**Mishty**

Full darkness engulfed me where I was searching for a small hope. A ray of light passes through the punch hole in somewhat 10 feet away from me. With the leftover courage, I stood up and ran towards the light of confidence. I bend near the gap and pressed my right eye closing the left one to see what was there outside. The moment, I got a clear image I regretted coming there. I shouldn't have wished to escape from the darkness. At least I would have been alone with no one beside me.

My mom was brutally murdered by my father and she laid down with the pool of blood. I gulped the pain inside not want to scream loudly to attract his attention. I am just 10 years old kid who would be probably scared to death.

But only if I knew, if I would have died back then, I might have been in peace.

I sat across my bed wiping away the sweat beads in my forehead. This nightmare has never left me since that day. It's been 15 years already and I could feel those as today.

I entered the class where everyone started gossiping about me. Right! the drama I pulled yesterday was enough for me to gain full attention. Why did I have to do that? I slapped my forehead recalling how I lost my control seeing Siddharth near me. Damn, he was my bestie for almost three years. Now I don't know if he would ever talk to me or not. Thinking of prince, he already came walking ahead of me. I turned away as if nothing happened between us. But he pulled me towards him.

Siddharth tucked my hair behind my ear. His one-touch has the audacity to make me all nervous. "You look so hot today" his words made me blush.

"Thank God you are not angry over me" I mumbled as I was scared what if he doesn't talk to me after whatever happened yesterday.

"I have been wanting to ask you way before Misogy." He asked bending like Shahrukh khan. He always calls me Misogy. Of course, I am the one and I don't regret it. He knew that I am misogamist and always advised me to change my perception.

"Will you marry me?" He asked suddenly and I started walking back till I hit the wall behind. How can he ask this? Marry? Marriage? No. This can't be happening with me ever in this birth. I looked up to him and found that he is damn serious about it.

"I am sorry that I kissed you. I am really sorry." I replied to him not able to meet his intense gaze. It's a fact that I started feeling weak in his presence but marriage? Hell no. How can I explain to him?

"Mishty, I don't know why your opinion is so strong against marriage. But you can have another side only if you allow me to change your view" He replied pulling me close to him. My classmates are having entertainment. I don't want to become a laughing stock out here. I started running away from the situation as usual. I don't have any answers. And I don't wish to answer.

Tears rolled down my cheeks. These tears are like my second soul which never left me alone. As expected, Sid pulled me again to our favourite spot and was demanding answers.

"Sid, what is marriage?" I asked wiping away my tears and he looked at me blankly.

"What do you think it is?" He asked me back. We never had this conversation before. I haven't shared my view on it with anyone till now.

"Marriage is just nonsense, Sid. I have seen my mom who underwent so many tortures from my dad every day. What was her reason you know? It's just she is married, she has to abide by it. Seriously?" I asked him gulping my lumps. My throat went dry recalling those tortures of my mom. I didn't want to relive those moments by sharing those with anyone.

"In a few days, we would get bored but was forced to live together as we are married. That is marriage. Marriage gives an authority to men to rule over women. Marriage becomes a weaker point for every woman to sacrifice her every damn thing. From the last chapati bite to her own dreams. I don't want to live like my mom. I don't want to cage myself inside a small relationship which has no meaning at all. I don't want to die pathetically like her" as I finished my sentence I collapsed and started sobbing more. I am bad at expressing my pain. As usual, my words are just 1% of what actually I am feeling.

The word marriage itself brought a dark nightmare of me being alone in a small dark room. It suffocates me. I can feel the walls which are scaring me to eat me alive. How can I explain this to him?

A soft hug made me come out from that small dream and I looked up to Sid who didn't say anything but was consoling me with his warm gesture. I hugged him and started sobbing more.

He cupped my cheeks and looked at me. Maybe trying to look into my soul. He pecked my forehead. The care I get every time from him is something I am afraid to lose in this life.

I won't ever marry him to lose him.

"Let's live like this forever. Nothing is important for me more than you" with that he pressed his lips over mine. It's a fact that I liked everything. I want to be in his arms. I want to be kissed like this every minute. But I don't want him to live with me with the tag of Marriage.

"One day or another, when you completely trust me that I won't ever leave you, we shall marry" He spoke again in between his kiss. I don't know whether that day will come or not. But right now, I don't care about anything. I pulled him and kissed him more.

"It's purely physical attraction from my side Siddharth. Don't get confused" I confessed him honestly. I can't deny the fact that I am attracted to him. But I will never ever trust anyone to spend my life with.

"I don't love your physical body. But your mind and pure soul which is like a 9-year-old kid. I want to protect you. I want to take care of you. I want to heal you. Please Mishku let me do those?" He asked those and I couldn't control my tears flowing down. I didn't have anyone in my life other than my father who is too busy with his illegal wives that he doesn't even care about my existence. Siddharth showing this much love for me, it's new to me to digest. It's making me dream more.

Should I just run away from this new feeling and resume my life as before.

Or

Should I give him a chance to heal me?

Should I let him love me?

Should I let him take care of me?

"Don't get your fear rule over you Mishku! Just do whatever you feel is right. You are just 19 years old. Don't try to predict the future and lose your present colourful days" he spoke again as if he read my mind. I am giving a second thought about his words. Letting him love me doesn't cost anything. But will I be able to move on if he too breaks my trust?

"Sid, I am too broken to get another betrayal in my life" I  replied him wiping my tears.

Sid didn't reply to me but he also didn't let me in this path. He walked beside me. One thing I know for sure. This guy will surely change my mind. Maybe he started changing my view already. I hold his hands and rested my head over his shoulder. My inner mind was screaming not to get involved with him. But I chose to remove fear in my mind. The path was unpredictable. Yet, I want to walk with him.

Ask what you will do if you are not afraid. Then go for it.

Everything you want is the other side of fear.

Don't let your fear rule over your life, live today as a new day and forget everything else.

~~~~~~~~~

GS_Stella Ink_Lover asmi944