******052:

Aubrey

Our balcony sported a lovely canopy that kept us cooler than we might have been as we docked the next morning at St. John. It was a beautiful sunrise, pink and orange and other lavender neon colors I never expected to see in nature.

Hannah had joined me while Rafe was in the shower and we'd simply read our scriptures together and drank smoothies. Hannah had on dark blue capris, and two tops, while I wore a busily striped skirt and a white loose fitting t-shirt. I already had my hair braided and she'd asked me to braid hers. I was kind of waiting for her to talk, as it was obvious that was why she'd sought me out.

But so far all conversation had been about Abbie and the kids, a little about Christmas and college, and nothing specifically engrossing enough to consider it a personal conversation. Rafe wandered out, a towel wrapped around his waist, his tattoos showing off his muscles to perfection. Pretty sure he did that for my benefit, but actually, I didn't mind showing him off to Hannah a little bit. She'd seen him in the pool and at the ocean a number of times, so nothing was completely unfamiliar. Maybe that little gap where the front of the towel was flapping open.

My eyes met his as he waltzed through the room. He was combing his hair slicked back, and his dark sultry gaze was meant to enflame me over the top of Hannah's head. What he couldn't see was Rein, toddling after him, holding the blankie, and the sippy cup he'd gone to bed with last night. I don't think he even heard him coming up behind him, but when Rein tripped and grabbed for the first thing in sight to hold him up, that towel went flying and Rafe--- hahaha!--- was blatantly exposed for not just Rein, Hannah and I, but Abbie and Felicity who came tumbling out of their rooms in search of Rein.

I half stood. Initial instinct was to go to him--- re-wrap him--- hide him from view. My mouth must have fallen open.

But---

True to his cavalier personality, and his quick response to almost every situation---

Rafe bent and retrieved first Rein, who was struggling to get back off the floor, and then the blankie to wrap him in. He stood there, ascertaining Rein's well-being, checking his owie, as he sniffed slightly and let out a frustrated roar for good measure, he wasn't hurt. He cuddled him under his chin, and then let his eyes drift to mine in challenge.

The bedroom doors clicked shut circumspectly, and Hannah, after one startled glance, had flushed bright red and faced the ocean off our balcony. I stood all the way up, gave him a good once over, since it was what he was waiting for--- and then winked--- gave him a saucy salute—and watched as he and Rein marched--- buck naked—into our room.

I sat back down.

"So, that's not something you see every day." Hannah grinned and took a sip of her smoothie.

My brows rose. "Yes, it is."

She colored again, and looked down, so I laughed. "Well, what did you expect?"

Now was her chance! I saw her eyes raise--- oh, ho! She had something to say, and that comment was a slight segway into it. "I expect morality."

My eyes widened again. "Is this about Rafe? Or about Jeremy?"

She looked down again, and twiddled her fingers in her lap. Then in nervousness, she took a deeper breath. Her eyes rose to meet mine. "I need your advice."

I sat back, folded my arms, and then unfolded them, and simply gazed at her.

"Aubrey, you had standards... didn't you? Church standards? And Rafe--- he rose to meet those for the most part. Right?"

"He knew the standards, he was a member all his life. Jeremy wasn't. Is there something he is doing that you don't like?"

"Yeah." She blew out her breath. "Yeah, there is!" But her eyes turned dark and tumultuous. "But I really like him--- maybe even love him. I hate to see things come between us, but he wants ---."

"Sex?"

Her gaze snapped to meet mine. "Yes."

I nodded and lifted a shoulder. "So did Rafe."

"He did? But you held out? You didn't give in to him? He didn't push you?"

"Is Jeremy pushing you?"

"Some.... Yes."

"Are you inviting him?"

"I'm flirty with him. I enjoy making out with him."

"It's possible he is misinterpreting your cues."

"What do I do?"

"Talk to him, honestly, candidly, like a woman, not a flirty little teenager."

Her face crumpled. "I'm not sure how... to bring it up."

I cocked my head to one side. "You guys talk don't you?"

"Yes, yes! All the time."

"Then simply bring it up."

"Maybe you could bring it up?"

"What?" I laughed. "In mixed company? Is that the conversation you want to have in front of Rafe and me?" I sat back as she looked uncomfortable and dejected. "I'm not the best one to be asking this. I didn't have the experience to bring it up to Rafe either. I gave him bad cues the whole first part of our relationship, until I finally had enough and got mad and---- fortunately he didn't think I was a prude of a baby, and he liked me enough to process it and stop pushing and be my boyfriend."

"What did you do?"

"I got mad, I told you. We had to have a fight."

"Oh."

I knew she was very non-confrontational. This kind of conversation would be hard for her.

"Well, I could do it for you, but---- he probably would like it better coming from you."

