JesterheadJohnSnow

-0.9 for grammar (I Hate You Award makes this 0)

-0.3 for sentence structure

-0.1 for spelling

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

Toba-Fishy-Fishy – HAHAHAA Oh my goodness that's hilarious. I feel sooooo bad for Thomas. It's really cruel to do this to him again! Oh my you have characterized Jamie perfectly. I love how when you do accents, you write it like it's pronounced. At times, it's harder to understand, lol, but it's so realistic, though. I mean, a Scotsmen from Jamie's time would be hard to understand. So that's impressive. Poor Thomas and urg, Jon and his honor! I bet he feels terrible and dang. As if I hadn't lost the Shinsengumi ENOUGH. LIKE YOU ARE MEAN JUST REALLY MEAN. But your entry was absolutely fantastic and I loved it. You had a lot of grammar mistakes – issues going into the present tense by accident – but your award saved you from those. As I said, I loved how you characterized Jamie and that physical pain didn't torture him much, but threatening his loved ones and killing innocent people did. Great job. So I really need to read the next part now!

ariel_paiement1

SCORE: 12

Man, you know I love your writing and this entry was just... absolutely fantastic. And addicting. I just wanna keep reading. I did feel like you got better at characterizing Jellal and the different fandoms. Dude, I love Kaladin. He and the N girl (can't spell her name, sorry) their ship seems a little quick but they're still cute together. I feel SO bad for Kaladin, the betrayal and that punishment. That's gotta be the worst one yet. I loved how you got better with characterizing Jellal, although he seems SO EVIl for someone unpossessed but hey, maybe he turned evil. I love him so much though. But Kaladin is definitely my favorite by far. Oh goodness. The punishment was heartbreaking and I don't even know the characters and it was because of how well you showed Kaladin's emotions and made us feel for and with him. unfortunately, you only went to two of your character's perspectives and I think you had at least 3 more to go to (if not 4), so you're gonna have to kill off any characters you didn't go to this entry unless you have enough Fandom Points to buy enough saves to save them all. Remember, it's one save per character, so if you have three to kill off, you would need to buy three saves (for 33 points, aka 11 per save). Unless you wanna kill the other characters off. It's up to you. and as far as I know you characterized Kaladin's fandom perfectly it seemed, so you win that fandom in the book realm and the place you win is that Shattered Chasm place. Lol. (again, I'm not in the fandom so I'm trying here lol). Seriously, what an amazing entry. Well done! I wanna read more!

LostNeverland4

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for repetitive sentences

-0.2 for grammar

1.6 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.4 point deduction

SCORE: 11.2

You do such a great job of characterizing everyone. This entry, I felt like, really did great at showing Peter Pan and how evil he really is. His punishment with the Dreamshade fit in so well with the Fandom Once Upon A Time and it was also really creative and true to his character. I love the planning between Reid and Mowgli and how Amelia can't be trusted now. The ending with the BAU was pretty intense and I'm so sad that you killed off Rossi. To improve your writing maturity scale (and get it to 2, the highest), try adding in more descriptions of their environment. Until they arrived at the BAU, I wasn't sure where they were at, especially when Harlow ran away or Peter left to go find her. That left me visually blind during your entry. That and sometimes showing what they're feeling rather than telling it would work better and help readers feel the emotions with the characters. Other than those things and a few minor mistakes here and there, you've done a great job. Also, Peter isn't taking over any realms, so you didn't get any new territory this round. Just wanted to let you know. Keep up the great work and I'm curious to read your next entry!

JamesWhite074

-0.5 for grammar

-0.4 for punctuation (missing comma in sentence)

-0.1 for realism

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11

Love Fiernan's ways of keeping Kahn from seeing their plans and love his planning and how you explained it all out. That made the betrayal so much worse. I love your characters and how character driven this entry was. I feel like you gave a lot of time and attention into the betrayal and into what each character was doing which made it creative and gave them all equal "screen time" so to speak. . Such a cute thing between Happy and Naxia – love the dive bombing her puppets did. Fairy Tail is hilarious and your characterization of them is perfect. I could totally see them causing so much trouble if they were forced to obey LOL. I can see the look on Makerov's face with this too. You did have a few grammar and punctuation errors, but hey, I'm just happy you scored an 11 rather than a 1 like last time. You did win the Marco Polo Realm and you were very realistic with the war and how long it would have taken to take them over (and how much trouble they had too). The Hunger Games Realm wasn't mentioned as much, but you did include the main characters from there and mentioned what Snow did that made things difficult for Kahn and since it was realistic that it took Kahn longer to take him out and that what Snow did was true to his character, you've won both the Hunger Games and the Marco Polo Realm. Amazing, fantastic job and I wanna read what happens next.

