I'm guessing you read the title already. Now please, allow me to explain what I mean by this.

Ever since I was young, I've always been naive. I've always wanted nothing more than to see others be happy. And I still do. If she'd let me, I'd spoil my best friend until the day I die. My main goal in life is to make others feel better, even when I'm not. I love making people laugh. Smile. And I love to give people both physical gifts and affection so show how much I care.
However, this comes at a huge cost.
People are cruel. And people like to take advantage of nice people. As such, I've been beaten down, ridiculed, heartbroken, abused, raped, molested, and almost killed in my lifetime. Not only that, but because of this, I still self harm to this day. I keep trying to stop myself, but the voices always return, telling me that I deserve the pain that I recieve.
You know, I live my life not giving a damn about myself because the truth is....I really feel like my life isn't valuable without that. I feel like I'm nothing if I can't please others. And I wish that one day it can be at an even split. That I can make others happy without hurting myself in the process. But right now...my own well being isn't a concern of mine. It honestly isn't.
Do you know why?
It's because the people who have taken advantage of me in the past showed me how worthless I truly am. Without other people, I'm nothing. Just an overgiver. A doormat that people walk all over and step on.
But for the people I love, I don't mind being a doormat or a pushover or a punching bag or whatever they want me to be. Because I love them, and without them, I might as well be dead. Because I don't matter. I won't change this world in any way. Without me in it, not much would change. But I keep going because of a few certain people. My best friend....my angel...being one of them.
So thank you for giving me a purpose.

~Aly