First of all, I apologize for the delay with scores. I probably won't be able to score on the same day entries are due, simply because there are so many of you. Just for this task alone I had to read over 77,000 words (and I underestimated when I did the math), which is A LOT to read in two days (or however long it's been. I've been at my computer for so long, I forgot what day it is anyway, haha). Anywho... onto scores. Keep in mind because this was the sponsorship task, I did provide opinions, which included notes. With so many of you, I didn't beat around the bush, I got straight to the point, which meant I was BRUTALLY honest about what needs to be fixed. Please don't be mad or offended; every writer can use improvement somewhere. I did list the positives before the fixing parts... so please, just keep an open mind! :) (and please don't try to kill me, either).  However, I also scored all of you much, much higher than I was expecting - ALL of you did such a fantastic job and I was definitely impressed so much. I felt like way more of a fangirl most of the time than  a judge, so great job all of you! 

Female 7: Air Mage Aelia Zephyr - 13

Wow, wow, wow, wow! Wow. That's all I know how to say right now. This entry was so amazing, and impressive! I knew you were a wonderful writer, but this is on a completely different level! This was absolutely amazing! I literally only saw ONE grammar mistake—just one, and even then it's just something that sounds better worded differently, so it's not that big of a deal. Everything about this was just amazing, and yes that word is probably going to get super annoying here soon. You were the only one to include all the Magi traveling together when they EACH had an important part to play. I absolutely loved your creativity and unique touch with how they all used their magic to work together—the shield wizards providing protection for the camp, the shadow mages stealing supplies, the air mages keeping the air from being trackable. It was all just so unique. Not only that, but the things she did with her magic was so creative, I couldn't have even come up with all that. The idea of using air as a way to communicate from a distance literally just blew my mind. Half of me is aggravated that I didn't think of that first, haha! Not only that, but you included the proper elements of her energy levels while doing all of this too. Her interactions with the other Magi was just soooooooo interesting, and the fight scene! Can I just say YESS for the first battle scene with different waves of "soldiers"? Seriously!!!! As for notes, literally only one grammar mistake which didn't necessary have to be a grammar mistake at all. I was a little concerned with her lack of direct emotion besides just her thoughts, but you definitely made up for that at the end by just literally dumping me with a bucket full of feels... seriously. Don't change a thing. Keep it just like this. Sorry, but you've definitely raised my expectations of you, so I'm going to be looking forward to reading more from you just like this. Such a fantastic job!

On another side note, seriously... your creativeness astounds me and yet makes me so jealous. The black anti-magic rock that they made their armor and shields out of? SOOOO AMAZING. Oh and congratulations for getting the first and only perfect score!

Female 1: Shapeshifter Sage Lilja Svana - 12.9

Overall, this was an absolutely fantastic entry. From the first word, I was hooked, and I was engaged the entire time. I really loved the interaction and dynamic between Chanel and Lilja... It reminds me a lot of my relationship with my own sister. The way you described Lilja in her wolf form was so vivid, it was clear to picture (which shapeshifting usually isn't). The fact that you included the bones breaking added so much realism! I've always thought that, but very few books, movies and shows include it in there even though it would logically be happening. I also loved when they ate the apples (I have no idea why), but there was a nice contradiction that really told their characters apart during that scene. At the end, when she thought about her family, I got the feels and I teared up. Family is really important to me, so is my sister, so it's something I easily related to. The hostage situation and fight scene was intense, and you kept me on the edge of my seat. Vaxon was absolutely amazing, and sadistic—the idea of him kicking a wolf just made me cringe, especially when you realize that wolf is Lilja. I was worried about Jahad being apart of capturing her at first, but as I read you played it out really well and I felt like you kept true to his character.

As for notes, I didn't see but one or two grammar mistakes, and they didn't take me away from the entry. I can't wait to see her interact with other magi next time.

