When you walked out of your room and the warm air hit your cheeks you let out a sigh of relief. You never realized you'd miss the warm air in Kou this much, it was really comforting after being in a literal icebox for so long. Speaking of, you had no idea how long you were in that dungeon. 

You supposed the first order of business was to find someone and asked what had happened when you finished the dungeon. Speaking of, a cold chill went down your spine when you realized something. Immediately you reached for your hand to check if the ring was there. You sighed in immense relief and idly rubbed the ruby red gem with your other hand. 

You let your hand fall from it after that small moment of comfort and continued walking through the halls. You silently prayed none of the maids would find you wandering around just a plain white rob, but you just couldn't be bothered to be forced into a dress just yet. 

Not until you find... him. 

Guilt settled into your heart as you found it difficult to even think of his name. You wouldn't even be surprised if he said he wanted to quit or say he hated you. After all, you left without even saying goodbye. 

You clenched your eyes shut and one of your hands were brought up to your sleeve to hold onto it. It felt like a sort of anchor that kept your grounded and stopped your from crying, but you couldn't help it. You left someone who was potentially your father figure without so much as a glance and you could've died. 

You pressed a fist to your forehead, "idiot," you mumbled as a tear fell. 

Where was that calm and collected woman everyone looked up to? Where was the caring, compassionate woman that Kouen's siblings have come to love? Where was that level headed woman that made no mistakes? Where was the woman who took up all responsibility with no problem after her sister disappeared? 

Where was she?

She's not here. 

Someone had taken her place. In the matter of who knows how many months in that dungeon, there was no time to reflect on how childish she had behaved. She ran away, like a coward. As if all those wars she fought for her kingdom didn't even matter anymore. As if all those painstaking years training her life away meant nothing. 

Suddenly, she really yearned to be a kid again. 

Those memories meant that someone would always be there to hold her hand and help her. Meant that she wasn't alone and didn't have to be to succeed. It meant that her sister would've been the one to take on all the responsibility. 

But she wasn't a kid.

She was a coward. 

You pressed your fists to the side of your head as you fell to your knees, fat tears streaming down your face. "Stop it," you mumbled. There were voices in your head, becoming louder and louder. 

You're a coward. 

You're a coward. 

You're a coward.

You shook your head, trying to deny it. "Stop it, stop it," you mumbled, pressing your fists harder.

A coward.

A coward.

A coward.  

"Go away, go away," you mumbled again through your clenched teeth. 

Coward.

"No, no, no, no."

Coward.

"Go away, go away. Go..."

COWARD.

"GO AWAY!"

The last thing you ended up hearing was glass shattering on the ground before your vision went black. 

*~*~*

Preparing tea was something he was good at, many have said before his was always the best. Kazue prided himself at being able to do this without even thinking about it, but somehow, he found himself messing up a few times. He didn't know why, but it was clear it had to do with you. 

Was he nervous?

Was he angry?

If he was being honest with himself, he had no idea. One thing Kazue did know was that throughout those six months you were gone he missed you terribly. You were like his daughter after all, why wouldn't he?

Soon enough, he was finally able to finish the tea he was preparing for you and walked out of the kitchen, walking to yours and Kouen's shared room. As he walked, there was a slight shake in each step, he began to mentally prepare himself for what you might be like. For the most part, he didn't think you would be doing too well after being on your own. Don't get him wrong, he thought you were super strong. He was just worried as always.

Before he could even reach your room, he had found you in the middle of the hall with tears running down your face while mumbling to yourself. Then, you screamed. 

"GO AWAY!"

At that, he dropped the tray he was carrying and quickly ran to you. As he propped you up against him, he took a look at your face and noticed the dried tears. He also noticed you had passed out. That's when he began to worry even more. 

Kazue tapped your cheek lightly and then placed a kiss on your forehead when he noticed you weren't going to wake up. "Haven't done this in years," he mumbled to himself as he picked you up slowly in a princess carry. While he walked towards the room, he informed maids walking by to clean up the tray he had dropped.

'My poor princess,' he thought to himself.

~

Everything was loud. 

Everything was dark.

Everything was a mess.

Everyone ran in fear.

