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Asshole.

What does he think of himself? He has crossed his limits in last one week. First, his actions in the kitchen and then the hall scene of the fight, who the fuck does he think he is and what the fuck is his problem?

I couldn't stand there one second and see the douche win as he succeeded in scaring me away. He was already ready to hurt Clark, he would've hurt me too. So I left the auditorium, I didn't care if people thought I was a coward or whatever. My hand was already hurting, I needed no more pain for the day.

I walked straight to the old library's stairs. Jamie told me about this place. This was the school's old library and now is shut down. Nobody else comes here, nobody will find me here. I need to be alone, I want to be alone right now.

That guy Kyle, whoever he is, he is bad news. He is always angry, never happy about anything. Yet something about him drives me towards him, no matter whatever shit he does.

The door flew open and I heard footsteps following down to where I sat. I was in no mood to see who it was, I was sure it was either Neil or Zach or Skye. I was pulled up by my left arm and forced to face to the front where the door led.

"What the fuck." I shouted. "What is wrong with you." I tried to get away from his hold. I hit his hand away, but nothing worked. He dragged me towards the exit of the door. I tried so hard to stop him and once I finally could, I turned him so that he could face me and as soon as I saw his face, I connected my hand with his cheek, making his face fall on the other side. The slap was as loud as a clap and once he recovered from it, he looked at me.

At that moment, I wish he wouldn't have. He had a mark on his face with the impact. He clenched his fist and walking past me, he threw a punch on the wall, making me stumble in fear. Then he lowered his head as he rested his hand on the wall where he threw the punch. He was breathing in and out heavily as if he was trying to control himself.

Then he turned to face me, this time the lighter shade of his eyes not indicating any trace of anger in them. He sighed and took a deep breath again. He took a step forward, close to me and I stepped back. I may have slapped him, but I'm still worried about his actions. He clearly has anger issues.

"Don't," I warned him as he took another step forward. "You dare."

He stopped right there, as there was not much space left between us. I could back away, but I didn't. He took my hand in his and placed it on the mark on his face. My fingers perfectly matched to the mark that I gave him. It made me feel bad, I shouldn't be feeling guilty, but I do.

"Does it hurt?" My voice trembled as I asked him. My anger was gone, it was replaced with guilt and sorrow. He shook his head.

"What hurts me is the fact that you're hurt and I can't do anything about it." He spoke in a very low voice, it wasn't his usual voice, it was thick, yet soothing.

"You can take me to the nurse and get this mess cleaned up." I suggested. He can help me as a normal person would.

"Only if it was not so complicated." He didn't even meet his eyes with mine. Our hands were still intertwined but not rested on his cheek anymore.

I didn't have anything to speak. Why is this complicated? Why does everything with him feel so fresh yet gives me a familiar aura around him? With him, I feel like I've lived the moment already and I'm reliving them again.

"I tried to take you to the nurse. Then you slapped me." He spoke. "Dragging is the word, Mr. Thesaurus. You dragged me." I stated.

"I was trying to help you. I couldn't think straight. You were bleeding, you were hurt..."

"That chair didn't hurt me as much as your actions did," I whispered. I didn't want him to know that his words hurt me more, but at the same time, I needed him to realize that. "Today as well as on that day."

"I can't do this, Alyssa. I can't..." He tightened the grip of our hands and rested his forehead on the top of them, like he was tired, of everything. "I don't want this to happen again."

"What are you talking about?" Confused, I asked. I liked our hands being intertwined, fingers locked in a way that they were made for each other's to hold.

"Us." Was the only word he spoke and that left me with thousands of questions. "I don't want us to happen again." With that, he looked up finally and met his eyes with mine. There was so much sadness in his eyes, I could see tears forming in his eyes, they were ready to drop on his cheeks, but he tried so hard not to cry.

He didn't say anything further, but this time carefully walked me out of the stairs and I followed him. There was no one in the hallway, maybe they were in class, maybe the school ended. I didn't know what the time was, because with Kyle time seems not to be running.

I asked him where was he taking me, but he didn't utter a word. I don't want us to happen again. What does that mean? I don't want us to happen again. Were we something in the past?

We exited the school and he walked me to the parking. He opened the passenger seat door of his car and made me sit. I didn't argue or anything, his silence was already killing me. He took his driver's seat and turning on the ignition, he drove off the school property.

The radio played a song in the background as that was the only thing I could hear.
So all we have is now
What if all we have is now

Is this a sign? What if this is now, this is the time for something, that I should know?

"Stop the car."

