Claire, ClaireValdez

she/her

You Are Fair in Love and War

Clarisse dies and reunites with Silena in Elysium

Features Clarisse LaRue x Silena Beauregard

No content warnings apply!

Clarisse had always insisted she be buried with her electric spear — her third one. It was as obvious as it was important. Her half-siblings had made good on their promise, because she held it now before her three assigned judges of the afterlife: Audrey Hepburn, Atalanta, and um, she didn't know. Some random old man.

The heavy spear teetered in her palm like a scale as the judges conversed.

"Brought the Golden Fleece to Camp Half-Blood," Audrey Hepburn mused. "Scouted for entrances to the Labyrinth. Defended camp and Manhattan against enemies in several battles. Impressive fighting."

Clarisse swelled with pride.

"But made an awful call once," Atalanta challenged. "Allowed her arrogance to keep her and her siblings out of the frontlines of the Battle of Manhattan. Until Silena Beauregard intervened."

Clarisse winced at the memory. Not her finest moment. Worst yet was that Silena had died to correct her mistake. Then Michael Yew had died too.

"She was young," the man chided. "She's lived with that regret for six years now. On to the manner of her death. On a mission for Chiron to seal up entrances to Pasiphaë's Labyrinth, Miss La Rue was attacked by a horde of Gryphons. But she held strong and let her siblings get to safety. I think the answer's clear."

Atalanta conceded. "Yes, she made some mistakes, but overall it is a clear-cut case for Elysium."

"Agreed," Audrey Hepburn said, and the man nodded.

Relief hit Clarisse like a breeze in a scorching desert. Atalanta really had her going there. She felt the uncharacteristic urge to thank them, but gratitude never came easy to her.

"You're in my friend's favourite movie," Clarisse said instead, addressing the movie star. "Breakfast at Tiffany's. I like Wait Until Dark better, but, you know."

Audrey smiled, and the lines by her eyes showed it was genuine. "I love those movies too. Thank you."

A security ghoul showed up and ushered her forward. The entrance of Elysium was a literal golden gate to the tantalizing paradise beyond. Clarisse could barely focus beyond its shining gilded bars. Elysium was so bright compared to the rest of the Underworld it was hard to look at.

The ghoul pushed open the door and made a grand "you may enter" gesture. She took a step through the gate, and she blinked her eyes and took it all in.

It was autumn. At least this first section was. Auburn leaves of every warm colour filled the trees, and they delicately floated to the sidewalk, where they crunched perfectly under Clarisse's boots.

She was just beginning to wonder why the ghoul left her alone and where the Ares she was supposed to go when Silena Beauregard appeared at the top of the hill.

Clarisse wasn't sure what to say. She hadn't counted on Silena being the first person she saw.

So it was Silena, who was always better with words, who shrieked with happiness: "Clarisse!"

She didn't know why it shocked her. Of course she'd remember her. But a sneaking feeling had made Clarisse think that paradise would make her forget. Surely she was a painful memory. But Silena was forgiving.

It was Clarisse's turn to say something, but thankfully it was easy to respond to a name. It was the only thing blaring through her mind right now anyway. "Silena. Hi."

"Come on, I'll give you a tour." Silena slid her arm around hers and pulled her deeper into Elysium. They quickly came to a facsimile of a New York City street. The Big Apple was never that attractive to her, but this version had no pollution — noise or otherwise.

The whole hour Clarisse had been avoiding Silena's face like a goddess's true form. But with Silena busy pointing things out, Clarisse could safely look and avoid eye contact. Her cheeks were ever so slightly sharper. The way she carried herself was different. "Are you... older?"

Silena grinned. "I'm a firm believer that I get prettier as I age, so yes. I wasn't about to deny myself that privilege the way life did."

"That's true," Clarisse said without thinking.

"Which part?" Silena asked, puzzled.

Clarisse tried to voice the thoughts that she wasn't thinking. "That we get better-looking as we age. In general. You look nice though." And before Silena could even respond: "What about when you're withered and shrivelled?"

