Okay first of all, I apologize for the lateness of getting the scores up. I had a final project for my college class this week (writing a script for an episode of a TV show I don't even watch), so I was swamped and unable to get them done until now. Maybe one of these weeks, I'll actually get them up within a day of the due date (that's my goal, haha). Anyways, please, please, please don't be upset about scores. A lot of them went down this round, but that's ONLY because I had to get harsher in my judging. As in, I was literally nitpicking every single entry, and critiquing each of them in detail, picking them apart for mistakes. It sucks, I know, and I'd much rather spend it fangirling, but too many you have been tying, and as the competition continues, and the number of competitors decrease, this is what I'm forced to do. Sadly. So please don't be upset. I loved every single entry, and you all did so amazing. 

Male 5: Healer Wizard Eiridan Stormblessed - 13

FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS. Eiridan's emotions during this entry were just so intense, I seriously had the feels for him the entire time. The way that he desperately wants to help people, instead of hurt them, in a world and a time when hurting people is easier and more common, is just... you portray that so amazingly and it makes my heart ache for him. JAEIRIDAN!!!!!!! FEEEEELLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. GAH. I love them, and the fact that they're married, where it felt completely random at first, makes so much sense. As for notes, I DID NOT SEE ONE MISTAKE! Congratulations on actually getting a thirteen with my new, tough nitpicky-ness. I actually LOOKED specifically for stuff that was wrong, and I didn't find anything. The scenes with Kyren were so filled with raw emotion, so realistic and so like Kyren's character that I seriously fangirled the entire time. It was easy to forget that he's even my character at times, but it really made me feel for both of them because in a way they're both stuck. I'm glad Eiridan's still trying to help him though, because Kyren's the kind of guy who's never had help and doesn't really know what to do with it when he has it. I really also absolutely just LOVED the development in this task. Eiridan has matured a lot (just like I said in Jae's notes), and I can really see his character arc and how it's slowly coming together. All in all, this was the perfect blend of description, creativity with the faeries and how he ran into them (not to mention that entire encounter), emotion, with the scene with Kyren and planning for how they're going to overthrow Vaxon (or not). Amazing, amazing job. Also, congratulations; you've convinced him. Kyren is going to give you his help! 

Male 8: Lightning Mage Kalix Leanour - 13

GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH. So Kalix's emotions were SOOOO thick and included in this story, I seriously just had the feels the entire time. I LOVED the way you portrayed Nassia and her conversations in Kalix's mind. The fight with the creatures was interesting, and I didn't see any mistakes in the action part of it. I also enjoyed the race building you did with them (I forgot to mention that in Vala's notes, sorry). The conversation with Kyren was definitely intense. You portrayed Kyren correctly, and I loved the dynamic between the two. I also think that Kalix brought up some very valid points, and having him get angry at Kyren really, really worked. Congratulations, Kyren's agreed to help them. How could he refuse, with an argument like Kalix had? "How do you know Vaxon hasn't already killed them" or something to that effect. As for notes, I didn't see any grammar mistakes at all, which is back to the impressive, amazing, perfect writing I know you can do. I felt like you took more time with Kalix's entry, and really just spent time going over it and made sure everything was correct. It kind of feels like you might connect better with his character than Vala's, which is odd because last task it felt like you connected better with Vala's than Kalix's. But seriously, his guilt over what he did in the beginning was such a gripping hook. And not only that, but you know I love a good twist. And the epic twist that deep inside he really hates his sister, and has always been so overprotective over her in order to kind of hide the fact that he's bitter toward her, was one that I didn't not see coming from a mile away. It makes me wonder WHY, so I'm hoping to see some of that showing next entry. Also, it made his character development and change just... GAAAH. PERFECTLY PORTRAYED AND WRITTEN. The ending was also the perfect cliff hanger, leaving me with PLENTY of questions, like WHY DID HE LIE TO HER? AT least, I think it was a lie, because they're storming Komesen... gosh, so many questions. ALSO, on another note, seriously FANTASTIC JOB portraying Kyren with his darkness. I mean, absolutely just amazing. I can't wait to read more! 

