A/N: This made me so very sad while writing this. Nonetheless this chapter is for you Newport63 :)

Day 34 of tour: Utah: Motel Room – 12:02 am

Kirstie still didn't know what to say, she'd been quiet for too long and she knew she needed to say something, Avi was beginning to get very upset. The last thing Kirstie wanted was for him to run off and never open up to her again, that would be an inevitable break-up and she didn't want that either.
     Kirstie's mind was racing, she didn't know what to say because most of the things running through her head were things she probably shouldn't say: 'But you told me you were a virgin,' 'rape? That's an extreme thing for someone to lie about,' 'what a bitch-' Oh, actually that one might be okay because she was obviously a lying bitch, there was no way Avi had raped her.
"What a bitch," Kirstie finally spoke.
     Avi didn't reply, he kept his eyes screwed shut, head down, he wondered if he was kind of obliged to tell her the whole story now.
     "Why did she do that?" Kirstie asked quietly.
      "I think she just hated me that much," Avi replied in even less volume in his voice than she had.
     "But why? Did you do something to piss her off? Like upset her or something? Not that that's an excuse to make accusations like that," she spoke quickly, getting angrier. That girl is one of the ones who make it hard for women to come forward that have actually been attacked, what a bitch!
     "I suppose I did," Avi spoke a little defensively. "I had a crush on her, she found out and it was absolutely not okay for me to feel that way about her. She was so disgusted she decided to do something about it," he said, his words laced with venom.
     Kirstie felt so angry and upset, how could someone think that or do that to Avi, he's the sweetest guy Kirstie's ever met. "I just don't understand, why would someone do that? What, just because you like her and she didn't like you back? That's not fair!" She was getting louder.
     Avi flinched a little at the harsh tone.
     "So she just up and said that you did that despicable thing to her?" Kirstie had hot burning tears brewing, it hurt to hold them back but she did.
     "Well no, I guess it was more like the big finale to her grand charade," he sighed, finally looking across at his girlfriend.
     "What do you mean?" Kirstie asked, her anger didn't ebb but nerves joined and it made her stomach hurt, it was like the butterflies were punching her or something stupid like that, they were really fucking angry. But at the same time there was a small hint of excitement, he was telling her, he was opening up, he really trusted her.
     "When she found out that I had a crush on her, I guess you could say she devised a plan, at least that's what her friend said afterwards."
     "A plan to mess with you?"
     "A plan to humiliate me, that's what I meant when I fell for her tricks, I kept falling for every little part, every little thing she did to me I didn't see coming because I'm and idiot." He shook his head, mad at himself, still upset, "This is still so damn hard to talk about," his voice hitched.
Kirstie didn't want him to cry; she shuffled closer and trapped one of his hands in her two. She let him know she was there, but she didn't say anything, she was going to let him speak in his own time, even if this conversation took them all night.
     "I might as well just tell you everything now right?" There was a hint of humour in the sad tone of his voice.
     "Only if you want to," Kirstie assured him, even though she definitely wanted to know the whole story.
     Avi took a deep breath to compose himself, taking a couple of moments before he started to speak. "That girls name was Tiffany-"
     "Yuck, I hate that name," Kirstie chimed in, making Avi laugh a little, it brought a small smile to her own face knowing that as she waited for him to continue.
    "Good to know. Anyways, that was her name, she was popular and she was really pretty, and she was a cheerleader, so I knew I didn't stand a chance, I was never going to ask her out or anything, I just had a crush on her," he shrugged. "Somehow she found out, didn't like it and decided to act on that. You know, she even seemed nice enough, not like she was capable of being so cruel, I mean she wasn't one of the ones who used to bully me so... one day she came right up to me, she seemed cautious, but kind of happy, I don't even know, I was in shock that she was talking to me. She told me her boyfriend and her had broken up, and that she was sick of dating jerks so she asked if I'd like to go out with her and of course I said yes," he stopped speaking for a beat before he continued. "I should have listened to Kevin because when I told him he was suspicious but I was too excited to see that the situation was weird. Kevin, who was only looking out for me, my best friend, he didn't 'believe' me," he held up air quotes over the word believe. "So we didn't really talk much over the whole thing, which is a real shame because he may have been able to lead me to see sense..." he trailed off.
     "Obviously you and Kev made up," Kirstie offered as fact to see if it would encourage him to continue.
