P L A Y L I S T

Way Away - Yellowcard

The next morning, to reinforce what she'd told Gabriel the night before, Zari woke him with another hand job, and he didn't argue. Just because she couldn't have sex didn't mean he should be deprived of pleasure.

And if he wanted to admit it or not, her blood pressure had probably risen during the love tug just as much as if they'd done the deed. But for his conscience to be clear, she'd abided by the rules. By the time he got back home, she'd be free of the cast and restrictions.

She rolled over. Rebel sat by the bed waiting for his invitation. She patted the area next to her, and he jumped next to her and licked her cheek.

"Good morning, boy. Starting today, it's just you and me. You ready to go for a walk?"

The dog's tail wagged so hard his whole body shook.

"I guess that's a yes." Zari glanced at the empty pillow and sighed. Just knowing she'd not see Gabriel for a whole week made her sad. Well, she'd see him on Facetime, and that was better than nothing. She scooted to the edge of the mattress, slipped her feet into her house shoes, and made her way to the bathroom.

Staring into the mirror, she finger combed her hair. No time for gloom and doom. That wouldn't change anything. If she stayed busy, time would fly. A few ideas had been bouncing around in her head for days, and with Gabriel gone, this gave her the opportunity to put them into action.

Even though she had a job waiting in Dallas, until she remembered her life there, she saw no reason to return. Dr. Rodriguez had said there was a small possibility she'd never regain her memory. Either way, she couldn't put her life on hold where a job was concerned. Gabriel was kind enough to let her live with him for now, but she couldn't expect him to make this permanent, unless he did plan to propose. He might have changed his mind about marrying her.

No, she couldn't continue to let him support her. That wasn't fair. If he insisted she remained his roommate, she needed to contribute. A few days ago, she'd gone into the spare room and found the stacks of boxes.

When she'd asked his mother about them, she'd explained how Gabriel had never bothered to unpack after moving into the house. Until Zari found employment, she could take that responsibility—if Gabriel agreed.

Add to the list, laundry, cooking, grocery shopping. She could do all those things and give him more free time. He worked hard and sharing duties would make their relationship stronger.

So far, he'd done all the giving, and she'd done all the taking. It might be okay while she recuperated, but once her cast came off, she needed to pick up the slack.

After she got dressed, she went to the kitchen and found a note with a list of things she needed to take care of and at the bottom of the page, a suggestion to call someone to get help lacing her tennis shoes.

Yeah, she was definitely too needy. But after shooting a quick text to Gabriel, she did just that, and Matthew was thrilled to hear from her. Within an hour, he sat before her.

He tied her first shoe and moved to the next one, then looked up. "So, are you going to be alright alone?"

"It's just for a week, and I have Rebel for protection."

Matthew glanced over at the dog who lay sprawled at the back door looking out into the yard. "Not sure how ferocious he is."

"Are you kidding? Did you hear him growl at Owen and Dante yesterday?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure it would have gone any further. If Owen had growled back, Rebel would have probably turned tail and ran."

Zari giggled. "If Owen growled at me, I would, too. He's very—imposing."

"Yeah. Don't know where that came from. Once you get past that rough exterior, he has a good heart. So, what do you have planned for today?"

"As soon as I hear back from Gabriel, I'm going to unpack about a gazillion boxes he's left untouched for almost two years."

*

Owen had planned to leave Parkers Prairie right after Thanksgiving lunch but decided he needed to let Silbie know he couldn't see her anymore. Wouldn't be right to go without an explanation. She deserved to know he didn't plan to come back. Ever. He'd even talked Dante into taking his place at the auction. Best for everyone concerned.

Owen swung his car in next to Silbie's and paused to get his thoughts together before facing her. The park was a safe rendezvous point. With so many people around, the only location he resisted touching her. Today, he'd end it. Whatever it was. In his mind, the only word that fit—forbidden. At least from his perspective.

As he approached, she looked his way, and her face lit up like a child with a new toy. He slid onto the table top leaving space between them and rested his feet on the bench. She scooted closer, and he moved away. No need to prolong the agony.

He wrung his hands together, suddenly nervous. "We're done, Silbie. I'm going home  and not coming back."

Her shoulders slumped, and she placed fingers to the pendant resting against her windpipe. "Don't say that."

"I've given it a lot of thought. Hell, it's all I think about, and the only way I'm going to stop is to not see you again."

"You've—we've not done anything wrong. There's no need for you do this."

He took a deep breath, bowed his head and shook it, then clasped his hands together. "See, that's just it. I want to do something wrong. Lots of things. And if I continue to spend time with you, at some point, I'm not going to resist. Just like the kissing. That shouldn't have happened, but I couldn't stop myself. You're a constant temptation."

She folded her arms below her breasts.

