He did. We decided to walk down, about a half a mile away on the twisty roads. It was barely dawn. We held hands, enjoying the rising sun in the pink and golden amber clouds. I explained some of the out buildings we saw up other smaller roads, and Rafe acted interested, but I soon realized his head was still with his song.

I was quiet then, letting him work it out. He was actually so unfocused, he seemed not to know I was there. He'd been here before, I reasoned, and so didn't need the running commentary.

We got to the pool, showered and joined each other. I'm a serious lap swimmer, and as it turned out, Rafe is too. I stopped at one point and watched him--- he glided under water, swimming like a merman--- and then split the top without a splash, not kicking, using his arms, which was an amazing work out on its own, breathed, flipped and then did it again. He barely made any noise at all.

I kept swimming. I actually needed the time to think.

Rafe in my life made the inner noise louder. In the water I could think.

He was confusing at the moment. I get where he's coming from when he says we had this one weekend, and it was amazing, but it wasn't enough to really get each other. Then he tells me he's done all this crazy stuff that he knows aren't part of my vocabulary, culture, or personal belief system, and I tell him that I won't sleep with him--- and we should by rights, call it quits on that info alone--- and what happens? He insists that I give him another chance.

The problem with second chances: they give a person more time to fake the other one out. I told myself--- now he knows what kind of guy I'm after, and he will try his best to be that guy. But deep down--- won't he always be the pro-marijuana, sleep around, ADHD, rocker dude?

And then I heard Kell's voice: and is that such a bad thing?

I had to answer honestly.

Yes. It's been my experience that relationships based on people who have a lot of changing to do to be in tune with each other--- well, they end up amassing resentments.

No. Opposites attract, and often form alliances that are stronger--- if they can give each other space—and respect--- they end up with extremely fulfilling relationships.

Maybe--- because maybe one or the other of us won't want to change, but will feel imposed upon by the other's intrinsic culture.

But--- in our favor. In some ways, we have culture in our favor. I am aware of many of the idiosyncrasies of his culture and he--- since he lives in So Cal, has that in common.

But what would a life together look like?

And why the heck am I thinking of a life together at all? This had to be something else. He was so--- different. He didn't get my religious culture, and how would he fit into my professional culture? No--- it was best if we call it at friends--- I had no desire to join him in his tour bus with his pot smoking friends and his rocker culture.

Having never been on tour with my mom, who had stopped touring formally by the time I came along--- I had no idea what that entailed.

I came up for air on the turn and saw him sitting in his lane, on the wall, dangling his feet in the water watching me. I stopped and swam over to the wall.

"Are you done?" I asked, eyeing his tattoos in appreciation. I really found them fascinating and somewhat beautiful, the way they circled and enhanced his muscles. They also stood for things, events and places. I saw one for Los Angeles, I saw one for his band. I also saw the dragon and the sunburst, and the flowers and the mermaid. Weird.

I ducked under the lane divider and stood beside him. In seconds he had swung his leg over me and caged me. I was not used to a guy who continually found a way to keep us extremely---close--- in each other's personal space. I added that to my growing list of ponderings. Things to weigh in on.

"I was just watching you. Yeah. I'm done." He glanced at the clock on the wall and the fact that others were coming into the room. This was the common pool in the gym near the studio, not our family pool.

"Watching me swim?" I slicked back my hair after taking it out of the bathing cap.

He never stopped watching me. Ever. He seemed to be always watching me.

"You were staring at my ink."

"I saw the I love Axis one, and the Los Angeles one. I hadn't noticed them before." He glanced at his arm. And then looked back at me.

"Do you find them offensive?"

"I think you'd have known if I did."

He chuckled. "Yeah, you've had plenty of opportunities to tell me. But even that first day on the beach--." He grinned in remembrance of our first water fight. "You didn't seem opposed. But most Mormons--- and even some other people----"

"I don't want them on me," I said gently and turned his arm to better view some older Chinese writing, and check out the design right in front of my eyes.

"And you wouldn't approve of them on the guy you're going to marry----."

My eyes snapped up to his. "What do you mean?"

He glanced at me and then out the clear upper windows where the sunlight was now coming in. "Well, I just realized that you probably find them cool--- but not on the guy you want to marry."