Everyone killed. 

The sword in your hands grew heavier by the second as your hands trembled. You couldn't do this, this was too much. You closed your eyes in hope that everything would be gone and you would be home again, but when you opened them, it was still the same scene. 

Soldiers running towards their enemy with swords raised high and battle cries echoing from their mouths. It seemed as if there was no fear in their eyes, but that was a lie. It was there. If you looked, really looked you'd see it there. 

But it only took one glance to see it in yours. 

All of this was too much, you weren't ready. But you had to be. She was gone and you were the eldest now. Everything fell on your shoulders.

Speaking of, your shoulders snapped up at the sound of screaming. Looking up, you saw an enemy soldier running towards you, bloodlust in his eyes and sword raised high in his hand. Fear shook you to your core as they neared. 

No, no, no, no, no, please no, please.

They kept going despite the pleas in your thoughts.

Please, stop.

They didn't.

There was no other choice to be made. You had to do this whether you wanted to or not. So, you raised your sword in defense and quickly scanned to see any weak spots, it didn't take long to find any. Once they came close enough, you stabbed your sword in their gut. 

As they bled out onto the ground, your jaw began to tighten as you tried to keep tears from streaming down. 

~

You shot up from where you were laying down and immediately took in your surroundings. A sight of relief escaped when you realized it was only a nightmare. Even so, the relief was short lived as it all came back. Tears began to form in your eyes. 

That was no nightmare. 

That was a memory. A horrid one at that. 

Why was all of this coming back now? Did the world just enjoy beating you down? You soon realized you might as well relive all of your worst memories from fighting in wars if you were going to be living in Kou anyway. Now that you thought about it, there was a higher chance of them putting you to fight now that you had acquired another Djinn. 

You brought your knees to your chest and your hands to your hair. You took a deep breath. You never liked the prospect of war, not after experiencing your first one. But there was always no other choice. You were the oldest, not to mention, practically groomed to be the head strategist of the family. You were trapped.

The sound of a tray being set down halted your thoughts.

Looking up, you noticed Kazue was standing near you, preparing a cup of tea. "You always did like a cup of tea after a nightmare," he said, handing a cup to you.

You gazed down at the cup in your hands and scowled at the reflection the liquid gave. Whoever was staring up at you was an established woman with no fear in her heart. They were like a stranger.

"Stop."

You flinched slightly and glanced at Kazue.

"You need to stop bringing yourself down whenever you fail."

"How did you-"

Kazue smiled, "are you really going to question the man who raised you?" He asked. 

You were back to staring down at the cup, slightly ashamed you were asking him that. He had a point. After all, this happened every time you failed at something. It was even worse when the incident happened long ago with that woman during the ball.

But, in the end, it was always thanks to Kazue that you brought yourself back up and became stronger. Which made you feel even worse when you didn't bother saying goodbye. The tears came back. 

You had to be the worst daughter to him in the world, didn't you? So selfish when you made it all about you and didn't say a single word to him. You had your wish. You were just like a child. A petulant one at that. 

Then, you felt arms being wrapped around you. It was Kazue. "Just stop," he simply said, "I can practically hear your thoughts. I'm not angry or upset with you." He squeezed you tighter, almost cradling you against him. 

It was then that the tears began to fall. "But why?" You whimpered, "I could've died and I didn't even say goodbye to you. I messed everything up." Your hands were clenched into his shirt as if you were afraid this was all fake and the real Kazue was furious with you. 

"We all make mistakes. No one is perfect," he said, "just because you must pretend to be, doesn't mean you have to be. You're also allowed to make these mistakes, I taught you that." 

It was true. Kazue always gave you so many lessons you took to heart, especially during those hard times when you felt alone. Then, came your favorite memory. The first time you met him.

~14 years ago

The doll's hair was becoming a tad tangled which caused you to run your fingers through the artificial strands. You let out a soft sigh as you played on the floor of your bedroom, alone. There were younger sisters you could play with, but, it didn't last long. It made sense anyway, they usually wanted to play amongst themselves. Not to mention, two of them were way too young to play anyway. Your oldest sister was too busy with her studies to play. 

