Chapter Twenty-Eight

      “It’ll be fine Aid,” I reassured him, as we walked up to the skate park. Why we were doing something as drama filled as this on Logan’s turf, I had not the slightest idea. I think that a neutral place, like school, would’ve been a much better backdrop for what was going to go down, but Aiden insisted. 

      “How do you know?” he asked, fear apparent in his tone.

      “I just do; he might not understand, or forgive you, but at least he’ll know,” I said, trying to be encouraging.

      “Gee, thanks Jules, that’s so not helpful,” he said sarcastically.

      “Welcome!” We continued walking, until we came to a metal fence. These fences always remind me of jail; they’re not barbed wire, but something about them gives me that same punitive, no escape vibe.

      “He’s over there,” Aiden said, pointing over to a boy.

      “Logan!” I shouted, waving at him. He smiled, brushing his dark hair off his face before jogging over to us.

      “Hey,” he said politely to me, before sending a frozen glare to Aiden.

      “H-hi,” Aiden said shakily, “we need to-to talk.”

      “About what?” Logan asked, not expecting the information that Aiden was about to rely to him.

      “Katrina cheated on you with me,” Aiden said quickly, as if spitting up the words. Wow. I didn’t think he actually had the balls to do that… I don’t think I’d have the balls to do that.

      “What?” Logan said.

      “Katrina kissed me, and I’m the reason she dumped you,” Aiden said, holding his stance, and trying to conjure up some level of confidence in his voice.

      “You’re the fucking reason Katrina broke up with me?” Logan raged, about to lunge at Aiden.

      “Yeah, I’m sorry bro, I really am, it’s the past, what’s done is done, I’m just so sorry!” Aiden rambled.

      “Jules, can I talk this douche alone please?” Logan requested. Aiden gave me an anxious expression, to which I returned a sympathetic one. I nodded, and went over to rough concrete half-pipe. Half-pipes look like smiley faces to me; the way they curve up into a U and all.

      I went to the middle of it, and yelled, “Cody! Help me up!”

      “Why?” he whined from the top.

      “Because I want to get up there, so get off your preppy ass, and help me get the fuck up there!” I shouted. He sighed, and moved from the place he had been sitting to the edge, so his legs dangled off.

      “Come on Jules! You can climb up!” he prompted. I sighed, as I ascended up the side, lifting myself up, without the help of a certain blonde boy. After I was up, I sat down comfortably next to Cody, who was texting.

      “Girlfriend?” I asked, placing my elbow on his shoulder.

      “Yeah,” he said, shoving his phone into his front pocket. He shrugged off my elbow, and shifted his position.

      “So, what do you think Logan’s gonna do?” I asked, looking around.

      “I think he’s either going to get stoned or drunk,” he said.

      “So he’s a stoner?” I asked skeptically.

      “Yeah, not a huge pothead, but every once in a while he can’t take the world, and turns to the stuff,” he explained.

      “Oh. You’re not one, are you?”

      “Me? God no! My mom already hates that I hang around here, if she got even the slightest whiff of weed on me, I’d be dead!” I laughed, trying to make out the letters that were spray-painted across on the other side of the ramp-like structure. 

      For the short period of time that I’ve known and talked to Cody, I’ve learned a few things about him. He’s actually a very versed kid, and his history with having been a private school attending preppy kid, really counters his entire attitude. He hates it, but doesn’t have a choice whether or not to go. He’s calm most of the time, and good to talk to. I like Cody; he’s a good kid.

      “Good. It’s bad for you,” I said, pleased.

      “What about you Jules, you smoke or drink?”

      “Nah. Never the overly rebellious type,” I joked.

      “Could’ve fooled me,” he said, as his phone chimed. He took it out once again, and typed something in, leaving it out on the grim gray of the concrete.

      “What’s her name?” I asked.

      “Beth,” he said, “we’ve been together for almost a year.”

      “Aw! That’s so sweet!” I squealed. I think long-term relationships are the cutest. Josh and mine had lasted for almost two years, and whenever we shared this fact with people, they were always surprised. After having seen Adam go through so many toxic and short lived, fake relationships, I think that when I met Josh, I knew I wanted something serious; same with Mason.

      “Yeah, I guess…” he trailed off.

      “Cody! Bro! Let’s get the hell out of here!” Aiden said, running up to us, looking as worried as ever. Apparently, Cody and Aiden knew each other. I think they told me they were long time family friends or some shit, so Aiden was leaving here with Cody.

      “Why? We just got here?” Cody protested.

      “We’re leaving,” Aiden said hurriedly.

      “What happened between you two?” I asked, sliding down, trying not to scrape myself. When I was first learning how to skateboard, the ground loved my knees. They were always scabbed, bloody, and nasty. Once I did eventually get the hang of it, my knees were pretty grateful.

      “He was pissed, to put it lightly,” Aiden said.

      “Uh huh. Sounds expected. So… see ya tomorrow!” I said, offering up a supportive smile as my form of condolences.

      “Yeah, yeah, Cody let’s go!” Aiden urged. Cody slowly dropped down from the top of the structure where he had been residing, and leisurely strolled over to Aiden, skateboard in hand.

      “Bye Jules!” Cody called.

      “Bye guys!” I said, waving to them. I watched as Aiden sprinted away, and Cody jogged after him. Damn. I feel bad Aiden. I don’t know what Logan’s thinking right now, but I’m sure he’s not happy; I mean, I would be pissed too in this situation.

