『 selchies 』

✰ cover
So I don't think this has to be said but for the sake of it, I think your cover is spectacular. It captures everything the story is about--it even has the two main characters on it! Very cute ~

✰ title
Before I went into it, I knew that the title had something to do with the anime, Sailor Moon. The meaning behind your title, though, is so much cuter. I'm interpreting it to mean that Parker's the "Sailor" in this case and his "Moon" is Roman, hence why throughout the story they call Parker their sun. It's all just so adorable.

✰ blurb
The blurb is great. It summarizes what the short story will be about and introduces who the main characters are. I would only suggest you turn the single "was" into "is" just to keep everything in the present tense.

✰ characters
The only thing I have to say about Roman and Parker is that they're just such sweet souls. Parker has this quirkiness to him that I just adored reading about. I love the fact that he loves magical girls--I do too! I actually have a story idea that revolves around magical girls. They seemed to have unfortunately died out as the years have gone on. The only one I can think of is Madoka Magica but I was never really into that one.

Roman is such an amazing representation of the LGBTQ+ community. I love that you touched on the subject of gender fluidity through Roman. Indeed, there aren't that many characters who are gender fluid. You did such a great job at it too. Roman is a sweetheart and I love them and Parker together.

✰ plot
There's nothing wrong with a little slice-of-life/romance plot every now and then. I especially enjoyed the texting parts of the story. Usually, when Wattpad writers write a novel solely based on texts, it's almost always poorly executed. However, I thought you nailed it. It wasn't cringey--it was charming.

✰ pacing
It was a little fast-paced, but it's expected given that it's a short story. I didn't find anything wrong with that, though. The story moved along really nicely.

✰ grammar/language
There were a few mistakes here and there, but they could easily be fixed by just going back and proofreading.

There was a bit of mixing past and present tense. I'm assuming that you want the whole story to be told in past, so I've highlighted some areas that were written in the present tense:

There might be a few more but I'm sure you'll catch those on your own as you go back to edit.

There was a sentence in chapter eight that could be improved:

Now it was the day of the date and Roman had just gotten finished getting ready.

You can remove "gotten" as it's unnecessary and redundant.

✰ overall thoughts
Overall, I really enjoyed this story. I even read the whole thing! It was such a fun read and I recommend it to anyone who wants to read something fluffy and cute. Great work!

✎ . . . .

Happy writing!