I wasn't even aware of the darkness before I opened my eyes. So many times I would wake up and try to stop it. I'm afraid to fall asleep anymore. Every time I open my eyes there is a new, dangerous, and terrifying thing before me; excepting Egan.

I thought he had been dangerous and terrifying, but he had changed in my eyes. He was the boy who cared and I cared for him.

Now, as I opened my eyes, I was terrified once more. There, standing in a full gladiator suit (thanks history class), was Egan. Can I maybe take this awkward moment to say how handsome he looks in that? No, Phoebe, don't do that. Well, it's too late.

I quickly looked down. Whether that was because I was afraid he would see me checking him out, or because I was terrified to find out why we were like this is up to you.

Somehow, I woke up standing. How did the Game Makers figure that one?

I was also was decked out in Roman warrior attire. Would Egan be checking me out? Did I like that? I think the answer is yes? Certainly I did not want to find out right now.

Something did feel a little out of place, though. It wasn't like the leather was asymmetrical, or inappropriate (thank god), but it was like I was supposed to be feeling something that wasn't there.

My shoulder!

I craned my neck to look.

It was healed.

You mean the Game Makers could have healed me before but didn't until it was a convenience for them? That wasexceedingly nice of them, wasn't it? But I knew what that meant. It meant that now Egan didn't have a reason to take care of me and he would be forced to choose what I had earlier tried to force. Only this time I wouldn't be collapsing into his arms. I have to admit that I didn't dislike being in that situation. It was pretty comfortable compared to how I felt the first time he picked me up. It was probably because he was more focused on healing me than sliding that sneaky hand of his up my thigh.

I was still angry about my shoulder though. As much as I tried to keep my tempter, I knew that it was slipping. Now that my strength was back, there would be nothing stopping me. Of course, everyone knew at this point that Egan was a better hand-to-hand fighter than I was... but it wasn't going to come to that, right?

Am I right?

After avoiding it so long, I finally look up. He was staring at me. He no longer wore a mask to hide his feelings. We had been alone too long for that. Even from this long distance I could see his expression.

Care.

'Egan what are we doing here?' I wanted to ask him. 'Are you okay?' I wanted to say. But I couldn't say it. I was afraid of the answers. Even if he couldn't answer them.

With all my heart I wanted to go over there and hide behind him. I wanted to hide from whoever was watching. I wanted to know that Egan would let me stand behind him as he kicked ass. Off course I had no idea whose ass that was. I hadn't exactly been keeping count of who died. I knew that all of my allies had.

It kind of irks me how I can just think that without any ping of guilt. I know it wasn't my fault they died, but I feel like I should be angry at the people who are responsible. I just can't take it out on people I don't even know.

Like my mom said in my tree-dream: any man (or woman if you're picky) who kills for victory is either evil, or just needs love. But I've come to think that no matter how evil you are, you still need love. Not to say Egan is evil, but I'm willing to love him to tell him he can be victorious without killing.

These whole games are fueled by killing. What if no one killed? It's only wishful thinking. To think that maybe some day teenagers wouldn't be motivated to murder each other is so far away from reality. I think that's sad.

But right here, right now, I have a feeling that this moment will be my last. I've already admitted to the fact that Egan has a better chance than I; the fact that I'm willing to die to let him move on.

Whatever we're facing in this arena, it's nothing compared to what we're facing in each other. If we can try to fight the battle inside of us, if we can try to defeat the armies that come for us every day in the arena of life, then we can sure as hell fight whatever the Game Makers are planning.

Because I believe; I believe in Egan. I believe in the stories where good always overcomes the bad. Egan can and will overcome whatever poison is in his past because his heart is true. With me by his side I will die for his chance at victory.

Will he trust me?

"Jane!" Egan jogged towards me with amazement written in his eyes.

"Will you?" I accidentally said out loud.

"What?" He slowed down as he approached me.

"I-I-um." Trying to decide whether to tell him my thoughts, or make a cover-up, I stuttered like an idiot. Yeah, he's going to trust this dumb-duck. He'll trust me when bulls start wearing bloomers.

"You aren't dead." He didn't even try to hide the relief in his voice.

