So um. This is really hard for me to talk about but it's going to affect my life really hard and I might be a bit inactive for a while. This will also be a way of remembering my grandma. I call her Noni so that's what I'm calling her here btw.

She's been in the hospital for about a week now because she was having trouble breathing. They found out she had a blood clot in her lung and they successfully took it out with surgery. Her recovery was really hard for her. One day, she'd be feeling fine and then the next she'd cough every minute. One day she was panicking that she was going to die and sent a text to my dad and aunt saying that she'd miss them and that she loves them very much. Dad got really scared and was also panicking. Noni had been alone at the hospital so her husband came to keep her company. Once that settled down, we went back to the up and down routine. And then.... They found cancer.

Noni has battled cancer before in her kidney but somehow it came back and traveled up into her lung. The doctors said it was a very aggressive cancer that they can't remove with surgery. I don't know all the details about what they planned to do about it but they just put her on more oxygen.

Yesterday, Noni started to do some test to see if she was fit to go back home. Of course, she would still need a hospital bed and plenty of oxygen tanks but we could rent some through Providence and sent them to her house. In preparation for her to possibly come home, me, my sister and mom went over to help my grandpa unpack everything. I was so hopeful that she would get better.

We got the news later that she wouldn't be coming home. She now needed so much more oxygen that we wouldn't be able to provide it to her at home. So she had to stay at the hospital. My dad has been visiting her almost every day and he stayed the night a few times too. I was going to visit as well but because of the COVID protocol, they won't let that many people in to see her. That basically means I don't get to say goodbye...

My mom sat me down on her bed and through tears she told me that Noni was dieing... She hasn't been able to speak and the cancer is blocking one of her lungs from the oxygen from getting in. The doctors put her on medication to stop her from panicking and so she doesn't suffer... We all wrote cards, trying to say how we freak and went on a call to read them to her. It broke my heart that she couldn't respond.

I think she's still alive but it won't be long.

I'm going to miss her so much... And I hate that I can't help her. She's such an amazing person. She was a teacher who you he's over 5,000 kids. Then she was a principal and worked for the school district. She loved nature and national parks. She would always sent me a postcard from wherever they went. I have so many memories. I love you so much Noni, and I'll miss you.