I kind of feel like there's something important for me to address so this will be a more serious post. Plus some updates about my life. There's kind of a vent in the important section, so feel free to skip or don't respond. I'm going to be okay; all wounds heal with time after all. Sorry this won't be a happier, more upbeat post!

First off, I don't know how long my profile photo will stay the same. I don't want to forget, and it's a good reminder because of how often I'm on here and I haven't made a whole lot of art I feel would be good for a profile picture lately.

Next, last week was awful. Honestly Friday was one of the lowest points I've had in a short while and it's been taking more than the weekend to get my usual energy back. In short, I hate block schedule and MAP testing. Sorry that I haven't done as much of anything!!

And homework. The Achilles Heel of so many. Yeah, it's been more prominent lately too.

I've got a light crush and some feelings I would daresay are closer to 'love', though I'm not sure if I can fully go into detail. But yeah that's pretty much usual stuff, though it's been on my mind a lot. I know both people personally and as far as I know, neither are aware.

Twelve. If you haven't watched it yet, what are you doing. It's amazing and if you start out bored it picks up, I promise.

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Onto my original purpose of writing all of this out.

THERE ARE MORE FORMS OF SELF HARM THAN CUTTING
I don't mean to be harsh, but while you may know this I think we should all be reminded.

This paragraph is the vent. I don't want sympathy, I wrote this to inform. My reason for this is because of something that's kind of hard to admit, as I try to be a source of support for anyone who needs it. Even when I feel like I'm breaking apart, I can always set that aside to help out or at least listen, whether I know you or not. I feel like it's the best I can do to help people, and maybe my support can help someone achieve something incredible. Going back to my reason, I'm almost certain I'm guilty of this. I have more unusual ways of letting out stress and bad emotions, mainly doodling on myself, but my right hand is almost always covered in cat scratches these days. Those aren't directly inflicted by me (or they wouldn't be cat scratches), but they don't exactly happen accidentally. Yes, I've played too rough with cats and they react in the most obvious way, lashing out. I fully well know this, and yet I continue. Remember Rome? He's still a kitten, and his claws are still so needle sharp that it can happen almost instantly when I play with him. It might be as addictive as cutting is said to be; I wouldn't know because I haven't actually cut before (I attempted one and a half years ago, haven't since then). Eating has been an on-again-off-again issue where I can't find a balance between stress eating and not eating enough, either able to be counted as self harm because of the consequences they can have. Even beyond that there's mentally harming yourself with your thoughts, which I know can't be helped because I've been struggling with that a bit too. It's so easy to put yourself down, but did you know it takes at least seven positive thoughts to make up for one bad one?

I got a bit sidetracked, sorry about that. Honestly the length of that paragraph was to intentionally put off some people since it was the ventish thing and completely not my point/not something you need to go reread and offer kind words about. Vents are for expressing your emotions in a better way, after all. Not all vents are public. This one just happens to be.

Just remember the main point I made up there; heck, you can ignore everything else if you want!

THERE
ARE
MORE
FORMS
OF
SELF
HARM
THAN
CUTTING

This doesn't mean cutting doesn't matter, I'm just saying the stereotype of all self harm being cutting is annoying me for whatever reason.

Next chapter will be more lighthearted to make up for this, I promise!
-Cavy
(1/22/18)