Silena laughed, and the carefreeness in it freed Clarisse a little too. "I don't know. Maybe I'll throw it in reverse when I hit a hundred. Oh, and here we are. That's your house." They had entered a more suburban zone, and Silena pointed at an approaching black building. "It'll be done soon. They're very fast."

Oh hell yeah. The house was looking fantastic: three stories of a black-bricked gothic castle complete with a turret on each side. Even a spiked portcullis as a front door. The ghouls were making great headway with the blood red tiles on the roof.

"I hope you don't mind that it's next to mine," Silena said shyly. "You can move it anywhere."

"I don't mind," Clarisse said quickly. She turned her gaze to the house next door and almost went blind. It was a real-life Barbie dreamhouse in baby blue that took "open floor plan" to a cosmic level. There were barely any walls but so many closets. Kind of hideous and horrifying, but Clarisse kept that to herself.

Because as much as it burned her eyes, she respected that Silena was unapologetically herself, even around Clarisse.

"You want to see the back?" Silena asked.

"Uh, sure."

They went around back, and Clarisse couldn't believe her eyes. A hot pink waterslide led from the top floor of her house to a medium-sized pool. Also hot pink. "Wow, okay."

"It's a lot," Silena giggled. "Here."

They sat on a swing set under a massive cherry blossom tree overlooking another part of Elysium. Clarisse used Maimer III to push herself around.

Pale pink flower petals floated around them like a romantic movie scene. Silena's manicured fingers curled around the rope of the swing, and Clarisse's own hand twitched.

"Look at that view," Silena said dreamily, and Clarisse whipped her head to the scenery below like she'd been scolded.

Below them were huge valleys of cottages and gardens. Views like this were hard to come by. And as much as she liked the harsh red canyons of Arizona, there was something to be said about the peace everyone found here. Even if it made her uneasy.

Silena rubbed her forearms.

"Are you cold?" Clarisse asked automatically.

"No." Silena put her hands down, and Clarisse hoped she didn't make her self-conscious or something. "Um, I gotta ask this at some point. How did you die?"

Clarisse winced, and it was all replaying in her mind. She didn't know why but she wished Silena didn't have to hear about violence.

Clarisse told her. And she couldn't talk about her death without talking about smashing beer bottles on her head at house parties or nabbing a history degree by the skin of her teeth or Chris breaking up with her on his own birthday or her going no contact with her parents or the war. The wars. Before she knew it she'd covered all six years after Silena's death.

"You've done so much," Silena said, with a touch of melancholy. She began brushing her hair with her fingers — a nervous habit Clarisse remembered well.

"It's mostly just college."

Wrong thing to say, but Silena was forgiving. "I guess if I got to go to college, I wouldn't think much of it either. I'm truly sorry you died, Clarisse."

Died. The word rang in her head like a graveyard bell. She wasn't dead. She was still here, just having an underground vacation. College suddenly seemed like the most important thing she'd ever done. Everything did.

She kicked the grass and then stabbed it with Maimer. "What is even there to do here?"

Silena looked a little hurt, but Clarisse couldn't decipher why. "Anything you want."

What did Clarisse want? It was simple. "All I wanted to do was prepare for war."

Silena gestured around, like good luck with that. "We play capture the flag sometimes."

"Well what do you do?"

Her face broke into an almost devious smile. "They let me have a pegasus. An inspiring number of people get into Elysium, so every day I fly around and look out for the new houses. Want to ride her?"

Crap. Deja vu. Those exact words were spoken to her seven years ago at camp, And the rest of that conversation still rang in her mind.

"Holly's not gonna hurt you or drop you. I trained her well."

"She hates me."

"No, she doesn't! I told you she's just sensing your anxiety. Come on, I'll ride with you."

That just made her freeze. "No way."

Silena gave her a disappointed look, but Clarisse refused to meet her eyes. "Alright," she relented. "What are you doing later?"

"I'll be with Chris in the Big House."