Female 2: Shadow Sage Jaeyria Lightwood - 12.9

AHHHHHHHH. So can I just say I absolutely LOVED how you tweaked the way that Vassti contacts her? I was a little surprised that she's officially working with her so easily. Seriously, though you portrayed Vassti spot-on. I must say I was surprised to see how well they worked together, but I didn't realize just how much they had in common until now. EIRIDAN AND JAEYRIA ARE MARRIED? WHAAAAAT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!? Phew. Okay JAEIRIDAN FEELS!!!!!! SO MANY YESSSS. Okay, enough fangirling. Her emotions and feelings about him and just.. throughout this story was so perfectly blended it was shocking. Your descriptions had also improved this round as well. Several times I felt like I was right there beside her, following her around. Her encounter with the creature (butterflies) was absolutely so creative I was so shocked and impressed. It was also realistic in the fact that butterflies almost killed her, so amazing job with that. I asked for development during this task and boy did I get it. Seriously. Jaeyria really stood out with the masks that she wore, and how she's not really even using them too much anymore even though she's remaining cautious and deceptive all at the same time. I really loved how you also showed Eiridan's change through her perspective. He's matured a lot and it's impressive to see. Honestly, they both have. Can I just say that seeing Kyren's more... difficult side was definitely interesting, but I felt like you portrayed it exactly the way he would act. Being difficult with everyone around him so that no one really sees just how much pain that he's in. I'm thrilled that Eiridan still wants to help him though. As for notes, gosh. You deserved that thirteen, the perfect score. You did. But there was one spelling error—you spelled Sigel's name Sigil, once and for that, I have to count off. Soooooo sorry, seriously it's killing me. The argument with Kyren and then the last part where they both worked together to convince him, I think Jaeyria really spoke to him. Because of her, he's decided to help them. So congratulations! He will give you the vital information that you need in order to storm the castle (not that you're storming it, but same difference. He'll help).

Female 3: Lightning Mage Ashni Damini - 12.9

Wow! I swear your entries just keep getting better and better. This really felt like the part in the story where the hero makes a journey, just before the climax begins. It was slow, and relaxing, yet full of Ashni's character development. It was also realistic in the way that they traveled and made the journey. But seriously... the way she's changed, especially where you left her at the end of this entry, is definitely not the same girl from task one. She's different, and her development has been shockingly realistic. Her conversation with Kyren portrayed him perfectly, and it most definitely gave me the feels. Her speech to him... GAH. That would seriously just convince anyone. Your descriptions were so concise and vivid, I was right there with her. Seriously.... The creature that attacked? Holy cow that was horrifying and made me cringe. She actually ran out of arrows and you seriously deserve something extra for the added realism that her last arrow didn't hit the mark. Honestly, I was calling that it would, but bam you shock me with the realistic fact that it didn't, since she never trained with a bow. Kyren killing it was absolutely hilarious though. I don't know why, but I laughed. As for notes, I only saw one grammar mistake, which is the ONLY thing that kept you from getting a perfect score (sadly. You're seriously just SO CLOSE and I WANTED TO GIVE IT TO YOU SO BADLY YOU HAVE NO IDEA). Next entry, I can't wait to see how things pick up and what you choose to do. I can't wait to read more! Oh, and yes of course Kyren agreed to help you storm the castle, so congratulations!

Female 7: Air Mage Aelia Zephyr - 12.9

FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELS. The cliff hanger just about killed me, and the flashback about how Maas died gave me so many feels I might die too. GAH. I LOVED LOVED LOVED how she wanted to be like the soldiers and get to know them. They're not a new race or anything, but you did a lot of "race" building with them just the same. The way you portrayed them, the way they act and believe made it feel so realistic. I loved how you added in Coal. He's a soldier, but he's a side character that adds so many layers of realism to it. It's also interesting to see his and Aelia's friendship and dynamic grow. The conversation (well, fight really) with Kyren was intense. You portrayed him perfectly, including his darkness. I feel like she made a compelling argument with him—basically asking him to let his family die to save thousands. Its three lives, or thousands, so which is the better choice. I also loved how she tried to convince him to think positive that maybe—maybe they can save his family, maybe they can win. Her speech kind of resonated with him a little bit, even though since she was considering Vaxon's offer she's no better than Kyren, and that kind of makes her a hypocrite. He wants his family to live more than anything, but I think her words about making a better world, making sure his children even if they live, they'll be Vaxon's slaves so what kind of life is that, makes him want to try to make a world where his children can be free of Vaxon. Because of that, he's agreed to help her, so congratulations. As for notes, I only saw one grammar mistake. Also, I would just caution you to watch her magical energy levels. It wasn't a problem this time, but it wasn't mentioned too often so just keep that in mind. Also, nice creativity with the turtle elemental creatures, and seriously? The reason why she hates turtles? WHAT A TWIST THAT GAVE ME SOOOOO MANY FEEELS. GAAAH I NEED TO READ MORE

