yeah, I know I suck at choosing gifts, but this one - I've planned for it since the last birthday.

You said you'd always choose something delicate like me and I got offended thinking it was a joke. But I get it. You want me always being with you because you are strong head and you need stability. Your stability is me, I'm your sane mind. So I chose this particular pendant to let you know that wherever you are, however far we live in the future, I'll always be your home. This circle of life means you'll always have me by your side when you return home. This is our unbreakable link, our sire bond. We are connected forever and this bracelet is my way of expressing my love.

I know we often fail to recognise each other. But baby, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and you know that. I could never say it to you in person because you'll be a stuck up bitch and act all goody about it. So this letter will find you on this day.

Act surprised even if you find out about this because I've worked hard on this. I've invested a whole year in finding the perfect gift for the special 19th.

Zoey, you deserve all the love in this world. I know you have your own doubts, you are a little insecure because I'm the better-looking one (don't scoff because I know that's true) but baby, you'll always be the better one. You'll go places and you know that. This life, you deserve it and I know you'll own it.

I love you.

You know where to find me when you get this letter and the gift.

Ps, don't ruin my makeup with all the wet smooches. I'm open to hugs only.

Love you,
Eli.

By the end of the letter, she was completely broken. Every other time as she read the letter, her heart broke again.

You know where to find me.

Yes, she did. But she had no courage to be there. She couldn't see her there.

I cannot find you here, Eli.

She shut her eyes and wept as she recalled all the beautiful memories that she shared with her. The day that was supposed to be their day, this day that made them, that bonded them to this earth, that gave them the lifetime to be with each other. She let all the memories rush back because she didn't want to hold anything back...

Not tonight.

▪▪▪

On the other side of the town, as Alyssa returned home, she thought only one thing might await her presence, her bed.

But it was something else, not very soft and welcoming and definitely not what Alyssa would ever think of.

Whatever awaited her would change her life, completely. Along with her, many lives were at risk. The world of many would turn upside down with one thing that was awaiting Alyssa's presence.

An official summon of her name.

▪▪▪




Woah, I love the third person's narration. Man, this chapter was hard. But I pulled it off and I hope it didn't suck.

So, woah woah woah. Am I the only one dying right now? What a turn.

Alyssa and Elijah.
Arthur and Zoey.
Zoey and gift.
Alyssa and a summon.

Damn it. This chapter was intense. I'm in pain right now.

Stick around to find out what happens next. Stay tuned.

Until then, please suggest to me some book movies/series that are available on Netflix. I could use some good titles to kill my time.

Love you all.

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