CCWinters

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.9

DANG. Remind me not to get on Maleficent's bad side LOL. At all. I love all your characters and I really am in love with Ventus and Dreven. I'm still not sure what Dreven's fandom is, but I really like him and I feel bad for him all at once. Poor Jenaara. I'm kind of rooting for Dreven's rebellion but the way you described how disgusted he was with his own actions gave me tons of feels. I actually only found one punctuation mistake, so this was an extremely smooth read and the story of it drew me in and kept me entertained from start to finish. Haha, when I first read Sterling's name I was like is that JamesWhite074's Sterling or another one? And then at the end when you listed the deaths, he was there. So nice. Lol. First writer to kill off another writer's character (that's definitely an award for the special awards at the end LOL). Anyway, I love your characters and I need more of them!

KaturaBayliss

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.9

I only saw one punctuation mistake and let me tell you, this entry was absolutely amazing. It was intriguing that you went back and forth between first and third person but you really pull that off and that shows just how good of a writer you are, to do that and create such distinct voices for your characters. Then, the characters, let me tell you. I am in love with your characterization of Azula and Zuko. It's absolutely perfect and I honestly, truly feel like I'm watching a more mature, live action version of Avatar the Last Airbender but featuring only Azula and Zuko. That punishment was practically the cruelest I've read yet and then, I got SOOOOOOO many feels when you went to Zuko's pov and had him flashback to what he went through and then the whole line: This is wrong." Like boom. That hit me right in the chest. GAHH. By the way, the Alaric boarding school. I love Vampire Diaries and I've watched it all the way through (saw the final season only once), am I forgetting something? Did Alaric really create a boarding school for gifted people or am I going crazy??? LOL. So you did a great job showing Azula taking over, so you've won that piece of the Vampire Diaries realm. Anyway, I really, really love your writing style and I love this story you're creating! I need to read more!

RondaRayl

-0.5 for grammar

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for spelling

1.4 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.6 point deduction

SCORE: 10.7

You are doing a good job of characterizing everyone, especially Rocky and Indiana. Rocky is my favorite so far. Donovan is true to his character so you're showing his villain side very well. This entry was a bit on the short side and you had a few grammar mistakes, but even though it was a bit rushed it still made sense and stayed true to the fandoms. What you can work on next is adding in details and stuff. Great job and I'm interested to read more.

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for spelling

-0.1 for grammar

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.6

Wow. So many Obi-Wan feels. I love how you have taken these characters, which you have characterized very well for the most part, and then created a storyline of your own invention and went your own way with it. Loki is just so evil and cruel and what a punishment for Obi-Wan. It's interesting seeing him turn to the dark side. You had 1 spelling mistake and 1 grammar mistake so nothing too major. I do feel like at times, Obi-Wan's reactions seem a bit immature for his age, such as when Loki was beating him. Like Obi-Wan could have fought back and it would have taken much more than a beating to get him afraid. I love Obi-Wan's voice though. Each of your characters have unique voices and it makes them all different. And you have done Elijah SOOOO perfect. I love him xD You did write Hogwarts right and man, Dumbledoor's reaction and death was perfect and tragic. For that reason, I'm giving you the Harry Potter Fandom (the piece you get is Hogwarts). Overall, though, fantastic job and I'm eager to read what's next!

BailyGaines

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for grammar

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.8

Oooh nice! Once again, you were very true to Lord of the Rings and I really felt for Eoin and his sister. Sarumon flinging him around made me wince but it's very true to what he would do. I didn't see too many mistakes – one awkwardly worded sentence and one instance where you went into the present tense by accident. Other than that, great entry. You did bring in the characters from hunger games and you weren't not true to it, but you didn't really include it very much either, so for that reason, I don't think Saurmon took over that realm. Great job and I'm interested to find out what happens next.

Several7s

-0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.9

How DARE YOU KILL OFF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW. Good grief that hurt my heart. Lol. I really truly forget that you haven't read the Unseelie King's books but you seriously characterize him so well, you seem to know him better than I do. I LOVE LOVE your characters and you really take your time and let me get into their heads and personalities and who they are. Not to mention you give me a LOT of feels. I only saw one punctuation mistake and nothing else, so it was a really smooth read and because you characterized the Pirates of the Caribbean characters so well and explained that he took over that realm, I'll give it to you this time. Next time try to make it more than a well-written casual mention. I loved your entry and I cannot wait for more.

00VesperFan

-0.2 for grammar

-3.7 for punctuation

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 7.4

As I mentioned before, every time a new character speaks in dialogue, it needs to get put into a new paragraph. If you have them all speak in one paragraph, it makes it hard to read and it's also not correct, so that is why you had so many points taken off. It slows down the reading and really makes it hard to tell apart, so please address this in your next entry. You have characterized Voldemort very well and killing off Nala gave me a lot of feels and because you characterized Nala and Simba so well, you've won the Pride Lands. Try to add more descriptions and detail and as I said, please fix the problem with your dialogue and separate it into paragraphs your next entry. Despite that, good job and it will be interesting to see what happens next.

MusicgirlXD

-0.7 for grammar

0.5 for punctuation

-0.5 for sentence structure

-0.5 for spelling

-1 for being late

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 8.3

I love ELetta's voice as a pirate. Your characters are starting to have different voices and man your writing this round has REALLY improved so I am very impressed. You still had mistakes but this is improvement so I'm excited. Keep up the great work!