080:

Abbie and Jeremy had chosen to have their Temple wedding now rather than later. They were worthy, they were in love and they did not want to wait. She chose to wear her mother's dress, the one she had worn in the Temple when married to Robert DeMarco--- the only father Abbie had ever known.

I had sat with her yesterday at the fitting when Melia had brought out the Book and a DVD, and had shown it to Abbie. I felt so privileged, since the Book was considered sacred in our family.

It was a quiet moment, in my house, as that was where Abbie was currently living. We'd asked Antonia to take the kids for a little while so we could savor the spirituality of this moment.

Melia, her dark auburn hair curled under around her face and short in the back, was sitting on the couch in our den, Robert was behind her and my mother at her side. Abbie and Jeremy sat on the newer addition loveseat and Rafe and I finished the solemn circle on my lounger, also a new addition. The weather was dreary outside, but I'd asked Lorna, the new cook to make a celebratory cake and treats, healthy treats, and special punch. There were no other decorations---- my family wasn't real big on deco when things were as last minute as this.

We'd got the adoptions finalized last Friday, found out about it on Sunday, picked Wednesday as our sealing day and told Jeremy and Abbie right away, and they'd made that decision immediately. They must have already been discussing it.

Melia had the book on her lap. It was a scrap book--- twelve by twelve--- with blue leather bound borders and a deep red cover. It was fairly huge. And I knew it contained letters from Jared Patrick to his daughter--- Hannah--- the one he'd known about before his death. It was poignant and thoughtful, and each and every time it was opened was a special occasion.

I thought Melia would speak, or Mommy--- I'd been there at Hannah and Abbie's respective baptism moments, and it had been Melia and Mommy then, but today, Robert, who was standing, cleared his throat.

"Abbie---." he was instantly choked up and then of course, so was I. Rafe squeezed my shoulder and shifted his weight against me. "I came to see your mom rather unexpectedly after the death of my first wife, Karen May. I was sailing around--- getting through my grief--- and your mom had helped me through those last terrible days--- and we'd become friends. That night, I was particularly down--- missing my wife, missing the companionship of a wife, the enduring special connection husbands and wives feel for each other. I was so sad--- and I called your mom, wanting a connection, any connection. It turned out she was very close by--- on Catalina Island, where you'd just been born."

He sniffed, and drew in his breath, his thick dark eyebrows drawing down, covering the dark intensity of his charismatic face. I knew Robert was currently at the peak of his career as an actor. He was on fire with it--- and doing very well. But this was a side of him I had not seen.

"Your mom invited me to visit. It was dark, a very dark night--- nevertheless, stars glittered over the ocean, and twinkled in the waves like crystal expectation. I felt my heart leap in anticipation of seeing you--- being there on your first day." He choked up again, and of course, so did I.

When he got himself under control, his big hands hanging heavily at his sides, and then behind his back, he continued, looking right at Abbie, whose eyes were moist at this unexpected turn of events.

He swallowed hard. "I anchored the boat at your mom's dock--- having never been there before, I was excited to see this side of the private island. I could see a lot of white sand beach, darker breezy trees and shrubs, and the faint lights, up the hill of the house. And coming down the dusky trail, one little golf cart light---- and your beautiful mother, with you, in a car seat.

"I didn't know at the time that I loved your mom. She and I were just beginning our friendship. But I knew the moment I set eyes on you that I loved you. There in that car seat--- curled into yourself, helpless, and at the mercy of the world. I knew in that first second that you were special to me--- that I would be in your life and forever--- no matter what I had to do to stay in your life--- as a godfather, or a guardian--- I knew it was to be." He choked and covered his mouth with a couple of fingers as his eyes, red-rimmed and glistening, overflowed.

He blew out his breath, looked around the room--- and nodded as Richard Mann came in and settled next to his wife, who was dabbing at her eyes discreetly.

"Up at the house you were fussy---- I made us hot chocolate and herbal tea--- and then---drawn irresistibly to the little sight of you nursing serenely, your eyes squeezed tightly shut--- your whole body straining to curl around your mom, I went and sat next to her--- far too close--- far too familiar. I supported her arm where you lay and when you stopped nursing and fell asleep, I took you and laid you on my chest, and you sprawled against my heart, and there you stayed--- safe, secure, mine forever."

He sniffed, looking at her now as they both cried openly.

"That night your mom cried in grief for the first time since your dad had passed away. She'd held herself tightly in check, and only with me was she able to let herself grieve. I held Jared's wife, and child as if they were my own, and I wondered--- I really wondered--- right then--- if you were my gift. If I was to be your dad."

She was nodding, we were all nodding.

