April 20, 1952

"Suction." 

Nellie's feet felt like concrete. They'd gone numb an hour previous, a welcome respite from the sharp pain she'd been experiencing for the seven hours before. They had passed hour twelve of surgery not long ago. Not for the first time in the week since Steve's breakdown did Nellie find herself beyond grateful that Charles and Colonel Potter had come back to work.

The boy under her care had taken a few fragments in his left leg, nothing too serious. He'd keep it, and he'd be going home. Sometimes she wished that sending the boys home didn't make her as nervous as sending them back to the front.

"Close for me, Margaret," Nellie said. Then she looked up, looking at the other four doctors down the line. Hawkeye looked as exhausted as she felt, BJ not much better. Potter had just come back from a break, so at least he looked a bit refreshed. "I'm taking five, unless anyone needs me?"

No one complained, so she stripped off her gloves and dragged her feet towards the Pre-Op holding area. When she backed through the swing door and left the busy operating room behind, she closed her eyes. The days had started to blur together. Long stints of boredom broken up by hectic, messy OR sessions dominated life.

Hawk had recently gotten back from a two day stint at Battalion Aid and slept for almost a full day. Shelley Lacey and Bigelow had both received packages from home and Nellie spent quite a bit of time with the nurses enjoying the food and domestic items. But standing there in the Pre-Op holding area, all she could think about was how badly she wanted to take a cold shower.

"Major, we're all out of wounded."

Nellie looked right, opening her eyes at Lacey's entrance. "Anyone in there need help?"

"Hawkeye said you're in the clear."

"Thanks." 

Nellie smiled. With a yawn, she pushed out into the compound. Despite knowing it was nearly midnight, the darkness caught her off guard. Truly they had no concept of time in the 4077th. The thirty feet between Pre-Op and the Scrub room passed in a blur. Before she knew it, she was standing in the Nurses' changing room stripping off the bloodstained scrubs she'd been in for half a day.

It didn't take long before Margaret slipped past the curtain and joined her. Over on the other side, Nellie could hear the guys muttering and mumbling about something or other.

"One of these days, Margaret, I'm going to need your secret to how you don't look dead after these sessions," Nellie muttered. She sat down onto the small bench beneath the now mostly empty hooks. 

Margaret smiled and shook her head. "You know, if you went to bed at a more reasonable hour, you might not be so tired."

Opening her eyes slowly, Nellie turned her head to the other woman and smiled. "Now where's the fun in that?"

"Those two rats are a bad influence on you." She sighed. "The way you let Pierce drool over you."

Nellie started downright giggling. She scolded herself for it, but in her tired, starved, delirious state, she just kept laughing. "Aw, Margaret. Don't worry about me. I can handle myself. Don't forget, I attended medical school."

"I know, I know." Margaret shifted into her shorts. She sounded a bit resigned, but still flashed Nellie a smile. "I just don't want to see you get hurt. Pierce is physically incapable of controlling himself, and Hunnicutt just eggs him on."

"Don't worry-"

"I also don't want you to end up with your name dragged through the dirt for fraternization," Margaret warned.

Nellie's eyes shot open again. "Oh come on."

"I wouldn't say anything, no matter how much I think you'd be making a mistake." She shook her head. "But we get visiting officers here all the time, Nellie. Just be careful."

Margaret had finished up changing and just offered her a tight smile. As the head nurse disappeared from the room, probably going off to do exactly what Nellie wanted to do, she just stayed put. Her head hurt a bit, neck extra tight. Margaret was right, of course. She couldn't jeopardize her station. But there were no visiting brass at the moment. Besides, everyone slept with everyone else from what she'd been seeing in the 4077th.

She still sat in just a tank top and shorts. The top shirt of her ODs hung from a nail to the right of her head, but she couldn't make herself move. The numbness had faded and she knew as soon as she stood up, the smoldering pain in her legs would turn to sharp stabs.