"No, no I'm not," I chuckled awkwardly.

Up close it took extra effort not to notice just how good looking he was. Because I had seen him practically shirtless, I knew the abs mold on his leather front was not exaggerating. The dark colors of his helmet brought out his radical blue eyes as they stared at me.

"Well," he smiled and knocked my helmet so it was crooked, "That's not so bad."

"Ow!" I tried to scowl but a grin came out instead.

"Ow? You get stabbed in the shoulder without a word and when I touch your head you say 'ow'?" Egan poked me in the arm to make his point.

"You call that touch? You whacked me!"

Egan turned to look at the stone wall of the stadium, "What was that?"

"What was what?"

Watching the spot where Egan pointed, a figure jumped from the seating and landed inside the arena next to a sandstone pillar. Out of the corner of my eye I noticed three others jump into the arena.

I heard the scraping of Egan's sword against the sheath as he slowly pulled it out. Suddenly I began to panic. I don't know why but the picture of him in such an agile stance made me feel fear and passion at the same time.

It was happening. I was standing right in Egan's tall shadow; hiding. He was still caring for me even though he didn't have a reason to protect me.

Any interest in the aspects of the arena was gone now that I knew we weren't alone. I picked out Kale and Dayshia as they pulled out their weapons. I thought they were dead!

The fact that blonde chick made it this far didn't surprise me, but I didn't remember anything about the other boy.

Oh please just leave me alone.

In a flash the other tributes were on top of each other... and us.

"Jane, use your sword!" Egan shouted as the blonde chick attacked him with two hands on the hilt of her sword. She gracefully raised it above her head and sliced down while Egan raised his horizontally. The two swords came together with a loud clang.

I had no idea what to do. The three others sprinted towards us. But it looked like they were aiming at me.

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap. Oh lordy help.

Shakily I pulled out the sword from the sheath by my side. I have no idea what I'm doing.

My gaze shifted from Egan to the pursuers repeatedly. I didn't know how to use a sword! Why did they give me one? There's time to wonder about that later.

Crap.

I turned my back on them and I ran. I just ran. Now that my stupid legs are going as fast as they can, I can say that was a bad idea. Just where was I running? Running wasn't really my forte.

I looked over my shoulder to spot anyone following me. I noticed Kale was after me. Wasn't he supposed to be my ally?

My foot tripped over the other one and I did a barrel role onto the sand.

I was in a wet climate for days and now I'm in a dusty, dry, sand bowl. Yes I'm going to complain.

Kale charged me, ready to stick his weapon in me. Not again will I let myself be stabbed. Tightening my sweaty grip on the hilt in my right hand, I tried to stand up. As Kale was about to skewer me, I made an over-exaggerated swing from right to left. Surprisingly, I actually managed to knock the sword out of his hand.

Now that he was unarmed, I kicked him in the leg, made it to my feet and kicked him in the bread basket with my knee. Because we were close to the arena's wall, I pushed him up against it, holding my sword at his neck.

"Kale! It's me! I'm supposed to be your ally, remember?" I yelled at him with an extremely pissed off frown. There was only a flicker of recognition in his eyes. Other than that he looked insane.

"I know you don't know how to handle a sword!" Kale grabbed my arm with his arm and twisted it as he pulled and forced me against the wall with his left. We had switched places.

"And you don't know how to block hits!" I kicked him in shin (again) and forced my left palm into his chest. As he fell backwards, I twisted out of his grip and threw down my sword.

He looked up at me in surprise.

"What's wrong with you?" I shouted as I punched him in the jaw. I only pulled the punch a little because I'm nice. "What happened to you?" I shoved him in the chest as I tripped his leg with my foot and he fell on his back in the sand.

"You're the one who has me at your mercy," he replied. I couldn't tell if he was confessing or ready to pull a trick on me.

"You're the one who was planning to make me a shish-ka-bob a minute ago!" Since he was on the ground, I turned to retrieve the two swords and threw one of them into the stadium's seating.

"Hey! What are you doing?" Kale shouted as he scrambled off the ground, sending sand everywhere.