Male 16: Conjurer Wizard Leo Maverson - 12.9

Bear with me here, but first of all, usually I can't really get into reading about people in ages I consider to be kids. But Leo... gosh darn it you did it! For the first time, I read about a fourteen year old and I did NOT get bored, not once! His quirkiness and the realism you added not only behind him, but his character was just flat out entertaining. It felt like a book, not an entry, even though I say that to a lot of people, it's so true. Also, for some odd reason this really made me want to play a video game called Skyrim, as the way you made the town seemed similar. Anyway, I really, really love how you included a bit about what his life is normally like—getting a job, what his home town was like, how he has to hide. You also included so much about his magic, all the proper elements were there, as well as his energy levels. I also enjoyed how he isn't uber-powerful and the realism behind the fact that he's still learning. The city-building you did, as well as the other language (sorry but I can't remember the name), and the chants was just so amazing, I fangirled. I got the feels at how naïve he is, and yes I did try yelling to warn him, but no he didn't listen (haha), but that also added to his character and gave him a layer of depth. I really, really love him, and I absolutely loved this entry. You also have a unique writing style, and a way with showing not telling, which is so amazing for me as a judge and as a reader. As for notes, there were a few grammar mistakes, but I can't even remember them now, and they definitely didn't take me out of the entry at all. Amazing job! My advice to you for next entry would be to just keep doing what you're doing, keep up his quirkiness, magic, and add a little emotion and describe what he feels. I can't wait to read more, especially his interactions with the other Magi.

Male 15: Plant Mage Sigel Silverblade - 12.9

Wow!!! This entry was absolutely just amazing! Your writing is so beautiful and descriptive! I seriously felt like I was reading a novel apart of an epic series or something. I really love the way you develop your characters. Not only did I get a sense for Sigel (his thoughtful, logical, deceptive side, who will do anything to survive), but Talex (reckless and impulsive with anger issues), but the side characters as well. Art was just fantastic, and you gave them each a unique voice! The world building you've done, such as including the forbidden language was a wonderful creative touch. You're portrayal of the royal family was enjoyable to read, and accurate for each one you mentioned. I seriously can't wait to read more. You left it at a perfect spot, a kind of cliff hanger to leave me wanting more, but yet finishing the entry completely at the same time. It was the perfect length, and you really used it to your advantage. I got the feels when he lost the fight, and when he knew he was going to be taken. As for notes, I only saw a few minor grammar mistakes. Other than that, everything was absolutely perfect. Next entry, just focus on including more emotion from Sigel, rather than only thought processes, and really giving me the feels, but wonderful job! I also can't wait to see more of his magic in action! I can't wait to read more!

Female 2: Shadow Sage Jaeyria Lightwood - 12.8

Wow. First of all, this was a fantastic entry. Since it was the first I read, you've definitely set the bar of expectations higher. I was so engrossed into the story, this literally felt like a novel I held in my hands, and not a small entry of a competition. You've started me off as a reader, not a judge, which is a good and bad thing. This means, I have high expectations for you, so keep up the amazing work. Onto notes: I really loved the fantasy elements in this. All the creatures and descriptions you added really set the scene and you know what I immediately thought? This is Castre. You brought my world alive. Your characterization, not only with your own characters, but other tributes, and the Royal family was so impressive. I was grinning the entire time. It was a perfect blend of emotion, dramatic-scenes, thoughts, suspense, actions and character development and interactions that it really gave me a sense of who Jae is and the world that she lives in. It felt so much like a story that I seriously just want to read more. It was also the perfect length and it was creative as well. I was actually afraid of Vaxon, which is saying something since I created him, but your portrayal of him was absolutely perfect. I was definitely extremely annoyed with Nassia, to the point where I think I'm going to have to kill her off. Also, the interactions between Jae and Eiridan were so adorable that I officially ship them, so congratulations. Also, I was too engrossed to spot any mistakes, but I don't think there was any. Out of all this, I seriously loved, loved, loved what you did with her magic. First off, creating portals out of shadows? That's so creative and unique. You also did a marvelous job with her exhaustion, I really felt as if it was a physical and typical part of her life. My only notes to you to improve on are including more emotion from her throughout the entries. You have a lot of her thought-process which is good, but describing more emotions is your next step. If she's numb or not feeling any, hint around to that, or describe it too.