"And if I was to bring it up to him, he'll probably think I'm a prude and a baby."

"You won't know till you give it a try. He's a sensitive man, hopefully, he will respect you enough."

"I don't want to lose him."

"No, no, of course not. Why don't you pray about it? Perhaps the Lord will help you find a time that would be best. And keep your hearts softened."

Her eyes turned up to mine. "That's funny."

"What?"

"Those words."

"What words?"

"Find the right time and keep your hearts softened."

"Why are they funny? It's what my mom would have said to me, pretty sure."

"Good sound advice, too, Aubrey, that's not why it's funny. You know my dad left me a book, right? Before he died?"

I did know about the book, everybody did. He'd also taken the time to write each and every one of us a letter. Jared Patrick was a very unique and amazing man. Extremely perceptive. I nodded at her. Just bringing up his name and the book gave me shivers.

"There aren't very many pages left unread in my book. Most of it was written with growing up in mind, but there are three--- one for when I decide I'm ready for courtship, one for the night before my wedding, and one at the birth of my first child." She looked away out to sea, and I saw a fully dressed Rafe sidle up to the sliding glass doors with his smoothie behind her. "I decided to read the first one. I think I'm ready to be engaged, and that is what he said about it."

"About courtship?"

"No, about sex."

I was taken aback once again by Jared's perceptions. He really was and had been a good father and very keen on picturing his girls at different ages, contemplating what they would need. What dad, before their baby is born would write her a letter about something so intimate to be read when she was the right age? Pretty awesome. I saw Rafe smile tenderly.

Hannah sighed again, and pushed her empty glass away from her. "He said those exact words. Find the right time--- as if maybe the right time was not just after marriage."

My eyes snapped to hers. "I didn't get that from those words. Your dad would have known you'd be raised with standards. He wouldn't have been thinking premarital sex was appropriate, but he wasn't naïve enough to think that you might not be tempted. The right time is always after marriage, Hannah. Always. Waiting till you are fully committed to each other, legally and lawfully will help keep you together even when times are tough. And keeping your hearts softened, is to help both of you be sensitive to each other's needs. For one not to feel pressured and the other overwhelmed by wanting. It's to help keep the desire in check. Your dad was a very sensitive man."

Rafe was staring at me, his eyes inscrutable, his lips pursed thoughtfully. I looked once more to Hannah. "We waited."

"I know you would have had to, you were married in the temple."

"But it was hard. And he didn't understand my reasons completely for quite a while."

"Jeremy says he gets me."

"I know, Rafe did too, and wanted to respect me, but----."

Rafe decided to make himself known. He pulled back the curtain and stepped through onto the balcony, taking the heavy iron seat next to Hannah on the other side. There were only the three chairs out here. Hannah colored and looked away--- and I was afraid she thought the conversation was over.

Rafe watched the seagulls, listened to the wind and finally said this, "Hannah, Jeremy will understand you eventually. In his heart, he knows you are right. In his brain, even he knows you are right, but down there---." He looked pointedly at his own anatomy and then back into her eyes. "You are the most desirable, alluring, provocative, dazzling creature he's ever encountered, and that my dear, makes you nigh unto irresistible. He knows what is right---- he also feels what his body says is imperative. That---- is the natural man. And he must--- in this case---- first and foremost in his life--- he must conquer it."

I felt Rafe's words pierce me. Deeply.

He spoke from experience.

He'd had to go through that exact same thing.

I felt a welling of gratitude for his restraint, and his honor.

I swallowed heavily as Hannah turned to him.

He patted her hand resting on the table. "It will all work out." He told her gently.

Her blue eyes gazed into his hopefully, the Rafe Stryker confidence was catchy. Then she excused herself and slipped through the suite, clicking the door closed behind her.

I looked up at my husband, the startling intensity in his eyes as he leveled his gaze at me. Caught me off guard. I felt my heart beat accelerate perceptibly.

"I meant what I said. It will all work out."

I let out my held breath. "Yes, I'm sure it will. They are a cute couple."

"We went through those challenges. It may have been my hardest personal challenge to date. To keep loving, and keep trusting, and keep wanting---- even though."

"Were there moments you doubted I was the right girl for you?"

"Yes."

I was surprised. After the fight at his parent's house, I don't think I ever had a moment's doubt.

"Do you ever feel that way now?"

He quirked a smile. "Not about you. Not about us. Not about the church, or the band, or any of our recent decisions. But--- I do have a hard time believing and knowing that those three little people in there are actually mine. It's still very surreal. I know it in my head---- but I go through whole periods where I forget, and I look at them like---- strangers."

He quirked his brows at me, chewing a toothpick pragmatically. "I'm sure it will take time. What are we up to today? I see land. I think we're about to dock."

******