So... It's a Monday. One of those days I have without any tuitions or anything. And, naturally, my father texts the Chemistry tutor to take a class.

And of course, they let me know 30 minutes in advance!

Okay, so, to put it bluntly - I cried. Argued with my father. Felt so pissed. And sad.

It feels like marks or no marks, this exam will leave me dead. And the worst part? No one sees how hard I'm trying. Like, no acknowledgements, no extra fun, nothing special. Not the tutors nor teachers, not my family nor friends.

It's so worthless.

But anyway, back to the story.

I actually was having a pretty bad day, you know, my average day. I woke up late and the first thing I hear are from a scolding with threats I don't want to name littered on me. So that put me in a pretty bad position from the get-go.

I don't believe much in religion despite my slightly conservative family, but I know for a fact that my mornings decide my day. If I forget to clean my tongue (my tongue cleaner always slips out of my mind) and do it after washing my mouth thrice, well, it's just bad on exam days. Sucks. I don't understand why either.

I was mad all throughout, but kept hanging on to one thing - No classes today. Gonna chill.

I did study, but with less pressure of a certain impending doom because damn my anxiety when there are tuitions coming up. I don't eat before a tuition because of no appetite, and if I force myself to, it's either nausea or straight to throwing up.

Yeah... I don't quite like my tutors. They're so rough. If they didn't scold and understand that the subjects they teach may be easy for them but not me, maybe things would have been better.

So imagine my reaction when I heard my father calmly announce that I have Chemistry tuition in 30 minutes.
I got frustrated, and thereafter I cried because even though no one sees it, I respect my parents enough not to hit them (yes, my bar is low) but I definitely yell to the point it's unintelligible.

Dad was mad at me, I am mad at him, things happened. We gave each other the silent treatment, talked with obvious anger still laced in our voices, and now he's asleep and I'm having the time to reflect on my day and I'm damn glad I yelled. For God sake, let me live. He needed to hear that. Call me a rebel or whatever.

You know you mirror your parents? In my case, even more so. I actively try to copy my father. He yells, I yell. He doesn't talk, I don't talk. He's got an ego, so do I.
So yeah. I believe my father also has one thing he doesn't want to do but does it for me or my family. And so do I! Balances out. We love symmetry. All is forgiven for the sake of symmetry.

That went out of track but it was worth it! I like writing. One day I am so gonna throw a book at his face.

On the bright side, I, uh, did backbonding.

I wasn't expecting the class but I did look at his notes before so that wasn't the issue. The problem was that I got lost in the concepts. So I tell him my doubts and of course I've not done the following problems because my basics wasn't clear, but the guy beats me up saying I should come prepared. I don't care. In those moments, he's talking to a wall who only says "Okay".

Okay- on the actual bright side, I figured out a pattern in all the commons elements who do backbond. So all is not for naught yet.

...Yet.

Chemistry be like: So this was supposed to happen in theory, but this happened experimentally! Oh, so the old rule was not absolute (but you learn it anyway because you are the education system's servant!). What did our Chemists do? Make new rules! By the way, they're all THEORETICAL! It doesn't really exist... but it explains the concepts to Chemists are good with it! The most unique part of Chemistry is  that there are more exceptions than the number of rules itself!

*Proceeds to connect two unrelated concepts together and then reinforce... you guessed it! More rules! Backbonding is pi-overlap aka pi-coordinate bond and also a kind of resonance! Burn in Hell!*

So anyway it's 2AM on the 12th for me, and I'm listening to the Middle of the Night in the middle of the night-- Also watched the first (and only so far) episode of a favorite manga that recently got an anime adaptation, and the 23 minutes long episode calmed my nerves.

https://youtu.be/3PD_L6SsaoI

My week's favorite:

https://youtu.be/mcr-BYQBqXw

Love this song to death.

Thanks for listening to me today!