086: Rafe

And they left me in the van with the air on when they got out to explore. I didn't even know they were gone.

Apparently the historical site had been closed, so they hopped across the street to the river's edge, and this was when I woke up to see Aubrey with her shoes off, wading in the water, and Ben with his shoes off, also wading in the water--- and Tim and Aidan taking pictures of them goofing around.

Cute.

It was real cute.

I had the immature thought that now they were the couple. I started to get out and saw another car pull up. Uh oh.

Immediately Manuel got in the van, he'd been standing close to it anyway. Lavon moved between Ben and Aubrey and the car. Two guys got out and in Spanish asked what we were doing here. Lavon answered in friendly fashion, but the guys still looked suspicious and their eyes darted around uneasily.

Tim must have told Ben and Aubrey to get their shoes on. I felt this rush of adrenaline and was ready to get out and fight. Just like that--- I would have too--- but Lavon assured the guys we were on our way, just tourists, and the Casa had been closed, we were on our way.

It may have confused the locals that our van had US plates, but four of us looked very Hispanic. They weren't sure we were of any consequence. They didn't openly show their weapons, but I was sure they had them. I swallowed hard, ready to open the van door and jump out. Then Tim and Aidan and Lavon all at the same time moved their outer shirts so their own weapons could be seen and the guys without further question got back in their vehicle and peeled gravel.

Tim made Aubrey and Ben get back in the van and we all took off fairly quickly, in case the guys had simply gone for reinforcements, or had alerted someone else who could make a more informed decision about kidnapping or whatever they planned to do. The van was silent at first and then it exploded in Ben's voice loud, asking what the f--- had happened? Who were those guys? What would they have done had the guys tried to take one of us? Etc. Etc.

For her part, Aubrey sat trembling next to me, cuddled stiffly close, if that were possible, and I had both arms around her, holding her. She wasn't the type of girl to ask a lot of questions or become hysterical, but she was exactly what her mother had said--- sheltered. This was a new experience for her. She wasn't freaking out, but she wasn't comfortable either.

I'd had a few near misses actually. Ben started talking about them--- he'd been there, and the other guys affirmed different aspects of the experiences, and asked about security, what had the guys done? How had things been resolved.

We were back at the bus in no time.

Aubrey went and made Cali tea, cold. She changed her clothes and got her iPAD and curled up in the recliner in the back lounge where Dylan, Mutt and Jeff and now, Jeremy were watching a movie. Jeremy actually got out of the recliner and let her have it. Maybe they could tell she was shook up, or maybe--- Manuel had called ahead and alerted them.

Nobody said anything. Ben and I changed out of our suits and came out. There was snack food, and Aubrey's herbs. I noticed she was glued to her chair, her ear buds in, staring at her kindle. I sat down on the floor in front of her and put her legs up and over my shoulders. The guys were watching Dumb and Dumber, it was one of our tour favorites.

But my mind wasn't on it.

I couldn't believe that had happened. Guys threatened us--- in Juarez, right after I'd had that weird spiritual experience warning me that something was going to happen and I needed to protect Aubrey. I was kicking myself for not getting out with her, for being so selfish, and staying in the van. I felt stupid, for knowing--- I knew that I knew--- I knew I'd been told to protect her, that this was about to happen. I wasn't sure what --- exactly--- but I had known without a doubt that something was going to threaten us, and I needed to protect her.

Those words kept repeating, and the feelings of unease that I'd felt imprinted again and again on my mind.

Because here's the deal: if it really was the Holy Ghost I'd felt and Aubrey seemed to think it was, and I had the impression as soon as she said it that it was...then--- I was at the very least worthy to feel the spirit, and there had been a need,--- as in--- a responsibility--- and I was Aubrey's priesthood holder, I was her--- husband.

And by that same token--- if I'd felt the Holy Ghost--- then God existed, and he existed the way I'd been taught as a child. If he had been something else say--- something floating out there in the universe that no one really knew--- then he wouldn't have gone to the trouble of warning me in the exact way I'd been taught as a child that the Holy Ghost felt.

