Several7s

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 12

It was short but really sweet. KHENKI IS SAILING AND GOING TO GET MARRIED. AH. IM SO HAPPY. *happy tears* Your idea about how World War Three started is SO creative. I love it. I wish I was as creative as you - like seriously. Even though it was kind of summarized on how they solved it, I felt like it was well explained and I honestly didn't find any mistakes at all, so what a perfect and impressive entry that really entertained me. Great job; I can't wait to see how this ends.

ariel_paiement1

-0.2 for sentence structure

-0.1 for realism

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.7

I loved and enjoyed all the ship scenes between Aetius and Lucia. Lucia's accent being back really helped capture her character a lot better. Even though I love how mature you're writing is in third person narrative, it's refreshing to have gone back to third person specific (I can't remember what it's called). I love being able to read directly from your characters' thoughts and being able to get in their heads. You did have two sentences that were missing words which threw off the sentence structure but I think you might have been writing too fast without time to go through them. The biggest issue was your realism with how Maximillion didn't freak out that they were from the future. He didn't quite believe them about the events but you didn't really mention him having issues or not believing that they were really from the future. Other than that, amazing entry and I can't wait to see what you do for the ending!

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for grammar

-0.1 for punctuation

-0.1 for spelling

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.5

I loved the build up of the drama to the circumstances around the third world war. Creative reasons for why it started as well. I enjoyed getting to see more from your characters and how they've grown. Man, I feel so bad for Anne. I'm a huge Pearl Harbor history nerd, so it was exciting that you did that. Your descriptions of the devastation and the effects of war was so realistic and vivid, it put me in the scene. Fantastic job. I want to see an end to your characters and this story!

RondaRayl

-0.4 for grammar

-0.2 for punctuation

1.5 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.5 point deduction

SCORE: 10.9

Wow! Your writing has gotten so much better! You're adding in more details now - especially historical ones, which made your entry so realistic - and including more dialogue. This helps me get to know your characters and makes them feel real and tangible and adds so much to each of their characters. I loved the historical details and all your information about this situation in World War 2. It's very impressive. You did have several grammar mistakes and a few punctuation errors, but nothing too bad. I can't wait to read how your story ends!

JesterheadJohnSnow

-1.2 for grammar

-0.1 for spelling

-0.3 for punctuation

1.9 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.1 point deduction

SCORE: 10.3

I love the phrasing you used to describe how the occupants were attracted to disturbances like moths to a light source. That's fantastic description that really shows what's really going on. I got so captured into your entry that I literally couldn't comment throughout it. STARKAD. KEPLER. XINYI *sobs* Well, you've completely broken and shattered my heart, so thanks for that *sarcastic* There was a lot of intense action and it was perfectly mixed with historical details. I literally felt like I was reading a World War 2 book, which is awesome. I love your characters, as usual. Man, the twist at the ending left me for a loop. Kenneth is an evil jerk. I literally need to read the ending and I can't wait to see how you finish this.

MusicgirlXD

-1 for grammar

-0.3 for spelling

-0.3 for punctuation

-1 for not following the task

11.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 8.7

This was an intense and entertaining entry. I liked that it focused on Alexander and Hamon because it gave me more time to get into their heads and learn more about their characters and how they're developing. Nice twist with how Eletta came to save them and them being in a concentration camp. You didn't mention world war three or why they came back to the second world war to fix something - which you didn't explain either - and that's why I took away a point for not following the task. It would be nice to read some closure for your characters! I've gotten attached!