He didn't do what I asked for. "I said, stop the car." I gritted my teeth, trying not to lose my calm. He finally applied brakes and I got out as soon as the car stopped. This was a lonely road. I got away from the car and sighed. I needed to breathe, I needed fresh air.

When I turned, he was there, leaned against the door of his side, looking at me.

"What do you want?" I asked, still standing where I was and shouting for him to listen. He stood back properly on his legs, yet on his place, crossing his arms against his chest. "Why are you doing this?"

He shrugged his shoulder. Ugh.

"First you ignore me in the library, then you save me in the cafe. Then one time you decide not to talk to me in the church and walk away and the next time you stay and plan on annoying me." I started off. "Why are you doing this? Please stop...please stop this." I wanted to cry, my emotions were mixing up. I was tired and stressed.

He took his steps close to me, within no second he was so close, he again forgot what our boundaries were.

"I want you to be happy." He leaned in and whispered in my ear. Those six words send shivers down my spine. "I want you to move on with your life. You deserve health, you are made for love and care. Alyssa Pearson, you're supposed to be living a normal life, don't complicate it by getting involved with me." The last line came lower than the other.

He took me to the car and made me stand near the front part. Then he took out a box, a medical kit and opened it. Taking the antiseptic and cotton, he cleaned the blood from my arm. It burnt a little, but the blood was not fresh anymore. He did the necessary dressing and placed the kitchen back in the car. "This will make it a little less complicated."

"Why did you hit the guy?" I asked, forgetting everything that he said. All I know for now is that he is complicating things in his head. "Clearly it wasn't for the statement that he made on your student presidential tenure."

"You know why I did it." He stated.

"I want you to say it." I demanded.

"He hurt you." Then he spoke up, after sighing.

"Not intentionally." I protested.

"You've already been hurt unintentionally a lot many times. You don't need it anymore, you don't have to get hurt again."

"Every time someone says that, I'm hurt. To the world, I'm a fragile piece of human being right now, that if they touch me, I'd break into pieces. But can broken pieces be shattered anymore?" I asked him the question, I hope he has an answer to it. He remained quiet, only playing with my fingers, intertwining-letting go-and the same again. I liked it, I really did.

"The broken pieces hurt every time, they don't shatter into more pieces because practically there's nothing left to break. But it suffocates your soul, reminding you that something broken will destroy you forever and there is no healing." I answered myself when he failed to. This is what I believe.

No one can break what's already broken into thousands of pieces. They can't mend it too, because the cracks will always remain to remind the happening of the bad event.

"How does one cope up with the suffocation?" I asked him, my heart was heavy, I was about to give up and cry in front of him. I need an answer to this. I've figured it all out. We are humans, we are bound to break because our heart is fragile, we are supposed to suffer because of the decisions we make. But above all, I cannot figure this out. "The suffocation is frightening. It traps you into darkness."

"There is always a light guiding you through the darkness. You're never alone. The light drives you out of the darkness."

"It is not true. Darkness always wins, even if there is light, darkness overpowers it." I stated. "The light doesn't matter when you're alone with darkness. It has its black magic to work upon you."

"It depends on how you see through the darkness. It is not always dark, there is some light, you just have to see through your soul. Because in the end, darkness is not out there, it is within us. We let it win, we let it suffocate us." The way he said it, it broke me for him.

Something about him is so mysterious that his mysteries are making it hard for him to breathe. On one end, he says darkness can be avoided through light, on the other, he says darkness is within us.

As much as I tried to hold it, tear traced down my cheek and fell on our interlocked hands. I didn't care if I made a fool out of myself. But everything feels so heavy right now. Aurora's journals, Landon's silent treatment, my demons, the nightmares, everything strangles me into darkness. I thought my guiding light will be the meds that Dr. Payton prescribed, but they are of no use.

He let go of my hand and cupped my face with his huge hands, another tear resting on the side of his palm. Our faces were just inches apart, my eyes were on the ground, I couldn't look at him. I didn't want to, because if I did, I knew I'd give up. I don't know this guy who is holding me right now, but the way he comforts me, I feel alive.

He lifted my chin and made me look into his eyes. I wish my tears find an escape in his oceanic eyes. More tears fell, but he wiped them away, still holding my face so close to his. He leaned in, his forehead resting against mine. I watched him, as his eyes studied me with silent intensity. He had something to say, he wanted to speak, but as his lips trembled, he shut them up. His warm breath ghosted against my face.

"I want you to stop me, Alyssa." He whispered. I didn't want him to stop, I wanted him to kiss me. I said nothing, I did nothing, instead, I leaned in more to let him know my intentions.

