My eyes opened to the dimness of the room. I look around with my hand stretched to the table lamp, I switched it on.

'Oh, it's dark already.'

I lifted my body that was still in pain, but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. Looking at the table clock, it was 6:37 p.m. I wondered if Collins was around. I looked at my new bruises that were laced on my skinny body. I wanted to cry but my eyes were still sore. And swollen. I gazed at my hands that were still shaking. Maybe I wasn't as strong as I thought. Collins was enough reason to make me weak. No, life was just so unfortunate. I stretched my hand to the shelf and gently pulled the drawer. I wasn't sure of what the drugs were but ever since I started staying with my uncle, I'd been obsessed with pain relievers of every kind.

My stomach made a loud grumble as I pulled myself out of bed. I need to prepare dinner before he comes back home form wherever.

I dragged my feet to the kitchen that looked rough. The whole house looked so tattered except my room. Gazing at the heap of plates gathered in the sink, invisible doodles clouded my eyes as if I would fall at any moment, but I held on. All the plates were dirty, I had to wash them in order to make dinner.

'Meow! Meow!' Northie cried as she ran to where I was, in the kitchen. Looking at her, I noticed she limped. She looked really sad and hungry. But there was nothing left in the pots. Somehow, I felt encouraged to do the washing without delay.

After a while, I took out a clean bowl and poured two cups of buttermilk and four table spoon of melted butter. Checking the shelf, the crate of egg was empty so I went to the backyard to take one, from the chicken we rear. It was the only one I could find. We weren't rich, but I managed to make things work out. Collins just come home and eat. It's a good thing he actually pays my school fees once in a while. Sometimes, I pay it myself and most times, I buy the foodstuffs.

Breaking the egg into the bowl of buttermilk and melted butter, I mixed it properly and poured it into an amount of flour and beat till soften.

Making pancakes was one of my favorite things to do. I loved cooking but everything don't feel normal right now. I placed two slices of pancakes into a plate and added maple syrup to taste. After eating, I finally had the strength to at least, stand up properly.

I started with the living room. And then his room. I cleaned up every nook and corner including my room. I finally took a rest on my bed and tried to read one of my favorite novel, 'The price of freedom' by Alison Fraser. Her characters were so relatable but just this moment, I got lost. Lost in thought of what ifs.

'What if mum and dad didn't have to go out that night? What if I had a perfect 8th birthday? What if I attended a better school than Evermore High and had better friends than Amber Feldman. What if my soul ix beautiful than anyone can ever realize? What if the world wants succeed and be happy? Would my life have been better? A single tear rolled down my misty eyes as I sniffles between the flooding thoughts and wishes.

'What if my future holds incredible moments of peace, sovereignty and joy? What if things were really going my way? Would I end up being the better version of myself? Would I have been happier? Yes... I surely would, because I hate this feeling. I hate my life so much. I just want to wake up from this nightmare because I've had enough.' I concluded, staring at the blank ceiling, with Northie laying on the bed in between my arms. She curled up in a "C"  she staring at me. As if she was waiting for me to sleep first.
'Poor cat, she shouldn't go through these pains.' But the look in her eyes made me wonder if she was thinking the same about me.

***

The bang of the door woke me up. I knew definitely, that my uncle was back. My lips let out a soft moan to the pain that covered me like fever. I already used drugs, but I'm not getting any better. Maybe I just need a proper rest. The clamor of how to escape this, was a mighty shout out.

"Syl!"

My sleepy eyes awakened to the call from my uncle. It sounded as if he was pissed or something. Well, he's always pissed.

"Syyyylllll!!!!!" He yelled once again as I crawled out of bed as fast as possible, not wanting any of his torture.

"Yes uncle. " I whimpered but my voice sounded really faint.

"Where the hell are you?!" He busted my door open before I could reach for it. My eyes trembled to his red eyes.

"What are you doing, huh?! Why didn't you reply m-"

"I was asleep." I explained but 'Whoosh!'

The next thing I got was a hit slap across my face.

'Don't cry, don't dare cry, Sylvia. A voice in my head muttered as I whooshed up from my feet that staggered. I just held the wall.

"How dare you, bitch?! How dare you sleep without serving me dinner?! Do you think I'll let you live here without contributing anything?! You're as useless as a joke! Just as your parents were!"

Even if it's been a month since he last dropped $10 for feeding, he comes home demanding for food else, I'm dead.

'I didn't serve dinner because you weren't even around. And if you met it on the table, you'd still complain.' I wanted to say this but I just held my face in tears and muttered... "I'm sorry. "

"Sorry for yourself!" He hissed while I rushed down to the dinning table.

"What are you still waiting for?!" he yelled at me once again.

I moved to the kitchen without delay. I tried to hold back the tears and be brave. Even if I'm not strong enough to pretend to be brave, I try to, so Collins won't insult me any more but the more I held back the weaker I became.

I quickly served his pancake and slightly poured maple syrup on it.

My hands quivered as I struggled to swallow down my racing heart. I placed it right in front of him before leaving.

"And who said you can leave? " he rolled his eyes at me with a hateful frown.

I turned to sit opposite him as he watched the tears pouring down my face.

He scoffed. As it I was a joke.

"Stop shedding crocodile tears my dear. Life has been unfair to both of us so, I won't give you false hopes. No fairy tales or happy ending for the both of us, huh?" he smirked at me once again, thinking about what he just said. I wiped off my tears and waited patiently.

"Get me more water!" He ordered.

I went to the kitchen and brought a jug filled with water, placing it right in front of him before packing his plates into the kitchen.

About to go to bed, me motioned to come closer. I did as her ordered. I dared not to complain or reject him.

He took out a shopping bag from the behind the chair and handed it to me. I didn't know what it was, or was this was about. I just collected it.

"That's a token of my selfless love for you. Now, put it on and let's have fun."

Looking into the bag, I noticed it was a silky red nightgown with netty bra-cut. I swallowed once again. All I wanted was to throw it at his very ugly face and probably send him out of the house.

"What are you waiting for, try it on. C'mon." He persuaded as my eyes to raised to his smile. As if he won a lottery or something.

"Ummm.. I'm not very strong you see." I whined, thinking of the most polite way of saying no without actually saying no.

"You have no choice, baby doll. If you decline, I'll still do whatever I want and make you spend the night outside! Don't waste my time!"

"Okay." I turned to the direction of my room but he held my hand and pulled me along violently into his room.