Feelings, I'd been taught--- impressions, kind of a clear light airy warmth and tingle. I felt a tightening in my chest, and an awareness in my mind, and the supposition and perception had lodged. I couldn't exactly explain it even to myself, but I knew that it had to do with security and with Aubrey and with something happening in Juarez.

I rubbed her leg as it dangled over my chest, rubbed her socked foot, and finally let my hand wander up her calf to her knee and above. I turned to see what she was looking at and found her completely engrossed in her screen--- which was unlike Aubrey.

I tugged. Her eyes rose and she took out one ear bud.

"What are you looking at?"

"Conference."

"Are you okay?"

"Nope."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"When I'm done with conference." She put her ear bud back in and without even a smile in my direction, she went back to listening. Well, that was unacceptable.

I tugged again. Her eyes rose. She pulled out one bud and looked at me steadily, and I wondered if she held me accountable for what had happened. I jerked my head in the direction of our bunk. Then I got up and pulled her up. She looked annoyed.

We climbed up into our bunk and lay down together, which seemed to be the best policy, and I turned on the light.

"What's going on?" I faced her, on one elbow, and she scrunched her pillow up under her face.

"The heightened security. Dad was worried about me going to Mexico anyway, I thought it was because of you, but those videos are out of us in the mud, and us on stage – so – he's worried about me traveling."

"With reason." I said, pulling her hair out from under her arm, and smoothing her cheek. "I got that warning last night."

"What warning?"

"From the spirit."

She swallowed hard and turned on her back staring up at the light and the DVD player.

"I don't think you're responsible, but you did warn me last night then, and I ignored you. I should have thought that through. I put us all in danger going out today."

I scooched next to her closer. "That's bullshit."

She turned her face away.

"Sorry." I said, and mentally chalked another five to her velvet bag. "You didn't put anybody in danger. You ---."

She laughed harshly, short and self-deprecating. "I had three witnesses, Rafe. In the mouth of two or three witnesses shall all truth be established. I had three witnesses to keep the Sabbath holy, and where was I? Out playing in the river."

I was way out of my league here. What in the hell was she talking about?

"You don't know the scriptures like I do. But I do know. And I'm responsible. Dad warned me, Uncle Miles warned me, and then you--- even as late as two in the morning, but I went and did what I wanted anyway."

"What? I never told you to keep the Sabbath Holy."

"No, Mom did, and then Dad affirmed it, and warned me about dangers in straying from the buses and security. That's why he put two of his own security people on us. And Uncle Miles said something." She rubbed her head hard. "Like--- was I able to Keep the Sabbath Holy? Was I able to stay out of questionable circumstances?" She turned haunted eyes on me. "You don't know this side of me well, but I'm really provincial, really more religious than I've let on with you."

I smoothed her hair again, feeling her confusion, but not really understanding it.

She hadn't done anything wrong. "So you can't go in the river because it's Sunday?"

"Well, I don't know. Recreational activities and making people work, and.... I don't know. It seems really harmless. But something bad happened." She still wasn't making sense. Maybe more sense than she had, but not much. I thought it might be because she was shook up about the near miss.

"I think you didn't do anything wrong."

She looked at me. "I don't know."

"It's not wrong to go to church, go to the temple, go on a walk, be with people who care about you. It's not wrong."

"I know."

"It's not your fault that those guys came up. It was no big deal, nothing happened, you had nothing to do with it, except that you're beautiful, and white and American and they probably thought they could get a good ransom for you. Which would have been true, but it would only be after I'd gone to jail for killing them."

Her eyes slid sideways to see that I was serious.

"You did warn me."

"Yeah—let's talk about that instead. I did warn you and I was warned, and I think I felt the spirit, but how can I feel the spirit if I'm--- well--- me. I'm not worthy to feel the spirit."

"I don't think worthiness matters. And anyway--- you are doing so much to change your life around. Look at you. You're barely cussing anymore at all."

I had to hoot with laughter, because she'd said it jokingly, and we both knew I wasn't trying at all. I'd decided it was easier to pay her and apologize.

She turned on her side and smoothed my scruff, her fingers so relaxing and gentle. She never was demanding in that sort of way girls got when they thought you liked them to take control. I never had liked it.... Aggression in bed, even initiative---yes--- but I didn't like being controlled. Aubrey wouldn't ever push me that way.

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