     "Yeah I mean I don't know where I'd be without him... actually I do, but I'll get to that later," he nervously scratched the back of his neck. "So Tiffany and I organised to meet up at a restaurant, but just before she showed up, he ex and his friends drove past and threw water balloons at me, I was soaked. He came along and was very apologetic and helped me dry off, , but she was too scared he'd come back so she went home," he stopped again. "Kevin did try to talk to me but I didn't let him, Tiffany had shown up, Kevin was wrong. She set up another date, same place. On the day she sent a text telling me she was too scared of her ex then funny enough he and his friends drove past again, but this time they threw eggs at me, upping their game I guess. She was so sorry about it, and about the fact she didn't show up, but of course I couldn't be mad because she was right, he'd shown up-" He shook his head. "I'm talking way too much."
     "No," Kirstie responded, "No you're not, I'm hanging on your every word, just keep going babe," she prompted him. She just needed to know how it got to the accusation because right now it was just stupid pranks, how could that girl take it so far? Kirstie squeezed her boyfriend's hand, successfully encouraging him.
     "She was so sorry she took me into a janitor's closet and we made out, and she told me that I could finally start telling people that we were dating. I'd told a few people already and they didn't believe me, so she told me to send them to her and she'd set them straight. People were laughing at me, people didn't believe me at all, and guess why?"
     Kirstie didn't respond, but she had a pretty good idea of what that girl was doing.
     "People would go to her and say 'Avi Kaplan says he's dating you, is it true?' And she'd reply 'What? That loser? Ew, not a chance," his voice hitched.
     Kirstie moved as close as she could to him in response, her leg pressed against his, and she briefly laid her head on her head on his shoulder before laying her eyes on him again.
     Knowing that Kirstie didn't believe that line made it easier for Avi to continue. "But I got to make out with her so I didn't care what other people thought, I knew the truth," he scoffed. "She set up a third date. This time before he showed up, at the same place no less, she didn't message, and him and his friends," his voice got quieter and more hurt scraped through, "Threw dog shit at me. I cried."
     And Kirstie could tell he was near ready to cry now, so was she, she rubbed his back soothingly and placed a kiss on his shoulder, she didn't know what to say, people are assholes.
He took a deep breath, "But she profusely apologised, promised she was going to make it up to me, and I'm proud to say that I was at least a little sceptical, but I still agreed to it," he laughed at himself with anger, it scared Kirstie. "She invited me over to her house and she'd very much alluded to the fact that we were going to... to have sex, apparently no one was going to be home. So we were in her bedroom and we were kissing," he got quieter again. "It was getting as far as we were taking clothes off and touching- and then she just started screaming and her brother and father, who were actually home, came running in. They thought I'd tried to force myself on her because that's what she told them had happened. They then dragged me outside in my underwear, I at least had that dignity, where they... they beat me up." He stopped and turned to Kirstie, she had tears in her eyes. "It doesn't sound real does it?"
     Kirstie wiped her eye and shook her head, "But I can tell it is from the way you're talking, your voice is quivering so much it's upsetting. I just don't understand why she'd do all that," she wiped her other eye. "Besides, you can't make that shit up," she let out a half laugh, just one.
Avi copied her, the one half laugh.
     "And so that's when she told everyone that-" she couldn't say it.
     Avi nodded, "Yeah, that's what she told the kids at school but not her family, that's why no one could understand why she never pressed charges. I mean other than them thinking she was too scared of me. I'd stopped going to school by that point too. People hated me, I stopped going as soon as I knew what she'd done, like it may have made me look guilty but I was getting things thrown at me and I got so many threats, I went home from school early and I didn't tell my parents, I pretended to be sick. I still got threats online, people were bolder...' he started to hesitate more, his body was more rigid if it was possible and Kirstie got even more worried.
     "What happened sweetie?" She asked quietly.
     "They were death threats, they were threats telling me to go kill myself. That was when I told Esther what had happened, I guess Mom and Dad got her in when I wouldn't talk to them or go to school. I didn't tell her about the death threats; I didn't want her to hunt them down. But she didn't have the reaction I was hoping for," Avi was becoming increasingly hesitant with his words. The last thing Kirstie wanted was for him to stop now, so she placed what she hoped was another comforting kiss on the shoulder she was cuddled against.
     "I told Esther and I thought she understood, but then she turned to me and asked 'but you didn't did you?" He stopped once more, it didn't even feel like he was breathing, his eyes squeezed shut; the tears were so very ready to fall. "After that... well that was when I tried to kill myself."