"Oh." Silena turned away and began quietly dusting her pants. Clarisse had no idea why she suddenly sounded so guilty when she asked: "Is he getting better?"

Truth is, Clarisse dreaded the moment she'd see him next. What nonsense he was going to yell. What demons he'd see in the grey walls. "He's getting worse."

"I'm sorry," she murmured, and she said it with a strange amount of gravitas. "Clarisse... doesn't it bother you that he betrayed the camp?"

That ticked her off. "Not you too. He's on our side now. That's what matters — why are you acting weird?"

Silena jumped. "Nothing. I was just wondering." Then she changed the subject. "People say you have a crush on him. Do you?"

Silena met her eyes then, and Clarisse was too slow to look away. "Well, yeah. A little."

"I know I told you I love Charlie. But that doesn't mean you should —"

"What does Beckendorf have to do with this?"

Silena knew. She always knew.

"Please?" Silena asked, and Clarisse snapped back to the present. "I promise it'll be fun."

The girl's blue eyes were definitely wide and pleading right now, but Clarisse didn't want to look. Still, the mental image was enough to make her relent. "Okay. Why not? I'm already dead."

"That's the spirit!" Then she pulled a crystal whistle out of her pocket and blew into it.

And to Clarisse's amazement, from the top floor of the Barbie house, a skeletal Pegasus shook off a blanket, stood up, and flew right towards them. The no-walls thing made some practical sense now.

The pegasus landed in front of them, and it was cool. Pure bones and the stench of death, the aesthetic only interrupted by a line of pink ribbons tied down its neck.

Silena picked up a brush and methodically took all the dust off its bones. Evidently in death she was still a neat freak. "Pretty!" she cooed. The horse neighed, and somehow Clarisse could tell it was unimpressed. "Susy, this is Clarisse. Clarisse, Susy."

"Hi Susy," she said stoically. The pegasus stared at her with its void eyes like she was an alien, and after a long minute of tense silence, bowed her head.

"She likes you!" Silena exclaimed. She grasped the harness and swung herself on. "Come on, La Rue. There's no way this isn't exciting to you."

It was, so with a sigh, Clarisse hoised herself up behind her. All was well until Silena grabbed her arms and put them around her waist like it was nothing. The boldness began to freak her out.

Susy stretched out her wings, and Silena said: "I know you're strong but you can hold me tighter than that. I'm not going to snap."

Clarisse hesitantly pressed herself against her, and the space between them imploded so much that she could feel her own heart beating. She wanted to press her face into Silena's silky dark hair, but a hairpin was in the way. And also it would be weird.

"I can't," Clarisse said, and she jumped off.

Silena looked down, a curious expression on her face. "Really?"

"Yeah." Her palms were sweating.

"How about a chariot?"

Clarisse huffed. "You had a flying chariot this whole time?"

She smirked. "I guess so."

Soon they had attached a chariot to the pegasus, and they were off. Much more comfortable now, and a whole two inches of space between this time.

Elysium was an even more stunning sight to behold from above. Mountains, valleys, rivers, suburbs, cities, farms, beaches. Wherever you wanted to live, you could. There was even a restored Colosseum for fights, and Silena promised to take her there soon. It certainly assured her that the afterlife wasn't just sitting around reading dumb books and sipping tea.

Clarisse rested her head on the window as Silena continued pointing out the homes of past campers and even some celebrities.

"Achilles and Patroclus used to live in that palace over there. They moved on over twenty years ago, but they kept the building since Hephaestus helped design it."

Clarisse realized that there was one home she hadn't pointed out. "Where's Beckendorf?"

Silena went quiet, and here came the hair combing. "He chose rebirth two years ago. It turns out Charles Beckendorf was his third life, so he's almost to the Isles of the Blest. But I think he just wanted to be back in the mortal world."

"Isles of the Blest," Clarisse repeated. Hard to imagine an even brighter and obnoxiously peaceful place than here.