I bit my lip. "You know, I really hadn't considered it. You're right. I probably assumed I would marry some returned missionary Mormon guy with no tattoos. But--- Rafe--- I'm not hanging out with you just to dump you...." I blinked at myself and looked down. Hadn't I just--- I mean--- minutes ago--- been thinking that things between us wouldn't work out? I felt my cheeks heat up.

Rafe watched this phenomenon in deep concern. He splashed water on his hand and spilt it on my forehead. "You're all red. What made that happen?" Then he looked down probably expecting to see himself exposed in Kell's larger shorts. He wasn't.

I tried to duck under. There was no ducking, with Rafe staring at me. He would know. I stared back, holding his gaze, wondering if I should just confess my thoughts--- my true thoughts or if I should lie.

I couldn't do either.

"Aubrey. Were you thinking that I'm not your guy?"

"No." I said quickly. Too quickly. I looked up. "Dang it, Rafe. You set the terms, and now---"

"What terms?"

"You said we are supposed to be getting to know each other, and we have what--- like three or four days?--- and to what purpose?"

He swallowed. "I think--- to decide about continued relationship status. You called me your boyfriend, though, yesterday. So maybe you already figured things out. I guess—yeah, the ink must not bother you that much--- but--- and I'm just thinking out loud here now--- but for me to have reached boyfriend status already----"

"What are you trying to say, Rafe, just spit it out."

"I don't have girlfriends really."

I pursed my lips, biting them in confusion. "What just--- one night stands?"

He shrugged. "More like two or three month stands."

"Girls can't stand you that long?"

"And/ or I can't stand them that long either."

"So what are we doing here?"

"Aubrey--- I believe what's going on inside me is--- well--- more in line with a permanent arrangement."

I gulped, and my eyes searched his for just a second, then I looked away, all those former reasons why it wouldn't work out between us right there in the front of my mind. Should I discuss them? How could I? I glanced back at him, sitting there so sweetly, strangely, precariously hopeful.

"Permanent?" I repeated.

"Too weird?"

"No. It makes sense that maybe that's what you're thinking." Else why would he be here? Why would he insist on sleeping in the bed with me, yet be okay with not taking advantage of me--- at least subduing his baser instincts, for the most part. I knew--- I could tell--- by what we'd been engaging in--- that he was reining himself in.

"Aubrey. Let's just say it up front then. It's more than attraction. And if it's more, then what is it? And if it's more then--- we need to decide how much more---."

"Well, I called you my boyfriend. I guess that's a good start."

He shrugged. "Boyfriends last what? About six months? A year? And then you what--- break up?" He cocked his head to one side.

"Or get married."

His eyes snapped back to mine. "Is that even a consideration for you? I mean--- now that you are getting to know me."

It had taken him a while to get around to that question and his voice--- seriously sounded quite anxious. His eyes, those deep blue confident---- well, they looked round, hesitant--- waiting.

I blew out my breath. "Um hm."

All those logical reasons this wouldn't work were drowning in the idea spoken in those beautiful, softly hopeful eyes. This was a side of Rafe that both of us needed to explore.

He sighed and rubbed his head.

"I mean--- is that even a consideration for you? With—with me?" I whispered.

He swallowed hard, his Adam's Apple bobbing, and then he bit his lips.

"So, while I was swimming--- I realized that we agreed to have dinner up at the house with your folks, and we also told Kareem we'd feed him and his plus one at our place."

He'd neatly changed that subject, and I felt mildly disappointed, though I told myself, that had been hard enough to answer when I was the one on the spot. He probably had more baggage to consider than I did. And I had just done some weird mind finagling--- starting with let's be friends--- to yeah, I would keep you in mind for an eternal mate. I shook myself. How's that for logic?

"I'll call mom and have her extend Kareem an invitation." I hoisted myself up beside him--- but kept on going, needing space.

He caught my leg as I started to pass, and I froze.

"Aubrey."

"You're pretty confident." I breathed out, feeling his hand on my calf. He blew out his breath on my skin. "But it's okay to explore the us that might be considering----."

"Yeah." He kissed my leg above the knee. "I keep telling myself that. And then I keep second guessing myself. This doesn't feel like confident me at all."

He let me go and I didn't look back when I went to shower.

*****