Male 5: Eiridan Stormblessed - 12.8

I really loved the difference between Eiridan's entry and Jae's. It's the same situation, and both stories flow as a single story together, but it was like giving me a glimpse of two different parts of the story. The interaction with Vassti was different. I just love the creative way you tweaked Eiridan's healing magic with the aura's and feelings. His interpretation of Vassti and Kyren both was just so amazing. The ending absolutely gave me the feels. You did a much better blend of his thought process and emotions, than Jae's, though I think that's mostly because she's more closed off than he is. Your descriptions, especially of the dungeon seriously made me cringe, and it felt just like I was watching a movie. You've once again set the bar of expectations really high. Just like with Jae's, I was completely engrossed into the story, the world, and the characters. You did a great job of really establishing who Eiridan is. I'm anxious to see how he does with all the fighting and stuff, but I'll have to wait to find out. There was only one spot in a paragraph where the sentence flow was a little odd, though that could be because I'm tired. You also did a fantastic job with his magic energy, and I loved how he thought through how much he had left—it added so much realism to the story itself. The ending had such a nice twist. I thought he was upset because of what his fellow Magi were going through, or even that they were all going to die, but no. He wept for the very people who did this to him and it gave me the feels, not only for the royals, but for how helpless he must feel. It broke my heart, and this is only the first task. Seriously! I cannot wait to read more!

Female 11: Healer Wizard Lydora - 12.8

At first I was confused because you said gravity wizard at the top of the email, but I realized you meant healer wizard. This was a really great entry. I was hooked at the beginning and though there wasn't much action until the end, you kept me engaged. The interactions between her and her family were so interesting that there was never a dull or lagging moment. You've developed her well as one of the youngest characters in Magi. The way you described her magic was so vivid, it was like I could feel and see it. You did great on her energy levels as well. Despite that it's fantasy, it was all very realistic. The added twist at the end about the town and her house burning being an illusion was great! The entry itself kept me on the edge of my seat. I was anxious to find out if the old man was real or not, and I liked how he ended up being a shapeshifter and betrayed her. Again, the interactions with her family were so cute and it really makes me hope they get reunited someday! As for notes, I only saw on grammar mistake, a missing quotation, which could have easily been a typo. Also, you included a lot of her thought process, but not really any specific emotions, so really try to focus on specific emotions next time. Outside of that, I have nothing to correct. Next entry, don't be afraid to start expanding more and describe more. This entry relied heavily on dialogue, which isn't bad, but try to describe more around her, and include more actions and movement during the dialogue. Amazing job!

Male 14: Telex Silverblade - 12.8

AHHH! Cliff hanger! You're killing me over here! *ahem* anywho... Wow! Once again, I was a reader of a novel, not a judge of an entry in a competition. I really, really, really loved reading the same similar events but from Telex's point of view. The introduction was an immediate hook, and I absolutely loved and enjoyed his interactions with people in the tavern. It really showed his personality and let his characters shine, so much I was grinning the entire time. I also loved the interactions with Kandi and Myla... the barn scene was amazing, especially when he took her pain and healed her hand (I was like awwwww)! The fight scene was interesting from his point of view as well, and now the reasons why they all fell in the mud make so much more sense. But gosh, the ending... It's the worst cliff hanger ever! I gotta know what happens next! (even though I kind of know what happens next, haha). As for notes, there were a few minor grammar mistakes here and there, but it definitely didn't take me out of the entry. Next entry, I can't wait to see his magic in action! I didn't really get the feels anywhere in this entry, so hopefully I will in the next entry at some point. Fantastic job, though! I just need to read more!

Female 17: Light Mage Chiara Gonzolas - 12.8

Wow, wow, wow! I seriously just loved this entry! Right away, I was instantly hooked (nice gripping introduction!) There were no lagging moments; you kept me engaged the entire time. Your character development with Chiara (sorry if it's spelled wrong) was just so in-depth that I got a real sense for who she is. The flashback with her sister, and her depression at what she did, and her eating disorder definitely made her unique and it made her stand out. I also loved the Magi hideout and her interactions with Lilija and Nickolai (which was so cute, by the way). I'm hoping to see something more there... or at least hoping for a reunion between them??? Hehe. Anyways, the action was great, and I really loved your creativity at the end with the underling and the serpant and the flood. The way she lied herself out of the situation (almost), was definitely unique and incredible to read. As for notes, there were only a few mistakes, but they didn't take me out of the entry at all. Honestly, I was too engrossed to really pinpoint anything more than those few mistakes. Next entry, I want to know more about her background, and hopefully you'll include a little more emotion from her. Amazing job!

