alice_may_johnson

-3.4 for punctuation

-1.1 for grammar

-0.5 for sentence structure

-0.4 for spelling

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 5.9

This entry was interesting and I enjoyed that you had Vader involved. He wasn't quite characterized right; some of his dialogue was off—he wouldn't say things that way—and he definitely would never ever take off his mask in front of anyone. You also had several punctuation and grammar errors. You kept putting commas in front of dialogue where periods are supposed to go. Vader is also technically my villain and you had him have characters that I don't have, but I let that slide and you also used iron man, who is a character that belongs to someone else, so please check the SHOP comments to keep track of who owns what characters next time. Good job though!

LostNeverland4

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.3 for grammar

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.4

Oooohhh! I love the trade between Peter Pan and Mother Gothal. You characterized her soooo well and I love Rapunzel. Not sure who Roman is. But the mistrust between your characters is intense, so I can't wait to see where that leads. I'm excited for Rapunzel because she's one of my favorite Disney movies (other than Mulan). And I have to see her and Eugene reunited, lol. Amazing job; keep it up and I can't wait to read more!

JesterheadJohnSnow

-1.2 for punctuation

-0.5 for grammar

-0.3 for spelling

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 9.9

Whoa, I loved this entry. It really showed Thrawn at his best and gave you a chance to truly characterize him. The side stories made this feel like a real star wars novel, one that featured the Shire. Lol. I actually was so intrigued in your entry that I couldn't stop to make comments, so you did such a fantastic job. You did have a lot of commas with run on sentences and sometimes you went into present tense, but overall, amazing entry! I can't wait to read more.

Several7s

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

GAAHH. I don't know why but I loved this entry and I couldn't stop reading. I don't know who that demon guy was, but I like him. I don't know what Fandom he was from either, but I loved the negotiations and Akram's scheming, although trying to outscheme the Unseelie King is gonna be hard. I love all your characters and poor Raiden and I'm curious about the prisoner's identity. At first, I thought Dom was, but now I have no idea. Keep it up and I can't wait to read more!

RondaRayl

-0.1 for grammar

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for spelling

1.6 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 11.3

Oooohhh. I feel like you portrayed Darth Vader better than me. This was so true to his character but at the same time, I love that Donovan already had plans way ahead of Vader. Having him give Vader his kids in exchange for the holocron was quite a twist that made your entry intriguing. Plus, I love that they were negotiating for an artifact, not a realm like most would be.

JamesWhite074

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.4 for grammar

-0.2 for spelling

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.3

You're definitely getting me closer and closer to Sterling and more attached, too. I feel so sorry for him. The negotiations between Jabba and Khan weren't as detailed as I would have liked and your entry was a bit short, so I felt like there was more you could have added, but it was well written and smooth to read. I can't wait to read what happens next.

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.9

Holy moley this was amazing. I was so into your entry from start to finish and I love how your entries are like this perfect blend of my favorite characters. I like Lillian and can't wait for her to find out the truth. Is Valentine from Cassandra Clare's books or the TV show of them, Shadowhunters? Or somewhere else. Cuz he seems like Valentine but wayyyy nicer lol. I love Luke and Obi-wan and can't wait for more of their dynamic, especially since Luke is a vampire and again, I feel like your entries are just like this perfect blend of fandoms which is what this is all about. I can't wait to read more!

MusicgirlXD

-2.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for sentence structure

-2.4 for grammar

-1.2 for spelling

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 5.5

Nice negotiations. It was complicated which makes for a good story even though I wasn't quite sure who all the characters or the bad guys were. You had a lot of spelling errors and grammar mistakes, so try editing your entry and going through grammarly to catch all those. You also kept putting commas in places where they weren't needed. Try to read through your entries or anything that you write and when you hear a pause, put a comma. If there's no pause when you're reading out loud, then there's no comma. Just a tip to try to help you out J Keep up the good work.

ariel_paiement1

2 on the writing maturity scale.

SCORE: 12

I literally couldn't stop reading your entry to make comments lol. I didn't see any mistakes, so great job on the perfect score and I can tell that your formatting and style is more suited for publishing even though this is fanfiction. Amazing what self publishing books helps us learn, isn't it? Man, I love Jellal and I also love and adore how complicated your story is becoming. Like I don't know if Valela (sorry about the terrible spelling) is supposed to trust Jellal or not although I love their ship and I ship them so hard. I love all your characters and man, I really felt for Ezra. Then Norman. Man, he's such a creep, but you are such a skilled writer to be able to show that, not to mention it's a bold choice to write a character like him. Fantastic job, keep it up cuz I need to read more!

KaturaBayliss

-0.2 for grammar

-0.1 for spelling

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.6

This entry was short but to the point. I loved your creativity with how Steve and Katura deflected and how true you were to Magneto's character and how he was able to nearly bring down one of Azula's ships. You didn't have too many mistakes and I still love Azula's character. Their reason for what they needed was also creative and made things interesting. I would have liked to have been able to read the prisoner exchange, but this entry was still amazing, so keep it up. I'm interested to know what happens next.

00VesperFan

-0.4 for punctuation

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 11.3

I am so excited because your writing is highly improved and this negotiation entry was super interesting. I got super intrigued by Ethan Hunt and Phantom of the Opera, so it'll be so interesting to see them in your next entry. I love your characters and how true to negotiations this was. Keep up the amazing work! I'm excited to read more!