"You want it, go get it," I snapped and quickly raised the edge of my sword to his throat as he limped up to me, "And don't take mine!" I could already see sanity seeping back into his eyes. If he actually went back up there to get his sword, I'd probably be saving his life.

I turned on my heels and left him in the dust on my way back to Egan. Who knows what was happening over there? I had just abandoned him! I'm not going to do it again.

As I ran back to the others I sighed in relief as no one had died.

My eyes narrowed in on the blonde chick who still dueled with Egan. It looked like he was losing.

I sprinted towards her planning to bulldozer her into the ground. Just when I was a foot away from her, she whipped around and hit me in the neck, sending me rolling in the dirt. I coughed and wiped sand from my face and looked up to see Egan slice her throat.

"No!" I screamed. But it was too late. Egan walked over to me and helped me up.

"Are you okay?"

"No! Yes! Why did you kill her?" Her limp body sent shivers through my body.

"I had to." Egan frowned in confusion. It was as if he didn't care.

"No, no you never have to, you-you can't just say that when she's dead!" I shrieked. Egan firmly placed his hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes.

"Calm down. This is it, Jane. This is the fight. You can't run away." Like he had been reading my thoughts, the words made my breath hitch in my throat.

"I didn't expect this. I-I thought it would be some weird thing like- like an acid-pooping bird." My voice cracked.

"It's doesn't matter what come at you, you have to get over it and do what you have to do." Egan released his grip on me and stretched his other arm.

"Like me?" I looked up.

"What?

"You've got to get over me and do what you have to do to win."

He only stared at me. I solemnly gazed into his frightened eyes, "What you did to her, you have to do to me." He didn't even blink. "I wanted you to choose before, Egan. But you couldn't. If you want to kill them and spare me, everything you believe about never letting anything stop you from surviving will shatter."

Egan's face was firm and unmoving. He took two steps towards me and raised his sword. I was ready for this. He had to make it. I closed my eyes and knew that he would make it easy.

I heard a gasp behind me and the sickening slice of metal against flesh. The instant pain and darkness I was expecting to fall into didn't happen.

I opened my eyes. I gasped a little as Egan's face was mere inches from mine. His hard, blue eyes looked down at me and I could feel his breath.

He jerked back his sword from under my arm and a body pushed against my back. It fell to the ground with a thud.

"I don't care. I choose you." Egan whispered.

I twirled around to see the other boy on the sand with a bloody hole in his side.

"No."

Egan pulled on my arm, "Jane, get over it. We have to do this."

"Yes you do! You do care! I know it."

I didn't want to be here, I didn't want to be doing this. I just wanted to go home and forget it all. I want to forget about Egan. I want to forget about Markus. Just take me home.

"Jane, we have to fight!" He shouted as Dayshia came our way.

I couldn't do any of this. I don't even know how to try.

Slowly sinking to the ground, my eyes filled with tears and a terrible shaking overcame my limbs. I couldn't stop it. My chest felt like it knew every pain in the world as the only sound that came out of my mouth was a whining sob.

I sat there in the sand as Egan began to fight with Dayshia. This was never what I wanted. I had hoped to make him realize the truth about death ever since I had been so close to it. But he failed. No, I failed. And he doesn't even know it. How could I go on like this? How could I try to help someone if only I fail them?

Cries racked my body to shivers and salty tears. I cleared my eyes long enough to see Egan fighting both Kale and Dayshia. I couldn't let him die and I couldn't let him kill. I would not fail him again.

I got up and ran to him. It was like one of those bad dreams when you keep running but you can't get there. But when you finally get there everything has gone wrong.

Egan had killed Dayshia, and Kale was about to kill Egan.

"Don't!" My voice hoarsely cracked as I screamed. I stepped between them and Kale's sword slid through my stomach.

There are no words to describe such pain.

"Jane!" Egan's voice was dulled by thee throb of my heart sounding my ears. I don't know why people say your whole life flashes before you when you die. Because all I could see was the blue eyes that caught me when I fell.

When my world darkened in splotches for what seemed like the hundredth time, I saw the eyes of the boy who cared while he was caring.

I care for you too, Egan.