103: Aubrey

I stood inside the bus door waiting for Rafe. He was still steaming mad. I knew he was, and he had every reason to be. I had done something reckless, and thoughtless, and stupid, and almost got myself--- kidnapped, or killed. He was right.

I felt so sorry, I wanted to just go home right then. I wanted to crawl into my hole and hide. I'd ruined their concert.

But Ben was standing there, the look on his face one of abject misery. I reached up to cup his cheek, and he took my hand, pulled me close and wrapped me in his arms, and--- they were trembling.

"I'm so sorry." I said over and over, not realizing how much pain I had caused. Jeff was behind Ben, as the doors closed and Rafe stood there, steaming mad, yelling for Holli, and Will and anybody who could answer to him. Everybody was standing, everybody was yelling. It wasn't good.

Jeff held me against him, with his hands over my ears as he yelled too. I stood there at first, overwhelmed by the yelling, hating it, and then--- something snapped. I whirled around.

"Shut up! All of you! Just shut up!"

"Aubrey! You shut up!" Rafe yelled.

"This is all my fault, and I should shut up, but I can't think in here with all this yelling. Who are we, children? Knock it off, and let's talk about it like adults. Sit down, and let's just be normal."

"Holli, this wouldn't have happened if you'd been on that venue ahead of time. Where is Will? G—D---it, where is F----ing Will?" Rafe pushed past the few who had gathered in the lounge and stood in front of me, I think, daring me to say anything about his cussing--- and he definitely prevented me from leaving.

Holli was sputtering, looking at her clip board. Ben started to say something soothing, Jeff started cussing, Dylan and Mutt were sitting there on the couch, both cussing, and talking too loudly.

I took a deep breath. Holli started to answer Rafe, but he was staring at me, his eyes sparkling in anger. I took another deep breath and counted to ten.

"Holli, shut the f--- up. I don't want to talk to anybody. Just get this damn hotel on the road. I am so sick of incompetence. Am I not paying for better service than this?"

"You are Rafe, you are, but---." Holli was still sputtering, scared out of her mind at his violent outbursts. However, she had no reason to be, he wasn't ranting, and he wasn't throwing a fit. He was simply blocking my way.

Ben was next to him. "Hey Buddy." He said softly as Holli vacated the lounge, and the others in the hallway made themselves scarce.

But Rafe knew--- I could see it in his eyes.

He wasn't going to budge, even when the bus jerked to a roll. His eyes were deeply intent on mine. I took another deep breath. I counted to twenty.

"I f---ing can't believe this happened. It's too unreal. It's too unreal. Somebody actually accosted---- ."

And he kept staring at me, and I kept counting to ten, holding his eyes.

"Are you done?" I finally said.

"No." He replied, but he said it quietly. Then he turned around and got out a bottle of whiskey or whatever, and when he turned back his eyes were still on me, and he uncorked the darn thing and took a swig. My eyes widened, my face drained of color, and I felt my insides quivering in outrage. I had to keep myself from squeezing the life out of the couch cushion.

"Don't be a dick." Ben said without rancor. "Come on, Rafe. Don't pick a fight."

"I am a dick." He said by way of explanation.

The guys all managed to cuss under their breaths at roughly the same time. I shook my head, trying to clear each syllable as it penetrated its evil way into my brain.

"I'm done." I got up. It was worth one good long stare as he took another swig. I swallowed for him—hard over the lump in my throat. "I don't need this." I pushed past him, but he didn't give and he didn't move, and I had to really push to get past.

I'll get online and get a plane ticket from Mazatlan to Orange County, I thought vaguely. It was twelve hours travel from here to Mazatlan. I hauled myself up on our bunk and snapped the curtain closed. If he chose to get drunk to deal with his problems, I was not going to be a part of it. Ever. This was the last straw.

My pajamas and toothbrush were in the other bunk. I unsnapped and started to get out. He was right there. He backed up, startled.

I pushed him--- literally pushed him back as I slid down and crossed carefully to get my stuff. I didn't even slam the bathroom door. When I came out I was really shook up --- having seen my face for the first time. It looked way worse than it felt. I looked awful. Really awful. I hoped my parents didn't get a glimpse of this. That would be really bad. It will be bad. They'll make me come home, they'll---

Rafe was standing there, the bottle hanging from his fingers.

Behind him Ben was holding his breath, his hands were together as if praying, and his eyes were pleading. I knew what he wanted.

I shook my head minutely. Rafe's eyes were locked on mine and he turned in time to see Ben put his hands at his side and turn away. Rafe turned back instantly and stared hard at me. That expression of extreme pain. I tried to see it from his point of view. He felt he had failed me. He felt he was to blame.

I stepped forward. He didn't move. I let my hand fall to his wrist, then I took the bottle out of his unresisting fingers and held it out. Ben took it without a word. I wrapped Rafe's fingers in my hand until he couldn't remain stiff and unyielding, and then he laced our fingers. I pulled him back to the bunk and took a deep breath.