"Please Alyssa..." My name came out as a moan, a desperate one, asking me to stop him before he does something. "I can't do this." His words came out as a breath on my face. The way he held my face, I just wanted him to kiss me right away, without wasting any other moment.

"I want you to kiss me, Kyle."

His lips brushed against mine, almost touching the edge of my lips. My breathing was heavy, my legs trembled. I wanted his lips on mine, not almost lips. I wanted him to hold me like he never wanted to let go and kiss me like there is no tomorrow.

"ALYSSA." I heard a shout from a distance and we both moved away from each other. Now we were no more close to each other. His hands were not holding my face, he wasn't kissing me, even if it was almost.

"Landon."

He rushed to us and the first thing he did was push Kyle away from me. He took my hand and dragged me away from the brown-haired guy who was about to kiss me. He rested his hand on Kyle's chest and pushed him, which made Kyle stumble and step back.

"Stay away from my sister." Landon got close to him and warned. Every word had a heavy pause, my brother was angry. "You know you aren't supposed to be around her. Yet you decide to fuck with her mind."

"What is the matter, Landon?" I tried to push him, get away from his hold. "He is the matter. You're the matter. You aren't supposed to be with him." The anger in him worried me. Ever since I've been back, I've never seen him so annoyed, so frustrated about anything.

Kyle just stops there, not saying a word. He should defend himself, he should defend me. He must stand for us.

Us?
Really Alyssa?
You and Him?

As Landon dragged me away from him, I couldn't do anything but obey him, because Kyle wasn't doing anything. He was about to kiss me, he brought me here. So now when he had to say something, why did he give up?

Landon opened the car's door and made me sit, I watched him from the side mirror. He was still there, standing as if his soul left his body, he wasn't moving, his eyes were focused on the ground. As Landon turned on the ignition, that's when he looked up, towards our car. He looked at me, I was already looking at him through the mirror. There was no emotion in his eyes, those eyes that flashed a hundred feelings before some time, now they were dead. I shut my eyes as Landon drove off.

It hurt me, I don't know why. It felt like I've been in this situation before and it hurts me more to realize that thinking about it, makes me wanna punch Kyle in the face for not standing up for us, even if there is no US. Why did he not fight back? Why did he let Landon take me away from him?

"What the fuck is your problem?" I snapped at my brother, once I realized that he had ruined my moment with the blue-eyed beautiful guy. Why did he behave that way?

You're not supposed to be with him.

What does that mean?
Why are we not supposed to be?
Nothing with Kyle felt awkward, instead, it felt like I've known him for ages. Something between us clicked, it was not ordinary. Kyle and I today, were different.

Landon chose to remain quiet, the silence in the car was already killing my mind.

We reached home and yet Landon hadn't uttered a word. I slammed the main door of the house, even though knowing that he was right behind me and that could've hurt him. I was about to run upstairs when he called me.

"ALYSSA, COME BACK HERE."

The anger in his voice was not normal. Why the fuck is he so bothered about the situation?

I walked back down and saw Karen standing at the kitchen door giving me an apologetic look. What was that for?

He chose to remain quiet. Woah, okay. First, he goes all superior on me and now he plans on giving me silent treatment again. I'm fed up of him. I wish Aura was here.

"What the hell was going on between you two?" He crossed his arms against his chest and asked me.

"Whatever the hell you saw, we were going to kiss. You ruined my moment." I tried not to yell at him because someone had to be of sane mind and clearly, he is not the one.

"Ruined your moment?" He let out a chuckle. "There was no moment between you and him, Alyssa."

I narrowed my eyes. What does he mean!

"Shut up, Landon. You're just jealous because I've got someone actually interested in me. But you - you've got no one."

I shouldn't have said that.

The darkness from his eyes was now gone. He sighed. "Listen Alyssa. The world is not as glorious as you see it. Things are different, people are not the same. Whatever you had with him, it is not true."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe, Landon?" I raised my voice. I'm annoyed by him. "My world is what I see it as. It is as glorious as it was before. Whatever you mean by your words, it won't affect me. I know what is the right thing for me."

"Kissing Arthur is not the right thing for you." He was asking annoyed like me.

Arthur, who?

"Wait. I wasn't kissing any Arthur. Well, I wish I could kiss James Arthur, but that is a different story. Who the fuck are you talking about?"

Is he trying to play with my head?

He rolled his eyes. "Stop fooling around, Alyssa." She stated. " You tried to kiss Arthur."

"He was Kyle." I protested.

"So you kiss someone and you don't know who the guy is?" He let out a laugh. "The way you two were holding each other, I thought you finally remembered him."