The thought of those kept him awake at night fantasizing about putting his hands and mouth on them. "I can't deal with it anymore."

"I understand, but you're the only who thinks it's a problem. I want to sleep with you."

He ran his hand over his face. "God Almighty. Have you even had sex before?"

"No, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. I've just never found the right guy—until you. That's what this is all about. You want to make love with me, right?"

He narrowed his eyes. Thinned his lips.

Her chin quivered. "Why are you being so mean?"

"See, this is what I'm trying to make you understand. You have this fantasy about you and me and a picket fence. All of it. You're a high school girl. Dammit, Silbie. Not that long ago, the kisses and the things I've said to you would make me a pedophile. I can't get past that. You say you understand, but you don't have a clue. Every filthy thought I have about you makes me feel dirty, as it should."

"No, it shouldn't. I'm of legal age to make my own decisions. If you don't want to see me anymore, be a man and just say so. But don't use some lame excuse about me being too young." She uncrossed her arms, drew a breath, and fisted her hands. "You knew how old I was when we met. If that was a problem, then why pursue me? Or, was this all to get even with Gabriel? You didn't like that Zari was with him, so you wanted to inflict payback. Is that it?"

He started to speak, but she held up her hand. "Well, congratulations. You succeeded because I'm in love with you."

"What? No! We haven't even dated. You're in lust. Not love. And you're right. I take full responsibility. I should have never spent time with you. It was wrong, and that's on me, and I'm sorry."

She stood but didn't move. "So, you're saying you feel nothing for me but desire."

He didn't know how to answer that question. Lie or tell the truth? Either way didn't make a difference, he needed to move on.

Silbie poked him in the chest with her finger. "Answer the question! Do you feel anything at all for me? Or have I misread everything."

She said the last part as if she already had her answer. That he'd been playing her all along and she'd meant nothing. No way he'd let her believe that. "That's just it. I do feel something. More than I should. But like I said. The timing is wrong for us. I think it always will be. That's why I'm ending it."

She stepped closer, put her hand on his chest, and gazed into his eyes. "Go back to Dallas. Take some time. What do I care? With each day you take, I get a day older. If my age is your only hang-up, give me a number."

"What do you mean?"

She fiddled with his collar. Smoothed her hand down his shirt. "How old do I have to be for you? Nineteen? Twenty?"

He didn't know where she was headed with this game, but it wouldn't end until he answered her. "Haven't thought about it."

She circled a button with her finger. "Yes, you have."

Hell, she knew him too well, and for her age, he had to admit, she was pretty damn mature. Not a lot of women would call him out. "Twenty for sure. Maybe nineteen. At least you wouldn't be in high school anymore."

She grinned. Licked her lips, then caught the bottom one between her teeth. "Well, in six months, I'll be nineteen, but I won't be in high school anymore, so here's the deal. You go back to the city, and I'll see you in June." She stuck out her hand. He couldn't help but to smile, just a little.

"And what if you or I become involved with someone else during that time?"

"Then the deals off." She raised her brows and grinned. "But we won't."

In his heart, he knew that to be true. At least for him. Since meeting Silbie, he'd not thought of another woman. Didn't want to. If he were honest with himself, that picket fence entered his thoughts more times than he'd cared to admit. "You're pretty damn sure of yourself."

"I told you from the beginning. I'm the girl of your dreams. All you have to do is accept that, and everything else will fall into place. I know you think I'm silly, but I am in love with you. I knew the day we sat at the hospital snack bar you were the one. That will never change."

He clasped her hand, and damn if he didn't want to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. But instead, he shook on the deal, then watched her walk to her car without looking back. She got in, drove away, and he marveled at how she'd turned his plan around on him—again.

*

It took all day Saturday and Sunday for Zari to empty the boxes. Working with one hand made for slow progress, but she'd managed. She'd even broken the containers down, stacked them into a neat pile, and sacked all the packing paper into trash bags.

Gabriel had tried to talk her out of it, but she'd convinced him by saying she needed something to fill her time. That conversation had happened on Friday, and other than a quick text to say he was too busy to Facetime, she'd not heard from him. She had to admit she was a little disappointed, but she'd seen him come home from work exhausted, and imagined that the storms up north were tenfold to his usual work.

According to her weather app, New Jersey, Delaware, and parts of Pennsylvania, were still getting snow. Zari shivered at the thought of Gabriel working in such conditions. Especially at the top of a pole.

She shook her head. Odd to have no recollection of such a dangerous job. This brain business was weird. No problem remembering she didn't like pudding, but not an inkling as to the grave danger Gabriel faced. Well, Dr. Rodriguez had warned her not to question her recovery or try to force memories. Stress would only make it worse.

