Warning: very stupid unedited trash ahead! Turn back while you can.

I don't know why I feel more comfortable complaining about my life to a bunch of people I don't know on the internet, but here goes nothing. My cat died one year ago today. I haven't been able to not think about it all day. I've been fine for months. Sure here and there I've gotten upset but it wasn't for more than five or so minutes at a time when I stare at the ashes too long. Anyway, this is where today comes into this. Last night my grandfather called, and he and my mom talked about our cats and how cute but evil they are. I listened in on the conversation because I'm a creep. Actually though, my house just has no sound proofing so when the furnace is off I can easily hear into the living room. So the call seems to be dwindling down when I hear my mom mention the name of my old cat. I've talked about him a bit before. Vladimir was my best friend. It sounds really stupid, but I adored that cat more than anything else in the world. That's not the point. My mom then went on to talk about how we had to put him down last year. Then I noticed the date: January 6th. My cat was put down on January 7th, 2018. It being a year later, I started thinking about it last night. I couldn't stop thinking about it today, and actually many people commented on my sour mood today. If anyone actually reads this: sorry 'bout that! My points of being pissed off at nothing were actually just my suppression of depression. I actually did have some good times today. Conversations really helped! Keeping my mind active by completely ignoring the topic actually helped a lot. It was when I was left alone with my thoughts that I was completely unstable. When I didn't have distractions, I was a mess. Complete mess. I bombed one actual test and one practice test. Yay. Luckily retakes exist! But those class periods were just times set aside for me to think more and more. I was determined to be as normal as possible though, and I think I did a pretty darn good job. Aside from various anger for no reason, I think I managed to present normal. I also had a good book to help me keep my mind off life. It actually worked really well. I've only read the first 200 pages so far, but I'll definitely be reading more before bed because I can't sleep the way I am now. Anyway, emotionless Drabble recap: I've been sad all day but I didn't want people to know because saying 'oh I lost my cat a year ago' is a pretty stupid excuse for being upset. So now onto the fun part of the story. I was tired, so I got ready for bed as usual. When my mom yells down to me, and I go talk to her. Everything I suppressed all day just exploded into a rain of all things negative and now I'm completely unstable. I was hyperventilating when I started writing this. Good news! I'm feeling better now. Writing this down really does help. I wouldn't say I'm 100% and my face certainly looks awful right now, but that's okay. Nobody has to look at me. It's still scary to me though because emotions are honestly terrifying. But I'd say I'm mostly calm apart from the occasional hiccup. If you read this, it was stupid. I warned you. Sorry you wasted your time. Please don't leave all the generic comments. It's okay. I'm okay. I just gotta breathe and expose my emotions to the internet as a coping mechanism. I'll most certainly delete this later. Anyway, thanks for caring about my existence, and if you don't, why did you read this? Whatever the reason, just know that I'm okay and I'll be back to my usual self come morning.
R.I.P Vladimir
June 6, 2007 (approx.) — January 7, 2018