Male 12: Water Mage Evian Damini - 12.7 

Wow! This entry was almost perfect! There was only one grammar mistake, but it didn't take me out of the entry. I was really engrossed in the story, which did feel like a story, not an entry. It was really enjoyable as well. I really loved getting to see what a typical day is like for him. The training scene was just too amazing to put into words. Your creativity with how he uses his magic made me smile the entire time. You did a fantastic job including his energy. This whole entry was a perfect blend of intense action, vivid description, character development and just plain everything. My only note would be to include more emotion from him, but it wasn't that lacking at all. And to vary your sentence structure a bit. There were several that began with "he" toward the beginning but it didn't take me out of the story at all. The action scene (Battle of the Magi) was intense and beautifully written! It felt like Lord of the Rings to me, so amazing job! I seriously can't wait to find out what happens next! He has to find the girl and his sister! He just has to! 

Female 5: Illusionist Sage Zentra Oromis - 12.6

First of all, I must say nice twist! When Dane told Zentra who he was, my jaw literally dropped and I stared at the screen for a few good minutes. That was most definitely impressive!

Okay, as I finished the entry, I take back my previous statement. My jaw is dropping now because of the other twist you added at the end, which I totally fell for by the way. I love, love, love when stories actually manage to surprise me with a few twists, and you did just that. This was so enjoyable and amazing to read. Again, it felt like a story, and you really made Castre come alive with all your creativity with the world and character building. As for notes, pretty much the same as with your other entry. There were a few grammar mistakes, but nothing major. There were several sentences that could have been separated into separated sentences, and your dialogue once again. If someone new speaks, the new dialogue gets entered into a new paragraph. Here is an example.

"I don't want to do the dishes," she complained.

Her mother shook her head. "It's your chore. Now get it done!"

Rather than all in the same paragraph.

Wonderful job! Also, I really loved Zentra's strong, well-developed character. It will be interesting to see her interactions with other magi.

Male 8: Lightning Mage Kalix Leanour - 12.6

This was another enjoyable read. There were only a few grammar mistakes this time, and it didn't take away from the entry at all. You've really developed Kalix's character and a protective older brother is definitely interesting. You had more emotion than action, but you still kept it engaging the entire time. I really got the feels when Kalix sacrificed himself for his sister—it was so sweet and sad at the same time. The interaction with Nassia and Kyren was definitely interesting and you portrayed them both, especially Nassia, really well. Your vocabulary and use of words was absolutely beautiful, keeping it vivid and concise and clear all at once. I don't really have many notes, other than the few grammar mistakes (one misplaced comma and a few more instances where your sentences could have been split into two), but like I said before, they were nothing major. As for notes, well you did a great job of showing his emotions in the first half, but during the second half, his emotions just fell off and you stuck with just being descriptive and including the scene itself. My advice for you to improve is to show me more about Kalix—give me more emotion especially and keep it consistent throughout the whole entry to show me more of who he is on the inside. Great job!

Male 11: Gravity Mage Jaxon Steele - 12.6

Overall, this was another wonderful entry. I really, really loved the interactions between Jaxon and his girlfriend. Not only was it sooooo adorable, and it established both characters and their personalities, but it was well thought out. The conflict between them felt real, and it wasn't cliché at all. The idea that he moves around and doesn't want to get attached, yet only is attached to her, but it's not enough to keep them in the same place is just... it was so interesting and entertaining to read. I really liked how the entry coordinated with Lydora's. Reading it from Jaxon's perspective and how he was trying to protect her emotionally was just so cute, I got the feels. As for notes, there was a few minor grammar mistakes, but it didn't even take me out of the entry (I can't even remember them right now). Next entry, I hope that you include more emotion from Jaxon, rather than just thought-process. Wonderful job!

