jesusfreak202

-0.1 sentence structure

-0.2 for grammar (I won the award Savages, so I'm using that to ignore this one the rubric, which makes it at 0 for grammar)

0.1 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.8

You had some grammar issues this time but I liked the story with William going back and the timeline situation made sense and changing a little wouldn't effect too much. I liked how Hijikata used this to justify restarting the Shinsengumi.

ariel_paiement1

-0.3 for grammar

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.7

WHOA SHES IN LOVE WITH CHARLES STUART? HOLY MOLY I DIDNT SEE THAT COMING. He was such an idiot, historically, though. BUT WOW WHAT A TWIST. THEY HAD A DAUGHTER? AND SHE WAS TRYING TO STOP THE REBELLION? TRIPE TWIST. HAHA I love the narration, like it was a very poor idea indeed and then poof, William disappears. NICE lol. That scene with William being teleported back makes sense now lol. Okay so I totally ship her and Charles. That scene with them was so cute LUCLES? LOL. I'm used to Charles in the show outlander and his British accent so it helps that you gave him a Scottish brogue cuz then he feels like a totally different guy and not an idiot! Also, I knew the dreich term because I've encountered it in my research on the Scottish-English accent (same with the heid's full o'mince being "you're confused"). I feel so sorry for Lucia and Kerieth is an evil jerk although I don't really remember him or know where in the heck he came from all of the sudden, but man I hate him. LUCIUS ! THEIR SHIP. GAAAH. Broken hearts and then it's all good and I just had so many feels for everyone. You did have tree grammar mistakes, but they were simple ones that you probably would have seen had you had more time. Loved it, still a smooth read, and I really need to continue reading this story you've created.

JesterheadJohnSnow

-0.8 for grammar (cuz of your award, these are all 0)

-0.4 for punctuation

2 on the writing maturity scale

SCORE: 11.6

I love all the development with Thomas. Creative reasons for having him go back and lots of feels. I loved the interactions with all your characters as they decided to go back. Poor Paul. Lol. He just wants to sleep! Ha! I LOVE ALL THE HISTORICAL DETAILS YOU'RE THROWING IN! And because I know this time period like the back of my hand, I'm catching them all! LOL. NICE JOB. I love your descriptions and the illistrations your words paint as you write. It creates such a vivid picture that lets me easily picture every detail of what's going on. Thomas was so well developed this round and I feel so bad for him at the end cuz HE WAS SO CLOSE. And you kind of left things in a bad spot, forcing him to come back and he is gonna be so angry with everyone, so I really need to read what happens next! Great job I loved every bit of it and it was so entertaining and really hooked me into the story! You did have a lot of grammar mistakes, but due to your award, none of them count. Lol.

Several7s

-0.3 for sentence structure

-0.1 for punctuation

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 11.4

Well Rebeckah seems like an intriguing character so I'm interest to see how this all plays out. I don't think women were allowed to be nurses in the 1700s especially not in the army, so I'll have to check the realism there first. KHEN BETTER NOT BE IN DANGER. Ugh I was hoping she would be okay. NAOKI NEEDS TO FIND HER. PHEW. She's okay. Thank goodness! AWWW POOR FELIPE! All the ways you included the ballot punishments was really creative and I liked how this task seemed more character driven. I feel so bad for Felipe and his death but I'm glad everyone else is okay. Some of your word choices were a little less mature than usual, which was why you scored a 1.8 on the writing maturity scale, rather than 2. Overall, great job. I can't wait to keep reading!

Sara_R_Stark

-0.1 for sentence structure

-0.1 for repetitive sentences

-0.2 for spelling

-0.1 for realism (whatever caused Seth to disappear, it wasn't explained how that was fixed)

1.7 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.3 point deduction

SCORE: 11.2

I really like John and Charles' friendship. It was creative having him to go back and give his mom a necklace, but its so sad when Eleanor died all for a necklace and John didn't even seem to care. So I feel bad. You had a few syntax errors but nothing that took me out of the story, so it was still a smooth read. You did never fully explain how whatever caused Seth to disappear was fix, so I had to take off points for it. Great job though! Keep up the good work!

RondaRayl

-0.4 for grammar

-0.1 for punctuation

1.3 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.7 point deduction

SCORE: 10.8

Your writing has improved so much. You included much more dialgoue which allowed us to get to know your characters and see them interact, which made it so enjoyable to read. I can tell you did a lot of research which made for a realistic and authentic read. I got so many feels for Jackson and his situation with his lover and son. It was so sad that they died! You did have four grammar mistakes but it wasn't too major. Overall, you're doing a great job so keep up the fantastic work. I'm looking forward to your next entry!

MusicgirlXD

-0.2 for spelling

-0.8 for grammar

-0.3 for punctuation

-0.3 for sentence structure

-0.5 for realism (she probably couldn't have guessed the right time period to go back to)

1.4 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.6 point deduction

SCORE: 9.3

Awwwww WHY DID BLAIRE HAVE TO DIE!?! I honestly didn't think the indian would kill her, especially since they're technically on a team. That was such a twist and after the entire entry being from her POV, I got close to her and then BOOM. She's dead. I like how she followed him back and the intro was pretty hooking. Your action was intense and you didn't have as many syntax errors as you normally do, so fantastic job. Keep up the amazing work!!!!

Shermanblook

-0.7 for grammar

-1.1 for punctuation

-0.3 for repetitive sentences

-0.5 for not following the whole task (the character who went back wasn't from that time period)

1.8 on the writing maturity scale, resulting in a 0.2 point deduction

SCORE: 9.2

AWWW I love Max and Maurice, although I couldn't remember if this was the real Max or the fake Max but either way I ship them! It was interesting to get into their heads a lot more and have more character interactions this time! Some of your explanations for the timeline in the beginning was a little confusing and you did have several syntax errors that could have been addressed - most of them were misplaced commas. Interesting that Maurice went back simply because she wanted to see it, lol. They basically died because she got curious, which I was sad about her and Max's death - so cruel. It does make me wonder how the real Max is gonna take it though... :( *sobs* You did forget that the character who went back was supposed to have been from that time period, so I took off points for that. Overall, entertaining and great character development!