Naomi was in tears by the time the boys finished telling her what happened the night before.  Paul too was on his side, laughing uncontrollably.  Cole glared, tapping his foot impatiently for the two of them to finish their fit of laughter.  “Are you done yet?” he asked sharply.  Naomi sat up and wiped her eyes, snickering all the while.

“We’re done, we’re done,” she gasped, expelling any small giggles still trapped inside.  Paul took deep breaths, climbing back onto the sofa he’d fallen off of during his laughing spell.  Cole glanced at the boy standing in the doorway, unaffected by their reaction to the situation.  It was like he wore a sign around his neck that read, I’d rather be anywhere else but here.

“You sure?” Cole asked, the irritation in his voice clear for everyone in the room to hear.

“I’m sorry,” Paul chuckled.  “But… but someone stole your damn baby?”

“They got baby-napped, holy shit,” Naomi choked, covering her mouth to keep from cracking up once more.

“It’s not funny!” said Cole.  Noah didn’t find it amusing either.  This was worth more than any other assignment in his class and he didn’t want to have to explain why he got such a low grade in parenting class.  It was like getting an F in gym.  It didn’t happen to normal people.  Naomi collected herself and hit Paul on the shoulder to let him know to do the same.

“I’m sorry, Cole.  But we needed that laugh.  Don’t be such a… a baby,” she giggled.  Cole huffed and walked out of the room.  They clearly weren’t going to be any help.  Noah begrudgingly followed him out of the living room and down the hallway.  “Cole, we’re just kidding!” Naomi called from the living room.  He paused and let them catch up.

“Are you going to help us get him back or what?  Because I don’t want to waste anymore time sitting around.  Robert could be in the trashcan or at the bottom of a lake for all we know.”

“Who do you think took him?” Paul asked, leaning against the banister of the staircase.

“No clue.  I don’t know who would want to kidnap him in the first place.  He’s not like a puppy or anything exciting.  He’s a fake baby.”  Cole looked at Noah.  The boy stared at the ground.

“What’s wrong with you?” Naomi asked him.  Noah met her gaze slowly.  “Yes, I’m talking to you.”

“Look, I’m only here because this is my grade, too.  I don’t need you to get sassy with me, and I don’t need you two to laugh at this situation.  If you’re not going to help, I’m leaving.”

“Now I see why didn’t stay with him,” Naomi said to Cole, her eyes locked on his ex.  He scoffed.

“You have no idea, so don’t humor him.”

“Oh, your lovely personality wasn’t the cause?” she challenged.  “It was probably your tiny dick then, huh?  That’s a deal-breaker for me, too.”

“Naomi!” Paul exclaimed.  Noah glared at the girl, his eyes all but blazing.  Cole knew how mean the boy could get and stepped in front of them.

“Both of you just shut the hell up.  It’s doing no good,” he said to them.  Paul nodded in agreement.

“Fine,” Noah murmured, reaching for the doorknob.  He opened the door and took a step before Cole spoke up.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m going to look and see if they dropped anything outside.  They missed a sock, they might’ve missed something else, too.”  Noah left the three of them in his dust, climbing into his truck and pulling out of the driveway.  He nearly clipped Cole’s car but skillfully dodged the fender bender.  Cole regretted not stopping him but he knew Noah, and when Noah didn’t want to be around something or somebody, he didn’t stay.  If they found out anything, they’d have to text him.  Paul cleared his throat awkwardly.

“I’m sorry,” he heard Naomi say quietly.  Cole turned and closed the door unhappily.  They shared one of their familiar looks.  It wasn’t complete forgiveness, but eventually he’d forget that she’d done that and they’d go back to being on great terms.

“Shit got awkward really fast,” Paul said, taking a seat next to Naomi on the staircase.  He slipped his hand into hers gently.  Cole felt a tinge of envy watching his fingers trace over her knuckles.  The only person who’d done that to him had been Brent and look how that turned out.  He mentally swatted the thought away.

“It’s whatever.  We have to worry about the bigger issue.”

“Which is little Robert De Niro.  Damn, imagine reading that in the papers,” Paul smirked.  “Robert De Niro: Kidnapped.”

“You should have named him Liam Neeson.  Could’ve saved himself from being taken,” Naomi said quietly.  Cole snorted despite his feelings.

“The next baby I’m getting, we’re naming him Liam, I promise.”

“Guys, seriously, who would take a robot baby?” Paul exclaimed, his brown eyes wide as if it was the most ridiculous situation in the world.

“My bet is on someone who doesn’t like Noah,” she said.  “So the whole school.”

“Naomi…” Cole warned, glaring at her from across the foyer.  She sighed.

“Sorry.  Do you have any enemies, Cole?” she asked.

“Not that I know of.  I mean, there’s this bitch in my anatomy class.  Lily Blacksoul or whatever.”

“Ew, she’s a bitch,” Naomi said quickly.  Paul nodded as well.  You couldn’t deny that, then.  “You think she would take your baby?”

“She’d probably use it to convince some guy he was the dad.  I hear she’s super thirsty for male attention,” Paul said.  “Sorry, I shouldn’t talk shit.”

“It’s fine.  If she took my baby, I’ll make sure she pays for it.  I don’t usually hit girls, but…  Wait!” Cole said, looking at the ground as he tried to piece his thoughts together.  Naomi and Paul stared at him expectantly.