      “Yo! Jules!” Logan called. I spun around to face him, and he looked less than thrilled, to say the least. He threw his skateboard on the ground, and kicked it to me. I wasn’t too sure of what was expected, but I did the only thing I could; I hopped on the board, and my foot pushed me along on the pavement as I went.

      After a few minutes of some pretty hardcore skateboarding done by yours truly, I came to a halt, not having enough energy to go on. “I’m done!” I said, putting my hands up in mock surrender.

      “Jules that was epic!” Logan commended, as I slid him back his skateboard.

      “Thanks,” I said, out of breath. Why did I have to learn how to skateboard? It’s such a trivial talent; yes it’s cool, but I could’ve wasted all those hours on something meaningful… without Josh…

      “You’re really good,” he complimented. Psh. Like I haven’t heard that one before.

      “I don’t want to skate anymore!” I complained.

      “Then what do you want to do?” he asked.

      “I’m not sure…” Without another moment’s thought, I ran over to the barren field that separated the sketchiness of the park from the innocence of the children’s playground. Lightly, I dropped my body onto the mix of dirt and small patches of grass. I put my hands behind my head, so I was looking up at the sky, and could see glimpses of the sun beginning to set, with stars starting to be splattered about. It was pretty. A mix of calming violet and tranquil orange was painted across.

      “What’cha doing?” Logan asked, stretching out beside me.

      “Looking up at the sky,” I replied. I don’t appreciate nature that much. It’s a cool thing to do, but it’s not really me.

      “Cool. It’s nice,” he said.

      “Yeah.”

      “Jules,”

      “Yeah?”

      “Can I ask you a question?”

      “Shoot.”

      “Jules, what is love?” he asked.

      I was slightly taken aback by the inquiry, but answered the best I could nonetheless. “Umm… Well I guess, love is when your heart doesn’t belong to you anymore. Someone else is more important to you than yourself. You have a reason to wake up every morning. You feel that unbreakable connection between someone else and yourself. That one special person is on your mind every second of every day. You feel incomplete without that person. I mean, that’s just the gist, because to put it quite simply, love is indescribable. Why?” A faint picture of Josh rose in my mind. I felt that way about him, I did. But now, I don’t. It’s weird.

      “Just wondering,” he said, unexpectedly linking his hand with mine. It was different- odd really. At such a form of affection as this, I would normally be feeling butterflies start to form in the pit of my stomach; but I wasn’t. Logan wasn’t causing me to erupt with nervousness. I didn’t like it. He was dating Kim. I let go.

      Huh. Whenever Josh used to let go of my hand, or I let go of his, I felt empty inside, as if I needed the contact with him to last forever. Now, it just felt… actually, it didn’t feel. I didn’t experience any particular emotion when I freed his hand from mine; just blankness.

      When I first started dating Josh, every day was a new challenge. I cared how I looked around him. I wanted to be me, but I wanted to look pretty. At first, I kept my guard up, but as time went on he was able to successfully climb that impossible wall I had put up, and reach my heart. Every time he had done so little as even touch my shoulder, I had felt a jolt of electricity dart up my spine. To me, that’s love. When you’re able to overcome the initial butterflies, you know you’re in love.

      “Logan,” I exhaled, as thoughts raced through my mind.

      “Jules,” he said at the same time. “You go first.”

      “Um… I was wondering, do you-do you do drugs?” I asked. Why that was the question I chose to ask, was beyond me. I wanted to know the truth. Yes, Cody had told me, but I wanted to hear it from Logan himself.

      “Sometimes,” he said gravely, looking down, not wanting to meet my disapproving expression.

      “Why?”

      “Boredom, escape, desire, want, loneliness, the pressure of society; the list goes on, but you don’t need to hear it,” he responded.

      “Oh,” I replied simply, not completely satisfied with his answer, “so what did you want to say?”

      “Uh… I asked about love, because… because I think I might be in love,” he said, sitting up.

      “That’s great! With Kim?” I asked, moving to face him.

      “If I tell you, will you judge me?” He shifted uncomfortably.

      “No,” I shook my head.

      “Okay,” he said, leaning in closer to me.

      “Okay…” I repeated.

      “Jules,” he sighed, “I think I love you.” Then he did as predictable in a moment like this. He leaned in more to connect our lips with each other. He kissed me lightly, and like any addict, when the drug is already taken, there’s no turning back. You just gotta go for it. So, that’s what I did. I went for it for a good half a second before I reminded myself of all that progress I had made.

      “This is wrong! I’m sorry Logan! I really am! You’re a great guy, but I’m not for you!” I said, standing up, and pleading with my eyes that he’d understand.

      “I don’t understand,” he said, giving me a puzzled look.

      “You’re not in love with me.”

      “Yes I am.”

      “No, Logan, you’re not. Love is when you know everything about a person, or try to uncover the mystery that is them. You’re in love with Kim!”

      “Really? Jules, I think I’d know who I’m in love with.”

      “You’re a boy, Logan, I’m a girl; we notice things differently. You’re in love with Kim. Think about it. I’m really sorry for kissing you! I should’ve stopped sooner! I’m sorry again! I have to go!” I said, turning away to leave.

      “Kim? But Jules-”

      “Kim. You’re in love with Kim. You have to be!”

      “I don’t believe that, and don’t apologize for the kiss. It was amazing,” he said, winking at me. I felt like crap. I had just kissed a guy that one of my friends was dating! I suck! That’s something the old me would’ve done…

      I ran as fast as I could away from the skate park, leaving Logan behind as he called after me. After that kiss, I knew what I needed to do.