"Knock knock. I'm giving you a chance to make sure you're indecent." Hawk's voice sounded from the other side of the curtain with more energy than she'd expected. 

"Careful, Hawkeye, exposure to uncovered brilliance can be dangerous," she muttered back.

Before her sentence had even ended, he'd pushed past the curtain and leaned against the wall. His eyes looked tired, with grey rings under them. She suspected she looked even worse. But she forced out a small smile.

"You look like a corpse," he joked.

Nellie raised her eyebrows and sighed. "Can you send me back to my tent in a box? That way I don't have to walk."

"Sorry, fresh out of coffins."

"I knew you were worthless." 

She yawned again. Faced with the inevitable pain of standing up, she decided to stop putting it off. Her feet would've screamed if they'd have mouths, but as it was, she hissed and cringed. What felt like sharp needles shot all through her feet and legs. "Damn it."

Hawkeye just chuckled as she joined him in the walkway between the two changing spaces. The couple of nurses who had stayed to help with cleanup passed her as they walked. With another yawn, she started dreaming about her pillow.

"You know what I could go for right now," Hawkeye muttered. "A big bowl of chocolate ice cream."

"I'd probably fall asleep in it," Nellie said. "But after I sleep, I could go for one too."

Outside it was quiet. Buzzing of insects and the hum of the army lights created a background chorus, but other than that nothing stirred. A crescent moon shined down from straight above them, and Nellie paused to look at it. She sighed.

"Come on, go sleep. Who knows how many rounds of horseshoes we need to be ready for come morning."

She looked at Hawkeye. Flashing him a small smile, she looked towards her tent. Another deep breath, and she nodded. "I have a date with my pillow."

"Speaking of, when's mine?"

"I was beginning to think you'd forgotten, Hawkeye," Nellie said, grinning. "I hadn't heard you mention it in almost a week."

He shrugged, pretending not to understand her. With a grin he laughed. "I tried to hold my tongue but that week made me weak."

"Weak heart or weak knees?" Nellie asked. As he broke into a snicker, she shook her head. "Good night Hawkeye. I do need to sleep."

"So do I, we could cut down on our costs if we consolidate, sleep together."

"You need that date first," she countered. After a small laugh, and looking towards her tent, she smiled. God, she hated him. He managed to bring out the worst sides of her. She wanted to thank him for that. But instead, she just laughed again. "Right. Tomorrow night, you get your date."

"I should be able to clear my calendar."

"Oh I'm so grateful." Before he could make another witty comment or pass at getting into her bunk, she tapped him on the arm and said goodnight. 

And it was a good night. As soon as Nellie's head hit the pillow, she passed out. A marvel, really, because most days her legs would burn for an hour before she could get herself to sleep. But she didn't complain when she woke up at 0800 and got right into the shower she'd been longing for during the OR.

Wrapped in her lilac bathroom, her dark hair sticking to her face from the water, she moved back out into camp. Kellye, Shari, and Gwen sat in some wooden lawn chairs, the former two with small umbrellas to block out the sun. Goldman seemed to have organized a pick up basketball game, but besides those two groups, everything was rather quiet. 

It wasn't unusual for such calm after a long OR session, but for some reason it reminded Nellie briefly of quiet Sunday mornings in Baltimore. Sometimes she'd take a walk with Jack in the park. Others she would go shopping. Nellie missed people, too. She found it odd, as she'd never considered herself the most social. But she'd not anticipated how being stuck in a MASH unit in Korea would make her miss seeing new faces as she strolled down the sidewalk, or walked into Macy's department store. 

Suddenly, Charles appeared from the men's shower. He had his bathrobe wrapped around himself as well. "Good morning, Major. Fancy yourself another chess match today?"

She smiled. "What, and give you another excuse to beat me?" With a laugh, she meandered with him in the direction of the Swamp. While Hawkeye had been at the front, she and Charles had done a few chess games. She guessed he was anxious to do anything that wasn't with Colonel Potter after being cooped up with him with the mumps. "I don't know, Major. Not sure I want to give Hawkeye anything to hold over my head."