Female 14: Warrior Sage Isanabella Spoolblac - 12.6

Overall, wow! This entry was definitely impressive! It's the best piece of yours that I've read, which is saying something because your entries are always amazing. I just... immediately your descriptions latched me into the story with how vivid and clear they were. You did so well developing and establishing her character, how she wanted to be alone and that she would rather be training. Gosh, the way you described how she harnessed the energy was absolutely amazing. The action scene was intense, and I didn't spot any mistakes with it, or anything that didn't make sense. I also loved what she thought of various mages, and how, even though she doesn't want to be around or talk to them, she still fought to protect them in the end. Also, I can't get over how hooking your introduction was. The description of the emotions, and the chant in her head was just... too amazing for words. As for notes, I literally only saw like two mistakes, and they were both minor ones. And also, when you said, "ruin" did you mean "rune?" It kind of threw me off for a bit, but after I continued reading, I figured out what you meant. I literally don't have anything else to tell you to do because this was perfect, other than next entry try to add a few more elements of fantasy in there other than her magic (don't worry; it'll be the perfect time for it too). This entry was your best that I've read! Amazing job! Can't wait to read more from you! :)

Female 3: Lightning Mage Ashni Damini - 12.5 

Seriously, what in the world am I going to do? Your entry was amazing. I was hooked from the start and when I came to the end, I continued scrolling, looking for more words, but there was none! I was a reader, and this felt like a story. The way you portrayed the royals was amazing, and definitely enjoyable to read. I loved the characterization you did with Ashni, with how shy she is. It was creative as well. You portrayed the magic spot on, and your descriptions were so vivid, I could see everything happening right before my eyes. I also enjoyed the small twist of how the Magi were technically found and captured because of her. There was one or two grammar mistakes in the beginning, but it did not take me out of the entry at all, and there weren't any more in the rest (one of them was a spacing mistake that I'm assuming is a typo). I really felt for her loneliness and mistrustfulness. My favorite part was how you described Vaxon's eyes. Your writing style is amazing, and the metaphor with the ocean was absolutely beautiful. Seriously, I have to read more! Things to note and improve on in the next task: try to vary your sentence descriptions with more vocabulary. At some points your descriptions were extremely vivid, but at a few points (again this isn't bad, just ways to improve), they were slightly lacking. But overall wonderful job and I seriously enjoyed it!

Male 7: Metal Mage Mordzar Malthus - 12.5

Overall, this was a really thrilling read. It felt like a fantasy novel. You added so much detail, and your world-building creativity really made Castre and the characters in it come alive. It was a movie and a book, one that I would read again and again. You did a wonderful job with character development, not only with Mordzar, but the other characters as well. Even the side characters had personalities and histories, as well as the various races and creatures. You have a beautiful writing style, and your mature use of vocabulary was very impressive. It was rich, full of thick layers of depth and development. The action scene was intense, and all of it was correct and very visual.

As far as notes go, there were quite a few grammar mistakes, most of which consisted around dialogue. Rather than include it in the same paragraph, dialogue always gets entered down. For example: "I don't want to walk the dog," she complained. Her mother glared at her. "Well, too bad. It's your chore." Instead of writing it that way, the proper way would be like this:

"I don't want to walk the dog," she complained.

Her mother glared at her. "Well, too bad. It's your chore."

The dialogue was entered down onto another line when it changed. It takes a little getting used to, but you'll get it. It makes it much easier to read and follow that way. It was the only mistake that kind of took me out of the entry, making it difficult to read, but once you learn to fix that, you're score will improve, and your entries will be perfect!

Female 15: Shield Wizrad Eriswen Faervel - 12.5

Overall, this was so fascinating to read. It felt like a story instead of an entry. Your style, voice and descriptions are absolutely amazing! You have such talent. You add in perfect elements of fantasy, so much so that I really felt like I was in Castre. I love her relationship with Ionen (sorry if I spelled it wrong). The flashback scene at the fire in Odera really gave me the feels, and by the end of the entry I was almost in tears at the pain she was in. Your creativeness with her magic was so unique, it made me fully engaged and hooked, anxious to see what idea she'd come up with next. You also did an absolutely fantastic job with her development. You really used the word count, and I loved how you showed and developed her personality, as well as included a flashback into her past. Every scene in this pushed the story forward and furthered her development and that's exactly what I'm looking for with character. So amazing! As for notes: you had several instances where you were vague. You're one of the few entries that includes a lot of action, (a lot). Doing this is great, but there's also a risk. Some of it was a little confusing, and difficult to picture. I remember at one point, you mentioned that she ran passed guards, but before, you never mentioned any being there. There's at least three points I counted where you missed an action—one sentence seemed to completely jump to a completely different one, and what happened is kind of a mystery. It briefly took away from the entry, and I had to re read a few parts a few times. One trick I learned (because I am horrible at this too, which is why I spot this mistake quickly), is to physically move through the action I'm creating. And then when I read through, I clearly make sure every idea that's in my head is actually on the paper for the readers to understand. I don't really have any more advice on how to fix this problem, because it's something I still do. The only solution I've found is to that I wait to edit until my fiancé comes and then he always spots it and fixes it for me, haha. Which technically isn't a solution, so just try re reading your entries out loud after writing them and really take your time and think through large action scenes. You have to do that a lot, especially in in the fantasy genre. One last piece of advice, be very careful that you don't have her doing too much with her magic without having IMMEDIATE consequences. It was okay in this entry, but try to remember to have her effects happen immediately after using too much energy, not afterward. Realistically, it wouldn't just wait until the fight was over, she would feel exhausted right away. Amazing job! I seriously can't wait to read more!