"Landon." Karen gave him an eye like she was warning him of something.

"His name is Kyle."

"Till yesterday, his name was Arthur. I'm sorry if he got that changed in one day." He again rolled his eyes. Why would Kyle lie to me about his name?

"But Kyle, seriously?" He then let out a sly laugh. "At least could've come up with something more ancient and unique. How about Timothy or Malachai?"

Is it legal anywhere in the world to kill your brother? I'd love to drag him there and burn his heart into flames that serve his body to vultures.

"I agree, Malachai would've been more of a badass name. Kyle sounds lame and dead as Landon." I walked past him and left the hallway. I was in no mood to argue with my brother who has dropped his brain somewhere. He can talk to me, only when he finds back his brain, even if it's useless.

Shutting the room door behind me, I took out my laptop and logged into Facebook. I don't know his last name. I know nothing about Kyle, or whatever his real name is.

But why the fuck would he lie to me about his name? I know Shakespeare said, what's in the name, but that doesn't mean he gives me his wrong name.

Ugh.

I was going to kiss him. We almost kissed, he tried to manipulate me through his words, his actions so sweet and smooth and here I'm, wondering why the heck did he lie to me about his name.

Kyle.
Kyle with blue eyes.
Kyle Eastwood.
Kyle Alyssa.

Nothing came up.
Not a single profile of him.

He is not even in my friend's list. Well, technically that's not his fault. I only have eight friends on my list. Neil, Skye, Jamie, Beth, Zach, Landon, Karen and Nina. No one else. Not even Aurora, because she doesn't use Facebook. Strange.

Nina.
Reminds me of which...

I dialled her number and waited for her to receive my call. Last time I left her a message, I stood her up and cancelled our meeting at the Bailey's. I need to talk to her.

"Hey, Alyssa." Her sweet voice came through the phone. I've always adored Nina. She is one of the only friends of Aurora who is great. Leo and others were just random, but Nina has been constant for Aura.

"Hi, Nina." I greeted her back. "I'm sorry, first I sent that message and then I cancelled the meeting. I got stuck with school work."

"Are you all right, Ally?" She asked. Nina has always been like a sister, if I didn't have Aura, I would still have Nina in my life.

"I'm recovering. Everything is hard to adjust, but I'm getting there, slowly." I stated.

"It's good to hear. Aura would've been proud of you." She stated. There was a heaviness in her voice, the way she said her best friend's name.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. "I'm fine. Just busy with mom's business and everything." She declared. When I woke up, I got to know that she chose to stay in town and help her mom with her restaurant after her dad's passing. It was hard for her and Aurora to stay away, but they're coping up. Aura and Nina were Blair and Serena of the town. They're the best friends that even I and Jamie could never be.

"Nina, do you know anyone named Kyle?" I asked her. If Landon knows him if Karen knows him and if I and him are not supposed to be together, that means he has something to do with my past and so Nina must be knowing him.

"Um, No. Never heard of anyone named Kyle."

"Arthur?" The name came out as a lost memory from my mouth. It felt like I've spoken this name a thousand times, but now when I say it, it feels dull.

"Why are you asking about him?" She asked me. So she knows who Arthur is, but not Kyle. That means he lied to me.

"What do you know about him?" I asked. There was silence on the other side of the phone. "Nina?" I called her to check if she still was on the call.

"I know only his name and nothing else." She stated. Why do I feel like she is hiding something?

"Did you talk to Aurora in the recent days?" I changed the topic. I wanted to know about my sister. "I feel like she is ignoring me. She talks to everybody but not me. What have I done?"

Aurora even calls Karen, she asks her about my health, but can't directly call me and talk to me. Why is she doing this?

"She remains quite busy these days. We hardly talk. You've done no wrong, Ally. She told me she'll talk to you once she gets rid of all the burden. She'll need her time."

"She has time to talk to everyone. I'm her sister. When will she realize that?" Frustration inside of me what taking over the charge now.

"Don't say that. We haven't talked in days as well. Studies and everything else is keeping her occupied. She'll call you soon. Trust me."

Whenever Nina says to trust her, you know you should. So like every time, I trust her this time as well.

"Can we meet?" I ask her. "I need to talk about something."

"Sure, when?" I sense hesitation in her voice.

"Tomorrow, after school?"

She agreed with it and asking me to take care of myself, she ended the call.

Why does everything feel so different? Everyone is acting up. Feels like everyone around me is on a timer and might explode anytime now. Have I done something to make them act like this around me? The only person who doesn't act up or mess around is Kyle, or whatever his name is. But now I get it, his name is a lie, so he is a lie and therefore anything that he does is a big lie.

