Anyone who comments on here replying to my feedback wins the right to make an extra character from one of the three fandoms in task 3. 

JesterheadJohnSnow -

-0.5 for grammar

-0.4 for punctuation

-0.1 sentence structure

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11

I love all the different perspective changes you make with your characters. Each one has a very unique voice, easily setting them apart from each other, which is a difficult thing to do with a lot of characters. The dynamics you've set up between each of your characters is amazing. Your lack of mistakes made for a smooth and easy read, other than your few punctuation and grammar errors. The detailed way you described the chess game and including strategies with it, definitely made your entry unique. To improve, I would suggest checking for last minute edits to fix the remaining punctuation and grammar errors - you kept jumping to present tense and then occasionally you had misplaced commas. Therefore, you scored a 1.7 on the writing maturity scale. I loved how you added in fantasy chess - I have never heard of it, but you described it so easily that I was able to easily follow it. Likewise, you described the movements of the game, not only did it feel realistic like an actual chess game, but it was really easy to follow. I didn't get confused at all. I was wondering how you mentioned only 7 people joining the game. For instance, there were only two of your characters as mercenaries - aka pawns, when there's supposed to be 8 of them and likewise you mentioned two horsemen in place of knights and bishops, but there's supposed to be 2 knights and 2 bishops, but you only had 2 - one of each - not four. Unless your characters played one of the pieces but the regular piece still existed, this wouldn't have worked. If your characters played pieces along with actual white pieces, then I won't count off, but if you intended it to be only one bishop and knight, then I'll have to take off an extra 0.5 for realism.

Several7s -

-0.5 for grammar, although now it's 0 since you used a perk to make the judge ignore grammar

-0.5 for lack of description

-0.1 for spelling

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

Because you used a perk to make the judge ignore grammar, your score is

11.4

This entry flowed smoothly with the various scene cuts. The battle was long and drawn out, which I found was very realistic and made it enjoyable to read. I love how you made your characters a team and not only did they strategize, but they all worked together very well. The different perspectives on the battle, with some people doing one thing and others doing another made it stay entertaining. Apollon killing Ayame was so sad and my heart breaks for Raiden. I love how you wrote the time refersal part. You had a grew grammar mistakes and one spelling mistake and during the conversation between Ace and Apollon, your descriptions were lacking so I had to read it several times before it made sense. You used a perk to have me ignore the grammar which definiitely helped your score. You scored a 1.7 on the writing maturity scale one because of the few mistakes, but mostly because you still need to work on making each character unique and giving them a different voice. George is and Raiden and Midnight and the ones who came before are, but these new characters were all very similiar and it was hard to tell them apart just by reading. When you mention them in future entries, I would give them a look - a basic look so that we can immediately picture OH THAT'S THEM, when we see their name, along with a unique voice, especially when you change perspectives. You're doing great so I have confidence that you can keep this up. Amazing battle! FAIRY TAIL! :)

wordsmith-

0.4 for grammar

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

I really enjoyed your entry. Fiona is such a strongly developed character; she feels like the protagonist. Your writing itself is so free of mistakes, it made for a smooth read that I didn't want to stop. You do such a fine job of handling so many characters that you make it seem easy! The POV changes you did jump too flowed very well. I loved your unique take on chess - even though the moves themselves weren't detailed, you focused more on emotion than action and I think that gave you time to really connect me as a reader with all your characters. Which is hard to do with a bunch of them, impossible almost and yet you did it. I loved every bit of this! You did have a few minor grammar mistakes, nothing to worry about. To improve, I would suggest focusing just a tad bit more on making each character POV you jump to strictly unique with their voice and that will finally push you pass the 1.9 to a 2 on the writing maturity scale. Amazing job!

BeyondDuck -

-0.2 for punctuation

-0.2 for grammar

-0.1 for spelling

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction.

SCORE: 10.7

WHAT HOW COULD YOU KILL OFF ROMAN? His perspective was so loving and unique. I got so many feels for him and how he wanted to please the humans and I just... It reminded me of my own dog and I just... I curled up and wanted to cry. It was even worse when he was hurt... I'm begging and hoping he LIVES. So appearantly, he's dead but MAYBE YOU CAN BRING HIM BACK BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND HES MY FAVORITE. PRETTY PLEASE. *ahem* back to judging... This was a well written entry, though it was slightly shorter than I expected. I felt like you could have made the encounter with the Evil Queen a bit longer. You had two punctuation and two grammar mistakes, and one spelling mistake. You scored a 1.4 on the writing maturity scale. I think you can improve by simply adding to your vocabulary use. With that being said, I enjoyed reading your entry and I LOVE ROMAN SO YOU MUST BRING HIM BACK RIGHT NOW

Sara_R_Stark -

-0.5 for punctuation

-0.5 for grammar

-0.2 for spelling

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 10.3

FAIRY TAIL WOO HOO. I love how you made your characters part of the last task in the Grand Magic Games. Including the Fairy Tail characters made me fangirl so hard. Kat's death was very dramatic and I love your unique take on the entire battle. It made your entry unique and entertaining to read. It's sad that Kat is still dead at the end, but it was very dramatic. Having your characters not fight was slightly odd, but again it made your entry unique. You scored a 1.6 on the writing maturity scale, just a few more pushes to check your punctuation, grammar, and spelling and your score on that will increase. Great job!