"I can't get up by myself." I whispered.

Rafe swallowed hard, harder than I had over my clogged throat. He picked me up so carefully and laid me in the bunk. He knew I could have got up by myself. Then he stripped down to his shorts and threw his clothes on the junk bunk and hopped up next to me. I turned the overhead light on and he snapped the curtains shut.

He swallowed again. "This is all wrong."

"I know."

"I can't deal with it."

"I know."

"I can't protect you."

"It was stupid. It was my fault. I won't go out in the crowd again like that."

"The spirit told me far enough in advance to stop it, and I didn't. I should have stopped it."

"You did what you could. You didn't even know where I was."

"But I didn't listen. I knew that was the Spirit, but I doubted myself."

"Don't beat yourself up, it happens to all of us."

"I don't even know what that means."

"We all tend to second guess when the spirit is actually warning us, and when we are making it up. Everybody has those worries. Besides, I'm a big girl Rafe, I should have stayed with security."

"Somebody should have had you. Where were they? Why didn't they have you in sight?"

"It was just a fluke, Rafe. It won't happen again."

"We got five more weeks in Mexico, touring and gigging almost every night. You gonna sit in the bus the whole time?"

"No. I'll just make prior arrangements and ---."

He was shaking his head. "If I'd been another minute, Aubrey..."

I stroked his head and he jerked away. "But you weren't."

"If I had been..."

I tried to cup his cheek and he turned his face away. "But you weren't, Rafe. All's well that ends well. Lesson learned. It won't happen again."

"Why aren't you freaked out?"

"I am freaked out. Trust me."

"Why didn't you let them take care of you at the hospital?"

"I'm a doctor. I have dressed a million superficial wounds, I know when one is really bad and when one is not. I'll be fine in a day or two."

He finally looked up and I saw his eyes search the vestiges of my face. I knew it looked pretty bad. He touched his finger to my head cut, then to the cheek cut that just had a butterfly, it wasn't all that bad. It bled worse than it felt. Then he leaned forward and brushed my lips, especially over the sore spot. I froze, feeling his gentle and apologetic touch.

"Forgive me."

"I do." I said, thinking about the cussing, nothing else really bothered me. I knew it all bothered him. He cupped my face, kissed me softly again, and then pulled me close and cuddled me to his neck and chest.

My phone buzzed on vibrate. Rafe picked it up off the headboard. "It's your dad. He's going to say you have to come home."

"I have news for him. I grew up." I said and managed a smile and a wink with the good eye. "Hi daddy."

I put it on speaker. "Jake called me. You're coming home tomorrow." My dad's voice brooked no disobedience.

"She has news for you." Rafe announced solemnly.

"Aubrey, you're coming home. I heard what happened. It's too risky."

"It's not risky, I am risky, it's my fault, but Rafe saved me, and I am fine."

"Jake says you are not fine, you're hurt. Kell already left to meet you in Mazatlan and bring you home."

"Well, you can have Mommy just turn him right around. I'm a doctor, and he's not, and I'm not that hurt, and it could have happened to anyone, and Rafe saved me, and we are talking right now, and you're interrupting, so----."

"Aubrey Elizabeth Mann!" My father used the old shocked parent reminder.

"Look, Dad, I'll call you in the morning. We're really deeply talking right now, and we didn't have to answer, but I thought this kind of thing might just be brewing, that's why I answered. Please give us some space, okay? We're not little kids."

"Aubrey...."

"I love you, Dad, but don't make me say mean things to Kell. Tell him to go back. I don't need rescuing, I already have my superhero with me." I gave Rafe a sexy look, meant to remind him that he had been the one to save me, then when his eyes didn't spark to my innuendo, I realized that I must look like an idiot with my beat up swollen face saying things like that, so I said I loved him again and hung up.

Rafe took the phone and set it carefully up on the head board. He took my hand and placed it over his heart. I knew what he wanted to say, and just tried to crack a small smile. I couldn't crack a big one. And then I scooted back and lay down. Rafe nestled his head next to me, and we both stared at the ceiling, which was only a few feet away.

"We're getting a room in Mazatlan. You can rest and recuperate, and nobody to hide from or talk to. I will take care of you."

"Thanks." I closed my eyes, feeling the swelling and the aches and pains, and the tightly reined in panic assailing me. I had to be me for Rafe--- I had to be strong. "And Rafe--- don't fire anybody. It's not good form. It wasn't exactly their fault. Especially the fact that I ran around unescorted. They may be responsible for the venue, and all that, the stage and stuff, but not me, okay?"

He didn't answer. Instead he sat up and pulled his notebook to his lap and started writing. I knew this would calm him down and help him get his emotions under control, so I simply lay there, thinking I would take an assessment of my injuries and how I felt about almost being kidnapped and killed. But instead, I shut down and went to sleep.

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