Female 10: Space Wizard Chanel Svana - 12.3

Overall, this was a wonderful entry and it was enjoyable. I really loved your creativity with the poems—I could never do something like that (I'm definitely not a poetry person). It was definitely unique and not only developed Chanel's character, but made the entry stand out in general. The fight scene at the end when the camp was raided was intense, and your description of Chanel not wanting to give in, but willing to do it for her sister really added to her character. The end was horrible—what the guard did to her—but I like how she never gave in. The poem at the end gave me chills. As for notes, there were several grammar mistakes, but nothing too bad. I didn't really see anything including her magic... I actually wasn't even sure what type of Magi she was, and since that's almost the whole point of the task, I should have been able to tell from reading. Not only that, but I had to look it up after getting your magic mixed up with another tribute (I thought judging by the sword that she was a warrior sage, but she's the space wizard). Next entry, I hope to see more fantasy elements included in the entry. Overall though, wonderful job!

Female 13: Conjurer Wizard Verna Ningha Ankendinov - 12.3

Okay, well your entry was definitely unique. I loved your creativeness as well as the twist—not only is she Mathas' lover, but she's carrying his child. It definitely is quite a shock. You did a great job with her characterization—she's a protective mother carrying on Mathas' work. As for notes, I didn't see any grammar mistakes at all, so great job, but it was really short which was disappointing. Not only did I want to read more, but I felt like including more meant you could put more effort into it. It was so brief, it's hard to get a handle on her character as well as development and plot line and everything, not to mention her magic wasn't mentioned and there were no real fantasy elements to it either. She didn't interact with anyone other than Mathas either. Next entry, I would focus on including more.

Male 9: Air Mage Morrow Endelen - 12.2

Overall, this was a good entry. It was a bit short and brief, but you did a good job with characterization. Your descriptions were so vivid and clear (as usual), and the interaction between Morrow and Arvid were interesting—making me want to know more behind their conversation. The end seemed a bit rushed, and I felt like you could have included way more of the fight, and included more aspects of the task itself. You didn't really seem to use your word count at all, which is a bit disappointing because I know you can do it. Next time, that's what I would work on. I'm also looking forward to seeing his magic in use.

Female 4: Fire Mage Vala Leanour - 11.7

Overall, this was a really enjoyable entry to read. It had a lot of action, which is something I really like. You're creative touch with the way she used her magic, as well as the way the villagers trapped her was amazing. It added realism to the entry as well; because there would be people who would fear Magi. It really made me feel for her, and in a way you made me feel for Elia as well—being embarrassed in front of a crowd. You did a great job developing her character, and I got a good sense of who she is. Onto notes: there were several grammar mistakes (misplaced commas, wrong words and typos), and several of your sentences, though they weren't exactly run-ons, they could have easily been condensed and formed into separate sentences. A few of those took a little away from the entry, but nothing too bad. Although you did have her feel fatigue twice and ultimately passed out from the magic attacks she used, you didn't really include her thought process about measuring her energy levels. Maybe this is something she doesn't really tend to do, so if that's the case then a brief mention of her "not bothering to keep track of her energy levels" would have helped in that area. Your strengths in this was definitely the action and emotion. It was a perfect blend. Not only did I not find a single mistake in the way the action played out, but it kept me engaged and filled with suspense the entire time. I really also enjoyed how perfectly blended the action was with your description and her emotion. You have a beautiful way with words—her exhilaration and excitement about the fight, and the freedom she felt, as well as the feeling of claustrophobia she got at the end was so beautiful, I was feeling it with her. Also, your last few lines were amazing, it felt like a perfect end to the entry, and almost made me tired with her (in a good way, haha).