"Ha, please. Pierce's own chess skills are pathetic compared to yours." He shook his head. "Hunnicutt's a bit better. But you could beat them both easily, I'm quite sure."

They split their separate ways, Nellie with a small laugh at his insult towards his bunkmates. Leaving the surprisingly pleasant morning air behind, she dipped back inside her tent and changed into shorts and a tee-shirt. It took her a few minutes to ring her hair out enough that it didn't soak her shirt.

By the time she'd gone back outside, the camp looked a little more lively. The basketball game had expanded, drawing in a crowd of enlisted as well as a few more nurses. Their shouts and laughter filled the whole area. Nellie had to smile. Bigelow seemed to have teamed up with Kellye, Lacey, and Baker to put on a good show against the enlisted men. 

Maybe she'd take a walk today. Of course, so close to the front, walks were more dangerous than back in Baltimore. Nellie sighed. All she wanted was a bit of a break. New atmosphere or something. Something other than dirt, rocks, and blood.

The monotony had started to get to her. Nellie wondered if Hawkeye and BJ acted crazy just to entertain themselves. She'd already reread every book she'd brought. She'd played about twenty games of chess from the time she'd arrived in Korea. After receiving the recording from Jack, she'd listened to it over and over and over. 

"You look rather blue, Major." Colonel Potter walked over, his white painter's coat covered in colored stains. In his right hand he had his supplies, in the left, his easel. On his head sat a large cowboy hat. "You feelin' alright?"

"Morning, Colonel." She nodded. "Just getting a bit restless, I suppose."

Potter smiled at her. "Such is the curse of war. I've been through two before this, if the shells don't getcha, the boredom will." With a small laugh, he held up his easel. "Do you paint, Major?"

"Not well, sir," she joked.  Nellie just chuckled and shook her head. "What've you got planned for today, Colonel?"

"Bit a this and a bit a that. Klinger's bringing Sophie around for me to paint. She looks mighty fine in the morning breeze." 

Nellie let go with a smile and a nod. The Colonel made his way up to the chopper pad. Halfway up, Nellie grinned as Klinger came into view leading Sophie. Even the Colonel had his coping methods. 

"Well, well, well if it isn't the goddess of war herself. Hey Beej, is the unsmiling Athena grinning this morning?"

Nellie turned around, finding Hawkeye and BJ both wearing their robes over ODs, the light glinting off their dog tags. The former wore his cowboy hat, the latter the hat he used for fishing. Their matching grins flashed in the sun.

"Quite a compliment, Hawkeye. Are you trying to flatter me?" She sidled over to them, meeting the boys in the center of the compound. When he grinned, shrugging with his stupid smile, she smirked right back. "I'm surprised you'd use her as a role model Hawk."

"Oh, why's that?"

Nellie leaned in and lowered her voice. "She was a virgin."

As he started cracking up, BJ just shook his head. "She got you there, Hawk."

"What are you two planning to do today?"

"Figured I'd take a stroll around the block. Check to see if we have any new neighbors. You know, like rat or two." Hawk sighed and shook his head. "This place is goddamn boring."

"What about you?" BJ turned to her. "Got a grand scheme to plan or something?"

But she just shook her head with a sigh. "I've not got a clue. Was kind of hoping one you would inspire me. Maybe I'll reorganize the supply room."

"Save that for our date," Hawkeye argued. "I know a nice little corner in there."

Nellie chuckled and shook her head. "No thanks. We're going to Rosie's. I need to get out of this camp by a two-minute walk."

"Romantic," BJ said. "Nothing says date quite like a bar filled with prostitutes and cheap booze."

"My thoughts exactly."

"Well until then," Hawkeye started, "We should start getting ready. Pre-game drinks."

Nellie shrugged. "Not a bad idea. BJ?"

"Our Still is your Still." 