Female 11: Healer Wizard Lydora Steele - 12.9

FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. On more than one occasion while I was reading this, I almost cried. My eyes are full of unshed tears right now. Your descriptions of Lydora's emotions were SOOOOOOO intense that I literally felt every single one of them with her. Most of them were so realistic, especially the ones about fear, and some of her feelings for Leo, I have felt before, so I immediately felt it again with her. LEODORAAAAAAA FEEEEEELLLLLS. Just. This is so depressing. This whole story. Depressing. I LOOOOVVVED the conversations with Kyren, and goodness gracious you portrayed him so well. Lydora makes such a valid point, she's so hard to argue with her. Reading her entries, actually made me see the character development she would have done to Kyren, with these conversations from his perspective. Congratulations, you convinced him! You also should win an award for the most convincing argument, too, haha. Seriously! As for notes, what notes? You had like two grammar mistakes, and your writing was the BEST I've ever seen it. See, now I KNOW you can do it. So not only have you set my expectations for everyone else super high, but now I expect nothing less of you. What you can work on next is your descriptions of your surroundings, because I saw very little of that, but that's just a way to improve, and not something that interfered with your score. Also, I'm ready to start seeing character development change in her, because this task, she was just... so unlike herself. IT WAS SO DEPRESSING BUT NICE CLIFF HANGER TYPE THING I SERIOUSLY JUST NEED MORE! GAH.

Male 7: Metal Mage Mordzar Malthus - 12.8

Bam. That's how you write a fantasy rebellion. Or the start of one anyway. I am definitely SO impressed right now. not only have you raised the bar of expectations for others this task really high, but you've also raised my bar of expectations for YOU from now on. I KNOW what you can do and how amazing of a writer you are. Everything I told you to fix, you fixed it and more. Even though this was Mordzar's entry, you displayed a lot of Zentra's development and change. I really, really also loved how torn Mordzar was this entire story. This really felt like a turning point for him, not to mention his emotions was perfectly included and blended throughout the story as well. As of right now, I have no idea what he's going to choose. Every single time, not only do you make your entries fit together as one fantasy story, but you also make each one seem like its own fantasy story too. You set up antagonist for the bigger story with Oktahs (sorry I can never spell it right), and then an antagonist for this particular entry with Mordzar's cousin (I'm not even going to try to spell that one). You've started a friendship with someone Mordzar's rivalry and I absolutely love how he and Zentra are working together now that they're outside of the arena. The death of his dragon (again, I'm not going to try to spell it), just broke my heart. The minute they brought out the chest I knew it would contain his head, like seriously... I almost threw up and cried all at the same time. I like how you included Mordzar getting his dragon heart though so he can still communicate with his dragon if he needs to.

WINTER IS COMING. Also, the sigil of the soldiers being a snarling WOLF.... HELLO GAME OF THRONES REFERENCES. AHHHHH I DIED. Mordzar sooooo reminds me of Rob Stark... Let's just hope that Mordzar's story ends WAAAYYY happier than Robs *ahem* (I will not cry). Okay enough fangirling.

