Aeolus walks me to the train station, hand in hand. I swing our arms as if we are still twelve, and he obliges, smiling down at me. 

Altalune meets us there, her gaze skipping around as if everything is a threat, waiting to be subdued. I think that she'd make a good peacekeeper, once she's a bit older. 

I am pulled into a tight embrace by Aeolus, who takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of my expensive shampoo. Then Altalune steals me away from him, her hug stiff, similar to the ones I've received from Coira. 

"It'll be okay," she whispers in my ear, much more comforting words than Coira had to offer. 

She's right, though, and so was my mentor. It will all be okay--if I watch my back, never let my guard down, never let the Capitol control me. 

Although, it may be too late for that. 

I still haven't told either of the twins my secret, and it's looking like they'll never know, which is honestly okay with me. Some things are meant to be private. Some things will get you killed if they are shared. 

"Be safe," Aeolus calls out as I walk onto the train, waving all the way. White gloves grab my wrists from either side, and I am led through the door more forcefully than I would've liked. 

Coira, Grayling, Thetis, and Prometheus are my only friends right now, nevermind that the youngest of them is a decade my senior. I think they pity me. Coira and Grayling have been in the same position, and Prometheus and Thetis have seen plenty of tributes and victors go through it, some handling it better or worse than me. 

I like to think that I did good, that I will do good. I am representing all of Panem right now, everyone keeps telling me. Not only District Four, not only the Capitol, but the entire country. 

It's a lot of weight for eighteen-year-old shoulders, even if that eighteen-year-old happens to be a victor of the Hunger Games. 

***

We start at the Capitol. I get many waves and adoring smiles from people that resemble a flock of chaotic multicolored parrots, squawking for my attention--which I humbly give, waving my beauty pageant wave, grinning wide. 

I do not make a speech, but I do watch Snow on a television in the train's main room, announcing his praise for me in vague words I don't deserve. Thetis pats my shoulder, and I'm not sure if the gesture is meant to console or congratulate me. 

In One, I stand before a crowd and tell them that I am sorry for killing and hating their children. "Mei and Vulcan were amazing people," I lie, "and in different circumstances, I would have loved to become friends."

My nose feels ten feet long by the time I board the train again, and off to Two it is. 

For this District, I have real feelings, a girl named Terra and a boy named Orion. 

"I was close with Terra," I say, "and it was one of the greatest pleasures of my life to get to know her. She was the funniest person I've ever known. She helped me become a better person, pointing out my flaws even when it seemed like she wanted nothing to do with me, and for that, I am forever grateful."

A pause. Terra's mother stares at me, her arms wrapped around her body tightly, eyes red and desolate. She stands alone on her podium. Across from her, beneath the banner of Orion, the podium is empty.

"I didn't get to know Orion as much, but he was a wonderful soul. Everyone goes through some sort of hardship in their lives, and I would say Orion handled his incredibly gracefully. He did what was necessary to survive... and although in his mind, that did mean trying to kill me, I don't hold grudges against the dead. May he rest in peace."

I bow my head, just slightly. The crowd does the same, and I feel strangely influential as I am once again dragged offstage, the action disguised as gentle by my obedience. 

District Three is Hermes and Lua. I give a short speech about how I didn't know Hermes, but Lua was the sweetest little girl and didn't deserve anything that came to her. When I am pulled back onto the train, Coira corners me for a chat. 

"Daphne, you better watch yourself," she whispers quickly, glancing around her. "You're getting dangerously close to speaking against the Capitol. And you must never do that. Got it?"

"Yeah, sure," I respond in the same tone, confused. "Why, though? I mean... I haven't done anything like that."

She takes a long look at me, as if absorbing my features, ingraining them into her brain. "Look, Daphne, I was you. I won my Games at seventeen, too. And I was a pretty young girl, as you are now. I know what happens next."

I freeze. I can't talk about this with her--I can't talk about this with anyone. They'll come for me, and they'll make it worse. 

"Nothing is happening to me," I whisper, but I know she can see the despair in my eyes, and accepts my words as a lie, moving on respectfully. 

"Fine. Just, please, for me, stop with your treasonous words. Say vague little compliments about each of the tributes. Lie your heart out. But don't speak bad about the Capitol. That's all I ask of you, okay?"

"Okay." I take a step backwards, away from her, still unsure of which of my words could be marked as treasonous, but at this point, not really caring. 

***

My bed is comfortable, but cold. The window was left open, and even with all my might, I can't force it closed. 

It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and past then, it takes me even longer to slip into a dream. 

***

I am running through mountainous terrain, sprinting as if I am the Queen of the forest. There is a tiger following closely behind, and yet I am not scared--instead, I find a strange sort of comfort in her presence. She is not chasing me, she is protecting me. 

"Stop with your treasonous words," a feminine voice orders, stopping me in my tracks. The tiger takes a moment longer to stop than I, a soft, furry, head brushing against my arm. 

"Coira?" I ask, with no knowledge of where I first heard the name. 

"I know what happens next."

The tiger approaches, and suddenly the look in her eyes doesn't feel quite as friendly. 

"Nothing is happening to me," I whisper. It is a flat-out lie, and we both know it. 

The tiger meets my eyes for a moment, and then leaps off into the jungle. I take the hint and wait for her return, knowing that she has something to show me. 

A long time passes, but then there she is again, bounding into my clearing, a small form held between her razor-sharp teeth. Blood drips onto the ground, staining it forever, as she drops the girl at my feet. 

"Lua," I whisper, and once again, I do not recognize the words that come out of my own mouth. I kneel next to the girl, swiping dark hair out of her face, gently closing her eyes. She is dead, no doubt about it. 

There is a large wound in her abdomen. When I brush my fingers against it, they come back bloodstained. 

I look up at the tiger. "Did you do this?"

She gives me a meaningful look, green eyes somewhat familiar, and I realize. 

I stand, turn around, and vomit onto the green green grass. The tiger looks at me once more, green eyes so green so green so--

She leaves. I realize then that she is not a tiger after all, but a girl. A girl I once loved. 

But it is too late. She is gone.