*****091:

As it turned out Chris, Doug and Lance met us at Nobu Malibu for dinner. We were seated immediately in a very secluded room, and offered complimentary drinks, and appetizers. The lighting was low, the music muted, and the waiter soft spoken.

Lance and Chris were obviously at odds, and I didn't really want to know what he'd said to her. She'd always been a little hot tempered and high strung. Calling my wife a slut had been going too far, but since Heavenly Father had taken the cruel words away and not let Aubrey hear them, I wasn't about to bring it up.

We could hear the sounds of the ocean waves just outside the patio doors, although we were not seated outside, it was night, and the lights of the peninsula twinkled comfortingly.

Lance spoke softly about the people who had come, different Aunts, Uncles and a few cousins and friends. He also told us who else he had talked to that were coming tomorrow. He didn't mention our absentee father, and he didn't mention Chris's terrible outburst. His words drizzled over me like pure clean water.

Chris had not completely wound down. She sat in a weird convolution of staid pretending not to care, her arms under her chin, her eyes staring blankly outside, or--- leaning forward, her lips parted, ready to pounce. She listened to Lance half-heartedly, maybe waiting for him to slip up. I couldn't help comparing this scene to a couple of years ago, when her quirky sense of humor and outrageous outbursts were entertaining and endearing, and we'd sat around a Christmas dinner table tossing funny banter back and forth, our parents at opposite ends enjoying us kids being goofy.

What had happened?

Mom became bitter.... Had it really just been the changes in my life? Couldn't be.

It had to have been Daniel's death, but that had been years before. She'd at least made a pretense up till last year, then things had gone downhill. She had ruined her marriage. I don't think dad would have left her except for her waspish tongue, her sudden fierce protectiveness of the LGBT movement and her hatred of the church. What, had someone tried to come visit teach her? She wasn't a member. No, that wasn't it. My mind drifted.

I thought about the way Aubrey and I had hit it off.... A few days after Troy's death. I'd come home from the hospital and fallen deeply asleep out on the patio, and the cat really had gotten out. Aubrey's place must have been open then--- but she wasn't home--- she'd often slept at the hospital. I'd never even seen her car there.

But the next day, I'd had to watch for it. The little yellow Beetle she couldn't drive anymore. We'd talked about her driving, and determined she'd better stop for now....

Anyway--- I went on in my mind, reliving the best worst day of my life. I was so depressed--- in anguish, unable to process, unable to make sense of death--- let alone Troy's death. And the damn cat--- where was she? Where was the neighbor?

When she'd pulled up I'd had this inclination to go ream her for being gone so long. It was irrational-- and ridiculous. So, I'd gone over there--- expecting to be polite.

And instead--- I'd found Aubrey.

She wasn't even slightly what I'd expected.

Obviously clean and innocent--- her naïveté managed to permeate everything about her, even her stance, her talk, everything. It still did. Although being around the band had hardened her a little. I was suddenly very glad Heavenly Father had protected her from my sister. Nobody in our acquaintance would ever call Aubrey a foul name like that and expect to live to tell the tale---- except Chris--- and only on the day of our mother's viewing, and funeral.

"Rafe?"

I turned to her. Her brows were drawn down. "You okay?

"I'm okay." I told her, yawning unashamedly suddenly coming back to the present from my moments of reverie. They were all silently contemplating something.

"What did I miss?"

Aubrey smiled patiently. "Nothing. Chris is just saying she'd like to go get some rest."

I indicated the dinner being brought behind her. She nodded, and moved to the side as a waiter laid her plate before her.

I ate--- I like to eat. But I noticed the others were not as convinced eating was necessary or enjoyable at the moment. I decided I didn't care.

We ate almost completely in silence, and afterward, Chris and Doug got up and left, with barely a farewell. I think she was exhausted.

Lance suggested we go for a walk, they had lovely Japanese gardens, even at night. I think he had something to say. So I took Aubrey's arm.

I was right, after a few minutes out in the breezy ocean air, in the midst of a nandrina and conifer zen garden path, he cleared his throat. I gave him my undivided and very calm attention. I was glad for Aubrey's arm tucked in the crook of mine, though.

"It's been a helluva year, hasn't it?" Lance said tightly, shaking his head as if the whole of the events surrounding the last twelve or so months was bewildering to him.

I nodded.

"There's been so much bad--- and some good as well. Maybe the good, outweighs the bad. I mean you two found each other, and that's something--- and look at the blossoming of your love--- quintuplets—it's a freaking miracle."