WOOO. SERIOUSLY. His conversation with Kyren really portrayed Kyren and the way he'd act right now, and Mordzar's argument was so convincing, who could resist. Seriously? Congrats cuz Kyren agreed. With Mordzar's attitude, charisma and leadership abilities, you can't really tell him no. ALSO YESSS IM SO PROUD OF YOU. You corrected everything I asked for, including Mordzar's magic energy levels which were so realistic this round. Congratulations you got a 12.8 on a round where I critiqued and graded entries WAY harsher. You are SO CLOSE. The points you lost were because in the middle a lot of entries started with "he" which made it a bit repetitive, so I took off 0.1 for smoothness and then I took off another 0.1 for realism because Zentra whereas I desperately enjoyed that she changed, she had one line where she stopped Mordzar from killing his cousin, and she seemed to believe that killing is wrong, when she was just doing it and perfectly fine with it last round, so unless something drastic happened to change her, I didn't think that sounded very realistic. Then again, it could have been explained more in her entry, so I'm still unsure whether that needs to be taken off or not.

Male 11: Gravity Mage Jaxon Steele - 12.8

GAAAHHH. THIS IS SOOOOOO DEPRESSING LIKE WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME?! Okay I'm done now. Seriously? WOOO. I have no idea what happened to you, but your writing just like IMPROVED almost overnight, okay not literally, but still. The quality of Jaxon's entry, just like with Lydora's, was just so much better and you've improved so much. Not only did you fix EXACTLY what I told you to fix in the critique. As for notes, I only saw one grammar mistake, which was impressive. Jaxon's thought process and emotions were well adapted and included through this. I also felt like you worked in his development and change just right. I CANT BELIEVE HE'S SURRENDERING TO VAXON. His conversation with Kyren portrayed Kyren's character directly, as well as development with them both. The fact that they can get into each other's minds without trying to kill each other, proves just how much they've both changed. You also added a lot of fantasy creativity into this, which is something I love to see. Gargoyle meat, Sirillene, Blue Tree (I think that's what it was called), it added so many layers of fantasy-depth to it. Congratulations, Kyren has agreed to help Jaxon. 

Female 15: Shield Wizard Eriswen Faervel - 12.8

Eris' development in this task was SO impressive. You fixed and changed everything I asked you to. This was written so well. It didn't feel rushed, honestly it felt relaxing and enjoyable. You used your word count, which gave you a lot of room and time to just focus on Eris and her development. It was also much more realistic with the way that she was acting, feeling emotionally and physically. Her magical energy levels were realistic as well. Your descriptions were vivid and strong. Her encounter with the phoenix was interesting, and creative (as usual, when it comes to you). I really liked the idea of a contest that the phoenix gave her. The flashbacks were a great way to establish more background about her, which is crucial in character development. As for notes, I didn't see one grammar mistake. Be careful what you do with her development from here on. It started to sound like, toward the end of the story, she was turning back into who she was before. You don't want her to go through all this stuff, just to have her briefly change, and then turn back into the girl she was before. So tread carefully. There was a few instances where you started sentences with "I" which, I took off sentence structure points for. Also, sometimes your vocabulary is very mature, and other times it's immature such as using the word "got" several times, which is where the other point was taken off from. So work on that a bit, and you'll be back to perfect scores in no time! I also felt like she could have spent a little more time trying to convince Kyren, father than fight him, but that portrayed his more difficult side correctly too. Her speech definitely gave me the good kind of feels, and she brought out some strong points there too. My only question with her arguments, is once she and the magi storm the castle, what's to stop vaxon from killing the hatchlings? That's Kyren's point with not wanting to help—the instant the castle is attacked, their loved ones will die. Eris doesn't really seem willing to let Ionaen's family die just yet, but at the same time she mentioned that sacrifices are necessary sometimes. It was really, really iffy... The last part of her speech is what saved you here. The idea that Eris had already lost the person that meant the world to her, and yet she was still willing to fight Vaxon and make sacrifices if necessary, is what convinced Kyren. So congratulations he's agreed to help Eris!