Finally remembered him.

I got up from my bed and walked to Landon's room. Opening the door, I saw him typing something on the laptop with some files opened on his study table.

I stood by the door and waited for him to acknowledge my presence.

"Are you just going to stand and stare?" He spoke up. "Clearly, you aren't here just to watch me do my work." He closed the files and turned his chair to face me.

"You're an asshole." I groaned.

"Well, thank you for reminding me that for the fifth time today." He crossed his arms against his chest. "Is there is a sixth time or Nah? Shall I resume my work now?"

Why is he being a douche to me? He knows I'm here to talk, so why act so busy?

"You were right. His name is not Kyle." I stated. He gave me the told you so look that I hate because that way, he knows that he is always right and I'm wrong.

"He might've lied to you, but I won't. I'm your brother, Ally." He sighed. Yeah, right. Why would Landon lie to me?

"What did you mean when you asked me if I finally remembered him?" I asked. As soon as I asked him that, his face went blank again. Ugh, not again. Not again. He says he doesn't lie to me, but he hides the truth.

"I mean..." He took a pause. "I meant..." Then walked to me and placed his hands on my shoulder like he was trying to assure me of something. "Alyssa." He mumbled. Where is this going? "We all know you've been through a lot. When I saw you with him, I thought you've got your memories back and that is why you were with him. I don't..."

I took his right hand in mine. "If I ever get to remember anything, even a slight memory from the past, I'll always come to you, Lan. You're my brother. You and dad deserve to know everything." I assured him. We may have differences right now, but I need Landon in every bit of my life. "Why would I go to him? He lied to me about his name. I don't even know him."

"But you guys..."

"I know, we were going to kiss. Landon..." I took a pause. How do I say this? "Something about Kyle...Arthur, something about him is different. Whenever he is around me, I feel like I'm somewhere else. It feels like we've been in that situation before. I've been feeling this with other people as well. But with him, I don't know...what do I say, he doesn't treat me like a patient, Landon."

Landon's eyes narrowed.

"I mean, everybody else tries to remind me of the unfortunate fate of my life. He never did that."

"You don't know him, Ally. Trust me." He cupped my face. His eyes went dark again. "Arthur is not the guy I would want my sister to be associated with. He won't bring any happiness to you. Ally..." He took a pause.

"What did he do?" I asked. I'm sure something has happened and that is bad, really bad. Or else Lan would never ask me to stay away from someone.

He shook his head. "He didn't do anything. It's just that, this is a small town. Everybody knows Arthur and I don't want him to be the reason for your health, through any means." This is not a valid point. brother. "Call me protective or whatever, but you're my baby sister, Alyssa. I'm just worried."

"You really are an asshole." I let out a chuckle. "You could've just said that you love me because I'm the best. All these stupid reasons..."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay fine. Alyssa Pearson, I love you." He planted a kiss on my forehead and pulled me in his arms. I smiled and buried myself in his hug. My brother might be an idiot, but I love him the most.

"Promise me, you'll take care of yourself." He tucked my hair behind my ear. I shook my head. "You have one duty, Lan. To take care of me. So, if I'll do your work, what will you do?" I gave him a playful eye.

"I'll keep an eye on you. You'll have to take proper care of yourself. I must make sure you're safe and sound."

"I'll mess up," I whispered. I know I will. I'm clumsy and irresponsible.

"You never will, baby sister. You're strong and adroit, with people and situation, both."

"Not in situations. Had I been responsible in the first place, things would've been different. That night..."

"That night never happened, Ally. Forget that night. It will only bring back bad memories. I don't want you to stress about anything."

I nodded. He again planted a kiss on my forehead. I smiled. I like how we solve our differences. We're grown-ups, we handle things differently now. But Aurora is acting strange, she is the eldest of us three, but right now, she is being childish. Why can't she handle situations like Landon?

I need Landon and Aurora equally. I need people around me, but sometimes they suffocate me. Maybe that is the reason why I argued with Landon in the first place. People around me, when they act bizarre, it bothers me. My friends, my family, everybody is hiding something and I know that. Maybe that is the reason why I found my comfort in Kyle...ugh, Arthur. But now, Landon wants me to stay away from him, he is worried about me and I don't want Lan to be bothered about my condition. He has already had enough because of me, I don't want to be a bother anymore, so I'll do as he says. I'll stay away from Kyle.

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OH POOR ALYSSA.

Why would kyle lie about his name?
they were about to kiss. oh, my dear heart.

do you have a ship name for them?
kyle and Alyssa?

one of you might get a shout out in the next chapter. ❤