     Kirstie was sure she felt her heart stop, she remembered Esther mentioning that something she'd said had made it more traumatic for him, she never would have thought it would be on this scale. The tears started to roll and there was no way to stop them as she silently cried about what this poor man next to her had gone through. She can't help but let her hands hover at her mouth, she couldn't allow any strangled noises to come out, not when Avi was silent, his own cheeks wet too.
     His voice was the quietest it's been as he tearfully spoke, "I just felt like if my own sister didn't believe me then who would? Not my Mom or my Dad or my brother and Kevin must have hated me too," his breath was strained as he tried to hold back hiccups.
     Kirstie cried against his shoulder, she hugged him tightly and she understood now why it was so hard for him to talk about, she got it. And she moved, she moved herself letting go of Avi to sit on her knees and recapture him in her arms, pulling him so that his head was now against her shoulder. And he finally angled himself into her touch, feeling safe as he wrapped his own arms around her tightly. Kirstie pulled him down with her as she sat back against her legs. "What happened then?" She asked bravely with sobs through her voice.
     Avi sniffed, "Kevin found me, he was bringing me homework," he reached up to wipe his nose with the back of his hand; he didn't care if it was gross. "If it wasn't for Kevin, I don't think I'd be alive today."
     Kirstie pulled back just a little to see Avi's face, "Remind me to thank him next time I see him."
     They both managed a very small laugh.
     "You know he gave up Yale for me?"
     Kirstie's eyes widened.
    "I know right, who does that? He got in, and he didn't go because I was going to be staying at home. I hadn't applied to college in amongst everything that was going on and he didn't want me sitting at home by myself, so we travelled. Then after two years I could tell Kevin was ready to go to college so we figured that out. We found a place where we could stick together, where they did music and medicine-"
     "UCLA," Kirstie chimed in.
     "Exactly. If things hadn't have gone so shit I would have applied to Mt Sacramento for their opera program and I would never have met you," he gave her a small smile.
     "Or Scott, or Mitch," she spoke a little cheekily.
     "Yeah but I'm mostly happy because of you," he pressed his forehead against hers.
     Kirstie couldn't help but smile, "You make me mostly happy too... but like worded better because that didn't come out quite right," she giggled.
     Avi nodded, "And just so you know, I absolutely want to have sex with you, just not yet, I just need a little bit more time," he spoke clearly.
     "And I totally understand," she said quickly. "I really truly get it now. I'm sorry for ever having ever pushed you Avi, so sorry. I am more than willing and happy to wait for you... I just can't promise I won't scream," she bit her lip.
     Avi frowned, "What?" He whispered because he was shocked, why would she say that? That's not funny.
     Kirstie's smile fell, "That was a joke Avi, I'd be screaming positively because you'd be making love to me... maybe I should have said the whole line, I'm sorry," she nervously laughed.
     Avi blushed, he looked down, he couldn't help it, "Oh," was all he said.
     "Oh," Kirstie spoke in her mock-Avi voice. "That all you got to say?"
     "I have something, but I don't think it's the right time," he shrugged.
     "Okay then," she frowned, she wanted to know what he was going to say, but she didn't want to push him, not after everything. "So what ended up happening to Tiffany?"
     "Right before I stopped going to school she came to me, she talked to me. I thought maybe she'd apologise, but of course not," he scoffed. "She came to me and told me I was an idiot, that I should have known better than to think she'd like me because a girl like her would never date a guy like me," he left it there.
     Those words hit Kirstie like a tonne of bricks, she remembered what she'd said to Avi after Christmas and now she knows why it hurt him so much when she said it. She burst into tears again, Avi squeezed her hand, she just hoped he knew how sorry she was. She felt choked of words; the tears were too thick, sobs keeping her speechless.
     Avi continued, "And after my attempted... you know, her best friend felt so bad that she told everyone the truth. And Tiffany and Matt got expelled."
     "Matt? Who's Matt?" Kirstie barely got out.
     "Tiffany's ex who was never actually her ex. His family moved away after the whole thing so I never had to see him again. Matt Lebowski-Green, total asshole," Avi rolled his eyes.
     But Kirstie was sure her heart had stopped, Avi did not just say that name, there is no fucking way he just said that name.

A/N: I've never written something that has made me cry. A few months ago when I wrote this, I cried.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter, or even if you didn't cause it was too damn depressing, please vote and comment, it makes my day, it truly does :)

Hannah.