She called Rebel to the laundry room, closed the door, then debated about how much to feed Alpheus. For the last couple of days, she'd dropped in five or six flakes, wrinkling her nose at the concentrated tuna smell, but each time she got near the little swimmer, he came to the top as if begging for more.

She stared into the glass, and the goldfish swam to gaze back at her. He wasn't very big, so he probably didn't eat a lot. But clearly, he was hungry. She opened the lid, pinched a few flakes, then dropped them into the water.

Alpheus zipped to the surface and gobbled them in a flash. Yeah, she'd not been feeding him enough. She sprinkled a smidgen more. He gulped them down and swam a few laps as if thanking her.

Grabbing her car keys, she stepped into the garage and lifted the door. Outside, a soft rain fell, overwhelming her with the smell of wet grass and the expanse of untouched land before her. High in the trees, ravens cawed. One of them landed just beyond the driveway. The patter of rain hitting the roof made her yawn. Something she surely wouldn't find in Dallas, no constant buzzing of cars and neighbors through paper thin walls.

She hoped by the time she got to the hospital, the shower ended. But if not, she'd need an umbrella. Thankfully, she'd unpacked one yesterday and knew exactly where to find it. Wonder how Gabriel had made it all this time without one? Silly. He worked in the worst of conditions. Probably didn't consider it necessary.

By the time she arrived at Parkers Prairie Memorial Clinic, the rain had stopped, but the sky still swirled with dark clouds, the light flash of lightning in the distance, drawing near. She tucked the umbrella under her arm, slung purse straps over her shoulder and made her way inside. First stop would be radiology for an x-ray. The results would determine if the cast came off. She hoped it did. If not, then her job plans would go out the window.

When the technician finished, she guided Zari to the doctor's waiting area. After she signed in, then turned her attention to the magazines on the coffee table. They looked well worn, but she shuffled through them and found an article that caught her eye. Long Distance Sex: How to Make It Work.

Within a few minutes, the office door opened, and Elena emerged.

"Hey, Zari."

Zari closed the magazine and swallowed hard. "Oh, hi Elena."

She cocked her head. "Are you okay? You look a little flushed."

Zari flapped her hand as if swatting a fly. "Probably from rushing to get here."

"Today's the day, right?"

Her heart slammed against her ribs. "Ugh? Oh. Yeah. My cast. Why are you here?"

Elena patted her stomach. "Check-up day. Lina came two weeks early. I hope it's a pattern."

"So, that would mean—"

"Any day."

"Oh. Well, how are you feeling?"

"Like I'm about to go into labor."

Zari jumped up. "Do you need to sit? Can I get you anything?"

Elena laughed. "No. I'm okay. I just have this dull backache which is exactly how it started before. Have you heard from Gabe?"

"Just a short text on Friday to let me know he got there. I hope he calls tonight."

Elena nodded, absentmindedly. "Well, I better go. In case I'm right and go into labor in the next few hours, I need to make a trip to the grocery store."

"If there is anything I can do to help you, let me know. Do you have someone to take care of Lina? I'll be happy to do carpool for you."

"Thank you, but since Dawn's off this rotation, I have that covered. But I might need your help after the baby comes."

Zari smiled. "I'd love that. I haven't been around a baby since Lily had Kai." Zari's hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God! I remember that!"

Elena patted her shoulder. "That's wonderful! Maybe having your family here at Thanksgiving helped. I've got to run now, but I'll see you later."

Zari slumped down onto the chair again and thought about her nephew's birth. She remembered holding him. Feeding him. Changing him. Memories with Micah and Lily flooded her mind. Christmas dinners. Birthday parties. How their house looked and what kind of cars they drove. She massaged her temples as if she might squeeze out more of her past, but nothing came. How was it she remembered them but stopped short of other family members?

She shook the thought away, grabbed the magazine again, and stuffed it into her purse.

Lewis poked his head from the office doorway. "Your x-ray looks good, so a nurse will be here shortly to take you to an exam room. As soon as she removes your cast, I'll be in. Okay?"

She nodded, feeling jubilant.

"Everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just remembered another puzzle piece from my past. I'm a little shaken."

He moved to her and dropped into the next chair. "Something bad?"

"No. Good actually. The birth of my nephew, and after that a lot more about Micah and Lily, but no one else. I know you and Dr. Rodriguez explained everything. But it still confuses me when I remember some things and not a hint of others. It's like a door opens, then slams before everything gets in."

"I know it's frustrating, but this is good. Means your brain is healing. It may be a slow go, but just hang in there."

"I'll try to be more patient," she lied. No way the doctor could understand fully how disconcerting her life was, that she was a stranger in it, from the outside looking in.

_________________________

I can't even with Silbie.

Zari finally has her cast off ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

Gabe's gonna need some new excuses.

Boommmmm