He gestured back to the swamp, where they'd come meandering from. Together the three of them meandered right back, hands in pockets and feet scuffing the dirt up from the earth. By the time they'd reached the Swamp, about thirty seconds later, Nellie's smile had already dropped. She couldn't explain the sudden homesickness, but it was overwhelming. She missed Jack terribly, and her friends and colleagues. 

For the next hour before she was due in Post-Op, they played various card games. Some had monetary stakes, others none. Mindless games, but they kept her body occupied if not her intellect. After rounds, she had lunch, and still Nellie couldn't push the thought of Jack from her mind. 

Dinner came and went, and suddenly Nellie found herself excited for the date with Hawkeye in Rosie's bar. At least he was stimulating company, in more ways than one. After catching an hour's nap while Hawk saw to patients, she pulled on her drab shorts and Hawaiian shirt over her white tank top. 

The end of Jack's tape clicked just as she finished her half shot of vodka. God, she missed him. She missed hearing about the most minute details, like what his colleagues had eaten for lunch or what General Hanover had fumbled over that morning. She missed the way his brown eyes would turn almost amber in the sun, often when he pointed out a particularly gorgeous woman walking down the street. She smiled. 

At a knock on the door, she placed her shot glass firmly back on her desk and moved to the door. It made her smile to see Hawk had pulled on his own electric blue and white Hawaiian shirt. He wore it well, especially without his silly cowboy hat.

"You clean up well, Swamprat," she teased. Leaning in the doorway, she crossed her arms and smiled. "Where's the car?"

"What, you don't fancy a midnight stroll past the minefield? How silly of me," Hawkeye countered.

She shrugged. "It's okay, Hawk. You're trying. It's the thought that counts."

"Trust me, you're in all my thoughts."

Nellie burst out laughing. She had to admit, that had been a good comeback. So she pushed off the frame and let the door close behind her. The sun had almost completely set, a bit of pink and purple painting the sky while it lingered above the horizon. Only a few stars were visible as they walked, and no moon.

"How've you been since Steve was here?"

Hawkeye's question caught her a bit off guard as they passed the "Best Care Anywhere" sign that led into camp from the road. She didn't detect a hint of humor in his voice, and the way he watched her told her the same. So she just sighed. 

"Fine. Next time Sidney's up this way, he said he'd give me a progress report." Nellie shook her head. "The war doesn't end here, though. He'll need a lot of help when he gets back home."

It didn't take long for them to come to Rosie's. The ever-bustling bar had light streaming out from the half-broken window and the blanket covered doorway. A dull hum of voices serenaded them. When they stepped over the threshold, Nellie was glad that it actually wasn't packed. The local infantry companies had moved a bit more north, leaving them too far from Rosie's to bother everyone.

"I'll buy the first round," Hawkeye offered. "What do you want?"

"A beer's fine." 

She grabbed a chair at a table in the corner where she could her back to the wall. The hum of a male voice, Japanese if she remembered right, filled the bar from a radio. Four other men, from the 8063rd she guessed, sat near the bar and two Korean women dressed in fancy, provocative outfits sat on their knees. 

"Good to see you, Major." Rosie followed Hawkeye over, carrying two beers. She plunked them down on the table. "I watered his down, but not yours."

"Hey!"

Nellie just grinned at the bar owner. "Thanks, Rosie. Here's a tip." She slid a dollar over to Rosie. "Keep watering his drinks."

"Bribery will get you everywhere."

As Rosie moved away to clean a few tables in the side room, Nellie grabbed her beer and took a drink. Hawkeye did the same. After straightening up a moment, she looked at him closer. "So you got me here. What's next?" She leaned forward. "Or have you realized your usual lines aren't going to work on me."

"You're mighty sure of yourself," Hawkeye countered. He sat back away from her, downing another drink of his own beer. Then he pointed at her with the hand that held the bottle. "See, I think you're bluffing."

"About what?"

He smirked. "Coming here under protest." As his grin widened, he just continued on. "You don't do anything you don't want to do, so you must want to be here."