Female 16: Plant Mage Kandi Kinsey - 10.2

This was a good entry. You did a good job with Kandi's personality and establishing who she is. I also really enjoyed the way you started the entry—with a flashforward. Not only was that so unique, but it was a great hook. Telling the rest of the entry through a flashback sort of thing made it interesting as well, and made sure I was kept in mystery about what was going on in present time until the end. I also liked how you really tested her trust in this as well.

As for notes, there were several grammar errors, and run-on sentences. There were various places where your sentences needed to be separated into different ones to make more sense. During the carriage ride, your description was somewhat lacking and vague, and I actually had no idea that they were all riding it together until it was stated in dialogue that one of them had a stop. It also got vague toward the end when she went to her safe haven, but the place was never described so I have no idea what it is or where it is or what it looks like. You also did a lot of summarizing. He talked and I got to know him really well, or something along those lines could have been expanded and elaborated on. And that wasn't the only instance. It would have felt less like an info dump and more like a story. So next entry, that's what I would suggest working on; showing me, not telling me. Also, your dialogue was a little awkward in places. Talex asked her what her deepest secrets were and it seems very unrealistic that someone would just ask this to a complete stranger, even a magi. And at the end, the conversation between her and Sigel about her going dark was worded really awkwardly, and I don't really think Mathas would have betrayed her secrets to someone like that, so I didn't feel that you portrayed his character correctly in that instance. Also, his name is spelled Mathas, not Mathus, just to clarify that for future references. Keep in mind that I'm telling you this to improve, just like I do with everyone else. You're writing is really good, but there's always room for improvement, so just keep working. One thing I had to figure out (because mine sucked) was to read it out loud. Especially with dialogue. It helps you make your characters actually sound like someone talking and not completely awkward, like all my characters used to do. Overall though, good job!

Male 17: Light Mage Aswake Coveni - 9.9

You did a great job keeping his magic energy levels in check. I loved how creative you got with his light magic (for instance, putting it over weapons to conceal them), and I especially loved the realism with how it would be too much energy to cast it over a living person. I also loved how this entry seemed to coordinate with Eris' and a few others, and the interaction with Ionean was interesting to read. You also did a great job with character development, not only with your own tribute, but with the bad underlings he had to face in battle and with Jahad and Nassia in the dungeon. Also, the friendship between Aswake and Aliquin is a wonderful and interesting dynamic. Your creativity with the draining flower poisoned arrow was definitely intense, and so was the fight scene.

The only thing story-wise that I didn't particularly like was how you changed the history. Vaxon wasn't supposed to have any Magi with him, and although it made for more interesting fight scenes, it still strayed from the true history that I listed in a few chapters.

As for notes, there were several grammar errors, (regular ones, and others including shifting tenses several times). The dialogue was a little unnatural sounding at times as well, and your descriptions were vague and lacking. It was difficult to tell what exactly was going on, because you relied heavily on dialogue. Next time, try reading through your entry a few time before sending it in. Read it out loud, which will help you spot a few mistakes. Try to imagine the action taking place, and if something is missing or unclear, then add it in there. I had trouble remembering this too: readers aren't in my mind, so I have to be sure to put everything out there. There were a few instances in the beginning when he took out guards with arrows, but it was never mentioned, until the dialogue stated that several of their men had been taken out. It was never truly explained where he was hiding at, what type of area he was in, or who he talked to in the beginning... that person was never described either. Try to picture it in your head, and then describe what you see.

