I don't want any fucking pity, okay
Venting is just to let emotion out
And I don't want to keep projecting all of my fears and problems onto one certain person because that's not right

Anyway

I'm afraid of a lot of things.

But being alone is my main one.
While yeah, I have the fear of physically being alone, there's more to it.
From 1st grade to 6th grade, I had no one.
Yes. 6 years without friends, support, love, or anyone to talk to about how I felt. I was isolated and cold and mean. But I felt like I would just drag people down if I got close to them, so I didn't even make an effort. So I stayed by myself in the dark.
I was bullied to near suicide in elementary school.
In 6th grade, I was a cold-hearted bitch.
But for some reason, people decided to give me a chance. Now I have amazing friends and a best friend who I would do anything for.

But I fear that my elementary years will repeat itself.
I'm becoming more reserved, even though some of you haven't seen it. I've started to bottle up emotions more in fear of hurting people I love. And now I feel like I'm driving everyone away again.
But I don't want to be alone. I can't bare the thought of having no one again. I keep crying just for thinking about it. It legitimately strikes fear into me.
Am I going to have to become a cold machine again?
I hope not. God, I hope not.

I don't want this. But it might happen. So I'm scared of people leaving me behind, because that's the first step.

~Aly