Male 16: Conjurer Wizard Leovarettan Maverson - 12.8

Wow. Okay so other than this was really super short, the quality of the writing was really super good. In just the short time, you really started to show Leo's development. He's matured so much since task once, and that's something that's not only enjoyable to read, but interesting to watch as a whole over the course of his entire story. Your writing itself matured and has gotten better. His emotions were well-blended with the action and events, and then your descriptions were concise. The war meeting among the Magi was something that was a creative twist, but it added layers of realism to it. Obviously, if you're planning a war, they're gonna meet and talk about their plans. I also liked how they argued. Again, it adds realism to it. Logically, not all of them would agree. The scenes between Leo and Lydora were so cute (LEODORA FEELS). You're opening was strong and hooking, not to mention way to start off the story with FEEEELS. Leo's conversation with Kyren was well planned out. I felt like you portrayed Kyren exactly right. Showing how harsh he was acting, and yet trying (and failing) to hide his pain with sarcasm, yet it's obvious that he wants to help. Leo's point has got to be one of the strongest points I've seen. Seriously, you win everything because it's one of the few I've seen that raises a point, without adding further questions, and it's the only one that's spot on with arguments I've had in my head to convince Kyren. So yes, of course he agrees to help Leo. I mean, when you bring out the fact that Vaxon is just going to kill them anyway, and that even if they live, they'll be serving him, but not only that, they'll just continue to be used against Kyren for the rest of his life... Why not fight for the Magi, free the world, and do something right, something good for the world, not just his family. Seriously, just SO MANY HERO SPEECH FEELS, haha. So congratulations, he'll help! As for notes, I only saw one grammar mistake, one punctuation mistake, so it was good. Next entry, work more on Leo's development, and I seriously just can't wait to read more!!!!

Male 12: Water Mage Evian Damini - 12.5

It was interesting to read all the events and conversations from Evian's perspective. You engrained his emotions into the entry so well. Your descriptions of the environment as they walked, seriously made it feel so real and beautiful—very impressive. His conversation with Vaxon, and how you creatively twisted Vaxon's words into a lie was also impressive and making me anxious to find out what the truth is. I also loved how Evian really struggled over his decision. As for notes, I didn't see any grammar mistakes. That being said, it was really short, and I felt like there could have been more. I know you can do better. It felt like you literally just did Ashni's entry from Evian's perspective, with a little bit of stuff added with the encounter with Vaxon. Evian also never once spoke to Kyren himself, which is where your points were deducted. You mentioned Ashni doing it, but their conversation was never mentioned. I don't think it's a good idea to rely on your other tribute's entries and coordinate them that much. Evian's should have been separate, where he had his own conversation with Kyren and convinced him on his own. Because there wasn't even a conversation with Kyren, I can't really have Kyren agree to help him... So I'm sorry. I know you were busy, so you kind of wrote this in a hurry, which is understandable. Next entry, take your time, and try to write entries for both tributes, rather than have ones be exactly like the others, with a few differences. I love your writing, and you're improving with every task, so keep up the amazing work. I can't wait to read more!! Especially to find out what Evian does!

Male 14: Warrior Sage Telex Silverblade - 12.5

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! First off, FINALLY. THANK YOU SO MUCH. FINALLY SOMEONE has a family. FINALLY SOMEONE understands Kyren. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY. I was getting tired of people making the same arguments, and everyone yelling and fighting Kyren for trying to protect his family. FOR ONCE someone understood where he was coming from. Having Telex in the exact same position as Kyren, made his argument MUCH MUCH more believable than anyone else's simply because Telex actually COMPLETELY understands where Kyren is coming from. Parents and siblings is one thing, but being a husband and a father? Something on a completely different level. That's something only someone who IS one can completely understand. But despite all that, Telex really treated Kyren like an old friend, a brother even, and I REALY loved the tough love approach. It wasn't like arguing or fighting with him, though. It was Telex understanding where Kyren is coming from, and yet realizing in his own mind what is right, by trying to convince Kyren of what's right. A few people had mentioned the fact that Kyren should free his family from Vaxon otherwise Vaxon would just continue using them, but Telex really elaborated on that and expanded upon it a lot more. I think it was the added layer of sympathy combined with the tough love that really worked on Kyren. Not only that, but Telex was the only one (that I can remember) that actually tried to convince Kyren not to give into his darkness. Seriously, that's just... absolutely amazing. So congratulations, Kyren agreed with him just like instantly. As for notes, you still have issues putting commas where there should be periods, and have issues with run-on sentences. Other than that, though, everything was perfect. Telex's development... seriously. How did he go from immature hilarious brother, to sort of hilarious, but so mature that we still love him? His emotions were so well included in this, especially the part where he thought about forgiving Sigel, or not forgiving him. And then just after that, when he made his choice to help Sigel, I had too many feels to function. Seriously. Not only that, but the fight with the tigers was super intense, and then the meeting with the magi was very detailed and realistic. This whole thing just screamed fantasy novel at me, which made it so much more enjoyable to read. The flashback of his wedding gave me the feels for his wife and I definitely got the feels at the thought of his family and how far he's willing to go for them. Also, you seriously just about killed me when you talked about Kyren in the beginning. Seriously, you're the ONLY one who mentioned anything about what the Magi would do to try to get Kyren to talk, and not only that but mentioning that Kyren could withstand it because of all he'd been through. Not only did it make me feel like you cared about Kyren and the plot line there, but it also made it realistic and really made it seem as if Telex had known him—like they're old friends.