Male 10: Illusionist Sage Ardivdell Milagras - 9.1 

For a first entry, this was pretty good. I liked the creativity with his chalk and the runes. There were only a few minor grammar mistakes, so it made for a quick and easy read. That being said, as for notes, the whole idea was really cliché. A guy leaves home, his wife is pregnant but doesn't want him anymore. I was able to predict most of it. The magic was a little off too. He's an illusionist sage so I'm not seeing the connection between that and how he was suddenly able to read her mind. There was also a missing action between when he drew the rune, and reading her mind. What rune was it? What spell did he cast? I'm still not clear on that. Overall, the entry didn't focus too much on developing and establishing him as a character (from what I can tell, he's a suck-up desperate man who wants his wife back). It also didn't stay within the task. You just had an army show up at the end at random, and it wasn't even implied that he had been taken, and none of it felt like a fantasy theme either. Also, and this didn't count against you in points, but I thought it needed to be mentioned, you didn't list your word count, or your character's number or magic, which is just following the basic rules... In a way it told me you didn't really care for this task, and didn't quite pay attention to everything. So next entry, I hope all of this improves. 

Male 13: Earth Mage Atreyu Coen Demarcus - 8.7

First of all, this was a good entry. I really love his attitude, and how fast-paced it was. It really kept me reading, and it was over before I knew it. You did a good job developing his character, especially with the way he talks and thinks. As for notes, there were several grammar errors, but none that were too major. What I would say you need to improve on is this: one, I specifically said several times that there is no modern technology in Castre, and you mentioned videos and guns (guns twice), which was a little disappointing. I hope you won't do that in future tasks. Secondly, I would improve on using his magic. Plants is fine, since technically he is an earth mage, but using plants is more for the plant mages. By earth, he should probably be using rocks and boulders a little more. With magic, you had him do a lot, and you specifically stated that he had plenty of energy. Creating a deadly plant that could eat two guards would take so much energy from him, he should have passed out. Next entry, please work on his magic a bit, and make it more realistic with his energy. Overall though, this was a good entry!

Male 3: Space Wizard Centauri Asterious - 7.8

This was a good entry. Your writing seems to have improved since Pandora's Box, so good job! I liked the way you included chains that prevents him from casting spells. It was also a nice twist that a shapeshifter came to help him, even though he has a "dead" shapeshifter brother. I'm assuming the guy is Fauns? As for notes, there were several grammar mistakes (run-on sentences, misspellings, areas where you switched tenses, and you started a lot of sentences with the word "I"). Also, at times, especially during the action at the end, your descriptions got really vague and it was difficult to tell what exactly was going on. Your characterization of Jahad was a little odd—I'm not sure if he turned Centauri in or not, as that part was vague again, and if he did, Jahad wouldn't have done that. Also, he's a space wizard, so it's impossible that he could conjure something like the crystal. Overall though, good entry!

Female 12: Metal Mage Ogygia Gozo - 7.4

This entry overall, was fairly good. I liked all the thought and creativeness you added to it. Honestly, though it felt like a summary—just like an information dump, especially at the very beginning and the end. You wrote about her character through dialogue that Mathas said, which is telling me, not showing me, and then you only wrote about the task in the last two paragraphs. Not only that, but it seemed really unrealistic. The idea of an eight-year-old being so deceptive and able to kill several men? Not only that but being physically strong enough to put them back in their beds? Not likely. Also, you didn't include the effects of her magic exhausting her until after the fight, when logically, doing as much as she did, it would have happened immediately, during the fight. Not only that, but for an eight year old, she logically wouldn't have had enough energy or training to do that. The end also really threw me off. Still, the idea of an eight-to-eleven year old killing three hundred people in three years? That seems very unrealistic. There were also several grammar, punctuation, and sentence structure and flow mistakes. It was great for a first-time entry, so next task, just focus on making her seem like a normal human, instead of making her able to do all sorts of unrealistic things. Normalize her.

As for the ones who didn't turn in entries this round, there was six people who didn't turn in entries, which was disappointing. Especially those of you who I know are great writers who could have done this task really well. 

Male 1: Shadow Sage Nikolai Aerie - 0 

Male 2: Shield Wizard Naven Aerie - 0 

Male 4: Fire Mage Kalen - 0 

Male 6: Shapeshifter Sage Faun Asterious - 0 

Female 8: Gravity Mage Jaei Burton - 0 

Female 9: Water Mage Myla - 0 

Okay with all that being said, I'm terribly sorry, but rankings and sponsorships won't be announced until tomorrow because it's currently after 5am where I am and I have not gone to bed yet! (Yes I stay up all night doing this for you guys, so be appreciative, haha). Until tomorrow!