She shook her head, but Nellie couldn't suppress her smile completely. So she just sat back and crossed her legs. "Alright, fortune teller. Why do I want to be here?"

"Oh I'll keep you in suspense." Hawkeye put his beer to his lips. With another tiny smirk, he drank.

Nellie narrowed her eyes ever so slightly. It infuriated her. He could bring out all the worst parts of her, the parts that just wanted to cause mischief. The way he could use his wit to his advantage, to entertain himself and others. Admirable, really.

"What's your favorite color?"

"What?" she asked.

"Favorite color."

She paused. Narrowing her eyes, she thought about it. Nellie had thought about a favorite color in years, not since she was small. But she knew it had to be blue, the color of the sky at night when the brightness of the day had started to fade leaving behind a more subdued tone.

"Blue," she said. "Yours?"

"These days? Red. Anything but green," he added. 

Nellie flashed him a small smile. "I like red, too. It's powerful."

"I prefer to think of it as passionate," Hawkeye countered. 

Of course he did. Whether or not that was true or a flirt, though, Nellie hadn't a clue. She took another drink. The beer made her feel a little more at ease after the talk of Steve on the way over. She took another drink, longer, letting the lukewarm alcohol coat her throat.

"Tell me more about home, Hawkeye."

Just as the last time they'd been in Rosie's together late at night, as soon as she mentioned Crabapple Cove, Hawkeye grinned. He got a distant look in his eyes as he told her all about his father's practice in Maine, and the lobster festival his town liked to throw. He talked about the coast. Nellie found herself enthralled by his enthusiasm and his passion. She had to admit, red was a good color for him. He found passion in everything he did. 

"It sounds like heaven, the way you talk about it," she said quietly. Nellie flashed him a small smile. "I hope you get back there soon, Hawk."

"So do I. If those idiots in Panmunjom could get their acts together, we could all be home right now. But no, they've got to worry about who gets the eggs and who gets the toast for breakfast first before they can end this bloodshed." By the time he'd finished, his passion had turned from adulation of Crabapple Cove to fury at the peace talks. Hawk took another drink, hand shaking a bit as he pushed it to his lips. Then he shook his head. "Its unbelievable."

Nellie frowned. "The reasons behind this war are less clear," she agreed. "It's like the Army doesn't quite know it's purpose here."

Hawk looked like he wanted to tear into the army even more, but he just bit his tongue and turned the question on her instead. "Tell me about Baltimore."

Her smile widened a bit. She looked intently at the table for a moment, trying to decide where to start. What she really missed was the people, not the place. She missed the little white Maltese she'd see out on walks with Cindy, and the way she'd pass the same people at the corner cafe on the way home from work every morning. So that's what she told him. Nellie told him all about her neighbors and colleagues, about the old man who ran the trauma ward and had a chip on his shoulder whenever she showed up.

"Jack hates him," she said, giggling. Nellie had finished her second beer, setting it back on the table as she just laughed. "One time when I came home in the morning, he knew that Dr. Howell had done something to piss me off just from the way I threw my keys into the bowl by the door. He marched right up to me, demanded I explain, and then threatened to go rough him up."

"What had he done?"

Nellie snorted. "Some stupid thing. I think I got angry with him for touching my leg."

"What'd your brother do?"

"Jack?" Nellie laughed again. "Nothing. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he tried to fight my battles for me, then I would never set him up with another date again."

"That's a blow below the belt," he said.

Nellie sniggered. "Yeah, well. That's where it hurts, isn't it?"

As Hawkeye snickered into his beer, she glanced down at her watch. 2245. They'd been at Rosie's for two hours. She yawned. Talking to Hawkeye when he wasn't all jokes and jibes was undoubtedly the most interesting thing to do in the 4077th, at least at the moment. The runner up to that would've been BJ's pinball playing but that was easy enough to coax out. A genuine Hawkeye Pierce was a bit more difficult. 

Just as she went to say more, a dozen marines barreled into Rosie's. They looked drunk already, and Nellie curled her nose at the way they smelled like dirty socks and booze. She frowned.