Aubrey bit at her lips, maybe to keep from smiling, or crying, I couldn't tell.

Lance went on, occasionally looking up at the stars. Although the lights pretty much precluded seeing any real stars. There might be an airplane or a satellite. "You didn't kill mom. Rafe, you know that right?" He glanced at me and I just stared back at him, unable to say yea or nay. I was torn about her reasons--- and wasn't positive I'd not pushed her over an edge. Lance drew in his breath sharply. "You didn't cause their divorce--- nor mine. Both were overdue as far as I'm concerned."

"I don't know about that." I said slowly, disagreeing, thinking that my choices had possibly triggered a chain of events that set those around me at odds--- or made them face things they wouldn't necessarily on their own.

"I do." Lance stated vehemently. "You had nothing to do with it. You made choices a long time ago--- so long--- when you bought that damn ring, and determined that someday you'd revisit the promises you'd made as a kid. If it was really offensive to you, you'd have left it. But you didn't, and Aubrey was waiting for you in the realm of those choices. It was the right choice."

Aubrey had taken Lance's arm, hooking hers with it, like we were three walking down the aisle together. "Lance, no matter what happens, you will always be a treasure to me. Your open-mindedness---your ability to see two sides--- that capacity is so much greater than mine. I feel really honored to be your sister."

He laughed a little, patting her hand. "I'm still gay, Aubrey."

She smiled. "I know."

"That's not changing. I am who I am. I'm not apologizing."

"I get it. And my feelings still stand. I have a lot to learn from you, and it's not a mistake that we are together now--- I care about you very much." She laced her fingers with his, dropping them to her side. I pursed my lips and eyed him over her kinky curls. His eyes sparkled at me---- he knew how I felt about other guys--- even him.

"It's been a freaking weird year, for sure." I returned to that side of the conversation. "I could never have pictured the events that have transpired from the other side of it, never in a million years." I sighed a heartfelt blowout. I'd already started listing all the things that had changed--- and that still needed to be defined. There were too many things to count.

"Well, it's unfolding the way it is supposed to. I may not espouse to believe all that you guys hold dear as far as your church and shit, but I am a God-fearing man. I believe there's a purpose in it--- for me as well." Lance swung Aubrey's hand, his eyes gleamed at me again.

I laced her fingers on the other hand and swung them the same way. "It's a crazy world we live in."

Lance nodded, looking up at the non-existent stars. "Here's to a better year, next year. If today is the starting point, then here's to a better next revolution of the planet for all of us."

Aubrey leaned her head on my shoulder, her fingers squeezing slightly. "So guys, this is the absolute sweetest little confession session and I'm all choked up just thinking about all the acceptance and tolerance I'm feeling in the air around me, but I've gotta pee, so yeah."

I saw Lance drop her hand, as she turned to go back. From the back, except for her walk, she didn't look like a woman carrying multiples. I was heartily aware of her appeal as she preceded us back the way we'd come.

"If you were going to write an epilogue to this year, Lance, what would it say?" We waited in the lobby after paying for our meals, solemnly contemplating things--- it was just a night for it.

"Epilogue--- eulogy---- yeah. How about I give you a run-down of the future as I see it?" He didn't wait to see how I took that suggestion. I rocked back on my heels. His tone was relaxed as he blinked at the huge aquarium beside him.

"You are going to have the year of your life. Aubrey will deliver five healthy happy babies, and Tia will be my favorite, of course, since I named her. You guys will spend the next few years so busy they will fly by and barring any more unexpected demise's, we won't even be able to have another dinner like this one for at least five years, in fact, I propose we make an effort to repeat this evening in five years exactly. Make a note.

"I see myself finding love again--- I see myself being a great dad to the three I have, I see myself successfully navigating the waters of jealousy and acceptance. I see you advocating the right of everyone to choose whatever they want. I see your music taking that turn as well, which is where your true voice lies, whether you choose to donate money to any cause on the planet, it's your music that effects change, Rafe, and alters perceptions, influences how people love and live. That's your calling. Your real vocation. Your heart is pure, and your quests are legitimate. Your journey is just beginning---- and it's gonna be a doosy."

"Yeah, a doosy!" I echoed brightly, liking that word and the thought behind it. There were trials still to live. There were issues, and always would be--- for all of us. But we were willing and able and ready. I felt my heart lighten, and the inner burdens I'd been carrying--- guilt, pain.... These things melted away as I faced Lance's idea of the future.

Aubrey came out of the bathroom, her eyes lit on us with such trust, I had to smile.

A real doosy.

*******