Also, YES. YESSSS. Normally, I would dislike it if someone attempted to go to my characters perspectives during this, but you did it SOOOOOOO WELL, that I was fangirling to much to be angry. Seriously. I don't know if anyone else could have pulled it off, but you did. It shows that you pay attention, and that you really know my characters and how they work. In this case, it definitely worked. Not only was it the most intense, hooking beginning introduction, ever, but it portrayed them absolutely perfect. It worked out so well for you, seriously. The twists you keep throwing at me, seriously just keep them coming. I HAVE I HAVE I HAVE TO READ MORE. I NEED IT.

Male 15: Plant Mage Sigel Silverblade - 12.5

Wow, wow, wow! This definitely felt like a journey—like the midpoint right before the big climax at the end. It was a turning point for Sigel, and he was so conflicted and made so many different decisions, honestly I have no idea which way he's gonna go. (Vaxon or Magi). I loved, loved, loved the flashbacks. It was a perfect time to show them, to add more to his history so that you can add to his character development. Your descriptions were vivid, especially during the flashbacks (I seriously have no idea how many times I cringed). I also really loved how you portrayed Kyren before they arrived, taking charge, and then showed him the moment he discovered Jahad was captured. I felt like you portrayed him and his actions perfectly, especially later when he refused to help the magi. Sigel's argument with him, and in trying to convince him to help was clear. It was a well-thought out plan, and the convincing makes Sigel hard to refuse. Congratulations, Kyren has agreed to help him, whether that means you want to have Kyren lead the army, or sneak in with Sigel. SERIOUSLY THOUGH THE BACKGROUND INFORMATION ABOUT KYREN TELEX SIGEL AND THEIR BROTHER WAS JUST TOOO CUTE AND CREATIVE AND AMAZING AND YOU GAVE ME THE FEELS FOR MY OWN CHARACTER. Like how could you? Not only that, but I got the feels for Sigel and the decision he has to make, letting his brother go. and.... CHIARA. ITS OFFICIAL (I can't remember if it was official before), but SIGARA!!!!!!!!! AAAAHH. As for notes, I saw several grammar mistakes. Most of which was you putting commas at end of sentences where periods belonged, and then you just continued, so you had a lot of run on sentences, which interfered with the flow of the read. This is where you deducted points come in, so next entry if you want to improve your score, I would suggest editing it before sending it in. That might help. Also, I have no idea why but I loved the creative addition with the wolves bringing messages from Vaxon, and I also love how Sigel isn't predictable. I have no idea what's going to happen next, even though I know the next task. I seriously cannot wait to read more!

Female 5: Illusionist Sage Zentra Oromis - 12.4

Overall, I was really impressed with the development you did with Zentra this task. You endeared her to me, you gave her a reason why she acted the way you did. The flashbacks were really enjoyable, and her interactions in them with Mathas really gave me the feels. You did so well including her emotion in this entry, and it really showed her change and development in detail. Your descriptions were so concise and vivid, I felt like I was actually there. Once again, your race building and world building made me feel like I was really in a fantasy story, as if I'm traveling along this journey with her. As for notes, there were several grammar mistakes, which I took off points for, and Zentra's entry, outside of her personal development and the flashbacks, it felt like it was copying straight from Mordzar's, which is why I took off creativity points. Yes, you did race building, but a lot of this was basically Mordzar's entry from Zentra's point of view. I also felt like the interaction with Kyren was way too short, and not only that, but Zentra said the same thing to him that Mordzar did, just with slightly different wording. Also in Mordzar's the conversation was elaborated on more. For that reason, because there wasn't really much to her argument and because that made it feel like she didn't really try hard enough to convince him, I'm going to have to say that he didn't agree with you. This entry felt a little rushed, or at least more rushed than Mordzar's was, although that could just be because Mordzar had more included in his as for what he was going through and everything. In the future, I would suggest trying not to write the same entries for both characters, outside of the development, change up the action and fantasy stuff happening a bit. It makes the entries more enjoyable to read. Overall though, amazing job! Can't wait to read more. 