"He made me this before he left." She took the fancy hairpin out and let the rest of her curls tumble down. It was in the shape of a seashell, inlaid with blue gems she didn't recognize. Turning it over revealed a similar flame pattern. The sea and the forge.

Clarisse tried to tone down her jealousy. "Does it turn into a knife?"

Silena laughed. "It's just a hairpin." Her hair was getting battered around by the wind, and she tried to gather it up again.

Clarisse took a loose strand and tucked it back for her, and their fingers touched. She pulled her hand back comically fast. Paradise should not be this nerve-wracking.

Silena just smiled and slid the hairpin into place. "Thanks."

Their eyes met then. Bright blue eyes like the sun hitting the ocean waves. And in the middle of each ocean was a dark whirlpool getting bigger and bigger. Clarisse knew she knew how she felt. Aphrodite kids were good at emotion. Especially this one. She didn't like that she was the only one in the dark.

"I'm sorry I got you killed," she blurted out. "I should've let Michael have the chariot. The camp didn't need defending. I should've just joined the battle so you didn't have to."

Silena shut her eyes for a moment. "It was my choice. I had to make up for what I'd done."

"Me too. I guess it worked. We're here now."

"We are," Silena said with emphasis, and her eyes were on her again. Then she shifted closer so that her thigh was pressed against Clarisse's.

Clarisse was about to pass out just from the heat of Silena's leg. And if she didn't, she was going to chuck herself off this chariot.

"What are you so afraid of?" Silena asked. And her words were like magnets, pulling the truth out of her.

Clarisse nervously adjusted her bandanna. "My mom... well, she's not cool with this kind of thing. I don't know how my dad feels, but he already hated me being a girl. And I thought... I thought I'd look weak."

Silena didn't say anything for a long moment. "I'm sorry people made you feel like that. And that you thought you couldn't just tell me."

"I knew I could tell you. It was me I couldn't say it to. And most of all, I was... — scared — that you didn't feel the same."

"I didn't," Silena admitted. "Not back then. But you still should've said something. That's why I was nervous about you and Chris. I knew. I just... well, I didn't want to push you. And love's complicated. Maybe I was wrong."

"I liked Chris. I really did. But I guess I always loved you. Your death broke us, you know. I couldn't get over you and he figured it out."

I always loved you. I couldn't get over you. The words had come out of her so easily that she almost didn't notice. Her cheeks burned and she suddenly wanted to projectile vomit on one of the villas below.

Silena took her hand, and the anticipation was stabbing Clarisse all over. This might be worse than facing the Lydian Drakon. Or Ares.

"After I died, I thought about you a lot. How you acted. When Charlie died and it felt like the world already ended, you went out of your way to comfort me. In front of everyone! I didn't know you had it in you. And every now and then I thought: We would've been nice, too. Funny how life works, huh?"

"Yeah," she said, throat dry. "Funny."

"Charlie made me a better person. And you, Clarisse, made me strong. I was so afraid when I charged that drakon. But all I was thinking was that I had to be like you."

Clarisse was a bit shocked into silence, and the daughter of Aphrodite touched her cheek. "I like you too, La Rue. We have our chance now." And she leaned forward and kissed her.

Wow.

No feeling came close to the soft hand of Silena Beauregard on her rough cheek, or her lips on hers. Strawberries somehow didn't taste as good as Silena's strawberry lip balm. And whatever the Isles of the Blest looked like, it surely paled in comparison to the fireworks on the back of her eyelids.

This is what it's supposed to feel like.

Another hour passed slowly and all at once, but it didn't matter since they had all the time in the world. Silena put her head in her lap and interlaced their fingers. The last time she did this, she was dying with her face marred from poison. Not anymore. Never again.

Maybe Clarisse could forgive herself. Here there was no place for guilt. Or battles. Not real ones anyway.

"Thank you," she murmured, and it came easily.

She regretted so many things in life, and she wished she was still alive to fix them. But here, with Silena sleeping peacefully against her as they soared over the fields, Clarisse could still find what she never had — peace.