"We better get out of here before they drown themselves in alcohol." Hawkeye pointed to where one of them had already tried to accost one of the girls. He shook his head.

Nellie couldn't agree more. Leaving a final dollar tip under her beer bottle for Rosie, she followed Hawkeye past a particularly robust Marine and out into the night. It had darkened since they walked in, losing all color in favor of a black sky with white stars like the way chalk dust would scatter over a chalkboard. 

They walked mostly in peace the four minutes back to her tent. Hawkeye offered a bit of commentary on the shenanigans of one of the patients in Post-Op who had insisted that all he needed was crutches to get to the latrines. Apparently he didn't want to use a bedpan in front of the nurses.

As they reached her tent, Nellie just looked at him. She turned and faced him. The way the compound's light caught his eyes made her pause. She liked the blue. "Vodka?"

"Thought you'd never ask," he teased.

She let him inside with a chuckle. He took a seat in her desk chair as she popped open the vodka bottle and poured them both shots. Then she took up a seat on her bed and smiled. "Cheers."

Hawkeye clinked glasses with her. Then he gestured to the tape recorder that sat to his right on top of the desk. "How'd you get one of these?"

"Jack," she explained. "He sent it for my birthday." After a bit of hesitation, she turned to him. "Do you want to hear it?"

"Your brother?" He lowered his vodka glass, humor evaporating. "I'd be honored."

WIth a small smile, she stood from the bed and rewound the tape a bit. Her hand hovered over the play button for a moment. But then she pressed it, feeling the button compress beneath her finger. 

"...said it was for me only. Captain's privilege. And even if i wasn't the ranking person in your group of friends, I'd play the older brother card." A laugh, and another pause followed. "While you're there, watch out for snipers. And rats. Their fleas'll kill you. And be careful of dysentery. Yes I know you know, but I need to say this since Dad and Mom can't. I'm running out of space, Nell. Keep safe, please. I've lost so many people. I can't lose you, too. Break a few noses for me, yeah? I know you can handle yourself. But war is a different beast altogether and you need to be prepared to do what is necessary. Just don't do anything stupid." He paused and then laughed. "I'm rambling again. God bless you, Nellie O'Hara. See you soon."

Silence hung in the air as the tape whirled for a moment and then clicked to a stop. The voice of her brother, a deeper timbre than her own but full of a kindness she wanted to see in person, disappeared. She'd played the tape so many times she could've recited it.

"I better watch out for him," Hawkeye teased after a moment. "He could probably break every bone in my body." He stood up, pouring another glass of the vodka that she'd left on the bedside table.

Nellie smiled. "Lucky for you, I'm a doctor."

Turning back to her, he just snickered. "All the same, better not get your soldier brother mad."

She turned and looked at him. He had closed most of the distance, his blue eyes taking in every inch of her face it seemed like. She cocked her head a bit, leaning against the desk and facing him head-on. Her heart beat a bit fast. She wondered if Hawkeye could see her blushing a bit. "He mentioned you, actually. Said he'd come to Korea and kick your ass if you messed with me."

"Oh?" He moved a little closer. "So I'm the talk of the town in your family?"

She rolled her eyes, but smirked and took a small sip. That infernal smile. "I wouldn't say talk of the town. An entertaining subject, though."

"So what exactly counts as messing with you," Hawkeye added, leaning a bit closer. 

"Doesn't matter." Nellie closed the distance so she could lower her voice further. "I don't let him fight my battles, remember?"

Hawkeye kissed her hard, and she returned it in full force. Passion, everything he did was full of passion. It floored her. His wit, his humor, his kisses. Soon his hand found its way to her hair and she bit her lip and groaned. Red. Powerful, passionate. Kind of like Hawkeye. She just hoped she could remember to kick him out of her tent before morning. But as she felt heat rising to her cheeks, she forgot the thought almost as quickly as she had it. She saw too much red.