You dropped the doll onto the ground and opted for reading the book you had left open on your bed. You were about five pages in when you were interrupted by a knock on your door. Thinking it was your older sister you beamed, "come in!" You called out, scrambling off your bed to stand near the door. 

However, when the door opened, it wasn't your sister. Your father was standing there with a man standing behind him. A stoic expression was on your father's face, like always, as he walked in, "Y/N," he spoke curtly, "this is your new servant. He's from Heliohapt and will tend to your every need." 

With that short introduction, your father left, closing the door on his way out. Meanwhile, your head was tilted to the side in confusion. That was one of the most abrupt introductions you've seen, nonetheless, you shrugged. "My name is Y/N, I am the second princess of the kingdom of Ryukyu. What's your name?" You asked. 

The man shifted where he stood as if he didn't know how to answer the question. You continued staring at him and as you stared you grew slightly curious about his appearance. He had white hair, though it looked like he was steadily losing it, and a mustache growing in. His skin was tan which was mostly rare in this kingdom. His eyes were green. 

"I... I don't have one anymore," he whispered, his tone making him sound as if he were afraid.

You got even more confused at that, "why? Weren't you born with one?" You asked, not realizing you were being a tad intrusive.

 "It was taken." He sounded pained when he said that next statement. 

You decided it was better not to ask a question then. "Well..." You stopped for a moment, pondering, "is it okay if I give you one?" you asked hesitantly. 

The man gazed at you in surprise. "If that is what you wish," he responded. 

You frowned, "but, is that what you want?" You inquired.

At that, he froze, practically floored by your question. He had no idea how to respond, it had been a while since anyone had asked him what he wanted. "Um..." He mumbled, unsure, "I think so."

You beamed, "okay, then, I'll call you..." You tapped your chin and then glanced at the book on your bed, "Kazue!" 

"Um... Alright."

"I got the name from one of my favorite books," you said happily, grabbing the book from your bed. As you walked closer to show him, you abruptly dropped the book, wincing as you did. You quickly stuck your finger into your mouth. 

"Ow, papercut," you mumbled. 

Kazue was slightly taken aback when you had dropped the book. "Um, please, let me help," he said hesitantly, reaching his hand out towards you. 

You placed your hand in his and watched as he placed his other hand near your injured finger. It only took a second for the small cut to be healed. "Wha-?! How did you do that?" You asked, shocked as you examined your newly healed finger. 

"With magic," he shrugged as if it were a normal thing. 

Your eyes widened, "really?! Wow, I've never seen someone do magic up close," you said excitedly, "that's amazing! Can you do anything else?" 

Kazue's face dropped, "No, I can't do much other than heal small injuries," he said solemnly. 

You noticed the sad expression on his face and decided not to ask. "Oh, okay. Well, do you want to play with me, Kazue?" You asked, smiling. 

To your surprise, he returned the smile. "Of course, Princess."

~

You hugged him a little tighter, "Kazue... Have you ever thought of... wanting a different name?" You whispered. 

You felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. "Not once. The name my headstrong princess gave me suits me perfectly," he said proudly. 

"I'm glad to hear that," you responded, smiling. 

One blessing

*~*~*

After that brief moment with Kazue, you decided to continue your small walk through the palace with him at your side. "How have things been since I've left?" You asked idly. 

"Everything has been carrying on as normal. One thing worth mentioning is that Princess Kougyoku and Prince Kouen have been engaging in sword practice," he answered, smiling, knowing you'd be pleased with the news. 

And he was right, you were practically glowing. "Really? Are they practicing right now?" You inquired, eager to watch.

Kazue shrugged, "there is a slight possibility."

You grew excited and grabbed his hand, "then, let's go," you said, tugging him towards the training grounds. 

When you both finally arrived you smiled fondly at the two siblings, Kouen was teaching her proper techniques while she was listening with rapt attention. "It's nice that they're spending time together," you acknowledged. 

Then, Kougyoku idly turned her head, catching you in her line of sight. At first, she was shocked, but then, she smiled brighter than the sun. "Y/N-nee!" She yelled, dropping the practice sword she had and running towards you. 