TARDIS_at_221B_ -

1.1 for punctuation

0.6 for grammar

0.1 for sentence structure

1.6. On the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 9.8

This was extremely short, but it was highly entertaining! Merryweather and even Flora, for the short amount of time she was involved, have such unique voices that immediately it set their characters apart. I love how you included Snow and Charming - it made me fangirl. Turning Six into a villain was impressive, especially with how short the entry was. I loved every second of it.

You did have a lot of punctuation mistakes - you had trouble putting commas after the quotation mark, as well as grammar mistakes. You scored a 1.6 on the writing maturity scale. You use very mature vocabulary, but due to the sheer number of mistakes, I had to score you lower. To improve your score, just read through to catch those errors and I know you can easily improve by fixing the punctuation mistakes. I loved your entry so much! You did a great job and hopefully I'll get more next time!

OliviaBinfield

-0.7 for grammar

-0.2 for sentence structure

-0.3 for spelling

-0.5 for punctuation, although it's a 0 since you used the perk to make me ignore it
1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 10.6

GAH! Lysia and how evil you've made her is just so amazing just in the span of one entry. I was VERY impressed! Not only did you characterize your own characters well enough to give each of them unique voices, something only mature writers can do, but you characterized the once upon a time characters unique to their voices. I just... I am SO impressed. I couldn't stop reading your entry. It literally felt like a once upon a time episode to me! You did have several grammar, spelling, sentence structure and punctuation mistakes, although because of your perk, I'm ignoring the punctuation mistake. To improve, I would suggest editing your entry and starting to write it earlier, that way you have more time for editing. Other than that, your entry was absolutely fantastic! Amazing job!

ZSB2000

0.2 for sentence repetition

0.1 for grammar

2 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0 point deduction

SCORE: 11.7

I AM IN SO MUCH SHOCK RIGHT NOW. First of all I LOVED STEPHEN AND YOU ONCE AGAIN KILLED SOMEONE AND BROKE MY HEART. The song incorporated into your entry was perfection and gaaaah, tearing at my heart strings. I loved the pacing and scene cuts in your entry - the pov changes worked and then jumping to the future with Stephen, it flowed so well, it kept me on the edge of my seat, kept my eyes reading so fast it was hard to judge and critique, left me wondering what was going to happen all without being confusing. You also characterized your own characters so well once again and this time you characterized the once upon a time characters so well, I literally felt like I was watching this Episode on TV. It was so true to the Fandom and I'm just... this was one of my favorite entries! Amazing!

tiffanyjane1997

0.5 for grammar

0.2 for spelling

0.7 for punctuation, but you asked me to ignore that with a perk, so it's now 0

0.1 for no dialogue

0.5 for no descriptions

0.5 for no emotional impact (from no descriptions)

1 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 1 point deduction

SCORE: 9.2

So aside from the obvious, that you handed me in your notes as an entry since you were overwhelmed and didn't have time to write one, this was actually your best written work yet. Obviously it's missing dilogue and description, which I took off points for as well. I did enjoy your chess game strategy and the character development with Light massacring people just to win and Chris having to hand over control. Even though you were overwhelmed and busy, you handed in your notes just to have something to hand in. This shows dedication in a way that anyone who's ever dropped out has never showed and I highly appreciate it. With that being said, to improve, I have to suggest handing in an actual entry next time and pacing your timing with writing it so that you have some time to focus on it.

animallover1321

-0.3 for spelling

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.5 for grammar

-0.5 for lack of emotion

You scored a 1.4 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.6 point deduction, but since you had me ignore that, you don't lose any points for this

SCORE: 10.6

What a battle! This is a Fairy Tail Dragon fight, that's for sure. Your entry was action packed and intense, keeping me on the edge of my seat. I had to continue reading. Your scene jumps were short but they flowed very well, giving me insight to each of your characters. I loved the different types of fights you showed, along with dramatic deaths before the time reversal. I had feels for Myenna's death... POOR GUZU. To improve, just include more emotions from your characters.

jaypvie -

-0.5 Action scene realism

I really enjoyed reading your entry. What doesn't make sense to me is that you told me it was terrible, so much so that you didn't want to hand it in, and yet I read it and I LOVED IT. You would have had a perfect score if you hadn't mentioned Jasmine was going to move and then said that a girl named Amanda moved. I personally thought it was your best entry yet! There wasn't too many details about chess, but it was still enjoyable to read nonetheless. Fantastic job! I was worried when you were late, so to improve I suggest getting an earlier start and really using the time that I give you, instead of starting last minute. Amazing job!

jesusfreak202

Mistakes and score I found:

-0.6 for grammar

-0.2 for punctuation

SCORE: 11.2

A few misplaced commas and issues with possession

jaypvie's score: 10

-0.6 for spelling

-0.9 for punctuation

-0.1 for sentence flow

-0.4 for grammar

FINAL AVERAGED SCORE: 10.6