“What is it?” she asked.

“There’s no way she could have known what our arrangement was.  Remember when we were looking for that Drake CD you wanted and we saw her working, Paul?  She works at Best Buy and her shift during the week is like, right after school.  The only person around to hear us was this chick in the halls.”  Cole remembered her blonde hair and silver backpack.  The way she looked at him regretfully, like it was her fault they’d been fighting.  Whoever she was, they were going to have to have a long, stern talk with her.  With a knife.  Okay, not the knife, but still.

“D’you know her name?” Paul asked.

“That’s the problem.  I have no idea who she was.  I could point her out in a lineup but that won’t help.  Time is running out though.  I can’t imagine how much Robert’s been crying.  This person doesn’t even have a bracelet.”

“You don’t know that,” Naomi said after a moment of silence.  He looked up at her curiously.  Naomi hopped up from the stairs.  “If I was gonna steal a baby, I’d make sure I could stop the crying.  I’d look up videos for the baby to see what it needed.”

“Someone would have to know what they were doing to take this kid.  Either that or they’d toss him in the trash.”  Naomi gave Paul a quick look to stop talking about that idea.  “I mean,” he said quickly, “that probably didn’t happen.”

“God, I hope not.  I… I don’t know what we’re gonna do.  Noah’s not here, and I –,” he said, panic rising in his voice.  Naomi crossed the room and rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

“We’re gonna find him, Cole.  I promise.  And whoever took him is gonna regret it.”

Noah parked his car and climbed out, not bothering to lock up before running around to his front steps.  He pushed the bushes out of the way and began examining every inch of the ground.  He lifted every rock and inspected every leaf in the front yard.  Much to his misfortune, he couldn’t find a single clue as to who might have taken their kid.  He fell back onto his rear and ran his hands over his face.  This was too much.  Too much stress, too much drama, too much Cole.

Fuck Cole.  All his problems, all his issues with being faithful, all of that!  It did nothing but drag Noah down more and more.  His entire summer had been ruined.  Ruined by the selfishness of some kid who had only just learned about sexuality.  He was inexperienced and had played with every inch of Noah – his emotions included.  And now his senior year was falling apart as well.  He’d have to tell his mom why he got such a low grade in parenting, of all classes.  It was an embarrassment to everyone associated with it.  Noah laid back and closed his eyes.

If he could have one good day where nothing dramatic happened, he’d be completely fine.  He’d savor every glorious moment of that day.  Alas, this was what his life was.  Kidnapped babies.  Grade-changing assignments.  Exes with crazy friends that had even crazier hair.  All in a day’s work, he supposed.

“Fuck you all,” he exclaimed to the sky.

“Back at you,” he heard a girl call.  Noah opened his eyes.  Had he imagined that?  He sat up and looked around the yard.  Leaning over his fence stood a girl in a pair of shorts and a sweet pea tank top.  Her red hair was in a braid over her shoulder.

“Can I help you?” he asked irritably.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt you and your bush…  I was just going to see if you were okay.  You looked like you were looking for something earlier.”

“I was.”

“Oh.  What was it?”

“It was nothing, I was just looking for fun,” he replied.  He stood up and brushed himself off.  It was time to end this conversation and go inside for something to eat.  Come to think of it, he’d skipped brunch to rush over to Cole’s.  He really wasn’t in the mood to have a chat about grass with his neighbor when there were Pizza Rolls in the freezer.  Noah walked up his steps and nodded to the girl.  Time to go.

“You don’t wanna talk to me?”

“Not particularly.  I don’t even know your name –,”

“It’s Kacey.”

“Nice to meet you, Kacey.  The thing is, I’m starving so I’m gonna go inside.”

“Alright, but if you go inside, how’re you gonna find out where your baby is?”  Noah stopped in his place.  He slowly walked down the steps and up to the fence where she stood.

“How do you know about that?”

“I was reading on the porch when I heard your baby crying.  Then this person rolls up and a minute later, the baby isn’t crying anymore.  I didn’t see who the person was, but I got a good look at the car.  A few hours later, I hear you and your baby daddy fighting over who has him when neither of you had him.  It was seriously annoying.  Did you guys date?  You argued like you two dated.  Does that mean you’re gay –,”

“Enough, enough.  You said you remembered the car.”

“Yeah.  It was a silver Prius.”

“Gross,” he muttered.  “My baby-napper drives a fucking Prius.”

“I’m sorry…” she said uncomfortably.  Noah eyed her suspiciously.  He’d never even talked to the girl before and here she was telling him about something this important.

“Why did you tell me this?” he asked.  She shrugged and adjusted her braid.

“I figured it was important.  I mean, you are the parent, after all.  And what a better way to get to know you?  You know what they say.  Love thy neighbor, right?” Kacey smiled, looking up at him through her lashes.  He repressed the urge to laugh in her face.  That was just rude – even for Noah’s standards.

“I… I appreciate your help.  And I’d love to get to know you.  Later.  Sometime,” Noah said, patting her on the shoulder.  He turned and headed for the door.  If what Kacey said was true, there’d be no way to see who drove a Prius until Monday morning when all the students were parked in the parking lot.  He slipped out his phone and sent a message to Cole, stopping himself from deleting his contact information completely.  After letting Cole know what was up, his stomach growled violently, letting him know that it was well past time to eat something.