Your eyes widened as she ran and embraced you, almost causing you to fall to the ground. "It's nice to see you again," you said softly, wrapping your arms around her. 

You were a tad surprised to feel your shoulder grow wet with tears and softly grabbed Kougyoku's face. You laughed lightly when you saw tears, "no need to cry," you said, not bothering to fight back your own, "I'm right here."

"That's why I'm crying," she sniffled, hugging you tighter. You knew what that grip was, she was afraid you weren't actually real. It made you wonder how many times it had happened before. How many times had she woken up, thinking you were there when in actuality you weren't?

"It's okay. I'm here. It's not a dream," you consoled. Kougyoku nodded, hugging you tighter while nuzzling her head closer for comfort. The hug lasted for a while, but neither of you minded. This embrace was something the both of you needed after being separated for so long. 

Then, she let go, taking a moment to gaze up at you. "I'm happy you're home," she said. 

"Me too."

You tensed and looked up to see who had said that. It was a voice that you obviously recognized, it was Kouen. "Kouen," you breathed. 

Kougyoku let go with a knowing smiled, "I'll be back later." Then, she walked off.

She left you and Kouen alone. You hadn't even realized Kazue had left at some point. "Um..." You mumbled, not knowing what to say. 

You didn't have to say anything. Kouen only stalked up to you, grabbed your shoulders, and softly brought your lips together. At first, you were frozen, not reciprocating the kiss, but soon, you melted into it.  You slowly laid your hands on his chest. When you felt the warmth radiating from it, you boldly let your hands sneak into his shirt. 

At that gesture, he didn't shy away. He moved his hands from your shoulders to your waist. When you felt his rough hands at your waist, you let out a small noise of surprise allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth. 

Your eyes widened at his bold move, but it wasn't uninvited. 

It was, however, interrupted. 

"Y/N-nee!"

The two of you immediately split apart. There was a prominent blush on your face. Meanwhile, Kouen was as stoic as ever. You scowled at him and lightly cursed at him in your head. No need for him to hear those unladylike words anyway. 

When you glimpsed at who called out to you, your blush faded and your smile came back. "Koumei! Kouha!" You exclaimed as tears came to your eyes once more. You opened your arms as they ran to you, fully prepared to embrace you. 

When they finally landed into your arms, you almost fell over. Had it not been for Kouen you most likely would have fallen to the ground. "It's good to see you two again," you mumbled, tears streaming down your cheeks again. The two didn't respond, only opting for hugging you tightly. 

As you felt their arms wrapped securely around you, you also felt the love radiating from them. It was comforting. It let you know that despite all of the things you were feeling deep down, they thought the complete opposite. Then, you slowly felt Kougyoku begin to hug you again, even Kouen laid his hands on your waist as a form of comfort. 

You felt warm, safe...

Happy.

"I'm home."

*~*~*

You ran your nimble finger down the fabric of your new dress, it was soft, something not very abnormal considering the fine silks to Empire has at hand. "This one almost looks like my old one," you idly commented while staring at yourself in the mirror, "The Kou Empire must really love the color red..."

"Not to mention it matches your color scheme," you lightly teased catching Kouen's piercing red eyes staring you through the mirror. 

He chuckled lightly, "it seems so," he responded, "we really do look like a couple." He held out his hand to you. 

You giggled behind your sleeve, "I suppose so." You placed your hand in his. 

~~~~~

A/N: So... It's been quite a while hasn't it...

A brief recap for what's been going on if you're interested. Recently, I moved to a whole other town entirely, four hours away from my old one. I will be truthful and say, I have been caught up writing another fanfic on a separate website entirely (it's not an x reader).

 Also, I have been drowning in school work, even now I am currently stuck writing an essay and have to finish a module for another class (online classes are no joke). To add on, I am currently sick with a possible fever along with something going on with my tonsils, don't worry I don't need a tonsillectomy (I hope...). Aaand, that's about it. 

I will try my best to update more frequently for this story if you are all still interested. Keep in mind though, I'm essentially writing this chapter by chapter, I didn't really plan ahead for this...

One way to let me know you're all still interested is by dropping comments and leaving votes. Keep in mind, both are good, but comments are better. 

Thank you and until next time!