"I was the first man besides your Grandpa to hold you. I am the only dad you've ever known, and even though I am Hannah's dad as well as yours, no daughter could ever be more loved and cared about than you. You are my first baby girl, and that will always be a special thing. I really feel that on that night--- Jared was there, and Karen too--- and they gave you three to me---." He stopped, overcome, wiping his eyes with a handkerchief that Rafe somehow gave him.

I looked around through my tears. My mom and dad had been there that night--- as had Megan, taking care of Hannah. I'd heard about it later, and heard part of this story all my life, from Hannah and Melia and Megan and Mommy, but hearing it from the man who had taken that special stewardship, who had sealed the girls to him, and had filled in every way every possible fatherly duty, made all the difference. The spirit was so present, we were all glowing.

"I held you for hours that night, while your mom slept next to us. I never slept, never even closed my eyes. As the sun came up, I watched the glitter fill your baby soft wisps of blonde hair. I saw the way your milky skin squished with little baby fat, I touched your downy soft cheek and kissed your tiny fingers and forehead. I fantasized about one day kneeling at the altar with your mom and becoming your father, and I hoped beyond hope it was true. You were the catalyst, you brought us together, like a gift from heaven. And I have been here--- every day--- every hour--- every thought---- knowing that I was able to raise Jared's daughter, and that someday both of us will stand at your side and give you away to another man to care for for eternity. I have discharged my fatherly duty by providing for you, I have reveled in my fatherly duty as we went to every daddy daughter date, every soccer game, every music concert, every Barbie fun night. And Abbie, I have always felt Jared's love and trust--- always. Never has a day gone by that I didn't feel him watching us, approving of our union. He's here, and he has some things to say to you before you take this step----." Robert wiped his eyes and then reached for the book, but before he could take it from Melia, Abbie was in his arms.

Behind me Rafe trembled. My eyes sought his as he pulled me around, one hand on my stomach and one on my chin, and he sobbed silently, thinking--- I know, about our little Felicity.

I could hear Abbie's voice saying 'Daddy, I love you!' over and over, and I hoped that someday this would be Felicity and Rafe.

Jared Patrick had set the example for us. His final days had been spent making memories with his family--- making the book full of special moments for his girls. His thoughtfulness and forethought had not gone unnoticed. His legacy was huge. I learned from him that every moment needed to be lived to its fullest. And special moments had to be created.

It wouldn't have been possible for Robert to give Abbie this moment if it hadn't been for Jared's prior imagining it. Because of Jared imagining it--- so had Robert.

I had to imagine special moments for my children as well. I had to think about them--- anticipate their needs, be there for them in every detail.

Robert picked up the book and began to thumb through it. Every page was thick with pictures and little pockets of memorabilia. Jared had tokens--- music, doll clothes, DVD's he'd wanted to watch, instructions for Melia on how to prepare each event. And she'd faithfully--- with Robert's help--- made it all happen. Jared and Karen were not forgotten.

He finally arrived at the page. I could see it from here--- white with pink and blue gauzy lace, flowers--- and some kind of jewelry. Was it a necklace? I thought it was.

And the letter, in his own hand.

Robert handed it to Abbie.

She stared at it, unseeing, and then looked up at him. "Do you want to read it? Then it's really from both of you?"

He took it back and cleared his throat.

"Dear Daughter---."

I knew this had been altered by Melia. It might have said Dear Hannah--- and probably did. Jared had died without knowing he'd conceived another child.

"It is with the utmost reverence that I write this letter to you to congratulate you on the decision to be married in the Temple. This was a wish of your mother's that I had hoped to give her before the Good Lord claimed my time and attention, but alas, it was not to be. I only know that I am grateful to the man who will take you there, I know he will take care of you and provide for you and treat you with love and respect for the precious gift that you are. It is the right thing to do--- being married in the temple--- and everything that goes with that--- testimony, and forever, and eternity and babies. I know you are surrounded by family—I asked that they be there when this letter is read. I want you to know that if it is at all possible, if earthly things occasionally merit the presence of those of us who have passed beyond the veil, then I am there too. I want you to hear your father's voice tell you today that you are loved. Hear me, baby girl, tell you that you are the most exquisite creature ever to grace my life. You are beloved--- you are of the greatest value, you have so much to contribute, you will be a wonderful and loving wife and a gentle and sweet mother.

And you--- man she's planning to marry--- you must be awesome, and in all sincerity--- I hope you realize how blessed you are. You will spend your life calling her Queen--- basking in her accomplishments and treating her with respect and love.

And if you even have one moment of thought that this might not be the case, remember this letter. I will hold you accountable for every tear she cries on your behalf. And son--- you do not want to know what that's like. I am deadly. I am Jason Bourne. I am your worst nightmare.

That said--- adjust tie and clear throat--- I love you both very much. This is not your last letter.

Be good.

Love your dad, Jared."

*****