Female 4: Fire Mage Vala Leanour - 12.3

Amazing job! It was a little on the short side, but it was well written. The conversation/argument between Kalix and Vala really gave me the feels. I'm just like WHY CAN'T THEY GET ALONG? It also makes me wonder what's going on with Kalix. Vala's conversation with Kyren, and how she tried to convince him was also well written. She brought up some solid points to him, especially the part where she asked him what happens when Vaxon kills his family? Will he stop serving Vaxon then? That right there was a character development and game-changer for Kyren, so congratulations he's decided to help her. As for notes, there were several several times where you switched tenses. Most of this entry was written in past tense, but I don't know why there were a lot of places where you switched to present tense. I know you can write better than that, so next entry I would suggest going over your entry first, to make sure all the mistakes are fixed. It took me out of the story at times, which kept me from getting the feels when I should have felt them. This is where your point deductions came from I also would have liked to see more written, and some of these scenes could have been expanded upon. Although it didn't affect you this round, it could in the next round, so just be careful. It didn't leave much time for you to really start Vala's character development or change, so she seemed pretty much the same as she has been, other than her fight with Kalix, and seeing similarities between him and Kyren. Amazing job!

Female 1: Shapeshifter Sage Lilja Svana - 11.7

Overall, this entry felt a little bit short, as if you only really did the bare minimum of what was expected. I enjoyed the continuation of the Pegasi language. The flashbacks Lilja had of Chanel added a layer of realism to the entry. I also liked how you portrayed Kyren's character right now – it showed his more difficult side very well. It was an interesting twist how he was an outlet for her anger. As for notes, outside of doing more than just the bare minimum of what the tasks ask for, I would suggest starting to develop Lilja's character. There isn't really much else to her other than she's grieving for the death of her sister. She doesn't have anything that's particularly interesting about her, so you need to work on endearing her to me. Not only that, but she's never really felt a part of the story. Remember this competition is Magi, so if I don't get the feel of Castre, Magi and the story line when I'm reading an entry, then that's a really bad thing. I would suggest, especially with the next task, actually focusing on the task at hand. Move on from Chanel's death, which at this point since it's been going on for three tasks now, is becoming a bit cliché. Have Lilja be a part of the action and the story itself. Throw her in the middle of everything. Also, you didn't include an encounter with the creature, although I enjoyed the twist of how it was somehow Chanel (even though that didn't make sense and it wasn't very well explained), it was too brief and not quite an encounter that I was looking for. Despite that it was short, and that Lilja never once asked for his help, or mentioned anything about helping the Magi to Kyren at all, seeing Lilja's grief would have fueled Kyren's own and snapped him into making a decision because of the other magi pressuring him. So, even though seeing Lilja and having her treat him that way would have made Kyren make a decision, technically he still would be answering the requests of other magi in their entries. So because Lilja never directly asked him for help (which was a part of the task), I'm going to have to say that he didn't agree to help her. How could he do that, when she never asked for his help? To improve your score, I would highly suggest including more in your entries, and staying focused on the task. Several times, you've strayed to focus to heavily on Lilja alone, and that keeps your entries from having a plot that should be there. Writing entries like this (only doing the bare minimum) will not help you now. I know you're a great writer, so I know you have it in you.

I was disappointed with the people who didn't hand entries. I mean, come on. It's task four. At this point, everyone should hand in. There's no excuse for doing this at this point in the competition.

Male 17: Light Mage Aswake Coveni - 0

First warning

Female 16: Light Mage Chiara Gonzolas - 0

Second warning. Automatic elimination